Anne Perreault's Blog - Posts Tagged "overcoming"

I was going to make this into one loooooong blog, but I had pity on you and decided – with Easter coming – to split it up. Bear with me, please. I want to get this message across because it's been such a huge eyeopener for me and I want to help others who struggle with fear and lack of self-worth. I hope this helps. I'm certainly looking at things in a different manner.

Recently, I've been struggling with a very difficult decision to make. In the past, when I've had to make this kind of huge, life-altering decisions, God's given me clear, unmistakable direction – a definite path on which to walk. Not so this time. Things are confusing, a clear indication that my thinking isn't lining up with God's and that I might be listening to the wrong voices in my head.

“Wait...You're hearing voices in your head, Anne? Ya might wanna see someone about that.”

Yes, I hear 'voices' in my head. Don't we all? How do we make decisions? I listen to that inner voice for guidance. I call it the Holy Spirit (not being sarcastic here, just explaining).

Lately, these voices have been screaming at me. I know they aren't from my Lord. God doesn't condemn me or belittle me. This is what I hear. You're stupid. Go home, kid. Pack it in. You're a failure. Get a real job, get a life. You're a fraud. People are going to find out sooner or later that you shouldn't be writing. Support your husband, ya lazy bum. You have a responsibility to your family. Why are you even trying?

It's exhausting to be in me right now. Now, mind you – nobody is putting those words into my head except... me. I allow them. I entertain them. I even agree with them. I'm on another mood swing and it's driving my poor family nuts. You can pray for them, lol.

To tell you the truth, I had an amazing day recently. I actually sold some books (something I celebrate and proceed to pray for each and every reader). One of my books is in a contest to win a little money and to be featured in an online Christian book magazine. I was preparing to do an all day facebook event and I love those. I had come to a decision about my situation in life, after weeks of ignoring the negative thoughts in my head and for the first time, I actually felt pretty happy about it. (happy=circumstance. Just remember that)

And that was when the proverbial hammer slammed me into next week. I was perusing facebook, looking at posts other indie authors had written, when someone said basically, “I've been doing this for 6 years and I've had it. I'm done. I'm not even making ends meet...” You get the picture. As I read what this person had written, those tiny voices in my head became louder and louder again. Then I shared on a site for Christian authors my disappointment about this post and how hard it is as an indie writer to keep up. I got a reply right away and I felt a tiny, sharp prick in my heart. Don't listen to this reply. Move on, Anne.

I don't know why, but I disregarded that tiny prick and read the reply. It was truthful and painful, not telling me anything I didn't know. But then came the backhand and left me stunned and seeing stars. I'm not going into what it said, because I don't want to dwell on it. It wouldn't be the point of this blog.

Hang in there, I'm getting there.

As I was trying to return to my aforementioned state of happiness (mmm...), another post caught my attention. Someone was sharing a lot of great encouragement through scripture and godly advice. One of them was a meme of David and Goliath and it caught my attention right away. My thought was, Ohhh so wonderful. Yay, I'll share it for other people to be encouraged.

As I returned home and allowed my doom and gloom to envelop my poor family, that post kept coming back to me. I couldn't sleep. It was probably because the next day was going to be a big day and I was pumped up and down in the dumps at the same time. But also, the theme of that post was rumbling around in my crazy writer's mind. Truth started to pour into my pruney little heart and gave it nourishment like I haven't had in a long time. And I began to write this blog the same way I write everything. In my brain. I found more and more strength as I 'wrote' out the words.

Pause here, please.

Let's go back to what has happened. We are in the time of King Saul and Samuel, the Prophet. In the chapter before, Samuel has visited David's father and anointed David – the youngest son – to be king of Israel. King Saul, the present king, has been visited by an evil spirit and has sought out a harp player – David. David played for him, soothing him, and the wicked spirit left Saul.

Now, we've got this conflict happening between the Philistines and Israelites. Those guys hated each other. Think Boston Red Sox and Yankees fans a hundred-fold. Sometimes God allowed His people to win, other times the enemy took control of the battle. They even went so far as to steal the Ark of the Covenant. That's worse than say... someone borrowing the Declaration of Independence (ha-ha, a little movie reference to 'National Treasure', one of my favorite movies).

David has returned to his father to tend the sheep again. But when the conflict heats up, Jessie (David's papa) sends him with provisions for his three older brothers serving in the army.

Here's the setting:
David is squaring off with Goliath. The armies of Israel and the Philistines surround the camp and are yelling at each other. Imagine the noise and the adrenaline rushing through everyone, readying for a fight. The Israelites are shaking in their boots because if Goliath kills their defender, they are all going to be slaves to the Philistines. The Philistines are probably puffing up their chests, knowing nobody can stop their giant.

Then this kid, wearing nothing but shepherd's clothing, steps out and approaches Goliath.

Right, we're all caught up at this point. Now to continue.

Here's what it looks like in my mind.

Here's the kid, David, surrounded by thousands of men and he hears Goliath's taunts. Every single soldier is terrified of this Goliath. He is a mountain of a man and his armor is impenetrable, made of brass. He is messin' with God's people, jabbing at the enemy with his snide comments. When David arrives in the camp, he inquires what is up with this dude messing with Israel. His precise words were...

“...for who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”

Where was David's focus? Not on the huge man, taunting his fellow Israelites. It was on God.

When David asks what they are going to do about it, they tell him that someone has to fight Goliath. David's older brother probably sees the cogs spinning in his little brother's head and gets ticked off at him. He calls him proud and naughty, telling him to go back home to his sheep. This is when David approaches Saul to tell him that he'd fight Goliath. Saul's answer. Give the kid my armor. I mean, really?

David slew the giant not with a sword but with one stone he picked up in a river bed.

Even people who haven't studied the Bible know the account of shepherd boy David defeating the giant Goliath with a mere stone. We love this story because David was the underlying and he became the champion of the people.

I'm going to end there today. Stay tuned for the second installment. If you're like me, you're going to go back in time, using your imagination. Go ahead. Picture it; the smell, the noise, the fear, and excitement at the same time and join me for the next time, same place. Until then, have a blessed day.