Justin Halpern's Blog
November 11, 2010
"No. I want the salad...Live a little? I'm ordering lunch. I don't have a choice between salad or fucking skydiving."
"No. I want the salad...Live a little? I'm ordering lunch. I don't have a choice between salad or fucking skydiving."
November 9, 2010
Sorry, shit my dad says got hacked. My dad isn't trying to sell you a crappy lap top, I promise. Don't open any links.
Sorry, shit my dad says got hacked. My dad isn't trying to sell you a crappy lap top, I promise. Don't open any links.
October 28, 2010
"He's a politician. It's like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're fucking them."
"He's a politician. It's like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're fucking them."
October 7, 2010
"You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden."
"You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden."
September 17, 2010
"You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don't know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment."
"You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don't know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment."
August 30, 2010
"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the fuck out of the way."
"Put the rake down. I don't wanna sit around watching you 'give it your best.' Either stop sucking or get the fuck out of the way."
August 7, 2010
"See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested."
"See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested."
July 19, 2010
"Invite them. A wedding is a loaded gun. Don't be the asshole staring down the barrel asking which button makes the boom noise."
"Invite them. A wedding is a loaded gun. Don't be the asshole staring down the barrel asking which button makes the boom noise."
June 28, 2010
"Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."
"Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit."
June 17, 2010
"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"
"Engagement rings are pointless. Indians gave cows...Oh sorry, congrats on proposing. We good now? Can I finish my indian story?"
Justin Halpern's Blog
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