John

“My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”
― Steven Wright

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
― Steven Wright

“I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast.”
― Steven Wright

“I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are
furious!”
― Steven Wright