Surya Sree's Blog

It is safe to say, these are uncertain times. The confirmed number of Corona cases is over 25 million and counting. The number of reported deaths is well into the six-figure mark. We have so many questions unanswered during these perilous times. What is the mortality rate? How contagious is the virus? Is my body vulnerable to the virus? Will our economy bounce back? When will life go back to normal? Or Is this the new normal?

We don't know, YET.

We loathe Uncertainty. We'll do just about everything and muster all the resources under our disposal to avoid uncertainty. We'd even go to the extent in welcoming a known bad result with open hands rather than an unknown good result.

Why do we do this, ever wonder? The human mind perceives uncertainty as dangerous. If our brain is unaware of what's around the corner, then it will fumble because it is inept to keep us from any mysterious peril that pops up unannounced. Our brain prefers to know the outcome one way or the other to take the mystery off. Several studies endorse this age-old evolutionary function of our brain. For instance, a British study found in an experiment that the participants experienced a higher level of stress when they had a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock than when they had a 100% chance. Waiting for an outcome is several times more stressful than accepting an outcome, no matter how dismaying the outcome ought to be.

Let me ask you a couple of questions. Answer honestly: Is it more traumatic wondering whether you'll make it to the office on time than knowing you'll be late? Is it more stressful wondering whether you'll get a promotion than knowing you won't? Is it more stressful musing over the results of a cancer test than knowing that you are contaminated with a brain tumor? Studies have time again proved that intolerance towards uncertainty puts individuals at substantial risk of getting strained with depression and anxiety.

Uncertainty is more like a paradox. On one hand, it is an influential force that propels scientists, think tanks, and researchers to keep answering the universe's mysterious Why's, and How's. In this paradox, individuals relish uncertainty. For example, an astrophysicist's curiosity to know what is beyond the space or a biologist's idiosyncrasy to discover the origin of species. It can be as complicated as a psychologist's curiosity to learn about, say Genghis Khan's behavior or it can be as simple as reading mystery novels. People in this Uncertainty paradox- let's call it as Curiosity Paradox- tends to engage in certain activities precisely because the result is not known yet: Uncertain. Daniel Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard says that 'this kind of uncertainty' makes the entire experience 'delicious and delightful'. The people in the curiosity paradox tend to embrace uncertainty.

On the flip side, because of the sophistication and ambiguity of the real world, a large segment of people tends to remain intolerant towards uncertain circumstances. People in this uncertainty paradox- let's call it Dark uncertainty- are prone to change their state of mind from bad to worse. Gilbert expounds that even though the element of uncertainty leads to a prolonged path for pleasure, individuals will be most happy when all uncertainty is eliminated.
I believe there is something immoral about showing intolerance towards uncertainty. Uncertainty is a short-term mystery. It depends on how one perceives it. If one chooses to conceive it as unpleasant, then one is doomed to suffer. It's merely a tendency and not a bygone verdict.




Philosophers have grappled with the proximity of uncertainty and the human mind for hundreds and thousands of years. Seneca, a Roman philosopher, is one of the fascinating figures from antiquity. 'The whole future lies in uncertainty: live immediately' he said.
Stoicism, a philosophy that flourished in 3rd century Athens (BC) observes several edicts on coping with uncertainty. This school of thought jogs our memory that things around us can be unpredictable at times and much of it lies beyond our control. However, this does not alter the fact that we have a plethora of other things under control: Our belief, our judgment, our desires, and our antipathy. Stoic philosophers admit that it isn't easy, as one would like to think, to control that which falls under one's purview, however, they concur that it is not impossible.

Accepting the uncertainty is preferable than waging a war against it. And when one wage war against uncertainty, one is bound to lose, for intolerance towards uncertainty breeds a troubled mind, and a troubled mind breeds troubled times.

Allow me to iterate a personal experience of mine. During the initial phase of the pandemic, the public health system around the world counseled government authorities to implement a full-scale lockdown. It was the time when the World Health Organization warned the world that the highly contagious Coronavirus is roaring towards a new peak. I, like many around me, felt the adverse effects of this global health crisis. After venting to myself about how cruel the lockdown is and cursing China for exporting the bloody pathogen, I came across an article that talked at length about a particular kind of philosophy called 'Stoicism'. My eyes began examining the article thoroughly. To put it bluntly, stoicism diffused my temporary apprehension by asking me whether or not I have the power to change the present situation. I was also propelled to ask myself whether the energy and time I spent on venting and cursing could otherwise be channel towards things that I have control over- on things I can change-. As a perennial optimist and a deep thinker (takes one to know one), this outlook at once made me realize what a fool I had been all these days (the initial stage of lockdown). It made me realize that I was letting my emotions, and feelings entangled with useless thoughts that I simply have no control over.

Come to think of it, so many people have spent so many hours wasting so much energy to try to change things that they simply do not have any control over. Especially during this pandemic, lots of people have invested much of their thoughts on things beyond their control. These thoughts would reap invaluable fruits if spent on things that come under our sphere of influence.

I chose the latter. To be honest, I must admit that during the initial phase of lockdown, I let my agitation takeover forbearance. I fell prey into the reactive state of whining and progressively grumbled: initially China for sneezing the deadly Virus, and then shifted my blame towards the World Health Organization for raising the alarm painstakingly slow, and then I castigated nationalistic leaders like Donald Trump and Jair Bolsonaro for downplaying the gravity of the situation and then moved my condemnation back at China for picking fights on the border with my native, India. I found myself sulked into the vicious cycle of Social media, moving from one application to another and constantly reacting to the perpetual volleys of breaking news and political debates. I fathomed soon enough that getting muddled in this vicious cycle not only stole away my precious time but also nourished my good for nothing ego. Remember, any action you do that feeds to your ego not only impairs your competence but also chokes your rationality- This I learned the hard way.

Instead of letting my agitation feed my ego, I let stoicism feed my thoughts. I let go of the ego. With much contemplation, I realized that our life is unpredictable. The world that we live in is oftentimes in the balance and the sooner we realize how fragile and short our lives are, the closer we get to understanding our purpose.

Reports claim that more than the virus, the ramifications that followed due to the pandemic affected many. For instance, extreme lockdown measures, loss of a job, excessive use of mobile phones, and the helpless state of mind are some of the many consequences that have taken a physical and emotional toll. More than the Virus, the lack of movement had exacerbated the mental illness multifold. I too was a victim of social isolation. I too was coiled with fear due to uncertainty. But stoicism, and my own independent thinking, propelled me to work on things that are under my control. I channeled my time, energy, and thoughts on things I can, in actuality, change, instead of foolishly reacting and responding to futile things such as Trump's opinion on twitter or the uncertainty of the pandemic.

Born a slave, the Greek philosopher Epictetus once remarked that "the chief task of life is simple: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with choices I control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own."

Embracing this way of thinking can be cathartic. If only we channel our thoughts and knowledge on those things we can control, we can comfortably interact with life's inevitable challenges. "There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will," remarked Epictetus. To embrace this Philosophy, one must first accept the fact that certain things in life are beyond our control. When one accepts this rudimentary tenet of life, then one spontaneously develops the expertise to tolerate uncertainty.

And once we cultivate the ability to tolerate uncertainty, we can reap inordinate rewards. Uncertainty breeds curiosity and curiosity is the magic powder for scientists, creators, and innovators. Ask Richard Feynman, the world-renowned theoretical physicist who is known for his contribution to quantum physics. He once said and I quote "I don't have to know an answer… I don't feel frightened not knowing things, by being lost in a mysterious universe without any purpose." Ask Greek romantic poet John Keats about the art of embracing uncertainty. Writing to his brothers in 1817, John Keats posited that life is all about the inclination to hold onto uncertainties, live with mystery, and bear no malice with ambiguity. The Romantic poet wanted people, that is us, to experience our time on earth as an uncertain place that naturally gives rise to an assortment of perspectives.

It was Einstein's curiosity that propelled him to come up with the theory of relativity. It was Darwin's curiosity that motivated him to embark on the H.M.S Beagle to explore the world, which was paramount in forming the theory of natural selection. It was Edison's curiosity that drove him to discover the light bulb. It was Archimedes' curiosity that led him to his Eureka moment. Einstein, Darwin, Edison, Archimedes, and every other personality out there who transformed mankind were once curious kids. These are personalities who, instead of manifesting intolerance towards uncertainty, they embraced it. They channeled their emotions and thoughts on things they were able to control.

Imagine if they had succumbed to uncertainties. Would the world be ignorant of natural selection, and its inhabitants (STILL) embrace the story of how Jesus designed the world in a week? What would have happened if Archimedes caved into the fear of uncertainty? Would the world be oblivious to hydrostatics? And what would have happened if Edison let his apprehension overtake his curiosity? Would the world still be dependent on kerosene lamps, candles, and firewood instead of bulbs? Certainly NOT. One of us still would have invented bulbs, one of us still would have penned down the laws of levers and pulleys, and one of us (preferably an Indian) still would have gotten on a boat, a different boat perhaps, and put forward the theory of natural selection. But none of these inventions would have the names of the aforesaid scientists along with it.

Life's only certainty is that every possession we hold onto, every memory we cherish, and everyone we love will one day perish. All of it and all of us will perish, not just from our memories, or that of our decedents, but from the face of the earth. From dust, we had come, and to dust, we shall go.

Perhaps between this dire process, let us indulge with the mystery, let us tolerate the unknown and perhaps, just perhaps, we might be able to catch a glance of the joy behind life's uncertainties. My name is Surya, and I embrace uncertainty. Do you?
Surya Sree

The previous year had been pretty challenging for everyone, myself included.

Growing up, I've always nurtured this ambitious idea that by the time I was 25, I would have my life sorted out; that I would be extremely prosperous and my bank account brimming with lush green notes; that I would have the most satisfactory, self-fulfilling job and that I would have traveled all across the globe from the Atlantic to the Pacific; that I’d own an array of palatial villas and sumptuous yachts; that I’d be an embodiment of triumph and inspire my family, friends, colleagues, and all those around me. I’d be all that everyone strives for: to be a hero.

As is the case, life doesn’t work out the way we imagine it to be.

I am 24 years old, and I've had my fair share of victories and downfalls, my fair share of joy and despair, and trials and tribulations more than what I would have bargained for. I’ve had my good days and my bad days. But there are some days where we’d never have felt so lost. I happened to find myself on one of those gloomy days in the early hours of yesteryear.

I thought then, ‘my life was not supposed to be this way.’ If the 10-year-old me had seen me then, he’d, in all likelihood, jeered at me and felt pretty disheartened. Remember, the plan was to become a hero and the embodiment of hope, success, and happiness?

Although I have to confess that it’s not all rack and ruin. I have so much to be grateful for: An affectionate family, sympathetic friends, open-minded tendency to see things as they are without any bias, access to a copious amount of knowledge thanks to society and my parents at large, food on my plate, a roof over my head and a fine standard of living that so many millions of peoples dream of. Despite possessing these endowments, some days make you forget all that you are thankful for. During such days, it is strenuous to see the good.

The first hours of 2021 were one of those days. A blend of personal troubles and work commotions had me feeling baffled, assailable, and unchaperoned. It marred my enthusiasm and I knew if I opt to let myself succumb to the troubles of the day, I would find myself in a perpetual cycle of misery.

But try as I might, I could not shake the feeling of despondency and self-reproach.

As usual, I went for my training, jumped out of my sweatpants, hoped into a jean, and embarked for work. I could not get the negative thought out of my head. As is the case when you do something with your mind preoccupied with troubles, the work that you undertake often culminates in mayhem. Such was the scenario. Anyone who had seen me that day would paint such a portrait: “sadness streamed through him; his eyes were drained of hope and it was conspicuously evident that he was trying hard to hold back the seething avalanche of tears that I noticed had been building up since the moment he stepped in. His words fumbled and eyes in a daze, perhaps far away for the commotions of the yesteryear. Post-lunch, he slumped into his chair, leaned forward, placed his head between his hands, and remained hushed for the rest of the day. A low whimper here and a stifled wheeze there…” You get the picture. I was beginning to lose hope and manifested displeasure at every given opportunity.

It was then I looked and saw you.

There you were, with your bewitching smile emitting prodigious kindness, and a cheering thumbs up willing me to not give up. I rode my vehicle closer to you and you nodded and waved at me with an illuminating spirit. I saw unadulterated kindness in your exhaustive eyes. As I began surpassing you, you nodded your head yet again in the path I was proceeding towards, acknowledging my journey.

A gesture so trivial, yet so humane, the effects of which so cherubic.

Suddenly, your lips opened wide, as if you were about to say something. But I could not hear you. The clamor of the people and the hubbub of the traffic stifled your words. I will never know what you said. Chances are, I will never get to learn your name. Or you, my name. I may even forget how you looked, but I will never fail to recall that smile and the nod that followed suit. I may even forget the troubles that engulfed me back then, but never fail to remember how your thumbs up made me feel.

Dear Mr. Watch Man, many thanks to you.

In my moment of failing, in my moment of hopelessness, there you stood, clad in an ill-fitting blue shirt, matching pants, and a smeared cap, strong and phlegmatic, coaxing me to keep going. I could distinctly recall that day: The sun cast a luminescent glow, the weather completely out of sync with my mood. Sweat rolled down my sides and beaded across my brow; the air remained thick and practically no shades existed for at least a mile. A strange man you were, shoes dotted with a dark stain, salty droplets cascaded down your face like soft summer rain, trickling onto the pavement as you leaned back against the wall to regain your breath. A strange man that you were, with your own story, your personal obstacles and troubles. A strange man with your share of crestfallen days, yet you reached out to me. I could tell just by a mere gaze that you had been through so much more than me. I could tell you had encountered problems far murkier than I had seen over the years. Twelve hours a day, six days a week, for nobody knows how long, you had stood at that very spot, routing and examining vehicles, hailing and saluting VIPs, always on a constant lookout for something that may or may not occur. An onerous job that you have, working under the sun, glaring at the monitors, a wide-awake coma until the end of your shift. A strange man you were, looking drained and dejected. Yet there you were, spurring me on, backing me with a gesture of a hand, and head, hoping I would win.

Hope resided in the way you, my dear Watch Man, smiled; No words of consolation were exchanged, no words of motivation traded, and yet you somehow managed to reach out to me with your smile. Hope resided in the way you, my dear Watch Man, paused amidst the chaos you were dealing with and nodded your head; Hope, my dear Watch Man, was in that soft shrug of yours, the kind of credence with which you smiled at me.

Thank you for being my miracle for that day. Much obliged to you for reminding me that life isn’t that bad and that I should smile too, even during punishing times- especially during punishing times. Much thanks to you for proving that there is still some goodness, a residue of it at least, left in this world. Thank you, Mr. Watch Man, for enlightening me that even strangers care. Thank you for jogging my memory that anyone, at any point of time, anywhere on Earth, can be a hero.

Dear Mr. Watch Man, you were my hero that day.

- Surya Sree

There were 5.7 billion people on the planet when I was born. At present, there are over 7 billion inhabitants. Our planet weights precisely 5.972*10^24kg and has a surface area of over 510 million square miles. In that vast space, 195 countries dot from the eastern tip of Caroline Island to the westernmost point of Attu islands. The world is a mammoth, old, cramped quarters, that much we know for certain.

Yet, you ended up where you are at present, you ended up with the family that you were born into. At first glance, this fact might seem trivial, but if you think about it, it was all a chance, a sort of miracle. Of all the people on Earth, what are the chances that two people would fumble into each other at the right moment in their lives in the exact same place and would later blend into each other and embark on the process that would eventually create you?

Go back a little further.

Imagine the sheer number of circumstances and experiences, the sheer number of trials and tribulations that materialized in your parent’s lives: their birth, childhood, upbringing, culture, values, education, work, family, successes, and failures, all factors that cooperatively led to your mother meeting your father and eventually birthing you.

Probe a little further. There are over 1 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation. A healthy women carrier about 1 million eggs in her body throughout her life. Now reflect on the fact that how small the odds are that one particular sperm from one specific man at one right moment happened to fertilize just the right eggs of one specific woman, the process happened so precise as to eventually create you. Imagine how microscopic the chances are that your parent’s parents, and their ancestors, and their parent’s parents all met and had children of their own. Every one of our forefathers had somehow attracted their partners and were in good health to give birth to their offspring who in turn grew out to be healthy adults and eventually found themselves prospective mates to procreate and the cycle goes on. Given the wild landscape in which our ancestors inhabited, imagine for a moment, if even one of our forefathers had been smitten by a noxious snake, plundered to death by a tiger, devoured by a black Rhino, squashed by a deranged elephant, slipped and fell over a cliff or drowned under waters during fishing or starved to death; imagine if even one of our forefathers were to deflect from their quest and missed the chance to meet the right partner at the right place at the right moment in order to prolong the only plausible amalgamation of inherited traits and genes that would eventually, result in the coming into existence of you.

Go back even further, to the beginning of the Universe.

Roughly 13.8 billion years ago, all the matter and energy that we know of concentrated in a region smaller than a dime and began to expand and cool at an extremely swift pace. Scientists concede this phenomenon as the Big Bang. Innumerable particles were unleashed as the temperature gradually trickled down to 100 million times that of the sun’s core and progressively the elements of nature assumed their present properties. Throughout all this time, these particular particles twisted and twirled to a particular tune and networked with each other through quantum properties about which scientists still grapple to understand even today. Now imagine the number of collisions that transpired between all the dancing particles in the universe; think about the ebb and flow of all the forces that propelled every single subatomic particle to bang with each other. Perceiving it from a macro perspective, these tiny particles and energy quantum have paved the way for an abundance of learning, knowledge, and invention. Billions of years after the big bang, people developed the ability to think, learn, cultivate, and invent. Throughout these years, several wars have been waged, untold nations conquered and plundered, virulent plagues and treacherous pandemics swirled the world at all points in history leaving in its wake millions of living species dead. This veritable tapestry of human enlightenment and achievement has been woven together only because of the interactions of immeasurable tiny particles, energy quantum, and bundles of forces 13.8 billion years ago. As such, the Big Bang is an eccentric crescendo and the dangling of particles at the beginning of time remains the most amazing symphony ever occurred, culminating in a singular event so that here I would write this literature and there you are reading it. What are the odds?

From the point of Big Bang, throughout the age of exploration by the first humans, to the age of food production, to the formation of ancient civilizations, to the Middle Ages, to the age of colonial exploration, later the enlightenment, the renaissance, the industrial revolution and all the way to the contemporary age, it's as if all of human history is leading up to the moment you were born. It’s as if every particle, every rhythm, every act, every idea, every word, every decision, and every experience played a crucial part in your conception.

Was it a chance? A Miracle? A part of God’s plan? A cosmic accident? A colossal mistake? A dream perhaps?

It’s not important. My point is, you are an impeccable marvel. In all your imperfections, there is a resonance of immaculate perfection.

Your mind, the way you think; your heart, the way it beats; your eyes, the way you see; your voice, the way you speak; your sense, the way you laugh; your spirits, the way you explore; your moods, the way you love. You are as idiosyncratic as inconceivable.

And yet, you bend your knee to this enigma called life. You drown yourself in the sea of melancholy. You become petrified by the world’s treachery, atrocities, and lies. You let yourself succumb to the phantoms of materialism. You feel like everyone is bolting towards the peak whilst you are stuck in a perpetual cycle of misery- static and frivolous. You feel like you are a cosmic failure whilst others dangle in triumph, wealth, and fame. You feel like you are not alive, yet living. You feel paralyzed, yet breathing. You convince yourself that you are not smart enough, not attractive enough, not fortunate enough, not strong enough. You feel you are worthless.

Given the complexities of life, it is easy to feel trivial in such a large world. Amidst so much movement and uninterrupted running, it is easy to feel unimportant. Amidst the chaos and the pursuit for triumph, fortune, and fame, it is easy to overlook who you are and how you came into being.

I see you. I write this to remind you who you are, to remind you how you come into existence, to remind you that you are both a mystery and a miracle.

You think of yourself as a failure because there are so many success stories around you that you want to emulate. You think you are ordinary because there are so many extraordinary beings. You blinded yourself by seeing all the extraordinary stories occurring around you that you lost sight of your own unique charisma. If only you could look yourself through my eyes; if only you could feel what I feel about you…

I see you. From where I stand, I see an incredible person. I see how inconceivable you are. I have never seen anything so eccentric, so mystifying.

I know life isn’t easy; surviving in itself is an arduous task. There are innumerable times when the odds are heaped up against you. But you will be okay. And how do I know that? Your existence! You coming into being has defied all logic, science, and all other natural phenomena.

The next time you feel like you are a failure remember how much work and time it had taken for you to come into existence. The next time you feel like you are ordinary, understand that there never will be anyone else like you. The next time you feel dead on the inside, remember that it had taken 13.8 billion years of evolution to bring you into existence!

You sir, and madam, my brethren, and kinfolk, are a product of immeasurable probabilities and unfathomable riddles.

You are a miracle.

A strange, but unique enigma.

You are the universe and the universe is you.

There’s nothing more perfect, nothing more impeccable than you.

Don’t be remorseful, Rejoice, for the day is young and you have miles to go before you sleep!!

- Surya Sree