Tracy Engelbrecht's Blog

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Young Mom Support has extended our workshop offering to include a new presentation: The Con’s of Teen Sex. Catchy name, right? Gets all the parents thinking “Yes! This is *exactly* … Read More

Planning your pregnancies helps to ensure that you’re better able to take care of the children you already have. Tell us about your birth control choices – knowing a bit … Read More

Note: some moms request to remain anonymous. All stories are presented as told, only changed to remove personal information where anonymity as been requested.   Ms A from Durban I … Read More

We’d like to hear from you. Tell us about your experience with teen pregnancy, how you’re doing today and advice you have for other young moms.    

Dear President Zuma. Thanks for ruining my day, dude. Your comments on sending teen moms to an island to complete their schooling, while ridiculous and far-fetched, have forced me into the News24 comments section, that quagmire of badly spelled racist … Read More

Anonymous story from YMS user. I present it without comment. 

***

“Congratulations, it’s a little girl” the nurse said. All I could think was how can a little girl have another little girl.

It all began when I met the lovely S. My parents never encouraged interracial relationships but what they didn’t know, wouldn’t kill them, but it didn’t mean they would never find out.

My period was late and this was usual but the cramps weren’t so I went to the doctor only to find I had a life growing in me. What was I gonna tell my parents. 6 months and I would be a mother. How could I be a mother while I needed mothering?

I eventually told my parents and S decided to flee. My pregnancy was kept a secret and my little baby girl was passed off as my niece to family members.

She knows how much I love her and I tell her every day. What hurts I can’t build up the courage to tell her as a mother.

I pray to God every day to help me finish school and assist me to make it big so I can tell her I was her mommy all this time and she will be proud. Cause everything I do, is for her

Anonymous x

 

 

Hello you

I don’t know your name – but I know what you’re feeling right now. You think you might be pregnant. Or you know you are. It wasn’t planned, and you’re scared. Or maybe it was planned, in some kind of way, and you’re still scared. You haven’t told anyone yet and now you sit, googling for answers. For information. For what the hell to do now.

Being here, reading this right now, is a big enough step. Because maybe up to now you’ve tried to avoid thinking about it. Hoping that somehow when you wake up everything will be back to normal. Reading this now is admitting that the normal you used to know is gone. That’s pretty big. So let’s just take a breath for a second. I’m holding your hand, see? I’m here. You are not as alone as you think you are. As I’m writing this I’m picturing your face. I used to be you. See that funny looking girl at the back on the far left? That was me, smiling for the photo but feeling just as you do right now.

She’s okay now. She started being okay very shortly after this picture was taken. As scared as you are now, there is only ONE thing that will make you feel better.

Take charge. 

Don’t wait another second. Being pregnant at this stage in your life was likely not part of the plan. There are million things to consider. You have to decide what you want to do – you need to consider all your options.  You need to speak to your parents. 

You need to ask am I willing to be a mother right now, in this place and time in my life. You need to consider the father’s reaction and thoughts.

You need to think about school. 

The list of things to consider feels too long. The possibility that your family and friends may reject you is scary.

I promise you though, hiding away and ignoring the issue is only making you feel worse.

As scary as the reality is – the uncertainty and the unknown of what MIGHT happen is worse. There is only one person who can do what needs doing right now, and that’s you.

And again, I promise you, you can.

Take that first step. If that means getting to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy – do that tomorrow.

If it means talking to your school or your parents or boyfriend – do that tomorrow.

Not next week or next month. There will never be a right time. It might not be a pleasant experience, and it’s likely you will face some drama from your family, at least at first. But you will be moving forward.

Right now you’re stuck.

Unstick yourself, tonight. Make the decision to reach out for help, NOW.

I know for sure that each little step forward, no matter what direction you end up going, makes you feel stronger than you’ve ever thought you could.

Those choices and hard conversations are for tomorrow. Tonight, you decide to act. And know that we’ve got you.

It’s okay.

 Read more

Abortion

Adoption

Parenting in an extended family

Your rights and responsibilities

Teen moms at school

 

Angelique

Hey I’m Angelique I’m 18 years old. I had my baby girl on 6 months in my final matric exams. She was 3 months premature and was placed in Cape Town N1 City Netcare so I couldn’t finish my exams, because she’s my first priority and she needed me more than ever. It was a hard difficult time in my life i had to get through. I promised myself that no matter how hard it is i will go back and finished what i started. February this year i went back to re write my matric exams and i passed! And i want to thank God for making me the strong women i am today!

Pholosho

Turning 19 this year in December and I’m expecting a baby boy anytime this month and I’m still stressing about my matric exams however with young mom support and the support I’m getting from my boyfriend and parents I strongly believe that I will make it through to University next year. Thank you young mom support

Robin

I’m Robin, 20 years of age. I fell pregnant in 2010 while doing grade 10. I finished my grade 10 while pregnant and passed to grade 11. I gave birth to an adorable baby on the 9th of January 2011. I thank God for such supportive parents and family. Yes, i was on a downfall with my babys daddy but i thank God for best friends. I stayed at home till the 8th February 2011 and went back to school in grade 11 at Voortrekker High School in Kenilworth Cape Town. The teachers understood me through pregnancy and all. I passed to matric and in 2012 matriculated with a degree. Not too bad but i made it as a teen mom. It wasnt a easy path for me but i made it. Im now 20 years of age, my baby Saskia is 3 years old and me and her daddy is together and living the life of a happy family. Thank you God, my family and friends and teachers for their patience, love and care.

Thandile

I am Thandile Siyonzana and I am 19 years old and had my baby when I was 18 years old on the 13th of July 2013, I finished my matric year in 2013. It was very hard having to deal with school work, being nauseous and always tired and sleepy, but because I wanted a good future for myself and my baby I pushed myself to study very hard and with the support I got from my parents, friends and teachers who were patient with me I made it. Now my baby Girl is 10 Months old and a busy bee, I’m glad I have her in my life because she have brought us very close as a family, she is a real blessing, we thank God for her life. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story.

Abigail

My name is Abigail. Almost 6yrs ago,I found myself in matric, final year of school and then I found out I was pregnant. At first when I found out I was shocked, angry, frustrated,hurt, sad cause what is the kids gonna say on school. Had thoughts of going for an abortion, giving the child up for adoption or something cause I was scared what my mom going to say. Eventually when I was forced against my will to go for a abortion but I didn’t want to go for it, I prayed and prayed that something must came up so that this won’t proceed, the day I went they found they can’t go ahead cause I was too far.

Went to school cause the kids could see already and they were talking already, but I went back to school,during my June exams,I gave birth to a wonderful son, but the main thing that kept me pushing was because all the judging comments,gossiping,etc.

I said I wanna do it for my child and I wanna persevere towards all these remarks, after having my baby I went back to school as usual, attended extra classes, holiday classes, and at the end of the day when I had to get my results I passed with a Diploma….and I thank God for that because He kept me going and I persevered towards what I wanted.

Its hard to be on school and you get pregnant,but I later found out it was just all in God’s plan and that this is what’s happening in real life, God used me to see what teenage girls go through ,how they feel etc, but you learn from your mistakes but you can be successful as well when having a baby in matric….I hope my story can encourage young teenage moms to persevere towards what they want in life….God bless

I’m a young mother to a beautiful little boy of nearly 6 years old. I fell pregnant at 15 and had him when I was 16. After that I took the rest of the year off school and went back to grade 11 the following year.

It was challenging and tiring and at times very stressful, but knowing you have that little person depending on you makes its that much more easier and so much more worth it. I finished matric, got my bachelor’s pass and got accepted into the University of Cape Town where I would start studying towards my law degree.

Six years after the fact, I am now in my second last year of law school with dreams bigger than ever. Not despite having a child so young but BECAUSE of having a child so young.

Teen moms, this is not the end of the road, it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s only the beginning, the beginning of a whole new life, a whole new chapter. And only you can decide what you want to do with your life. I wanted to be someone who my son can look up to, I want him to know that no matter what happens, no matter your circumstance or your set backs, only you can decide what your future holds.

It’s possible. I am the living testimony of it . I am not saying it’s easy. It’s not. Being a parent is the most difficult job you will ever have. Having to put someone and their needs first before yours, all the time. Having to factor them into every decision you make. Being a parent is difficult, it’s a full time job and it comes with blood, sweat, tears and dirty nappies. But the rewards that come with being a parent are so much greater.

You can be all you’ve ever wanted to be. And you can do it as a parent, with a smiling face looking up to you. Everything happens for a reason. Let your child be your reason.

It’s possible. The choice is yours.