Monika Basile's Blog: Confessions of a Bleeding Heart - Posts Tagged "grief"
a Gathering of Angels
There is a privilege in loving someone so much that you are willing to share in their misery.
It is easy, so damn easy to love someone when everything is going good and the world is full of rainbows and butterflies. But the true test of love is to not run away when those you love are in the worst moments of their lives, including when it hurts you to be there.
It is an odd thing I have witnessed lately—these moments, when the shear pain and misery entailed in loving someone is the testimony to the greatest acts of caring. And I guess it is a surprise, though it shouldn’t be, that there are so many people in the world still capable of the great capacity to be there truly through thick and thin.
I have watched a “gathering” of sorts of people loving each other in the deepest times of sadness. Rather than depress me—it fills my heart with a quiet joy. It makes me feel blessed to have the privilege of watching such miracles and to also be a part of them.
I have been visiting the psych ward inpatient unit each evening. Someone I love has been there in the recent months. I have watched so many families come and go and have watched those who have no one to come and go. I have watched the faithfulness in love and I have taken part.
A woman in particular, extremely ill, many days she calls her husband names. He brings to her each day a bag of potato chips, a Starbucks coffee and a candy bar. Her favorites. Sometimes she is aware of him and hates him and many times she is lost in her own world. I watched this man lose patience and walk away from the double locked unit, but wait in the hall for her to calm down, unable to leave her. And the last night I visited, when her memory was clear and quiet, I watched them holding hands and whispering as they must have done when they were young together. I could see in her face who she used to be and that she is beautiful.
My dear uncle died a few weeks ago. My family gathered, friends, his children and his wife to be with him at the end of his life. And in the midst of the misery, the greatest love shines so dominantly obvious. I watched my aunt’s face; tenderness is never hidden by tears. Love is never hidden by pain. And I thought how lucky we all are to be brave enough to be here. There are so many who can’t, so many who are unable to bare the awfulness of it all. Yet, it is simply a privilege to be there and not only a heartache. Someone entering the world is a physical pain but leaving it is a heart pain. In the faces gathered are the touches of love in their tears. Grief is the deepest part of love and it leaves a permanent mark on us as it should.
I have witnessed in the past few months, old grudges fall away, forgiveness granted, and people re-enter into others lives because of miserable circumstances. I have been blessed to notice how the people we love come running even when they are mad at us. I have realized that no matter what the distance between people—many are willing to bridge it to be part of our hurts.
We gather to show our love—not only at happy times but at heinous ones too. We people of this world. We are not the pathetic specs of humanity that some believe we are. We are all connected by hurt and pain, joy and life. And we are luckiest when we love deeply enough to stand beside or in the middle of someone’s misery—just as lucky as when we are part of their happiness. When we love, we are never alone. We instead become part of the gathering of life.
Monika M. Basile
It is easy, so damn easy to love someone when everything is going good and the world is full of rainbows and butterflies. But the true test of love is to not run away when those you love are in the worst moments of their lives, including when it hurts you to be there.
It is an odd thing I have witnessed lately—these moments, when the shear pain and misery entailed in loving someone is the testimony to the greatest acts of caring. And I guess it is a surprise, though it shouldn’t be, that there are so many people in the world still capable of the great capacity to be there truly through thick and thin.
I have watched a “gathering” of sorts of people loving each other in the deepest times of sadness. Rather than depress me—it fills my heart with a quiet joy. It makes me feel blessed to have the privilege of watching such miracles and to also be a part of them.
I have been visiting the psych ward inpatient unit each evening. Someone I love has been there in the recent months. I have watched so many families come and go and have watched those who have no one to come and go. I have watched the faithfulness in love and I have taken part.
A woman in particular, extremely ill, many days she calls her husband names. He brings to her each day a bag of potato chips, a Starbucks coffee and a candy bar. Her favorites. Sometimes she is aware of him and hates him and many times she is lost in her own world. I watched this man lose patience and walk away from the double locked unit, but wait in the hall for her to calm down, unable to leave her. And the last night I visited, when her memory was clear and quiet, I watched them holding hands and whispering as they must have done when they were young together. I could see in her face who she used to be and that she is beautiful.
My dear uncle died a few weeks ago. My family gathered, friends, his children and his wife to be with him at the end of his life. And in the midst of the misery, the greatest love shines so dominantly obvious. I watched my aunt’s face; tenderness is never hidden by tears. Love is never hidden by pain. And I thought how lucky we all are to be brave enough to be here. There are so many who can’t, so many who are unable to bare the awfulness of it all. Yet, it is simply a privilege to be there and not only a heartache. Someone entering the world is a physical pain but leaving it is a heart pain. In the faces gathered are the touches of love in their tears. Grief is the deepest part of love and it leaves a permanent mark on us as it should.
I have witnessed in the past few months, old grudges fall away, forgiveness granted, and people re-enter into others lives because of miserable circumstances. I have been blessed to notice how the people we love come running even when they are mad at us. I have realized that no matter what the distance between people—many are willing to bridge it to be part of our hurts.
We gather to show our love—not only at happy times but at heinous ones too. We people of this world. We are not the pathetic specs of humanity that some believe we are. We are all connected by hurt and pain, joy and life. And we are luckiest when we love deeply enough to stand beside or in the middle of someone’s misery—just as lucky as when we are part of their happiness. When we love, we are never alone. We instead become part of the gathering of life.
Monika M. Basile
