Quandi Jackson's Blog

1. Dr. Quandi: Who is Renatta Nikole and what made you want to take part in Bravo’s reality TV show, A Night with My Ex? Renatta Nikole: What can I say about myself? Ummm let's see…..this is hard (Renatta laughs). Well, I am a jack of all trades. I am an Artist, Cosmetologist, Writer, Designer, Payroll Administrator, and an Actress. I am creative and love creating innovative ideas and products. I am considered “quick on my toes” and spunky, which some may confuse it with the “short person complex” (Renatta laughs). I was born and raised in Chicago, have a degree in Marketing and Advertisement with a minor in Fashion. I enjoy being in a happy space and don’t take well when my happy vibe is disturbed.

So, I joined Bravo’s Reality TV Show, “A Night with My Ex,” because the show contacted me. One of my exes was trying to get back in contact with me, and they [Bravo] inquired if I was ok with being in the same place with him [the ex]. At first, I was hesitant because I had just started dating someone new, but because things between us wasn’t official yet, I was curious to see what this “ex” of mine had to say and why had he gone so far to get my attention.


2. Dr. Quandi: How has your participation of this reality TV show shaped your views on healthy relationships? RN: Participating in this show has taught me how to really value myself and to be aware of who I allow to become a part of my life. It taught me how to value others and to be considerate of their feelings. Also, being a part of the show taught me to listen to someone when speaking, how it's important to be heard, how to be transparent and open, to be honest and upfront, to be supportive, and to love unconditionally. No one is perfect. If you are looking for perfection, you will end up having nothing but “exes.” The show taught me to find someone who’s excited about me, attracted to me unconditionally, interested in me always, and to not be allergic of other’s flaws. Whatever their flaws and dislikes are, you must be able to look over them, work through them, and be fine with them. It’s important to seek God first and not social media. Lean not to your own understanding when picking a mate, especially if you are yearning for a soul mate and a life partner. Being equally yoked is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! The Six “C” words that I concentrate on to have a healthy relationship is Christ as a foundation; Communication that is not corrupt; Consideration of each other; Care for each other and about each other; Compliments from each other should outweigh the ones you get from outsiders; and Consistency creates security.


3. Dr. Quandi: When it comes to exes, it seems that the reason for the breakups or disagreements tend to be Love; can you describe what Love is and its contribution to breakups – is Love really the blame? RN: Love is whole heartedly about patience, care, words of affirmation, gifts, [positive] behavior, trust, affection, endearment, adoration, favor, and support. It’s the driving force in relationships, items, foods, and anything else we are interested in. I love my family; I’m in love with my man; and I love me some tacos too!

I feel that people break up due to the lack of Love from someone within the relationship. If you truly love someone, there isn’t a give-up bone in your body. Leaving [the relationship] isn’t an option. Working the relationship out is the only option. Seeking things through is the goal. People break up over so many reasons, whether the issues be petty or major. The foundation of the relationship must be strong. If your foundation is thin as tissue paper, it will break, but if it's built strong as bricks, it will last. You, as well as your mate, must want the relationship to last. These days, people don’t fight to stay together; they just fight to prove a point. With all the technology options, such as social media, it’s easy to direct your focus towards another individual; it’s easy to think you can get someone else better. It has become easier to break up than to stay together. I blame it on the foundation of the relationship, because of the type of relationship you and your partner build plays a key role on the type of love that will grow.


4. Dr. Quandi: The old saying goes: leave the past in the past. If one has gained wisdom from a past relationship and have truly moved on, what would be the need to spend one night with an ex? Is it still possible to create a healthy relationship with this ex and not necessarily a romantic relationship? RN: The past is the past for a reason, most definitely. I guess I just went for closure, because this man went way out to gain my attention. I wanted to hear and see what he had to say. After reuniting with him, I realized he was the same person as when we dated before. Nothing was different. After the show, I decided to leave this ex as my ex. I had to open my heart to something new and unfamiliar because familiarity was hurting me.

I do believe you can have a healthy, non-romantic relationship with someone that is an ex. Both partners must be mature and really be on the same page with their motives. The new relationship with the ex must be respectful to the new person you may be currently dating. Make sure the development of this new relationship with your ex is worth the insecurity it may cause in your current situation, because if it’s not, you may as well let the past be the past.


5. Dr. Quandi: Is there a difference between rise in love and fall in love. Distinguish the two. RN: Rise in love: this starts from the basics by building your way to the top with someone. Agreeing to work on love is to rise in it. Rising in love is a more stable kind of love, because it is continuing to grow. I would rise in love with someone I can see in my life forever. Unlike the act of rising in love, the act of falling in love usually comes out of the blue. It just happens. And, just as fast as you can fall in love, you can fall out of love. It’s [falling in love] the weakest form of being in love versus rising in love. You may fall in love with a few, but you won’t rise in love with many.


6. Dr. Quandi: It’s easy to become a victim of circumstance, shoving blame on an ex, when in fact the relationship you’ve built with your ex is a direct reflection of the relationship you’ve built with the Self. Dr. Quandi’s, How 2 Fish: The Book, talks about 6 Inner Power Principles, one being Self First, which embraces nurturing first the Self mentally and emotionally, and in return, building a healthier relationship with the Self. What advice can you give to the audience of this show about being a conqueror versus a victim of circumstance? RN: The way you see yourself, value yourself, work on yourself, and correct your imperfections, will mirror the type of relationships you entertain. If you don’t love yourself, you will not have room to love others without feeling like the victim of circumstance. To conquer, you must be confident and have faith in yourself. Know that you can be the best at what you set yourself out to be. Do all that you can do. Say all that could be heard. When you have done all those above things, you’ll never see yourself as a victim. If you and your mate have two different value systems, it’s okay to part ways, unless you are committed to doing something different to benefit yourself and the relationship.

By Dr. Quandi Jackson

A client of mine asked, “Dr. Quandi, how do you feel about fathers handing their daughters over to a man for marriage as if she is a piece of property. Do women need permission? Should the man need permission as well?” I shared my perspective.
Ancient times reveal that "giving the bride away" meant that the father was passing over his possession (his daughter) for another man's possession (his wife) in exchange for dowry.  Back then, and still today in some cultures, parents arrange marriages for their children. Fortunately, in these times, women are held more in high regard.
Whether the bride or the groom, the peaceful decision to commit to each other should be a spiritually guided decision. Both the bride and groom know what feels right. Each has his and her own unique journey in life. The Inner Guide trumps parental guide and opinion any day; however, dialogue about the decision to marry is beneficial to the loved ones of the bride and groom. Most parents do want the best for their babies, no matter how old they grow.
It is healthy and appropriate to create healthy dialogue with the family of your partner first, before taking the steps to just engage and marry; to just insert yourself in one's life, especially if you have children, lacks a healthy start to what can be a great relationship. Dialogue about your position in your partner's life shows your respect, interest in what's going on, and the desire to create a healthy, loving relationship environment. This opens the space for everyone to become familiar with each other and exchange thoughts. This dialogue isn’t necessarily about seeking permission to marry your partner, but it's nice to share what role you intend to live out.
When my parents divorced and had begun dating new people, it was important for me and my siblings to know the person who was romantically involved with our parents. We wanted to be involved; we wanted to know that they would be treated well. The divorce was challenging enough, but then for mom and dad to spring up with somebody new was even more challenging.  There was no time to process that the two people we loved the most had split apart. All children have valid opinions too and these opinions should be taken seriously.
It’s just as important for newly dating parents to share their love life, as well as, for their adult children to share their love life. It’s just healthy from both perspectives! Though situations may occur where family may not be too fond of the significant other, dialogue and respect of everyone involved is key.
Whether female or male, neither should be passed off as a piece of property. Different perceptions can be embraced: possibly, a new perception may be that a bride and groom are a precious gift to life and humanity and that both families honor the expansion of their new addition.
To create healthy spaces, families from both the female and male sides should have an opportunity to sit and dialogue and to share love. Love feels good; it is understanding; it is wise, and it should be expressed in all we do, specifically in our desire to dialogue about something as significant as marriage.

Interview withSushma Sharma (CEO and Founder of Konversai) and Pavita Singh

How 2 Fish: As a founding member of Konversai, how has your role contributed to the connection of people all over the world? Sushma Sharma and Pavita Singh: Konversai’s platform is built to literally connect anyone, anywhere in the world, about any topic imaginable. Too often we are limited to our personal networks when we are seeking knowledge or information about a certain topic. But what if there is someone halfway across the world who has the exact knowledge and experience that you are looking for? Someone whom, if it wasn’t for a platform like Konversai, you would never have had the opportunity to meet? Everybody everywhere in the world has valuable knowledge, experiences, and skills that can benefit someone somewhere else in the world. Until recently, what was missing was a platform to form those connections. Konversai is that platform. Geography and the limitations of our personal networks are no longer barriers in accessing the knowledge, skills, and information we wish to acquire and that have the power to make our lives better.


H2F: Konversai is a melting pot of people utilizing their passions to service humanity; can you describe how this creates healthier relationships? SS and PS: Konversai is a space where all participants are valued for their passions, experiences, knowledge, and skills. You can bring to the table all that you have without pretending to be something you’re not. You don’t have to be an expert. Any knowledge you have on a particular topic is enough and could be more than plenty to help someone else. Being valued and appreciated for who you are and what you have to offer without having to embellish your life story or appear to be more than you are is an important component of healthy relationships. What’s more, Konversai is a space where you can (and in fact are encouraged to) say “I don’t know” or “I want to learn.” People are not always willing to admit what they don’t know, but having the courage to be honest with yourself and then with others is necessary for healthy relationships. Whether you are having a conversation on Konversai as a provider of knowledge or a seeker of knowledge (and we encourage all of our users to be both), both parties are sure to leave the interaction more enriched than when they came in, even if it might not feel like it right away. Having interactions that contribute to your development, whether it be personal, intellectual, or professional, and that you come out of feeling better than when you came in are also an important part of healthy relationships.

H2F: The word, "Konversai" reminds me of the word, "converse." How does conversation enhance healthy relationships? SS and PS: The origin of the name “Konversai” is an interesting one. It is of course meant to be a play on the word “converse.” The “K” at the beginning is meant to represent knowledge. The “I” at the end represents the online/Internet aspect. And in between, we have “versai,” a root that means “honesty” or “truth.”
Konversai is indeed about conversations, but more importantly, it is about authentic knowledge-based conversations. This means coming as you are and knowing that whatever you have to offer has value. Conversations are not enough to enhance healthy relationships; those conversations have to be authentic. Simple small talk does not help relationships grow and develop. For this reason, Konversai wants users to start embracing the emerging idea of “Big Talk.” We need to go deeper within ourselves and talk about the things that matter to us and that will contribute to making a positive impact in other people’s lives. This is not always easy, and in fact, it can sometimes even be scary. But we have to take these steps. These types of conversations enhance healthy relationships.

H2F: Describe the effects of healthy communication in reference to your personal transformation. SS and PS: We have both grown up with the idea that healthy, authentic communication is the key to strong and meaningful relationships. This authenticity is lacking in so many interactions. It is an aspect of communication that people crave without even realizing that they crave it. Sushma recognized this lack, which was part of the impetus for starting Konversai. Both on and off the platform, we have both had incredible conversations with people all over the world that have contributed to our personal transformation. For example, through Konversai, Pavita has built relationships with people in different countries, which has propelled her desire to travel around the world and experience different cultures firsthand.

H2F: Dr. Quandi created a How 2 Fish dating app (for people seeking serious, healthy relationships); what advice would you give to users who lack open and honest conversation? SS and PS: Open and honest communication is not always easy and can be intimidating to some users because it requires some level of vulnerability. Konversai addresses this pain point by enabling one-on-one interactions. Users have flexibility in terms of how much or little they share in these conversations and how many of these conversations they would like to have. For example, if you wish, you can just have one conversation with another user, and knowing that you don’t have to talk to them again if you don’t want to can take some of the pressure off, making it easier to have an open and honest conversation. For other users, more conversations might be required to develop a sense of candor. Our advice for users who might lack open and honest conversation is to be aware of your personal limitations and to take small steps towards building the openness and honesty. You don’t have to get there overnight or in one interaction, but taking small steps to get there will benefit you tremendously and will make for more enriching conversations down the road.

H2F: How 2 Fish: The Book talks about 6 Inner Power Principles, one being Communication. Define the benefits of healthy communication in a world filled with so many different languages and culture. SS and PS: Communication is about so much more than the words we use. It encompasses non-verbal cues as well, such as eye contact and body language. In a world with so many different languages and cultures, simply relying on people’s words is not enough. In different cultures, different figures of speech might have different connotations. (For example, see our recent blog about the differences between British and American English.) Therefore, we need to learn to pay attention to other non-verbal cues. Learning to appropriately use non-verbal cues is a vital part of healthy communication. This is why Konversai’s video component is such a significant part of our platform – you can actually see the user with whom you’re interacting.

Konversai is a global knowledge platform that allows for one-on-one live video conversations between anyone, anywhere, about anything. We were founded on the premise that everyone everywhere has valuable knowledge, skills, and experiences that can benefit people elsewhere in the world and that geography, time, and money should not be barriers in accessing what we want to learn. Our mission is to democratize knowledge, put the human connection back into the heart of technology, and make the world better by facilitating meaningful connections and conversations that can improve people's lives. For more information, visit Konversai.com .

Interview withSushma Sharma (CEO and Founder of Konversai) and Pavita Singh

How 2 Fish: As a founding member of Konversai, how has your role contributed to the connection of people all over the world? Sushma Sharma and Pavita Singh: Konversai’s platform is built to literally connect anyone, anywhere in the world, about any topic imaginable. Too often we are limited to our personal networks when we are seeking knowledge or information about a certain topic. But what if there is someone halfway across the world who has the exact knowledge and experience that you are looking for? Someone whom, if it wasn’t for a platform like Konversai, you would never have had the opportunity to meet? Everybody everywhere in the world has valuable knowledge, experiences, and skills that can benefit someone somewhere else in the world. Until recently, what was missing was a platform to form those connections. Konversai is that platform. Geography and the limitations of our personal networks are no longer barriers in accessing the knowledge, skills, and information we wish to acquire and that have the power to make our lives better.


H2F: Konversai is a melting pot of people utilizing their passions to service humanity; can you describe how this creates healthier relationships? SS and PS: Konversai is a space where all participants are valued for their passions, experiences, knowledge, and skills. You can bring to the table all that you have without pretending to be something you’re not. You don’t have to be an expert. Any knowledge you have on a particular topic is enough and could be more than plenty to help someone else. Being valued and appreciated for who you are and what you have to offer without having to embellish your life story or appear to be more than you are is an important component of healthy relationships. What’s more, Konversai is a space where you can (and in fact are encouraged to) say “I don’t know” or “I want to learn.” People are not always willing to admit what they don’t know, but having the courage to be honest with yourself and then with others is necessary for healthy relationships. Whether you are having a conversation on Konversai as a provider of knowledge or a seeker of knowledge (and we encourage all of our users to be both), both parties are sure to leave the interaction more enriched than when they came in, even if it might not feel like it right away. Having interactions that contribute to your development, whether it be personal, intellectual, or professional, and that you come out of feeling better than when you came in are also an important part of healthy relationships.

H2F: The word, "Konversai" reminds me of the word, "converse." How does conversation enhance healthy relationships? SS and PS: The origin of the name “Konversai” is an interesting one. It is of course meant to be a play on the word “converse.” The “K” at the beginning is meant to represent knowledge. The “I” at the end represents the online/Internet aspect. And in between, we have “versai,” a root that means “honesty” or “truth.”
Konversai is indeed about conversations, but more importantly, it is about authentic knowledge-based conversations. This means coming as you are and knowing that whatever you have to offer has value. Conversations are not enough to enhance healthy relationships; those conversations have to be authentic. Simple small talk does not help relationships grow and develop. For this reason, Konversai wants users to start embracing the emerging idea of “Big Talk.” We need to go deeper within ourselves and talk about the things that matter to us and that will contribute to making a positive impact in other people’s lives. This is not always easy, and in fact, it can sometimes even be scary. But we have to take these steps. These types of conversations enhance healthy relationships.

H2F: Describe the effects of healthy communication in reference to your personal transformation. SS and PS: We have both grown up with the idea that healthy, authentic communication is the key to strong and meaningful relationships. This authenticity is lacking in so many interactions. It is an aspect of communication that people crave without even realizing that they crave it. Sushma recognized this lack, which was part of the impetus for starting Konversai. Both on and off the platform, we have both had incredible conversations with people all over the world that have contributed to our personal transformation. For example, through Konversai, Pavita has built relationships with people in different countries, which has propelled her desire to travel around the world and experience different cultures firsthand.

H2F: Dr. Quandi created a How 2 Fish dating app (for people seeking serious, healthy relationships); what advice would you give to users who lack open and honest conversation? SS and PS: Open and honest communication is not always easy and can be intimidating to some users because it requires some level of vulnerability. Konversai addresses this pain point by enabling one-on-one interactions. Users have flexibility in terms of how much or little they share in these conversations and how many of these conversations they would like to have. For example, if you wish, you can just have one conversation with another user, and knowing that you don’t have to talk to them again if you don’t want to can take some of the pressure off, making it easier to have an open and honest conversation. For other users, more conversations might be required to develop a sense of candor. Our advice for users who might lack open and honest conversation is to be aware of your personal limitations and to take small steps towards building the openness and honesty. You don’t have to get there overnight or in one interaction, but taking small steps to get there will benefit you tremendously and will make for more enriching conversations down the road.

H2F: How 2 Fish: The Book talks about 6 Inner Power Principles, one being Communication. Define the benefits of healthy communication in a world filled with so many different languages and culture. SS and PS: Communication is about so much more than the words we use. It encompasses non-verbal cues as well, such as eye contact and body language. In a world with so many different languages and cultures, simply relying on people’s words is not enough. In different cultures, different figures of speech might have different connotations. (For example, see our recent blog about the differences between British and American English.) Therefore, we need to learn to pay attention to other non-verbal cues. Learning to appropriately use non-verbal cues is a vital part of healthy communication. This is why Konversai’s video component is such a significant part of our platform – you can actually see the user with whom you’re interacting.

Konversai is a global knowledge platform that allows for one-on-one live video conversations between anyone, anywhere, about anything. We were founded on the premise that everyone everywhere has valuable knowledge, skills, and experiences that can benefit people elsewhere in the world and that geography, time, and money should not be barriers in accessing what we want to learn. Our mission is to democratize knowledge, put the human connection back into the heart of technology, and make the world better by facilitating meaningful connections and conversations that can improve people's lives. For more information, visit Konversai.com .

How 2 Fish: From a beauty perspective, explain the difference between internal and external transformation? Za Ayobami: Personally, I feel that what you feed yourself internally reflects itself outwardly. So, how are you feeding yourself internally? Are you nourishing your spirit; what are you nourishing it with - food, water, love, intention, affirmations, and continuous work on your spirit? You always have the option to choose.

There’s an old saying that talks about finding the "fountain of youth”. Outwardly, as a part of youthfulness, your skin and hair have high amounts of collagen and elastin. Collagen is the protein in skin; keratin is the protein in hair; elastin provides elasticity for both the skin and hair. Looking deeper within, the fountain of youth begins within you. Beauty can't be bought in a bottle or a tube; that’s masking the true you. Eventually, the mask will come off and you'll have to beautify You - your Being - your inner person.

Years ago, I recall watching a BET television show called, 106 and Park; Free and AJ were the hosts and Ashanti, a R & B singer, was the guest being interviewed. Ashanti wore a beautiful outfit and her make-up was flawless. However, underneath the external beauty, she was stricken with the flu, which was unmistakably evident. One can’t mask what emanates from within.


H2F: How can beauty transformation help one reclaim his/her Inner Power? ZA: When you look good you feel good. It’s very intentional when one beautifies him/herself; taking the time to invest in you makes a bold statement. While attending The Paul Mitchell Schools (Esani Institute), I had a client who came in for service. I was three months away from graduation. The intake form indicated that she wanted a relaxer. The client sat in my chair and confided in me; she had cancer of the pelvic bone. I had become deeply saddened, but I knew this sadness was not my energy to take on. So, I spoke affirming words to her. By the end of her service, she said to me, “My god, when I came in here, I was so low and you have lifted my spirits; I never thought I could look like this!” Tears filled her eyes. She said, “Thank you!” At that very moment, it was affirmed in me that every hairstylist is an alchemist. The ability to transform someone’s outward appearance can [influence] a shift his/her inner perspective. That client seeing her beauty transformation made her forget about her condition, even if it was for a second.

H2F: Describe how your personal transformation has enhanced beauty aspects about you. ZA: You know, the word transformation has a glamorous undertone, yet it can be grueling, unsettling, and uncomfortable. Simply, to transfer, transform, and transition, things must die and rebirth. After the birth of my youngest child, I went through a tough transition (because of my choices). I couldn’t let go of things and ideas that I had become so ritualized in. Things shifted one day as I stood in the greenhouse of my Georgia apartment. I observed a plush, green tree, in which there was one yellow leaf on the entire tree. A slight breeze shook the tree, and the tree released the yellow leaf without fret. I thought, “Is it really that easy to let go?” That tree made the concept of letting things go look so easy, and that same day I began shifting my consciousness. Let go of all that isn’t in benefit of you: this is the lesson I learned from this experience. As I began to release all the emotional baggage, my physical weight shifted from 234 pounds to 190 pounds.

This process took about a year and a half. I fasted, prayed, affirmed, and had walking meditations. I poured the love and time into myself. I sat with the most undesirable parts of myself and nurtured me. As a mother, my nurturing was always outwardly instead of inwardly. I had to be accountable for my actions. I had to own me! I had to release the victimized thoughts and ideas and own that I was an active participant in my struggle. Now that was hardcore truth I had to swallow. There was no room to point fingers. My high school Spanish teacher would so feverously say, “Every time you point a finger, there’s three pointing back at you.” Talk about ownership. When I became accountable, I became firm, solid, strong, tall, bold, affirmed, supported, and clear. I realized my beauty. When you become vulnerable and honest with yourself, there isn’t anything externally that can tamper with that inner transformation but you. I realized that I am the I Am. Do you know who you are? It's worth finding out.


H2F: How 2 Fish: The Book emphasizes 6 Inner Power principles that encourages a healthy relationship with oneself; as a Professional Hairstylist, what are the effects on self-empowerment when attention is given only to external beauty versus internal beauty? ZA: The effects are partial and undone, half-baked and uneven, and unequivocal. Inner and outer empowerment are a couple, like the sun and moon or Ying and Yang. You can’t truly have one without the other. For instance, think of purchasing a home. Imagine house hunting and you've found the most beautiful house. Outwardly, it’s aesthetically captivating, but then, you walk inside and the house is empty - no walls, just the mere foundation. Yet, from the outside, you [thought that you] were purchasing a beautiful house, right? This is similar to only tending to the outer parts of oneself. I know that I don’t want to invest in an empty house. Similar to the feelings of Smokey in the movie, Friday: you have ham but no burger, and [you have] peanut butter but no jelly. The healthiest relationship you can nurture and empower is the one with your inner self. The true beauty will naturally emerge as the “You” emerges. One of my favorite albums is Lauryn Hill: Unplugged. She sings on one of her tracks, “We’ve been told to protect our outer man [self] while our inner man [self] is dying.” And, it’s just like that.

H2F: Dr. Quandi created a How 2 Fish dating app (for people seeking serious, healthy relationships); what advice would you give to users who are immediately attracted to one's outer beauty versus creating a serious bond based upon one's internal beauty? ZA: You don’t want to just purchase a shell of a house - be in a relationship without substance. What is left when that shell begins to degrade? For some people, that’s all good, especially, since we live in a society that supports shallowness. Seems like people like to be scammed and lied to, because it creates reason to be a victim. But, you can always make a wiser choice.

There isn’t anything more gratifying or deeply moving than a being completely rooted. Roots come with the implication of life: when a seed is planted, it eventually sprouts. What happens if you plant a seed in barren soil? What shall you birth? You can’t nurture a barren womb; there is no life present. Alike the tied tubes of a womb, your relationship with another is one with its tubes tied. It would be better to love and get to know a person’s inner beauty versus outer beauty. When the outer person starts to fade, you have nothing - just a shell.

H2F: Define beauty and how it feels to glorify your crown - in then out? ZA: Beauty is honoring my Divinity; beauty is being unafraid to show up and be you; beauty is a blank canvas and I am the artist - the creator with abundantly pure pigments. Beauty is love; beauty is transparent; beauty is nurturing my soul - my inner throne - where my golden crown sits. Beauty is subjective; beauty is deeper than the surface; beauty is raw. I glorify my inner crown first, and then, my outer crown will surely follow. When I nurture my spirit, I glow! I grow!

A New York native and the youngest of eight children, Za Ayobami found her love for beauty and fashion at the age of four. Since then, she's always had a knack for beauty and fashion and it specifically, showed in her work as a Visual Merchandiser while once employed at Hennes & Mauritz. Za attended Brooklyn College and is an alumni of The Paul Mitchell Schools (The Esani Institute), located in Georgia. The distinguished graduate completed her studies with honors. Currently, Za is working her craft at Salon Vagabond in Atlanta, Georgia, under the tutelage of Sidney Hollwager. For consultations, contact Za Ayobami by email at AyoOfStyling@gmail.com.

Under The Sun
No Epidural Necessary
through Quandi Jackson
Disclaimer: I do not write these passages to make you think the way I think or know in my truth. I write to encourage you to think and to help you develop a truth that influences you to live your best life.
“You’re either going to be pulled by a vision or pushed by pain.” –Rev. Michael Beckwith
Hours, maybe days, of contractions. A prick in the back to numb the pain. Temporarily, the pain is soothed. Many attempts to push the baby out but it’s not quite time. Patience definitely awaits. A few more hours pass by. The uterus dilates a few more centimeters. More hours pass by. And then! Finally! It’s time to push again, and this time, the arrival of your little one appears. You smile, The baby cries. You cry. The baby just stares. Everyone is full of excitement, and you’re just glad that the something-pound bundle of joy is not inside of you anymore.
Like the birthing process, life’s challenges come with some temporary pain. The pain, however, is the body’s natural wake-up call to what is presently happening in your life. This pain is a messenger, giving you current updates on how you’ve been responding to life. In the midst of the wake-up call, you can allow yourself to see that everything is bridging together for the next sequences in your life or you can allow yourself to drown in the pain, missing the call for you to emerge as your true self.
Move with your pain. Listen to your pain. Breathe into your pain. Be gentle with your pain. And finally, let it subside. It will tell you everything you need to know. It will guide you to the solutions.
When the pain process of birthing is over, life still continues; life never ends. Birthing with pain happens in order to give shape and form to our awareness. As our awareness sharpens, so does our ability to deepen our connection to the Life Force within us. Birth with pain – going through the obstacles of life – tends to lessen. We learn to let go of our problems and hand them over to the Universe. We not only learn to let go but we do let go of our problems and completely trust and surrender to the Universe. The opportunity to in-joy peace, joy, and abundance becomes more evident in the way Life shows up in our experiences.
Every life challenge brings with it opportunity. But, opportunity can only be seen through eyes of joy. The same eyes that see no way out of a challenge are the same eyes that miss the opportunity to grow wiser.
Nothing is ever written by me. Eye am only a vessel in which things are expressed through me. As you are, eye am only a reminder. You’ve been under the sun with Quandi.  Balance in the celestial realm!

Under The Sun
Intuition vs. Thought
through Quandi Jackson
Disclaimer: I do not write these passages to make you think the way I think or know in my truth. I write to encourage you to think and to help you develop a truth that influences you to live your best life.
“Intuition irons the kinks and silences the thought.”-Quandi
Thought, perceived information through the five senses, comes with noise and confusion. Intuition is what it is – a direct communication line with Divinity; in-tune-ition. They both work in conjunction with one another. There are no separations in anything, because in Divinity, there are no separations. Out of nothing was created everything. Divinity is always at work; therefore, the intuition is always at work, allowing you to receive information, which guides you pass thought. The intuition acts as a medium between the five senses (sight, smell, taste, hear, touch) and the innergies of the Universe; it is your sixth sense, if you will. When you receive any physical information from the five senses, it immediately transmutes itself on a feeling or intuitive level, giving you some sort of guidance toward helping you to make a decision about your life’s journey. Whether you adhere to this guidance or not is your option.
The intuition is your human navigating system. The more often we tune ourselves in to the mate (intimate) within our souls, the more clarity we obtain and the more decisive we become in our physical actions. At no time is there anything a force in life. Wind doesn’t struggle to blow. Rain doesn’t huff and puff about pouring. The sun doesn’t whine that it’s burning hot or too bright. So, there’s never going to be a force from your intuitive guidance system begging you to use it. The use of it is all at your will, and it’s always ready to guide to you.
Nothing is ever written by me. Eye am only a vessel in which things are expressed through me. As you are, eye am only a reminder. You’ve been under the sun with Quandi.  Balance in the celestial realm!

Under The Sun
The Experience(Why do we sit still?)
through Quandi Jackson
Disclaimer: I do not write these passages to make you think the way I think or know in my truth. I write to encourage you to think and to help you develop a truth that influences you to live your best life.
“In silence, you are allowing yourself to hear the conversation between your intuition and the Universe.” –Quandi
The Experience. This is that indescribable Thing, which is beyond the comprehending capacity of man; there is no language – no words – that can truly define this Experience, expressing Itself through all of life, no matter the effort to do so. Even the wisest man would never be able to describe this Thing in language. It…is…just…too…big.
You can read many books, sit through lengthy seminars, and listen to several audios, but The Experience is something personal. Countless hours on your part may be spent seeking answers, in which no one can seem to satisfy your curiosities to; or, you may impatiently wait for the sages to give you a detailed breakdown of how “It” – this Experience – works. These wise messengers, however, can only share with us, through their bodies of work, their perception of The Experience; it is their interpretation by way of their inner journey. And, you can only “get It” – this Experience – by way of your own inner journey. This is when you just sit in silence.
There’s an old saying which goes, “Take yourself out of your shoes and put yourself in my shoes.” Until you have experienced a particular thing yourself, you will never be able to appreciate what it is you desire to understand. You will always find yourself endlessly seeking and never finding satisfying answers to your questions. While you seek on the outside of you for these answers, all of them lay within your own soul. Just turn within.
Your intuition will communicate with you all that you desire to know. It will never lead or leave you astray. Surrender and trust all of you to your inner Divinity, which has breathed Itself in you and hath given you Life. Amen.
Nothing is ever written by me. Eye am only a vessel in which things are expressed through me. As you are, eye am only a reminder. You’ve been under the sun with Quandi.  Balance in the celestial realm!

Under The Sun
Money Does Grow On Trees
By Quandi Jackson
Disclaimer: I do not write these passages to make you think the way I think or know in my truth. I write to encourage you to think and to help you develop a truth that influences you to live your best life.
When you saw the title of this passage, what story did you begin to develop in your thinking? Was it: Quandi must be rich, if she’s ranting that, “Money grows on trees,” or maybe you’re thinking: That’s not true, because if it were, I’d be rich now?
The cliché goes: Money doesn’t grow on trees, which insinuates that money does not come easily or frequently. Nobody, however, asks the question: From which trees does the money not grow? Being as though every event that happens in our lives is a past event and really has no value except for the value we give to it, we can decide to perceive information from our experiences in a different way and from a place of self-empowerment. Say that, in our imagination, we paint pictures of trees, which have an abundance of money dangling as leaves. There’s such an overflow that there are piles of money surrounding the tree. As we think of this picture in our imagination, we begin to feel good and get excited. Paint additional scenery. The tree with money is the same tree in the backyard of our home. Whenever there’s a need for money, all you’d need to do is fold your shirt outward, like a bowl, and stuff it with the money you collect from the ground or the leaves. Wouldn’t  imagining a story like this feel better than you telling yourself that money doesn’t grow on trees; that you are always broke; that money is hard to come by and is definitely the root of all evil?
See, the pictures we paint in our imagination could be one that influences us to attract lack or abundance. We have total control over the paintbrush – over our perceptions and the belief over the stories we instill in ourselves. Money growing on trees, in my mind for instance, could mean that the tree limbs in which money grows are the limbs of God (Source, The Universe, Divinity, The Creator), and this Source is bountiful and supplies all of my needs and wants. This Source is the Tree of Life, always giving and receiving, always nurturing and soothing, always – always – always working and bringing people and situations together in benefit of me!
Every story is a perception, but if you have the will to tell the story from a place that will enable you to live your best life – to in-joy abundance, peace, joy, and love, then why stay stuck on telling a story that inhibits you from being that vessel of opportunity? It is your perception that got you to where you are and it is your perception that can get you from where you are. In this case and as always forever more, you are the creator of the experience you want to live; you are the author of your story. This means that at any time you can deliberately scratch out that which does not serve you and write a new story.
Don’t allow your physical trash to interfere with your inner instructions. You’ve been under the sun with Quandi.  Balance in the celestial realm!

Under The Sun
A Conscious Hike
By Quandi Jackson
Disclaimer: I do not write these passages to make you think the way I think or know in my truth. I write to encourage you to think and to help you develop a truth that influences you to live your best life.
This morning I completed a strenuous hike for the first time with a friend, who was pretty experienced on this particular California trail. As I inclined my way through the opened mountains and trees, which lined the pathway, I heard the rowdy thoughts in my head: “You know you can just turn around and go back.” The burning in my legs agreed. I stopped, focused on my breathing, and looked through the trees at the beautiful scenery just over the mountains. I knew my will to move forward and the reward of seeing the beautiful scenery from the very top would make this experience worthwhile, so I kept going.
“Ok, self, there’s no giving up. We don’t do that. There’s only one option and that’s to finish. So, let’s enjoy this experience.” I was serious about not turning back. The rowdiness in my head ceased.
Walking this hike reminded me of some great things about this event we call life. There are inclines in our lives, which may create challenge, pain, or a combination of both. But! Keep climbing. There may be rocks along the path, which you may have to climb over, walk around, or even use as a resting spot to regain your focus – but those rocks are not your destiny. Through your focused energy, you create your destiny. You can create it to be ongoing, never-ending and achieving goal after goal or you can end the trail right where you stop. These rocks – life’s hurdles – can encourage you to decide on in which direction to go; to decide to surrender to Life and trust the guidance of It.
People may be long behind you or a few feet away and soon pass you by. Keep climbing, for they are not your focus. You are your focus. They are the part of the evidence that things are possible.
Things may rumble around in the trees. Keep climbing, because behind those trees are mountains dressed in beautiful greenery – and further out – a landscape, which appear like a painting that should be hung in a museum. You can’t see those things wrestling within the trees, but you know that they are there. You hear them. These things are like those rowdy thoughts distracting you and which may throw you off the path. Don’t fret. Acknowledge the presence of those rowdy thoughts, thank them for helping you to become clear about what you truly want to experience, and then, let them go with ease and climb on.
I continued to climb the incline and heard my friend’s voice. She had hiked out of my sight, and I actually thought she was way ahead of me, but we were only about 10 minutes apart. She cheered, “Come on! You can do it! You’re almost here.” Two of the people who passed me earlier joined her to cheer me on. I pushed and pushed, and finally, I made it to the top. The scenery was even more beautiful than seeing it just pass the trees.
You’re there! Thereis the moment where you are now. You’re always there, but because the pushing becomes a bit tough, we aren't aware. The pushing becomes our focus. We give up. Your circumstances can appear bigger than you can withstand, but always remember that the whole Universe is on your side supporting you.
Once I made it to the top, I learned that I had another mile to go, but the most challenging part was over. The rest of the hike would be downhill from where we stood. Moving downhill is easy – an in the flow type of feel. You have much assistance from gravity, as it seems to pull you forward a bit. You’d either have to walk faster or do a light jog, it seems like. See, hiking downward is like a ball rolling downhill. The ball is in full gear. When you’re in full gear, after you’ve overcome the challenges and pain, you allow yourself to then enjoy the ride. But, enjoy the ride the whole way through. It’s the experience along the way that you’ll collect all the goodies – the lessons, insights, wisdom.
Now, just before our 2.6 mile hike ended, someone who shared the trail warned us of a black and white snake just ahead. I suggested to my friend for us to give thanks for being able to share this space with the wild. We didn’t give focus to the fear of the black and white snake and had made it to the end without even seeing it.
Our perceptions can shape our lives to be full of joyous experiences or of many challenges and pains. You can make the decision today – right where you are – to live your best life. Your path is what you create it to be. Happy trail!
Don’t allow your physical trash to interfere with your inner instructions. You’ve been under the sun with Quandi.  Balance in the celestial realm!