Larry Cavanagh

“What about you, Mr Asano? What are you looking for in a woman?” “Evil genius,” Jason said casually. “Evil genius?” she asked, eyebrows raised. “Why not? Smart, confident, assertive, driven. What’s not to like?” “The evil?” Cassandra ventured. “That could be a problem long-term,” Jason acknowledged. “Maybe what I need is a naughty genius.” He thought it over for a moment as an impish grin took over his face. “Yeah,” he said, voice purring. “That sounds exactly right.”
― Shirtaloon, He Who Fights with Monsters

“Then, figure out how to stay out of my sight, because if I ever see you again, I might just slap you so hard it changes your religion”
― Shirtaloon, He Who Fights with Monsters

“He would have finished Goddam off then and there, but pity stayed his hand. 'It's a pity I've run out of bullets,' he thought.”
― Henry N. Beard, Bored of the Rings: A Parody of J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings

“Are you a child?” Ernest asked. “Mate, we’re about to go flying across the desert in giant magic toboggans. If that doesn’t eke out any childlike wonder, then you might want to check your soul’s still in there.”
― Shirtaloon, He Who Fights with Monsters