Vampire Books Fans, Fangs and Writers discussion

This is my book flap summary for the first novel in my series. Does it sound attention grabbing? Would you pick this up?

Vampires weren’t real, and if they were, they sure as hell wouldn’t live in San Diego…right?

Content to let her life slip past in a veil of coffee vapors and cigarette smoke, Winter Ashton tries to pick up the pieces after a nasty break-up left her with a broken spirit and a shattered sense of self worth. When she answers a desperate call from her long time friend Jenna, Winter is forced into the role of unlikely heroine for two vampires.
Now Winter finds herself harboring the walking dead, the shouldn’t even exist, the very dangerous duo inside her small apartment. With the help from her metal head landlord and the quiet Goth girl who lives next door, her new roommates find refuge from a power hungry vampire; one who wants nothing more than to see the return of Jenna’s strange savior Malachi, who alone seems to be the key in her plot to bring all other vampires under her control.
In a twisted story of love, treachery, the undead, and midnight latte’s, Winter will have to find the strength to stand beside the ones she loves before they are lost forever.

I like the blurb, and yes, I would read the book, but you have some grammatical errors. I know it's not a big deal, but if a reader sees this in the book blurb, it may make them pass on the book. They may worry that if there's grammatical errors in the two papagraphs of the blurb, that the book its self might be a mess (book agents and publishing houses my not consider the book at all, figuring that the writer is inexperienced or careless with their work; which, of course, isn't true, but they see so many manuscripts on any given day, that they'll pass over anything that isn't damn near perfect). If I were you, I'd go through it to make sure that I've fixed all the grammer errors before I tried to publish the book. The best idea would be to have two or three of your friends read it over when you think you've fixed everything, just to make sure they don't see something you missed. Alot of times we just don't see small errors in our on work, no matter how hard we try, or how long we spend on it. I would read the book anyway because I'm a book hound! I personally can see past the errors to see the story, which is suppose to be what a fiction book is about anyway. And, I love to give new or self published authors a chance! But I have friends that find grammatical errors too distracting to allow them to get into the story. Oh, and if you're open to suggestions, I would leave out {they shouldn’t even exist, the very dangerous duo inside her small apartment.} altogether. To me the paragraph flows better and makes more sense without that line. All that being said, when can we expect to see the book for sale? It sounds REALLY interesting and I'd love to read it! Are you going to self publish on Amazon, Lulu and CreateSpace or are you going to try to get it picked up by a book agant or publishing house? What is the name of the series and the name of the first book in the series? How many books is your series going to have? Is the series for young adults like Twilight or is it more for the 21-55 age group? Have you written any other novels? If so, where can we find them? BEST OF LUCK with your new series!

Stephanie wrote: "I like the blurb, and yes, I would read the book, but you have some grammatical errors. I know it's not a big deal, but if a reader sees this in the book blurb, it may make them pass on the book. T..."

Thank you so much for the input. So sorry for the grammar errors (my constant nemesis) I thought I had them on lock down...I'll fix them right away. I do have a copy editor working on the novel as we speak, but in my haste, I posted this blurb before she got a chance to look over it. I plan on trying to self-publish once I get the book in the best condition it can be. I'd say my target audience would be the 20-55 range. The title is Embracing Winter and I hope to have three more in the series. (Blood Season Series) I think you're right in cutting out that one sentence too, I felt it bogged it down as well. Again, in my haste... I do have a short short story published in the Bravara here http://www.palomar.edu/english/Bravur... as well as another in this years that has yet to be posted.

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment. Are you a writer yourself? Have anything I may read?

Jmfarthing, I sent you a private message. Please check it out!

Hi, Jm,
I'm new here, and my response may be too late to be of help. I had problems with the technical errors--not just grammar, but first of all with a change from present to past tense. Maybe you've fixed that by now. Perhaps your copyeditor caught it. I'm an editor myself as well as a writer. I don't need to repeat what Stephanie already said but would like to add this: I would want to see more personal details to the story; this blurb seems so generalized it's a bit impersonal. I want to know who these vampires are and why she is harboring them. I want to care about this. But Winter is a great name, and I like the name of your series. You may have something here. I wish you the best of luck.
Your posting of your teaser makes me want to do the same thing with mine. I'm going to do just that!

Hi Robin!

Thank you so much for your input. It is greatly,(and always) welcome.