Ufuoma Apoki's Blog - Posts Tagged "apprehension"
She's anxious . . .
Ufuoma Apoki
That nagging feeling of apprehension that always hits and seems to cause a stalemate
Not willing to go backwards to what was
Yet not able to make considerable and, more importantly, desirable progress
‘Is it just a phase’? She asks herself
Or am I condemned to such prolonged and intermittent pangs
Sometimes she wishes she were like those who couldn’t care any less
And just take life as it comes—good, bad, ugly
If she could have a surgical appointment to dissect and rid her of that part of her brain that makes her feel this way . . .
But, she wouldn’t . . .
It’s a mix of her angels and demons that make her this beautiful
And she’d rather learn to master her demons than try to be someone else
Pretend to live life on the fly—because that’s not just who she is
Now, why anxious?
She’s anxious about the future
She’s anxious because it always seems difficult to have the type of relationships she wants
She’s anxious because she might not get what she thinks she deserves
$‘because of the many flaws her present state seems to put her in’, she consoles herself
She’s anxious because she’s not investing as much, and as best, as she should into her work
She’s anxious because her work seems monotonous
She’s anxious because it seems to put her life on hold and she can’t just make it a priority
She’s anxious because she seems to invest so much into relationships
$Relationships she wants, or rather, thinks that would work
$And sometimes she gets nothing in return
She’s anxious because she’s still dependent on others for financial support
She’s anxious because she might not find someone worthy to share her angels with
She’s anxious because she might not find someone who will be patient and understanding to discipline her demons
She’s anxious because, after all, her time spent on her work might not be worth it
She’s anxious because she might not be able to live up to her expectations and standards
$because she knows to whom much is given, much is also expected
She’s anxious because she might not be able to live up to the expectations of others
$Not that she really cares anyway
She’s anxious because with all these pangs, she still keeps a straight face
I think she just anxious about being anxious probably because she’s found art in it
But she’d rather be than not
And these anxieties always come around and seem to put her life on hold
However, knowledge and acceptance is one-half of conquering any fierce and raging battle
That nagging feeling of apprehension that always hits and seems to cause a stalemate
Not willing to go backwards to what was
Yet not able to make considerable and, more importantly, desirable progress
‘Is it just a phase’? She asks herself
Or am I condemned to such prolonged and intermittent pangs
Sometimes she wishes she were like those who couldn’t care any less
And just take life as it comes—good, bad, ugly
If she could have a surgical appointment to dissect and rid her of that part of her brain that makes her feel this way . . .
But, she wouldn’t . . .
It’s a mix of her angels and demons that make her this beautiful
And she’d rather learn to master her demons than try to be someone else
Pretend to live life on the fly—because that’s not just who she is
Now, why anxious?
She’s anxious about the future
She’s anxious because it always seems difficult to have the type of relationships she wants
She’s anxious because she might not get what she thinks she deserves
$‘because of the many flaws her present state seems to put her in’, she consoles herself
She’s anxious because she’s not investing as much, and as best, as she should into her work
She’s anxious because her work seems monotonous
She’s anxious because it seems to put her life on hold and she can’t just make it a priority
She’s anxious because she seems to invest so much into relationships
$Relationships she wants, or rather, thinks that would work
$And sometimes she gets nothing in return
She’s anxious because she’s still dependent on others for financial support
She’s anxious because she might not find someone worthy to share her angels with
She’s anxious because she might not find someone who will be patient and understanding to discipline her demons
She’s anxious because, after all, her time spent on her work might not be worth it
She’s anxious because she might not be able to live up to her expectations and standards
$because she knows to whom much is given, much is also expected
She’s anxious because she might not be able to live up to the expectations of others
$Not that she really cares anyway
She’s anxious because with all these pangs, she still keeps a straight face
I think she just anxious about being anxious probably because she’s found art in it
But she’d rather be than not
And these anxieties always come around and seem to put her life on hold
However, knowledge and acceptance is one-half of conquering any fierce and raging battle
