Ufuoma Apoki's Blog - Posts Tagged "follower"
I can see you when you dance . . .
One beauty about life experiences is that you can learn from just about anything, no matter how trivial or profound they may seem. And from those lessons, you can draw analogies from one side of life to a far other.
“Come on, you can start this weekend”, he urged me after I had liked his post online.
“I’ve got like no experience, whatsoever”, I replied. “I think I’m going to be very bad at it”.
“Don’t worry about that”, he reassured me. “It’s a class for beginners”.
With the soothing reassurance and for the fact that I’m not one to back down to a worthy challenge, I took it up. How wrong could it go, anyway? It’s going to be quite a new experience, gaining a new skill. You never know when your Latino moves might just come in handy.
about the first lesson: My first lesson was that when dancing in pairs, as ladies and gentlemen, it’s necessary that the man leads and the lady follows. It has to be that way to experience the true beauty of the art. Someone just has to lead, (not control, but lead) if we are to move in unison to the beats. So most of my subsequent views would be from (but not only restricted to) the “leader’s” perspective.
about differences: two men dancing together paints quite an awkward scene. One has to fake the feminine part and trust me when I say that the possible moves are quite very limited and restricted. Two ladies dancing together (probably out of deficiency of competent males) can be quite a cute scene. However, one has to take the lead (either by reflex or compulsion) if anything really productive is to be achieved. A man cannot dance effectively, without feigns, if there's no lady and a lady cannot dance effectively and gracefully if there's no gentleman.
about initiative: the other thing that hit me was the fact that even for a pair of rookies, the responsibility to shoulder initiative mostly rested with the man. Good intentions do not always suffice; the execution of it is what will be of lasting memory. It was quite an experience as some would merely tolerate your mediocrity and inexperience in taking initiative and skilled moves; others would reassure you (deceptively, sometimes, *lol*) that you’re not that bad after all; others, still, would be more mediocre than you are; and others would be patient, even in all your mediocrity and inexperience.
about performance: there was also the realization that with all things being equal—skills and level of experience—the outcome was different each time as you switched partners. With some, you felt like, “Yeah! I can do this!” With others you reassured yourself that you just need more practice to slide on the beats. With some others, you literally felt like sh*t (*lol*). And some actually walked away in the middle of the dance song with excuses so thin you could literally see through them; you’ve just got to suck it up and bear the brunt of the embarrassment (because that’s what you’ve taught yourself to do). I couldn’t blame them, though. Who really wants to be led by someone portraying signs of uncertainty and inexperience, when there are clearly many more skilled dancers willing to ask for your hand?
about practice: a noble trait of an honest mediocre is the realization that you require lots and lots of practice to get better at your moves and steps. Some go at it with any chance they get and with just about any partner that comes across, damning any consequences that might arise, whatsoever. Some others get stuck in a limbo—the realization of the fact that with only practice you get better, and the fact that a lady wants (from her perspective) and deserves (from your perspective) to be treated the best possible way. Sometimes we give it a go or two for the night; other times, we sit all night, admiring (and convincing ourselves that we are trying to learn by observing) the more experienced dancers. Some spend weeks away from dancing and practice and miraculously want to move like the greats on a singular night.
about following: for smooth steps, like I’ve mentioned earlier, there has to be a leader and a follower. To effectively lead, there must be initiative, experience, and skill. To follow, there has to be great (not necessarily implicit) trust. With some, you feel the freedom to lead as they surrender all their necessary muscles . . . and the dance seems to flow (even mediocre as it may be). With others, there’s the reluctance to surrender independence and both partners encounter hiccups as they move. Some arrive at the conclusion (from observation and experience) that you are way less than unskilled and take the reins; unfortunately, it also results in many errors, too. Some hold your hands when you literally stumble after an attempted spin, and also teach you patiently in areas where you lack experience, whilst still ready to follow, however you may lead; with those you are very hesitant to switch for someone else when the call is made.
Dancing is quite a fun adventure; in all sincerity, it is mostly an expression of self and we’ve all been imprinted with fingerprinted selves, which we choose to express how best we deem fit.
Check: My goal drawing these analogies is not to root for mediocrity or inexperience, but to point out how the right partnership can shapen out a skilled partner. After all, the most skilled of us in a particular field was, once, wobbly at it. It took practice, patience and, most often, loving hands to steady, perfect, and forge the optimum performance.
Dedicated to all who dance for the passion . . .
Ufuoma Apoki
“Come on, you can start this weekend”, he urged me after I had liked his post online.
“I’ve got like no experience, whatsoever”, I replied. “I think I’m going to be very bad at it”.
“Don’t worry about that”, he reassured me. “It’s a class for beginners”.
With the soothing reassurance and for the fact that I’m not one to back down to a worthy challenge, I took it up. How wrong could it go, anyway? It’s going to be quite a new experience, gaining a new skill. You never know when your Latino moves might just come in handy.
about the first lesson: My first lesson was that when dancing in pairs, as ladies and gentlemen, it’s necessary that the man leads and the lady follows. It has to be that way to experience the true beauty of the art. Someone just has to lead, (not control, but lead) if we are to move in unison to the beats. So most of my subsequent views would be from (but not only restricted to) the “leader’s” perspective.
about differences: two men dancing together paints quite an awkward scene. One has to fake the feminine part and trust me when I say that the possible moves are quite very limited and restricted. Two ladies dancing together (probably out of deficiency of competent males) can be quite a cute scene. However, one has to take the lead (either by reflex or compulsion) if anything really productive is to be achieved. A man cannot dance effectively, without feigns, if there's no lady and a lady cannot dance effectively and gracefully if there's no gentleman.
about initiative: the other thing that hit me was the fact that even for a pair of rookies, the responsibility to shoulder initiative mostly rested with the man. Good intentions do not always suffice; the execution of it is what will be of lasting memory. It was quite an experience as some would merely tolerate your mediocrity and inexperience in taking initiative and skilled moves; others would reassure you (deceptively, sometimes, *lol*) that you’re not that bad after all; others, still, would be more mediocre than you are; and others would be patient, even in all your mediocrity and inexperience.
about performance: there was also the realization that with all things being equal—skills and level of experience—the outcome was different each time as you switched partners. With some, you felt like, “Yeah! I can do this!” With others you reassured yourself that you just need more practice to slide on the beats. With some others, you literally felt like sh*t (*lol*). And some actually walked away in the middle of the dance song with excuses so thin you could literally see through them; you’ve just got to suck it up and bear the brunt of the embarrassment (because that’s what you’ve taught yourself to do). I couldn’t blame them, though. Who really wants to be led by someone portraying signs of uncertainty and inexperience, when there are clearly many more skilled dancers willing to ask for your hand?
about practice: a noble trait of an honest mediocre is the realization that you require lots and lots of practice to get better at your moves and steps. Some go at it with any chance they get and with just about any partner that comes across, damning any consequences that might arise, whatsoever. Some others get stuck in a limbo—the realization of the fact that with only practice you get better, and the fact that a lady wants (from her perspective) and deserves (from your perspective) to be treated the best possible way. Sometimes we give it a go or two for the night; other times, we sit all night, admiring (and convincing ourselves that we are trying to learn by observing) the more experienced dancers. Some spend weeks away from dancing and practice and miraculously want to move like the greats on a singular night.
about following: for smooth steps, like I’ve mentioned earlier, there has to be a leader and a follower. To effectively lead, there must be initiative, experience, and skill. To follow, there has to be great (not necessarily implicit) trust. With some, you feel the freedom to lead as they surrender all their necessary muscles . . . and the dance seems to flow (even mediocre as it may be). With others, there’s the reluctance to surrender independence and both partners encounter hiccups as they move. Some arrive at the conclusion (from observation and experience) that you are way less than unskilled and take the reins; unfortunately, it also results in many errors, too. Some hold your hands when you literally stumble after an attempted spin, and also teach you patiently in areas where you lack experience, whilst still ready to follow, however you may lead; with those you are very hesitant to switch for someone else when the call is made.
Dancing is quite a fun adventure; in all sincerity, it is mostly an expression of self and we’ve all been imprinted with fingerprinted selves, which we choose to express how best we deem fit.
Check: My goal drawing these analogies is not to root for mediocrity or inexperience, but to point out how the right partnership can shapen out a skilled partner. After all, the most skilled of us in a particular field was, once, wobbly at it. It took practice, patience and, most often, loving hands to steady, perfect, and forge the optimum performance.
Dedicated to all who dance for the passion . . .
Ufuoma Apoki
