Shaikh Ashraf's Blog: Shaikh Ashraf Writes

I want to escape myself,
Run away from myself,
Hide from these thoughts,
Disappear from my reality.

I don’t let myself free,
I don’t let myself have peace,
I don’t let myself love,
Nor do I let anyone else love me.

I want to break these prison I’ve kept myself locked in,
I want to break free and away from myself,
My own shadow scares me now,
My own past terrifies me now.

I chase excellence,
I work hard and stay ahead,
I want to leave that past behind,
But, I can’t escape myself and that past.

I’m trapped and lonely,
In the darkest forest inside of me,
Where it is hard to escape,
The animals of the past are ferocious,
There are snakes of society that bite me now and then,
There are lions of my shattered dreams that have the sharpest claws to hurt me.

The wild animals chase me in this darkest forest,
From my past and from myself I run to find a safer place,
From this world and this reality I escape to find peace,
But, there’s nowhere to be seen, the peace and safer place.

No matter where ever I go,
The dark forest haunts me,
No matter how much I try to run from myself,
I meet myself and confront me,
I want to free myself of reality and live in a happy delusion,
I want to escape this shattered dreams and live in an illusion,
But, I catch up to my reflections laughing at me, and I can’t take it anymore.

Uncontrolled feelings makes me unable to sleep,
In these nights, you are the one I seek,
I search all around,
But you’re nowhere to be found.

Never ending nights burns within me a desire,
Your presence is what I desire,
Never ending pain burns within me a lamp for solitude,
I’ve never seen this solitude.

I lay awake, while my body’s asleep,
My mind shatters all reality to meet you,
My mind breaks all bounds to talk to you, even if you aren’t there,
I lay awake painting you in my imagination.

The lamp of passion burns in anger,
The lamp of desire boils down inside me,
I’m overwhelmed with everything,
Someone or something just empty me.

I’m going insane,
Of all the things I do which are mundane,
In vain you brought me pain,
And there, somewhere between right and wrong,
Our stories were written by the greatest writer of all time, who I hate from my heart, it was fate.

Thoughts of helplessness crawl over you,
Thoughts of nothingness seeps the energy out of you,
Thoughts of worthlessness makes you insane,
You’re empty inside.

The words with which once you told stories,
Words with which once you narrated anthologies,
Words which helped you go through misery do not help you anymore,
I find myself trapped inside my head and nowhere to escape.

There’s no peace within me,
There’s no sense of love and or even hatred,
There is nothing, good or bad,
Just total darkness.

The darkness grows day by day,
It is so dark now, that I do not even see my reflection,
I do not recognize myself in the mirror,
The mirror has choked me out of my own identity.

I can’t help myself anymore.
The thoughts keep growing,
The helplessness keeps increasing.
It feels like getting choked by your own stories.

Whatever stories I used to write once, are now getting back at me,
It feels like all my characters are avenging me for playing with their lives,
All the lives I destroyed in my imagination,
Are avenging me, by making my life miserable, moment by moment.

I want to run out in the open fields in joy,
I want to feel love again, or anything at all, just make me feel something,
Characters in my head do not play with me anymore,
I’m sorry for whatever pain I caused you for storytelling purposes.
Just make me free.

With words,
With rhymes,
With stories,
With love you came into my life.

The sword of words I chose to fight with the world,
The sword of love you chose to fight with me,
The poison of hate the world chose to drive us apart,
Yet, we’re still fighting battle with ourselves for love and war.

The gun of joy you shot,
The barrel of guilt the world casted upon our heads,
The fear of loving you I carried in my heart,
Yet, we’re still fighting the war for love and hatred.

Both of our hearts found their way,
Our bodies loved each other,
We loved each other,
But people didn’t want us to love,
They slashed their swords and thrashed our little love story into pieces.

I’m locked in the prison of the world,
I’m also locked in the prison of your love,
While you’re there fighting with swords of hatred,
I only have words to play with.

I’m losing you day by day,
I’m freeing myself from this world day by day,
The heart that burned for you,
The body that yearned for you,
Now, only wants freedom,
Freedom of the soul.

I don’t want to fight another war of love,
I don’t want to pick any sword,
I don’t want to live in a world where people battle with you for loving the person you love,
Free me from the shackles of this miserable world and liberate me.

Tell me what does the darkness within say,
It irks you to the point where you’ll never find peace,
Tell me what the love within you speaks,
He tried to look within and he found no love.

There wasn’t any love left in his heart,
There wasn’t longing for anyone,
There was one somewhere for him,
He just lost his hope in love.

The love within was lost, the darkness within took over,
The life within was lost, the demon within took over,
The urge to live was lost,
The urge to die took over,
He was hopeless,
He was restless,
He was blind to the light within himself.

The life he once thought of living wasn’t there,
The life he lived now troubled him,
The dreams he once saw wasn’t there,
The dreams were now nightmares.

Nightmares in which she came,
She held his hands and made love to him,
Nightmares in which she left him,
And there he layed in the darkness drowning out of him,
The darkness drowned through his eyes,
Dampened his face,
The darkness made him pick up his knife and stand in front of the mirror.

The darkness did things to him which made him disappear,
The darkness made him live up to his insanity,
The demon of that darkness took over and slashed that knife on his body,
He wasn’t him that day,
He was just someone tired of everything.

There burned within him his dreams,
His desires,
His wants, and within him, burned the one he wanted,
There burned within him, his love for her, that kept hiding itself from him,
Now, there was just blood and darkness.

Why do I fall down to my weaknesses every time,
Why does all those fear surmount the way to failure,
Why do I keep looking over my shoulder to look if you’re there,
Why, can’t I beat this monster inside me and move the fuck on.

Why do your memories keep reminding me of my defeat,
Why do your face keeps resurfacing around in disgrace,
Why is my fears and failure are still shadows poking my ribs,
Why does all these cribs I go to, are dark and broken.

I’m choking in my decisions of the past,
While, I’m knocking out my inner demons,
I pull the leash and tame the animal,
But this animal keep growing stronger than me.

My demons, my desires,
They reside in the wild fire within my heart,
While I thwart every bit of pain and pleasure,
Running after my dreams to get the treasure.

This is the ring I fight in,
In the mirror there’s me,
Out here is me,
My armour is my strength, and my weakness too.

While I wear my gloves,
Fear and demons implores,
They stand tall and wild in the mirror,
While I hold on to my dreams, and knock them off.

The blood creeps out,
Here I stand weaken and stout,
My inner demons and devils groan wild and proud,
I hold on to my ground.

This is the everyday fight,
Here, my passions ignite,
I burn with anger and hatred bright,
Looking at tall monster within me, even if they’re stronger,
I fight.
© Ashraf Shaikh

A huge fortress of the past,
Dark and old stands tall aghast,
A lanky tomb on the top sits,
With deep claws of your wound it slits.

There are rooms in that fortress,
Tiny, Large, normal sizes,
All represent your past, and scathing wounds,
There are ghosts in that fortress, they have to offer you, different prizes, when you revisiting your wounds.

There lurks shadows and creeps loneliness in the corners of all the rooms,
Some witch shouts and stouts searching for it’s broom,
You lie dead in front of the doorstep to escape of this ghostly ghastly fortress of past,
But doors are locked and you stay there as a prisoner aghast.

The wound scathing up, covering with a scar,
They open and reek out your pain,
You howl and cry for mercy,
You the ghost must relish you in that never ending Darkness.

Before morning comes, the ghost and monsters latch on to you,
Witches and wizards fly and barge right out at you,
Before this night ends, your wounds are left open, dribbling out pain, healed scathe and scars,
It burns, cracking up the old pain again and you’re left with nothing to work with.

Now that you’re locked into the fortress,
Sun rise has arrived, wounds cracked open,
You stare at the locked, and think,
Is it ever going to pop open?

That fortress is your haunted past,
Have kept you imprisoned for the pains you caused,
You got too attached to your pain,
That you locked the door from inside and turned the key and threw it aside.

The key is nowhere to be found,
Trapped and surrounded by past ghost again the night comes,
It is up to you, to fight those ghosts of the past,
Or give up, let those play with you wounds.

Now that the key isn’t to be found,
You must barged right into the door and escape the fortress of the past,
Kick and break the door, and come out as a warrior.

Now that you’ve done that deed, there’s no greatness,
You were meant to come out of things trapping you inside,
Now, you must live up to your potential or else,
You’ll again, get thrown in this fortress,
Forever locked to never come out.

© Ashraf Shaikh

Love is not the weed I smoke,
I choke on my feelings,
Many times I had gone broke.
Love is not the weed I smoke.

I throw up to the churning in my stomach,
Butterflies in my chest, when I feel love,
I cut myself and pray to god,
To not bring me love.

Love is a gambit’s queen,
It is surrealist and unseen,
Love is an immortals game,
Where the loser lover, gets and begets shame.

Love is not the weed I smoke,
I injest hate and greed,
Until I get freed to the pain causing love,
Then I go, switch on the stove, heat my coffee.

Love is not my business, it is a waste of time,
Sublime desires, up climb
Surmise themselves to me,
Love sets me free but jails myself in her heart.

For I never want to remain a prison of your heart,
I never want those labyrinths of your memories choking my throat,
You latch on to me like a monster and teach me love,
While I cringe and cove to your choices in lovers.

You’ve chosen me, who breathes free without any shackles holding them,
You’ve chosen me, who despises prison,
You’ve chosen me, who’ve always been aloof from love,
It is not the weed I smoke.

I joke about the broke heart,
I cry as I fry my omelette,
I light bright the joint and take in,
I loose myself underneath the thousand stars and a moon.

Smoking the weed, indeed, without love,
Here underneath the wild moon and stars surrounding it, I recall my dreams,
I smoke my dreams and puff my ambitions away,
I don’t got time, you know,
Love, is not the weed I smoke.
© Ashraf Shaikh

How it feels to live in Darkness,
Where life has been, cruel,
Your anger burns and anxiety adds the fuel,
And you pray to heal.

Your head steals your worth,
Your self doubt makes you wipe dirt,
You sweat in the labyrinths of loneliness,
You perspire in, your depression’s holiness.

You gotta come out, embark of this journey,
You have to be proud, of your heartbreaks and shattered dreams,
Your loneliness and self doubt, will make you go insane,
You’ll live doubting yourself and world will be able to see, your pain.

This world doesn’t care about what your pain is,
While you go, in the nights growing in an insane monster,
The world laughs at your hardships, and jokes and shouts, like a fucking rooster,
You gotta get back on track,
Get out of rock bottom.
© Ashraf Shaikh

Lashing, on your thoughts,
With my head crashing on the strain of knots,
Knots of pain you knit together,
Sewn for me.

Thrashing my head with your lashings of love,
In the little cove, I breathe, loneliness,
There outside a bird flies and shouts, your letter of love,
But, what about the little knot of pain, you’ve sewn in my heart.

The heart’s a fool, making me swoon over you,
While, you remain cool, making me a fool, over my feelings,
Why do I attach myself to you and your fake love,
Why do I need your love, in my life.

Still, those lashings of your thoughts arrive in my mind,
While I try my hardest, to forget you and be kind,
Grinding I am between the worlds of dreams and reality,
Finding I am, in the world of people with masks, like you, and where true love exists.

Does true love exist, I wonder, when I recall your lashings on my heart,
Also, I recall the thrashings you left on my soul,
You made a foul play at love,
Knit a knot of pain, and left me in the little cove.

You drove me through my passions,
Disgresions and emotions,
You pulled me out of reality,
And shoved me in absolute Darkness.

Knitting the knot of the pain,
The darkness is scaring me driving me insane,
Utter loneliness inside me,
I try to live my life in vain.

© Ashraf Shaikh