Ask the Author: Jason R. Koivu

“Ask me a question.” Jason R. Koivu

Answered Questions (47)

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Where did you get the idea for your most recent book?

Jason R. Koivu What, A Winter of Chains? The one about imprisonment, pirates, sadistic dwarves, ice monsters, brewing beer, and bromance? Oh ya know, I just write what I know.

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If you could travel to any fictional book world, where would you go and what would you do there?

Jason R. Koivu The one I created for my own fantasy novels...because I've got some frickin questions that need answers!

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What books are on your summer reading list this year?

Jason R. Koivu "Summer reading list"? There's no such thing as a summer reading list when reading is life.

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Is there a book in you that you've always wanted to write but never got around to?

Jason R. Koivu Yes, several actually, but there's only so much time in the day. I can only hope that I have enough days left in me to get a few of these books out.

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How do you pronounce Oaxaca. Is it like caca with an ox in front?

Jason R. Koivu Wah-hah-kah

Apparently, "Wah-hah-kah" is too short of an answer for Goodreads. Not exactly sure why they have a minimum word count on answers, because now I have to write a bunch of jibber-jabber to fill out the requirement. LAME. A.F. Hope that answered your question!

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So I followed you on Amazon. I figured letting them tell me when you have new books out is easy and free so why not. But then they told me that if I liked you, I might also want to follow Oliver Sacks. Did you pay them for that? If so, where do I get in on that kind of bribery action? Link please. I want to be connected to Gabaldon and Rowling.

Jason R. Koivu You'd have to bribe me to find out how I bribed them...if I did, which I didn't!

Oliver Sacks is probably associated with me because we both wrote books about Oaxaca, and/or because we're both old, bald dudes with beards.

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Can you tell us a two-sentence horror story?

Jason R. Koivu The os coxa spoke in creaking tones to the aged of a terrible, everlasting pain too horrible to be true. But as they say, hips don't lie.

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What do you think about this pitch for a book... some idiot walks int the goodreads building and bribes the employee so he can become a goodreads author. Then all he writes a book for infants between the ages of 6 weeks to 54 weeks & 3 days. Then all he does is use his account to say he wants to strangle paris hilton and get freaky with trees. What do you think? (Btw the protagonist's name would be Mason R. Poopivu)

Jason R. Koivu The idea that someone would bribe Goodreads in order to become a Goodreads author is ridiculous, since it's free to do, so I like that part. The age range is spot on. The protagonist's name is excellent and makes me horny. All in all, I think you've got a winner here!

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Do you think i would enjoy middlemarch if i enjoyed bleak house?

Jason R. Koivu Yes. Both are equally dreary af.

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Would you rather have Kanye West talk trash about you or have Mike Pence compare you to Donald Trump?

Jason R. Koivu I'll go with Kanye. I don't want to take the chance that Pence's Trump comparison might have to do with small hands. I don't think my fragile ego could withstand that.

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why don't you have another R in your name like George R.R Martin or J.R.R. Tolkien?, you're already bald so you would be a great ripoff!

Jason R. Koivu Because my stupid parents gave me a stupid baptismal name, so it would be J.M.R. Koivu, which is stupid.

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Any good throwaway ideas for a book, like something you definitely won't be writing yourself? Also, can you write it for me?

Jason R. Koivu Yeah! I discovered the meaning of life the other day and I was going to write a book about it when I got a free moment, but I'd honestly rather spend my time writing hedgehog porn. Plus, I forgot the answer to the meaning of life. If you think of it, the idea is yours!

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What mystery in your own life could be used to help drive sales of mystery novels on Amazon?

Jason R. Koivu In my life I've found that acting in ways that would produce such titles as The Mystery of the Missing Integrity or The Case of Corporate Moral Ambiguity work best for driving sales.

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What mystery in your own life could be a plot for a book?

Jason R. Koivu Where is all this nose and ear hair coming from? (You didn't say it had to be a good book.)

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Which would you rather have as an author -- a glowing review from Donald Trump or a scathing review from Hillary Clinton?

Jason R. Koivu I'd rather receive a bj from a lava shark.

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What's going on in your profile picture? What are you seeing that we don't? It's kinda freaky man

Jason R. Koivu I was in Sequoia National Park and the beauty of nature was so overwhelming it angered me.

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I saw your review of Master and Commander and was wondering which is the best book of the series to read if I enjoyed the film?

Jason R. Koivu That's a tough one, because the filmmakers took elements from a few of the books to compile the movie. However, if memory serves, I believe Far Side of the World has the most in common with the movie, even though the plot and outcome are quite different.

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Being an author yourself, what do you feel about giving low rating and bad reviews about other authors?

Jason R. Koivu I rate and review books from the standpoint of being a reader. If I give a low rating, I'm not saying I could do better. It's like going to a nice restaurant, having a disappointing meal and voicing displeasure. The average eater probably couldn't go into the kitchen and cook up something better than what the chef made, but you do know what tastes good to you. It's merely an opinion. That's all these book reviews are after all.

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