C.G. Bauer
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Scars on the Face of God: The Devil's Bible
8 editions
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published
2008
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Jane's Baby
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Shroud 11
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2011
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crappy shorts: deuces wild
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2012
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Crappy Shorts: Skid Marks (Crappy Shorts, #1)
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2012
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Crappy Shorts: Number Two (Crappy Shorts, #2)
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2012
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C.G.’s Recent Updates
"Chris Bauer does it again. He begins with a flamethrower setting a mummer string band ablaze and never lets up. It would be hard to find a more memorable protagonist than Counsel Fungo, female bounty hunter, retired state police officer, with two att"
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"So, where do I begin? In this novel, Chris Bauer has successfully juggled many seemingly disparate themes, notably gun control, art forgery and theft, transgenderism, and presidential politics.
And his cast of characters is equally diverse and interes" Read more of this review » |
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"Chris Bauer returns to Rancor, PA, where "bingo" means something entirely different to the local neighborhood watch. His recurring protagonist, Counsel Fungo ~ a bounty hunter with two "deputy" dawgs and a mostly-controlled Tourette's Syndrome ~ is a"
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C.G.
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Gifted author. Outstanding narrative. Characters to root for, the character studies very insightful. And a horror to root against. Such beautiful, deep language throughout, where readers are not accustomed to seeing it in genre novels like this. It r ...more | |
"The opening chapter of this novel is a masterclass in Poe's theory of "unity of effect." Every word choice, every image, every sound solidly establishes the foundation of dread that leads us forward and backward through time as Martin Avec-Georges su"
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C.G.
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Pulls the reader in from the first scene with gruesome detail that only a subject matter expert can provide. A cartel and a cartel's assassin that will not take no for an answer, a doc inclined not to accept defeat inside the ER or out, and a plot wi ...more | |
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Philly guy telling a great Philly story that resonates everywhere. A gritty, frightening, but uplifting novel with beautiful, descriptive language. | |
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“Out back of the tannery had been, and I expect still is, a half-buried lagoon of arsenic-based insecticides and tanning chemicals, plus hundreds of barrels of crud-eating machinery detergents and other tannery process by-products, including lead and chromium.”
― Scars on the Face of God: The Devil's Bible
― Scars on the Face of God: The Devil's Bible
“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!"
"No he doesn't!"
"He doesn't?"
"NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!"
"A traitor!"
"Calvin breaks for the goal."
"Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!"
"Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!"
"Huh?!"
"When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!"
"Hidden?!"
"You'll never find it in a million years!"
"I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!"
"Ah, so you might think so..."
"In fact, I know so!"
"But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!"
"But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!"
"But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!"
"That would be true... if I were a football player!"
"You mean...?"
"I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!"
"And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!"
"Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall."
"No cheating!”
―
"No he doesn't!"
"He doesn't?"
"NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!"
"A traitor!"
"Calvin breaks for the goal."
"Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!"
"Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!"
"Huh?!"
"When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!"
"Hidden?!"
"You'll never find it in a million years!"
"I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!"
"Ah, so you might think so..."
"In fact, I know so!"
"But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!"
"But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!"
"But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!"
"That would be true... if I were a football player!"
"You mean...?"
"I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!"
"And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!"
"Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall."
"No cheating!”
―
“The house came with a set of Pugs, which are sort of a cross between Peter Lorre and a bratwurst.”
― Rage Against the Dying
― Rage Against the Dying
“She was clean": no piercings, tattoos, or scarifications. All the kids were now. And who could blame them, Alex thought, after watching three generations of flaccid tattoos droop like moth-eaten upholstery over poorly stuffed biceps and saggy asses?”
― A Visit from the Goon Squad
― A Visit from the Goon Squad
“I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.”
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