Zero

“The Marquis sighed. "I thought it was just a legend," he said. "Like the alligators in the sewers of New York City."
Old Bailey nodded, sagely: "What, the big white buggers? They're down there. I had a friend lost a head to one of them." A moment of silence. Old Naeiley handed the statue back to the Marquis. Then he raised his hand, and snapped it, like a crocodile hand, at the Carabas. "It was OK," gurned Old Bailey with a grin that was most terrible to behold. "He had another.”
― Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes

“Thou mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!”
― William Shakespeare

“Hold on. So in my mind, this jacked-up, sideways ridiculousness is the normal state?”
― Tite Kubo, Bleach, Vol. 1