Ask the Author: Lori Gottlieb
Answered Questions (87)
Lori Gottlieb
So glad you enjoyed the book, Amy! And, yes, I was tested (blood test, negative) but it's nice to know *your* medical mystery was solved!
Lori Gottlieb
So glad to hear this! I agree that we read books differently the second time because WE change between the time we first read something and the time we come back to it. And often we pick up on something we missed the first time or see a quote we underlined differently or more impactfully. I remember writing the chapter, "How Humans Change" and hoping it would help people understand that change isn't a single decision, but an internal process, and that understanding this would help people to make changes in their lives (and take action) more effectively. Thank you for your lovely post.
Lori Gottlieb
That's a great question! I've talked about this a lot in interviews since then, and while I'll always prefer in-person, I've found great value in virtual sessions as well. In fact, have you listened to my DEAR THERAPISTS podcast? Each episode is a real session with a real person, and the sessions are done via Zoom (you just hear the audio on the podcast). Those sessions go very deep, even though we're on Zoom. Take a listen... I'll be curious to hear what you think!
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad the book resonated with you. If you'd like to hear something similar to the book, you might enjoy my DEAR THERAPISTS podcast, where we do real sessions with real people (like in the book), but you can hear them happening and also get follow ups on what happened after they tried the advice we gave after the session :)
Lori Gottlieb
So glad the book resonated with you and that you enjoyed it, Ayala! How exciting that you're on the path to becoming a therapist one day. My advice is to do your own therapy so you understand yourself and have gone through the process, and to never forget to look for the beauty and humanity in every person you see. :-)
Lori Gottlieb
Hi Mandy! So glad you're enjoying the book. The companion workbook and journal go hand-in-hand with the book, so yes, you should find them useful right now! You can do them without having read the book, but reading the book while doing them enhances the experience and takes both to a deeper level. I hope that most people who use the workbook and journal do so along with the book. Enjoy!
Lori Gottlieb
So glad you enjoyed the book! It's clear that I'm a psychotherapist (on the book jacket) and because I'm writing this book from a human rather than clinical/expert perspective, I felt the letters after the name would give a different impression. Maybe in the same way that psychotherapist Esther Perel doesn't include her LMFT credentials on any of her books or other work, though it's clear that she's a psychotherapist. If anyone is curious about a therapist's credentials, they're easy to look up and available to the public. Mine are also on my website. Hope that helps and it's so nice to hear that the book resonated with you.
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you, Aana! I'm so glad the book was your companion during that time. I highly recommend Love's Executioner by Irvin Yalom.
Lori Gottlieb
I'm so glad you enjoyed the book! I hope you'll post a review here on Goodreads :-)
As for resources, not specifically on time but related because they're about listening and connecting (both of which require us to slow down), I'd suggest anything by Harriet Lerner or Sherry Turkle.
As for resources, not specifically on time but related because they're about listening and connecting (both of which require us to slow down), I'd suggest anything by Harriet Lerner or Sherry Turkle.
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you, Katie--so glad to hear this!
Lori Gottlieb
Hi Debra, I'm so glad that your patients are finding the book helpful in relation to seeing themselves in a new way. I do see many people with medical conditions (such as diabetes) that require them to make lifestyle changes, and I think that what I write about in MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE about change and what gets in the way of making change is directly applicable to folks with medical conditions like this. Change is hard, and when we acknowledge that it's hard, people feel more seen and understood and open. Sometimes we tell people, "You need to make these changes right away" and we don't take into account how daunting that feels to them. But if we say, "I know it's hard to change. I know there's loss involved when we give up something to do something new. But there's a also tremendous gain you might not be able to see right now. Tell me about the loss that's making this change hard for you." Just giving the loss some air makes change so much more manageable. Also: Taking tiny steps and not asking people to everything at once. Change can come in phases, the accumulation of many seemingly small steps.
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you, Amy, so glad you enjoyed the book! And, yes, I'm working on something new... stay tuned :-)
Lori Gottlieb
I'm glad that the book resonated with you, Vivian, and thank you for reviewing it! I'm doing well, and I appreciate your asking. :-)
Lori Gottlieb
So glad you loved the book, thank you! Have you read Love's Executioner by Irvin Yalom?
Lori Gottlieb
Thanks so much, Jennifer! I'd recommend The Hilarious World of Depression to all mental health providers, along with Hyperbole and a Half.
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you for sharing this with me, and I'm so glad the book resonated with you and can keep you company during those flashes of fear.
Lori Gottlieb
Hi Jubilee, I'm so sorry that you didn't read the book or get out of it what most readers do, which is a sense of empowerment from maintaining HIGHER standards about what all the experts agree matter for a lasting, happy marriage and placing less emphasis on the things that don't. I certainly don't see any misogyny in searching for chemistry and passion and equality and genuine love and the character qualities (generosity of spirit, shared values, trustworthiness) and placing less emphasis on, say, someone's height or wardrobe or income or the kinds of things the culture signals as making someone an appealing (male) partner. I hope you'll turn to the chapter you're referring to and read the first paragraph in its entirety: "To be fair, it's not feminism... it's not that I would give back the gains of feminism for anything. Believe me, I wouldn't." Hope that helps clarify!
Lori Gottlieb
Thank YOU, Sharon, for reading the book--I'm thrilled that it answered so many questions you had! Your question about failure is important, too, and that's why I included the story about the patient I felt that I'd failed, because I wanted to help her but couldn't seem to. It's in the chapter "Fridays at Four." That said, I hope that one of the takeaways from the book is that while we do need one another for so many reason, ultimately we are all responsible for our own lives, for doing the work even when it's hard. We can't "save" people but we can help them save themselves. Does that make sense?
Lori Gottlieb
Thank you, Abdennour--glad you're enjoying the book! I will be working on another book about couples and how we are revealed through these relationships, when I'm done touring for this book. I'm so looking forward to sharing those stories and what we can learn about ourselves from them!
Lori Gottlieb
So glad you enjoyed the book, Linda! It's not clear exactly what's going on, but it does seem to be immune-related. I hope you are doing okay with managing your Sjorgren's.
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