Mitta Xinindlu's Blog: Mitta Xinindlu's scrap book

Nobody taught me how to swim.
So, I swam and followed the rivers,
hoping that I'd end up in the ocean; the calm seas.
To see some dolphins and the colourful fish.

But the river that chose me was long
with hard turns, blockages, and fishing traps.
On some days, the river would run dry,
leaving me nowhere but in the middle of hard cracks.

While suffering underneath the hot sun,
the rains would hit again on my sore flesh.
Luckily by then, I'd still be breathing;
even though affected, harmed, and bleeding.

But, I had a dream that was heavier than my challenges.
So I continued with my journey,
following the stream of the river.
Hoping to reach the ocean; the calm seas.

Some days the current would be brutal, 
even though I was flowing with it.
It would hit on my body, 
my bones would crack.

Sometimes the river would eject me to the side.
Where I'd need to survive while I found my way back to it.
I'd have to fend off snakes, 
defending myself from harm and malice.

Back in the river, I'd have to fend off scorpions, rocks, and the debris.
So, there I went, alone in the river I flowed. 
At times I'd meet with swimmers
who'd be cooling off from the same waters.

Some were kayaking; others fishing.
All oblivious to my dreams, and to my state of struggle.
Some would greet me; smiling at me.
While some laughed the hardest, laughing at me.

Some would express pity,
while some expressed their sympathy.
Some would pretend that I wasn't even there.
And those who ignored me equalled my presence to that of the debris.

I remember that a few picked me up
and placed me in their small boats; 
helping me to cruise afloat.
But, eventually, they left me in my struggle too.

Those who carried me,
left me in the rivers where they'd found me.
Those who passed me by,
passed-by me again on the following days.

Some shouted the loudest from their lungs
encouraging me from the sides. 
Telling me that I was almost reaching the seas.
That the ocean was at a hand's reach.

But those who shouted the most rarely did anything else to help.
I also learnt that those who picked me up rarely shouted about their help.
Some used my vulnerability to gain charity points.
They'd say, "see I helped her, now clap for me from your joints".

But, above all the help, true or fake,
my dream was carrying me for my sake.
With my dream to reach the ocean, the calm seas,
I held my head the highest and swam beyond all the peaks.

Malcom X once said, “The most disrespected person... is the black woman. The most unprotected person... is the black woman. The most neglected person...is the black woman.”

We have seen this story repeat itself in every corner of the globe. We have seen it in relationships, professional environments, politics, schools, and even churches. The Black Woman has been left alone to fend for herself since the beginning of time.


**In the home**
The Black Woman is neglected even by her own man. Her husband leaves her alone in the home either due to professional reasons or extra marital affairs. In other times, The Black Woman is left in a position of a ‘single’ parent regardless of the marriage contract. She takes care of the home and children while making sure that her own health doesn't fall apart.

Nowadays, The Black Woman will choose to marry a white partner. But it doesn’t make things better because once he is fed up, he reminds her of how the world sees her. It’s even worse in such scenarios because of the race differences and the infidelities of the man. Unfortunately, she also faces racial slurs and discrimination which come from his circle. So, in the end, who protects The Black Woman?


**Professional spaces**
Her intelligence will hardly be acknowledged. Her qualifications will usually mean nothing to her bosses. Her wages are usually half of those of her colleagues. If she dares to be assertive, then she becomes labelled as an angry woman. They start to gossip and say she is difficult to work with. They start to plot on her downfall.

She is not expected to have any voice. She performs her job in the most accurate manner. In fact, she outdoes herself and others. Yet, she receives no recognition for her efforts. So, in the end, who protects The Black Woman?


**Society**
The society disrespects her. It doesn’t acknowledge her feelings and emotions; or in some instances, even her existence. The Black Woman is abused, degraded, tossed aside and blamed for everyone’s faults. She is neither believed nor supported in her struggles. Even the legal system has bias when it comes to The Black Woman. Generally, her voice is rejected and unheard. She is deemed as a person of less importance.

The Black Woman is expected to change herself to fit the agenda of others. She is told to adapt, be less visible, change her hair, and bleach her skin. Generally, she is expected to reduce herself into nothingness so that everyone else can feel comfortable. She is told that her boldness is harmful to others. She is told that she’s being negative and aggressive when she stands up for herself.

Usually, her views are diminished, and they gain her a label of a crazy woman. She is told to shut up and play along. So, in the end, who is there to protect The Black Woman?

(If you can relate to any of these issues, please share this post with the hashtag #IAmTheBlackWoman )

Perhaps the reason that your soul is laid
naked and raw waiting for praise
from my heart,
birthed wings that touched
and led my mind
down the path of laughter and smiles.

A path where reason
is in every season.
A lath where I lay my soul naked
for your mind to wander for decades,
and to maunder in breathing and breeding seasons.
Where our souls and hearts are sharing
a covenant of blood shedding.

A place where silence is the preset
that allows actions to be assumed perfect.
A face where our eyes clap for our sacred love
while the sun professes our thoughts's cave;
and the moon confesses to our heartbeats;
and the music echoes in our love sheets.

Perhaps your presence is a sentence
to my vocabulary of no pretence.
to the words I've been attempting at many a time
in wait for your soul to merge with mine.
Where birds flap their wings with joyful sighs,
celebrating the meeting of our minds.
Where the stars collate to write our story,
which in words, alone, I couldn't tell boldly.

I cannot deny the work of the Universe
in creating a meeting point in our verses.
Where minds of the same nature
recognised that they're matured.
Allowing out smiles to be the sun
and pain becomes shunned.

Look at love!
Look at how love has danced
to merge two souls who were once
scattered and shattered
into pieces and ashes

They say paradise is only in heaven
But they haven't seen your face like I have.
They haven't been greeted by your smile
and embraced by your words.
Your eyes light up like golden streets of Jerusalem.
Eyebrows so thick, resembling the full head of Samson's strength.
Lips so tender like soles of the disciple's feet
whose steps followed the King.
Chin so strong like the 300 men of Israel who fought armies of armies
and won the good battle over kings.
I have seen paradise in your face.

Your ears are so upright
like the walls of Jericho;
whose standing was against no men,
living or dead.
Whose strength the Higher Being could be the only one to challenge.
Jaws strong like the shields of Shaka Zulu's men
who fought and won battles
that left blood dripping on blood.
I have seen paradise in your face.

Your forehead is so elementary
like the American soldiers who fought in Iraq;
whose dedication to their country was no child's play.
Who left their families
and sacrificed their youth.
The lines of your forehead, perfectly drawn
like the rivers of Jordan;
all drawing to the red sea
in which men of Egypt perished.
Your beard is planted like lawns of Eden
where peace and life were gathered in full.
I have seen paradise in your face.

Your cheekbones are perfectly high and well built
like the stone built to mark the death of Rachel,
wife to Jacob of Israel.
Your cheeks are correctly angled
like the temple that king Solomon built,
which took him 13 years to complete.

Your eye sockets are full of life.
So wise like King Solomon himself,
who chose wisdom over all riches of the earth.
Your perfect hairline
reflects the number of years you have loved me
like a bible story told year after year indeed.
They say paradise is only in heaven;
I have seen paradise in your face.

I have long sensed that you're an edge of a sword.
In halve you managed to pierce me with taps and words.
Today those words have turned into a session of stabbing.
You cut me deep with your point, my spine is flapping.

Who knew that you'd burn into an anatomy of a dagger?
To you both the blade and the pommel are the same in danger.
Even the peen block is equally harmful too.
And the guard and the grip form an army of tools.

So, I fall bleeding from your thrust;
Oh! With my body full of bruises and cuts.
But only the soil has an interest to lick these wounds
For my blood giveth commitment and feeds it life in full.

How can a battle of love turn into an unending war?
Bow, allow my wailing to cease your cause.
Why torture me whereas even fallen leaves nurture my sores
And the ground quenches its thirst through my peeled pores?

Woe to your love.
It touches my trauma with soiled gloves.

In a complex economy, project managers are indispensable. In fact, they form an integral part of public and private organizations. Therefore, if you want to be a skilled and sought after project manager, it is important that you have to equip yourself with excellent knowledge and skills.

As a Project Manager myself, I have learnt the importance of coordination of knowledge and skills, project execution, time planning, cost management, project scope, and project quality and risk management. The field of project management trains us to organise projects, communicate effectively with all stakeholders, and manage ourselves.

For a visual summary, click on the link:HERE

My recent article as published on News24 highlighted some of the factors that promote narcissistic management styles today. The reader must remember that there are two sides to a leader, the constructive and the destructive. Many business analysts have used the words “bad” and “good” to define professionals; however, I do not agree with the usage of the words. Later in the year, I will elaborate on why it is unprofessional to define people as bad or good in a professional setting - this is another topic on its own.

My objective with this article is to show how a leader can use the three types of constructive leadership to limit or stop his/her narcissistic behaviour when achieving a collective’s main objective.

1. The transactional type of leadership

This type of leadership refers to the mobilisation of team members by a leader whose progress is made possible by a process of exchange with the rest of the team, which also foresees a material or symbolic reward defined in advance. In law, this would be defined as a contract that is considered fair between the leader and the rest of the team. However, from an analysis perspective, this transaction is called Contingent Strengthening.

2. Transformational type of leadership

For what it’s worth, the transformational type of leadership transcends mere compliance and the norms governing a contractual relationship. Rather than being satisfied with the achievement of the objectives initially determined, the transformational leader aspires to surpass them. To do so, s/he will exploit his/her opportunities through visual communication and expressive non-verbal communication; and ideally, influence his/her members by caring for their full development. Lastly, a transformational leader will motivate and stimulate the team while giving them personalised consideration. This enhancement encourages team members to assert themselves as autonomous agents of change and not just as accessories to the group’s success.

3. Serving type of leadership

This type of leadership is defined as the obligation of the leader to assume a moral responsibility for both the development of the organisation and its members, including external and internal stakeholders. Although similar to the two described above, the serving leader’s actions are based firmly on an ethical perspective. We have seen rather only a few of this type in our workplaces. As behavior analysts, when we discuss a serving type, we talk about someone who demonstrates sensitivity to the personal concerns of others; gives precedence to subordinates and not to oneself; helps the team grow and succeed; empowers people in their environment; creates value for the well-being of the community; and has the knowledge and skills necessary for the effective and efficient support of subordinates in carrying out their mandate.

As can be seen from their respective characteristics, these three types of leadership may well fit into a continuum that ranges from a rather neutral contractual leadership to a leadership that is based on empathy. This constructive consideration is important to remember for the upcoming articles.

Stay tuned for a discussion on destructive leadership: I will also be discussing toxic and narcissistic leadership styles in detail. Mitta Xinindlu

Many people go on with life without acknowledging or addressing what I propose to be the biggest misunderstanding between people in the workplace today, a personality disorder. More specifically, a narcissistic personality disorder; a characteristic that defines the majority of our leaders in all industries. Narcissism, in the English language, is defined as an exceptional interest in and admiration for one’s own self. There are several types of narcissism, including vulnerable narcissism and grandiose narcissism. I would like to highlight that there is a direct path of a richer conceptualization that is increasingly close to the theory of narcissistic perversion, which has a tremendous influence in managerial styles today. The reader must remember that this concerns the pathology of power and leadership.

We’ve seen many research reports regarding leadership and managerial thinking over the years; however, it seems that nothing has changed much. Reports have had similar statistics throughout the years, which brings us to my next question: is there someone out there that is taking all these stats reports into consideration, or are we just gathering and analysing data for the sake of reporting? Although there are several defining variants, most reports agree that leadership is generally the ability of an individual to intentionally and momentarily mobilise members of a group, whether hierarchically or horizontally, in order to achieve common objectives.

A constructive personality order is designed when this mobilisation is at the service of the common good; namely, the ethical realisation of the mission of an organisation, and while respecting individual rights. In my previous articles, I’ve discussed the types of traits or personalities that leaders need to have to be certified as great leaders. I can also attest that it is possible to associate leadership with a constructive form using categories/types such as the transactional, transformational and serving. As for the destructive form, it mainly includes the toxic and narcissistic types.

To conclude this article, we have two general streams of leadership: Constructive and Destructive. I will continue with this topic in my next articles as it is a large topic that needs to be disseminated on an ongoing basis.

Until then, keep analysing!

One of the skills sought and expected by senior executives in our organisations is undoubtedly the ability to think, plan and act strategically. This competency identifies the opportunities that will bring value to the company; it also challenges the status quo and the premises on which the company bases itself to face current and future challenges.

Lack of this skill will lead people to:

(i) Conform,

(ii) Apply solutions from the past to the challenges of the future, and

(iii) Not quickly spot threats as well as opportunities.

When strategic thinking and execution is lacking among all decision-makers in the company or a strategic thinking process is not in place, it is the organisation itself that, sooner or later, runs to its loss if not to major crises.

Yet a study of leadership conducted a few years ago by the American Association of Management among 2000 senior executives around the world revealed that only 4% of them were real strategists. This competence, although considered to be the most important, would be very little widespread at the higher and other levels.

Some attribute this to the fact that the training and development of executives throughout their careers is more technical, operational and financial, and/or sales oriented.

So how do you develop that skill? You combine 6 (Six) critical capabilities.

A STRATEGIC LEADER IS A COMBINATION OF SIX PERSONALITIES

An article written by Shoemaker, Krupp and Howland in the Harvard Business Review of January 2013 gives some leads. Their research with 20 000 senior executives allowed them to break down the strategic thinking and execution skills into 6 (Six) capabilities. For them, the strategic leader knows how to apply these six capacities by combining the following personality traits:

1. Anticipator: Detects ambiguous threats and opportunities at the periphery of the day-to-day business activities. To do this, there are several ways that are used, including talking to clients, suppliers and partners; conducting market research; developing possible scenarios; and finding out about trends in other industries.

2. Challenger: Recognises and questions the status quo, including his own premises and those of his partners (colleagues or suppliers). For example, a good strategy for this role is displayed by Toyota with their ‘Toyota's five moves’ strategy.

3. Interpreter: Detects weak signals of a threat or opportunity in a complex, scattered or disparate set of patterns of behavioural links.

4. Decider: After considering various options, the manager makes a final decision also following a disciplined rather than rapid decision-making process.

5. Aligner: Engages others in the process in a variety of ways so that the various stakeholders are mobilised to implement the decisions.

6. Learner: Strategic leaders are people who have a constant attitude of research and improvement. They seek to understand the reasons for their successes as well as the causes of failures in order to learn the lessons.

Introduction.

I have seen different management styles and some were shocking.

Faced with the highly competitive environment in which companies operate, their complexity and in which innovation and speed of action are the keys to success, I have decided that management courage is an essential skill.

Demonstrating managerial courage is to tell the right things, at the right time, to the right person and appropriately. In theory, it seems easy but if one could take the time to think well, one could find that the reality is more complex! Courage is essential in a management context and, above all, leadership.

Here are some signs or leads that a manager would gain by developing his managerial courage.

1. Does not take firm positions
The lack of managerial courage is very damaging in terms of productivity and the performance of a team. In addition, leaders who suffer from a chronic lack of managerial courage end up losing credibility and respect from their employees. My question regarding this point is: who can feel admiration for a passive, fearful boss who remains in his "comfort zone" and who constantly dreads difficult decisions?

Knowing how to manage requires being able to initiate movement rather than just follow it, and take firm positions when necessary. The captain cannot too often try to avoid tensions, crises or confrontations.

Why is this essential? One may ask. Well, it's simple; it is because ambiguity is counterproductive.

Faced with a position that is not clear, there will inevitably be nebulous actions on the part of the employees; therefore, a loss of efficiency and potential motivation. Take the example of an employee who asks his boss if he has to go left or right. If there is no response, the employee will have 3 (three) choices: stand still and wait for the directive, go right or go left. Staying still or going in the wrong direction is a loss of efficiency and risk of frustration and error.

Take the other example of a manager who, today, says to go left but tomorrow will say to go right. In this context, the employee loses time, efficiency, and motivation; consequently, his manager loses credibility. If the manager manages 30 employees, then the impact will be multiplied by 30, which is damaging to the business.

2. Does not address problems
The manager has to face the problems and face the truth since avoiding or avoidance rhymes with the loss of time. Also, the manager must always beware of collateral damage.

A manager who delays in addressing an ethical issue may lose a client or an employee and potentially has to handle a complaint. Tackling a problem often causes other problems.

Managerial courage is also to make sure to face reality, to share it and to face it with the team. Any truth is not necessarily good to share and wanting to hide problems is human. Nevertheless, the reality must not be denied because, as a result, the employees will work in the wrong direction and the efforts will be in vain.

What a waste of time and especially what a loss of credibility.

3. Avoids conflicts
Conflicts should be addressed as quickly as possible because, like problems, they can cause significant collateral damage and be counterproductive.

A manager who delays in addressing a conflict or avoids it for fear of being caught in the controversy does not optimise the achievement of short-term outcomes and may have to deal with the collateral damage that is often much greater. Sometimes, expectations allow conflicts to resolve themselves; however, is this the right approach by default? The answer is no! And of course, a manager must also know how to handle conflicts in an optimal way.

4. Hesitates to decide on his staff
A manager who demonstrates managerial courage must know how to address the real things, give direction and decide. A rotten apple is damaging to a team and the longer the decision is made, the more productivity is lost; thus, causing the risk of significant collateral damage. Unfortunately, hesitation has costs.

In the world today, companies that hesitate are overwhelmed by those that are running. Businesses, therefore, need to have action-oriented managers. Usually, those who hesitate generally do so through perfectionism, procrastination or fear of risk, which has the effect of delaying the necessary actions at the right time.

5. Does not know how to announce a difficult decision
It is obviously easier to manage in calm times, on calm and sunny waters, than in the storm. That said, a true leader with managerial courage must announce the bad news, know how to navigate in troubled waters and make the tough decisions that are required. He must know how to deal with pressure but must also have the courage to take calculated risks quickly.

Obviously, it is equally important to announce it with diplomacy and in a constructive and appropriate manner, depending on the context - as well as to exercise sound judgment.

6. Does not say everything that has to be said
We are all witnesses of things that must be addressed: something went wrong, a fault was camouflaged, someone did not do his job, a professional ethics breach was committed, a lie, a secrecy, and so on. Some choose to address things while others choose silence and avoidance.

To have courage is to know how to give, directly, to those concerned a complete "feedback" by expressing it in a positive and constructive way. Attention to detail must be given; however, because it can also happen that managerial courage is used in excess, too much is not enough!

Is your manager too critical and direct? Too harsh or too negative? Does he exaggerate the bad side? All that is needed is a question of dosage and especially of judgment.

Saying the real things is also accepting one's own vulnerability as a manager. Having the courage to be vulnerable as a manager, the courage to be himself and accountable, even in the wrong, is the cornerstone of inspiring leadership.

The manager who knows everything, who never takes the wrong decision, who has an answer to everything and that nothing can shake is not only a myth but also an ideal to which one should not aspire. We are all inspired by genuine people - thus, having the courage to admit their vulnerability, to ask for help and to show real feelings is courageous.

Do your managers accumulate many of the previous points? Maybe it is a sign that they would gain in developing their managerial courage!

Why do they lack courage? The causes can be multiple, including: wanting to avoid conflicts, low tolerance to pressure, difficulties to assert oneself, fear of being wrong or losing, being too emotional, or simply not loving to meddle in the affairs of others.

In this context, it is essential to understand their personality and management style, understand the causes to know what to work on.

Courage is to know one's limits and to know how to surpass them.

Good luck!