Ord Florian's Blog

Here are the rules: Free verse, as fast as possible, with minimal pressing of the back space button, and no edits after the poem is finished
Time starts now
POEM ONE
Oceanic endeavors fail to prolong
Oblong
Sing-song
Whatever else your mind can provide
Spurred by power
Into a new realm
Of refreshing curiosity
Very citrus like
Large lemon blimps floating by
I would not mind peering into one
For an hour or so

I'm going to make this one rhyme:

Redundant
Pendant
When will we send it
Back to whence it originated
Assimilated
Shrouded by crowded marketplaces
Passing faces
Time shows no mercy
Dogs busy herding
Birds chirping
Generic imagery
Just more poetry
But never hyperbole
Never
Melancholy
Scarcely jolly
That is a lie as well
We know that lies lead to demise
Unless there's a lie you can tell



And, for our final poem:

Ahem
Good evening
Ladies and gentlemen
I aim to share with you a few of my talents
I can balance on one leg for a period of eight seconds
I can walk into an elevator with relatively little fear of getting stuck
I can live my entire life without asking a question
And I believe in Lady Luck

I cordially thank all of my readers for the positive feedback that I have been garnering, especially for all of those who have recently read Farm Ramblings. I have a large collection of other poems at the ready. Fret not, they are all still confounding and absurd. If you enjoyed Farm Ramblings, I believe that you will like my next project. Here is an image that largely portrays the upcoming book, which is alluring, compelling, and very, very foreign. You can still read Farm Ramblings by clicking here. If you want to check out my Goodreads Author Profile, click here. I am excited to share this upcoming book of poetry with you, which should be out soon. Lastly, if you have read Farm Ramblings, feel free to review it either on Amazon or Goodreads.

-Ord

You heard it here first. Farm Ramblings should be up on goodreads within a matter of hours... If you enjoyed my book, feel free to comment, review, or share this blog with others. A note to all other prospective authors joining Goodreads - it takes a day to upload your book.

If you would like to purchase my book, click here.


Cheers,

Ord

In this day and age, it takes something extra to promote your writing. For many people, this includes making a blog (such as myself). However, there are some novel ways to market your novel, if you are willing to put in the work. 

1. Carrier Pigeon Carrier Pigeons are extremely underrated, especially when it comes to promoting a book. Simply attach your novel to a flock of birds, page by page. Ensure that this is done in a professional manner with trained pigeons, which are treated humanely. It pays to have the birds disperse your novel over open water, so the (laminated) pages can drift ashore. The exposure gained from such a stunt is priceless. Note: Make sure that the pages are printed on and laminated with a biodegradeable material made exclusively from kelp. Additional Note: It is not adviseable to do this. 
2. Messages In a BottleWe are all familiar with the fabled "message in a bottle". Unfortunately, this art is considered archaic. However, most every novel can easily be marketed by printing it down to a size capable of fitting inside of a bottle. Care must be taken in order not to pollute the environment, meaning you should not attempt to do this stunt if you do not have access to 100% kelp bottles and 100% kelp paper for your novel to be printed on. Furthermore, all of the ink utilized to print your novel onto the kelp paper should be from sustainably sourced squid ink. Lastly, only introduce your kelp novels in oceans where the aforementioned kelp is native. 
3. Coffee ShopsDeliberately leave your book behind in a coffee shop, provided that it is appropriate for all ages, appeals to all people, and is not controversial by any stretch of the imagination. Consider placing the book on an empty table in a centrally located position within the room. This ensures that it will be exposed to only the most dedicated of customers, namely, those of whom are willing to sit in the middle of the Cafe. 
With all of these strategies, it should only take mere years to make a single sale. If you would like to digitally purchase or sample my first collection of poetry (titled Farm Ramblings), click here. If you prefer the paper edition, click here.

End Note: I do not condone any activity that involves littering the environment with kelp, kelp paper, or squid ink. 

You heard it here first. The paperback version of my first book of poetry titled "Farm Ramblings" is available for sale on Amazon. Click here to purchase the book! There is also an eBook edition that can be sampled/purchased here.




The description from Amazon can be read below

"This collection of outlandish poems transports the reader back to a time before logic, the internet, and hygiene. Welcome to Great Depression Era small-town America, where the people are hysteric and the poetry is intense. In his first large collection of poetry, author Ord Florian creates poems that range from nostalgically sentimental to extremely confounding. Ord's macabre and unconventional sense of humor is sure to please any reader that seeks a literary adventure unlike any other."

How To Write A Poem

Don't.
A poem should not have to be written.
Instead, it should be improvised.
Simply start writing words that go together.
Forget implementing a generic rhyme scheme.
Just take it line by line.
Either write when you are full of emotion, or completely devoid of it.
Ambivalent, apithetic writing can be ruggedly beautiful.
The way a cigarette in a gutter can be beautiful.
Keep your writing crude and visceral.
Ignore convention.
Make yourself mad at something trivial.
Write about how much you hate getting grass stains on the ceiling.
Write about hoow you hate getting ceilings on the grass stains.
And for the sake of poetry itself...
WRITE.

If you want to read some truly absurd poems, I suggest that you read a free sample from my eBook (titled Farm Ramblings) for sale on Amazon. You could also purchase the book, and read all 41 pages of insanely weird peotry.
Click here if you want to check it out...

   My first collection of (somewhat) organized poetry can currently be purchased as an ebook on Amazon. I could simply copy and paste the book description from Amazon's website, but I believe that I can give you an accurate synopsis. Farm Ramblings is a mind-bendingly bizarre book of poetry, which was largely inspired by deviating from "standard" poetic protocol. I coined the term "anti-poetry" to describe the writing style, in that it satirizes all things predictable or conventional. If you want to download the ebook from Amazon, click here. I would really appreciate it. Although it is only 41 pages long, I find that it is not necessarily a "quick read" due to its intensely surreal language and the structure of its poems. Indeed, reading Farm Ramblings is anything but a passive experience. If you are growing tired of generic poems involving "spring breezes", "flowers", or "sweet songs", I recommend this book. Some unforgettable "poetic" subjects in this book involve: an abundance of teeth, cataclysmic dust storms, earthworms, sentient rabbits, and a small town prison riot. Lastly, if the expert book cover design does not catch your eye, I don't know what will.

Buy the book or read a sample here