Steven D. Farmer's Blog

“Great discoveries and improvements invariably involve the cooperation of many minds. I may be given credit for having blazed the trail, but when I look at the subsequent developments I feel the credit is due to others rather than to myself.”—Alexander Graham Bell

“We all do better when we work together. Our differences do matter, but our common humanity matters more.” ― Bill Clinton

I’m continually amazed and delighted whenever I come across stories of how we human beings can work together, how we’re able to put aside perceived differences and collaborate for the greater good. Here in Laguna Beach there are a handful of community gardens, plots of land where some residents of the city have come together to create a bounty of vegetables that are in turn shared with one another and the rest of the community. When the downtown area was flooded just a few short years ago, many came together to clean up the debris and mud that had piled up on a main stretch of Pacific Coast Highway.

There are many more tales of how we cooperate to either get things done or help each other out after a crisis. We’re rapidly moving into an era that will require greater cooperation amongst us human beings if we are to resolve the critical issues that are facing us. Our western society is so steeped in the value of competition that it requires a complete revision of our thinking, values, and attitudes, both individually and collectively.

Bruce Lipton, author of Biology of Belief, states, “. . . you are in truth a cooperative community of approximately fifty trillion single-celled citizens. Almost all of the cells that make up your body are amoeba-like, individual organisms that have evolved a cooperative strategy for their mutual survival.” This is but one example of how, even at the cellular level, cooperation is innate and serves the survival of the human being.
Dolphins are excellent models of cooperative behavior. They work together as a pod to gather fish for their meals, and also have been known to help stranded boats and swimmers. So it’s no surprise that Dolphin spirit would be the one to promote the value of cooperation in the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards. Following is the message from Dolphin for children in the guidebook that accompanies the cards:

I’m sure there are times when you need a little help from your parents or your friends, and just the same, there are times when someone needs your help. Offering to help or asking someone if they need help can make you feel good. It’s an act of kindness and often leads to the same kinds of favors being returned to you. It’s particularly rewarding when you are part of a group that is helping each other out, such as in team sports like soccer, but it doesn’t have to be only at those times or in those places. 
Right now it’s an important time to cooperate with others in getting things done. Cooperate means to operate together. For instance, when you’re playing a game with friends, taking turns and trying to be as fair as possible with everyone, including yourself. You can help your parents out too by asking them how you can help. See what happens when you use teamwork to play or to get things done. It makes it easier and more fun for everyone!

As with the other cards in this deck, there are ideas for things to do that will support the idea of cooperating with others.

* Help out a friend who is troubled or is having a problem.
* Whenever your parents tell you what to do, cooperate with them.
* Whenever you have a disagreement or even a fight, try to work things out by finding a solution that will work for everyone by compromising.
* In any teamwork, do your best to play fair and get along with others

And as well, along with ideas as to how parents can help their children use these cards, there are suggestions for parents as to how to implement

* When fights break out with siblings or friends, guide them in finding a solution that works for everyone.
* Ask for your child’s help with things that are within the scope of their developmental capabilities and when they do help, thank them.
* With you child in the room, tell someone else about how they helped you out.
* Let your child see you cooperating with other people.

As is the case for “peace begins with me,” so it is true with cooperation. By incorporating this as a priority, modeling it, and encouraging this with your children, there is great promise that we can evolve to a kinder, more compassionate world.

The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.” —Bertrand Russell

“You must cultivate unity, cooperation and mutual trust.”—Sri Sarhya Sai Baba

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

You must welcome change as the rule but not as your ruler.  ~Denis Waitley

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change.  If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.  ~John A. Simone, Sr.

Change always comes bearing gifts.  ~Price Pritchett

To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.  ~Henri Bergson

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.  ~Author Unknown

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.  ~Anatole France

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
~Lao Tzu




Throughout life we will go through many changes—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually—yet the most dramatic occur during infancy and adolescence, the two periods where growth is the most rapid. In the first six months of life a human baby will develop more than at any other point in her life, gaining . . . . Following this there are a few years of slower growth until the second surge during adolescence, where dramatic changes in the body, the mind, and the heart occur along with the issues inherent with this second spurt of growth.

Of course growth and changes occur throughout our lives—the challenge is to flow with these changes. Whether it’s the physical, mental, and emotional changes that naturally occur as we journey along our life path or the continual shifting of our surroundings and circumstances to which we have to adjust, it’s in our best interests to embrace these and find ways to flow with them and integrate them into our lives. Resisting them has the potential to create unnecessary suffering.

There are times throughout life when we go through such big changes that they are rightly called transformations, for which the butterfly offers the perfect symbol and metaphor. Through the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards, In the guidebook that accompanies the cards, Butterfly spirit offers her wise counsel and encourages children to move gracefully through these changes that are a natural part of life:

I started out as a caterpillar, but after wrapping myself in a cocoon for a while, I came out all pretty and started flitting about. Nature took its course. It took awhile, but then big changes like this usually do. You’re going through these kinds of changes right now. You may still feel like a caterpillar or like you’re in a cocoon, but get ready! Lots of things are changing as you grow up. Aside from your body changing and growing, a lot is happening inside you too—all a part of growing up. You’re already feeling different about yourself, but it’s still you and will always be you.

These changes may involve new challenges at school, a move, or new tasks to tackle. I’m sure you’re going to like most of these changes, but others may be a little scary at first. Just trust that you will succeed in dealing with them. Just like what happens with me, Nature is taking its course with you. And if you do get scared, just ask one of your parents, a friend, or even me to help you through them.

In addition there are suggested activities for children to support their courage in adapting to these changes;

* Make a list of ways that you have changed in this last year, including physical changes and ways you do things differently.
* Write in your journal about how these changes make you feel.
* Take note of any positive benefits that have come from recent changes.
* Confide in your parents, a relative, or a friend about what kinds of changes are going on for you and how you feel about them.

The guidebook also offers specific ways that parents can support their child when there are major changes taking place—and often for children any change will be perceived as major!

* Help your child embrace big changes with a sense of excitement instead of fear by how you talk about it, such as, “How exciting it is for you to be going into first grade!”
* If the child is fearful, comfort them by first acknowledging their fears and then reframing the experience in more positive and life-enhancing ways.
* Tell them stories about changes you went through and how you dealt with them.
* Read stories to them or provide them when they can read about others going through changes.

No matter the degree of discomfort with the changes that are occurring, the reassurance of parents and the wisdom that Butterfly offers can help a child more easily navigate through the most challenging of transitions.

“Luke, trust your feelings.”
—Obi Wan Kenobi’s voice to Luke Skywalker in ‘Star Wars’

“Love God and trust your feelings. Be loyal to them. Don't betray them.”
— Robert C. Pollock

Your body is designed to be responsive to your environment and will give you cues about anything in your surroundings that represent a threat or that will satisfy your basic needs, such as for food, water, and shelter. The sensations in your body are prompted by your instinctual self, that aspect that’s in service to your survival. It’s doing its very best to keep you alive—something we have in common with all animals.
Children learn through their experiences and through parental guidance what will bring pleasure and what will bring pain. For parents it’s a continual balancing act between allowing your children to take age-appropriate risks and providing for their safety. The earlier parents can encourage their children to listen to their feelings, especially their “gut instinct,” the more likely it is that they will heed these feeling sensations as teenagers and adults.

Horse spirit’s counsel in the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards addresses this concern by encouraging children to trust their instinct as follows:

It’s so tempting sometimes to just go along with something. Like when a friend invites you somewhere that you know is off limits and even though it just doesn’t feel right, you ignore your true feelings and go there anyway. Other times something doesn’t feel right in your gut and so you decide to listen to your feelings, like when someone you meet makes your stomach tight or upset for no obvious reason so you keep your distance. This is often called your intuition.

On the other hand if you try something out like dance, soccer, or swimming, and it feels good, you keep at it. Regardless of whether they are good or bad feelings, listen to them. Those sensations in your body, especially in your stomach or gut, can be a clue as to what your real feelings are. They help you know what and who to avoid and what or who you can trust. The more you practice paying attention to and trusting your truest inner feelings, the more you will make the right choices.

In addition there are a few activities designed to further facilitate this message:

ACTIVITY
* In your journal write about the last time you trusted your feelings about something and you turned out to be right.
* When you’re playing any games, see if you can sense through your intuition what the next move will be or the next roll of the dice.
* To develop your intuition sit quietly out in Nature and just listen to the sounds around you as you breathe. What do you hear?
* Take responsibility for your feelings and don’t blame others.

Each of the 24 cards identifies certain values that nearly all parents would support, including this one. To further support this value of your children learning to trust their feelings, the section for parents in the accompanying guidebook offers some suggestions.

* Help them develop their intuitive skills by playing games that encourage this, such as finding something hidden, or guessing shapes or numbers on playing cards.
* Occasionally ask them what they notice is going on in their body, particularly physical sensations, as this type of awareness is an important aspect of intuition.
*Teach your child to meditate. Different techniques work better for different ages however it will begin a practice of checking within for the truth of a matter, whether about them or others.
* Teach your child to name their emotional feelings, such as mad, sad, glad, scared, etc.

By teaching your children to listen to the instinct driven sensations in their bodies, you can rest assured that they will ultimately adopt this as a test of whether a situation is safe and also help them determine those activities that will bring them pleasure and satisfaction. Even emotional feelings are based on physical sensations, so teaching them to tune in to their body’s messages helps give them the vocabulary for their emotions so they can identify and communicate these feelings much more easily and readily.

Many perceive spiritual communication first through physical sensations, such as warmth, coolness, tingling, or tensing. These may be accompanied by emotion feelings and sometimes visual and/or auditory impressions, yet these all start in the instinctual body. Being aware like this also encourages the child to be Witness to their own experience, starting with their body’s instinctual responses to the environment that can literally help them survive.    This is why it’s so important for children to learn to trust their feelings, and for you to guide them along their path to do so. If you need guidance in this, call on Horse spirit to help out in teaching this to your children and perhaps even yourself.

“Feelings are your guide. Trust your feelings and learn to express them, and do not blame anyone for how you feel. Be yourself, observe yourself.
― Barbara Marciniak

I’ve just returned from a two-week tour of Australia and New Zealand. It was a powerful and magical journey, a tapestry of experiences that left an indelible impression on me. What I found most rewarding was the people and friends I met up with in both countries. I was humbled by the support so many offered and pleased that all my workshops and private sessions were filled long before I got there.

One experience that set the theme for the entire tour stands out. I had already presented a talk at the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival in Sydney and was prepared to go to Mysterys Bookstore in Penrith for two days of private sessions and a workshop. My friend Peter, Ravynne Phelan’s husband, had already offered to drive from their home in Penrith, which was one hour away, pick me up in Sydney where I was staying, and take me to Penrith. Up until he offered I had not been sure how I would get there, though I had considered taking either the train or a taxi as I decided not to rent a car for the trip. In addition he offered that I could stay at his and Ravynne’s house rather than return to Sydney only to come back the next day.
Since he’d arrived somewhat early I asked him if he wanted a “long black” before we headed to Penrith, which is hot water added to a double shot of espresso, He agreed, so we went to the little café next to the hotel where I stayed. I approached the counter to order breakfast—Peter had already eaten on the way here—and stood in line behind one fellow. This man walked away, slightly limping, holding onto a cane.

I noted a $20 bill on the counter and pushed it towards the clerk. She pushed it back toward me saying the man just before left it and said to pay for the next person’s order! I was rather stunned, quickly going through all of my reasons why I shouldn’t accept it. It didn’t take me long to surrender to the fact that this truly was a gift, an offering that I needed to receive gracefully and with gratitude. I ordered my meal and two long blacks and sat down at a table with Peter.

I told him what happened, both of us nodding in amazement and amusement, and wondered what was the message from Spirit. I then heard my Inner Voice: “Receive and pay it forward.” This confirmed what already had been happening evidenced by Peter’s willingness to drive me to the bookstore and his offer to stay at his place, amongst other gifts I’d received already.
I recognized it was important to maintain these principles and the attitude of gratitude for whatever gifts Life had to offer, in whatever form they were given. Following that experience at the café there were many other wonderful gifts from others, both tangible and intangible. From that day on throughout the entire trip and even now while I sit at this computer I do my best to maintain these principles and attitudes. Even a simple thank you when anyone does a small favor is important, such as waving a “thank you” to the driver that stopped to let me cross the street yesterday.

It occurred to me that by being willing to open heartedly receive from other people that it is truly a gift to he giver. I know that when someone expresses their gratitude for whatever I give them, it makes me feel appreciated and respected. When I turn that around I realize that when we receive something from someone and openly acknowledge our appreciation, the giver in turn is rewarded.
I encourage you to try this: for one day, look for every opportunity to express your gratitude and appreciation for what is offered to you, in word or in deed, whether it’s the food you eat, the sunshine you bask in, or a hug from someone you love. Especially thank the Creator of All for your life and all that you have in your life.

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#13 - Fox and Secret Favors

“Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.” —Frank A. Clark

“Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” —Scott Adams

It’s always nice to hear positive comments when we do something for others, yet a challenge is to do these things with little or no concern or motivation for any reward other than the intrinsic good feelings that such an act can generate. This is the encouragement offered to children by the FOX card in the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards.

As one personal example, there’s been a few times when going through a tollbooth I’ve paid for the next three or four cars following. There was a real pleasure in doing so, knowing that the drivers would undoubtedly be pleasantly surprised. They might even some day pay it forward by doing the same for others.

I strongly believe in acknowledging someone when they do something kind for another person, even if it’s a simple “thank you.” Children who are rewarded with encouragement in this way will ultimately internalize the good feelings that come from doing nice things for others. Fox invites the child to take it one more step and do something for another person solely for the intrinsically good feelings that come from doing so. Doing a secret favor can then become a playful and rewarding game for the child.

As Fox spirit says in the guidebook that accompanies the cards:

Sometimes people think we’re kind of sneaky, but that’s not really true. We do try to be careful about being seen because we’re sort of shy, but believe it or not, we also really like to do things for each other and for other animals. So today try and do some things without anyone knowing it’s you who’s doing it. These are called secret favors, where you don’t take credit for it or let whoever you’re doing these things for know it was you.
For instance, put the newspaper on your neighbor’s porch without being seen. Pick some apples and leave them for a friend or for your family and don’t let on that it was you who did so. Pick up some trash and put it in the recycler or trashcan. Do any of these or other things without letting people know it was you. It’s nice when others show their appreciation for what you do, but it can also be fun to do things for someone else and they have no clue that it was you who did it!

Following this reading, as with all the cards there are some specific suggestions for activities children can do to reinforce this particular value:

* Today do at least two secret favors for someone else and see how it makes you feel.
* Do a secret favor for one of your friends at school and once they notice it, don’t tell them it was you.
* Do something special in secret for one or both of your parents and again, don’t let on that it was you.

There are also suggestions for parents about ways to reinforce this kind of giving. These ideas are especially useful for parents with younger children who aren’t yet reading:

* Model this by doing a favor for someone without their knowledge.
* Leave a present on the doorstep of a neighbor, a friend, or a family member and make it anonymous.
* Take some recycled goods to any charity that will give it to the poor, explaining that whomever these go to it will be a secret favor because whoever receives it won’t know who gave it to them.

You can even can make a game of this. Try it yourself and see how you feel when you do something for someone without taking credit. There’s a quiet joy that you’ll no doubt feel, as will your child when he or she decides to do a secret favor!

“A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.“ —Henrik Ibsen

“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.” —Maya Angelou

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#12 - Raccoon Spirit- You Have Everything You Need

"Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality."—Wayne Dyer

"When you cannot distinguish between wants versus needs, or if you can't identify a want as a want, you set yourself up to live in a constant state of craving and disappointment."—Unknown

Raccoons are some of the most resourceful creatures on this planet. Being very adaptable beings, they have been known to make their homes in forests, marshes, prairies, and even cities. They're omnivores and will eat just about any thing. Raccoons have incredible dexterity with their front paws and long fingers, which enables them to easily forage so they can enjoy a variety of foods. Because of their intelligence and their remarkable adaptability, wherever they are, they readily find everything they need. Central to this is their resourcefulness, cleverness, and determination.

I had a personal demonstration of their resourcefulness. A few years back I was growing some vegetables in the backyard. To my consternation, some vegetable predator had uprooted some of the plants, obviously enjoying a meal. I wasn't sure who or what it was but figured it wasn't a human since the yard was fenced in.

One night I just happened to look out the back yard from the sliding glass door that allowed a perfect view and there he was—a raccoon! He glanced right at me with those eyes so perfectly outlined by a bandit's mask, then scurried away. I knew then I had to do something to discourage this critter from ravaging my once beautiful vegetable garden

I had no desire to harm this magnificent animal, so I investigated some alternatives that were safe but would accomplish the intent. I found one that provided such a solution—a simple battery operated device that would emit a high-pitched sound that humans could not hear but raccoons would find irritating enough to avoid going anywhere near this instrument.

I enthusiastically set up two of these boxes in appropriate areas near the garden, turned them on once the sun went down and left them there for the night. The next morning I checked them first thing. With my morning cup of coffee in hand I made my way to the back yard. Much to my chagrin, both boxes had been pushed over such that the speakers from which the sound emitted were face down and a few more of my plantings had been removed for what was no doubt a tasty late night snack! They knew what they wanted and were resourceful enough to get it by first disabling the sound boxes.

This scenario was repeated twice more before I finally surrendered and took the devices to the garage, where they now have a permanent home. I finally decided that just like raccoons, I needed to be more resourceful. What did I want? I wanted them to go elsewhere to forage for grubs and vegetables. So I meditated and called on the spirit of Raccoon and asked them to PLEASE leave my garden alone.

And they did for the rest of that year.

With the Children's Spirit Animal Cards we've attempted to encourage certain values in children that are conveyed through the 24 spirit animals that are represented. Raccoon spirit certainly exemplifies resourcefulness and his message in the cards also reminds children (and adults!) of the difference between wants and needs.

From the extended reading in the guidebook that accompanies the cards, Raccoon's message is:

Wanting something and needing something are two different things. When you say, "I need that new toy," or "I need a new lunch box," do you really need these? I don't think so, but I can understand that you want them. The truth is there are very few things we need. There are the basic needs that you must have to stay alive, like air, food, water, and shelter. Once these are satisfied, there are other needs, such as the need to feel safe and to feel loved. But most of the time when we talk about things we need, they're really things we want. Something to think about.
As long as you have some of these basic needs met, you have everything you need. There are people in the world who really have to struggle to meet even those basic needs and are appreciative when they are met. So after all, how many actually need a new bike or an iTouch or the latest Wii game? Those are things you might want, but you can live without them. Unless you're so poor that getting your meals is a problem, you really do have everything you need. From there, anything else is a "want."

In addition there are activities that are suggested to further reinforce this message:

ACTIVITY
* Make a list of everything you can think of that you want, then go through the list and cross out anything that isn't truly a need.
* Every day for the next few days, think of at least three things that you have for which you are grateful.
* Recall different situations where you thought you needed more than you had, but then discovered that you had all the resources available to you that you needed.
* Notice what others around you may be lacking and say a prayer for them in addition to being grateful for all you have.
* Perform a "give-away," where you take some toys and clothes that are in good condition but that you no longer use and give them away to organizations (such as Goodwill) that can recycle them.

For parents, here are some suggestions from the guidebook to reinforce this idea:

* From time to time point out how fortunate and blessed your family is by having one another, a place to live, food to eat, good friends, etc.
* Create a family gratitude board where family members can write or draw pictures of things they are grateful for.
* Observe your own language as to when you use the words, "I need . . ." when you could more accurately state. "I want . . ."
* Explain the difference between needs and preferences and that it's okay to prefer one thing over another but that it doesn't mean it's a basic need.

The intention through Raccoon's message is to encourage children to separate what they need from what they want and appreciate that they're fortunate to have most of their needs met and can be grateful for that. As children grasp this they begin to understand the difference between need and want and learn to utilize their resourcefulness to get those things they want while being grateful for the things they have.

"Learn to adjust yourself to the conditions you have to endure, but make a point of trying to alter or correct conditions so that they are most favorable to you."—William Frederick

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."— Charles Darwin

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#12 - Raccoon Spirit- You Have Everything You Need

“Everything you need you already have. You are complete right now, you are a whole, total person, not an apprentice person on the way to someplace else. Your completeness must be understood by you and experienced in your thoughts as your own personal reality.”—Wayne Dyer

“When you cannot distinguish between wants versus needs, or if you can't identify a want as a want, you set yourself up to live in a constant state of craving and disappointment.”—Unknown

Raccoons are some of the most resourceful creatures on this planet. Being very adaptable beings, they have been known to make their homes in forests, marshes, prairies, and even cities. They’re omnivores and will eat just about any thing. Raccoons have incredible dexterity with their front paws and long fingers, which enables them to easily forage so they can enjoy a variety of foods. Because of their intelligence and their remarkable adaptability, wherever they are, they readily find everything they need. Central to this is their resourcefulness, cleverness, and determination.

I had a personal demonstration of their resourcefulness. A few years back I was growing some vegetables in the backyard. To my consternation, some vegetable predator had uprooted some of the plants, obviously enjoying a meal. I wasn’t sure who or what it was but figured it wasn’t a human since the yard was fenced in.

One night I just happened to look out the back yard from the sliding glass door that allowed a perfect view and there he was—a raccoon! He glanced right at me with those eyes so perfectly outlined by a bandit’s mask, then scurried away. I knew then I had to do something to discourage this critter from ravaging my once beautiful vegetable garden

I had no desire to harm this magnificent animal, so I investigated some alternatives that were safe but would accomplish the intent. I found one that provided such a solution—a simple battery operated device that would emit a high-pitched sound that humans could not hear but raccoons would find irritating enough to avoid going anywhere near this instrument.

I enthusiastically set up two of these boxes in appropriate areas near the garden, turned them on once the sun went down and left them there for the night. The next morning I checked them first thing. With my morning cup of coffee in hand I made my way to the back yard. Much to my chagrin, both boxes had been pushed over such that the speakers from which the sound emitted were face down and a few more of my plantings had been removed for what was no doubt a tasty late night snack! They knew what they wanted and were resourceful enough to get it by first disabling the sound boxes.

This scenario was repeated twice more before I finally surrendered and took the devices to the garage, where they now have a permanent home. I finally decided that just like raccoons, I needed to be more resourceful. What did I want? I wanted them to go elsewhere to forage for grubs and vegetables. So I meditated and called on the spirit of Raccoon and asked them to PLEASE leave my garden alone.

And they did for the rest of that year.

With the Children’s Spirit Animal Cards we’ve attempted to encourage certain values in children that are conveyed through the 24 spirit animals that are represented. Raccoon spirit certainly exemplifies resourcefulness and his message in the cards also reminds children (and adults!) of the difference between wants and needs.

From the extended reading in the guidebook that accompanies the cards, Raccoon’s message is:

Wanting something and needing something are two different things. When you say, “I need that new toy,” or “I need a new lunch box,” do you really need these? I don’t think so, but I can understand that you want them. The truth is there are very few things we need. There are the basic needs that you must have to stay alive, like air, food, water, and shelter. Once these are satisfied, there are other needs, such as the need to feel safe and to feel loved. But most of the time when we talk about things we need, they’re really things we want. Something to think about.
As long as you have some of these basic needs met, you have everything you need. There are people in the world who really have to struggle to meet even those basic needs and are appreciative when they are met. So after all, how many actually need a new bike or an iTouch or the latest Wii game? Those are things you might want, but you can live without them. Unless you’re so poor that getting your meals is a problem, you really do have everything you need. From there, anything else is a “want.”

In addition there are activities that are suggested to further reinforce this message:

ACTIVITY
* Make a list of everything you can think of that you want, then go through the list and cross out anything that isn’t truly a need.
* Every day for the next few days, think of at least three things that you have for which you are grateful.
* Recall different situations where you thought you needed more than you had, but then discovered that you had all the resources available to you that you needed.
* Notice what others around you may be lacking and say a prayer for them in addition to being grateful for all you have.
* Perform a “give-away,” where you take some toys and clothes that are in good condition but that you no longer use and give them away to organizations (such as Goodwill) that can recycle them.

For parents, here are some suggestions from the guidebook to reinforce this idea:

* From time to time point out how fortunate and blessed your family is by having one another, a place to live, food to eat, good friends, etc.
* Create a family gratitude board where family members can write or draw pictures of things they are grateful for.
* Observe your own language as to when you use the words, “I need . . .” when you could more accurately state. “I want . . .”
* Explain the difference between needs and preferences and that it’s okay to prefer one thing over another but that it doesn’t mean it’s a basic need.

The intention through Raccoon’s message is to encourage children to separate what they need from what they want and appreciate that they’re fortunate to have most of their needs met and can be grateful for that. As children grasp this they begin to understand the difference between need and want and learn to utilize their resourcefulness to get those things they want while being grateful for the things they have.

"Learn to adjust yourself to the conditions you have to endure, but make a point of trying to alter or correct conditions so that they are most favorable to you."—William Frederick

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”— Charles Darwin

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#11 - Beaver Spirit- Do Your Chores

"Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy."—Anonymous

"Said the daughter: 'I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how.'" —Anonymous

Amongst other elements there are two areas the family unit must continually address: social needs and maintenance requirements. Social needs pertain to the way the family interacts with one another, whereas maintenance requirements involve the tasks necessary to keep the household running smoothly. It's a constant balancing act and if there's too much attention to one over the other for an extended period of time, the family simply doesn't operate as well. At one extreme is the family that interacts so much that chores don't get done and as a result the home environment suffers. On the other hand if it's all work and no play, the needs for involvement and affiliation are adversely affected and can lead to the members feeling isolated from one another.

If you look at the various cards in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards you'll see that these two dimensions are addressed in a variety of ways. The value of contributing to the family by doing chores is the message from Beaver spirit. The card itself shows a Beaver looking out at us, branches in hand (which he undoubtedly chewed off a tree), with the simple message, "Do Your Chores." Beavers themselves have tightly knit family units and maintain these bonds not only through working together, but also through grooming, play and vocal communication. As Beaver said in the extended message in the guidebook for the cards:

You might have heard the expression, "busy as a beaver," but I'm telling you we're not always that busy. I get things done as quickly as possible and try to do my best when I have some chores to do. I don't even think of what I do as chores, but more that I'm making important contributions to my family, friends, and to my community.
So today check with your parents or friends and see if there's anything they want you to do. Then do what they've asked, do your best, and try not to look at any of these tasks as chores. Instead, think about how good it feels to help someone else out, even with easier chores like taking out the trash or drying the dishes. Especially in your family there are a lot of ways you can help out by doing different jobs. And do them with a smile.

An older child who is interested in reading this more extensive message will also find suggestions for activities that support the value of contributing to the family functioning smoothly. Parents can also guide their children in engaging in these particular activities, thereby reinforcing the importance of their contribution to the harmony of the family unit. Here are some of the possibilities:

* Look around your house and find one or two chores to do that contribute to the upkeep of the home and do them before you're even asked.
* Finish something you started but had put aside, like writing a story or doing an art project.
* Whenever you are doing any of your chores, try to do them graciously and with a slight smile on your face knowing you are helping others.

For parents, there are additional suggestions of things they can do with their children in the guidebook to further encourage their children to contribute by doing the chores that are needed.

* When a child is given specific chores, giving them a choice can help lessen power struggles, such as, "Would you like to clean your room now or when we get home?" The implication is that they are expected to do it but still have a choice in the matter.
* Children like to help out and contribute to the family, so giving them chores that are age appropriate so that they can succeed in fulfilling them helps build their sense of responsibility, competency, their sense of community, and their work ethic.

As stated, the child should be given responsibilities that are do-able at their particular age. They should be encouraged for their efforts and not for perfection. As parents we can continue to shape the desirable behavior through encouragement and comments that acknowledge what is right about what they are doing, rather than criticism for what they are doing wrong. This supports the child's initiative and deepens their innate desire to help out others in their family unit. 

In our household my stepdaughters Serena, 8, and Ari, 6 in addition to picking up after themselves are given responsibilities that are reasonable for their ages. After dinner, the girls alternate on different days cleaning off the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher or vacuuming the dining room. Another responsibility is on Mondays to collect the trash from around the house and put it in the larger trash bin in the kitchen. Although when these were instituted there was some grumbling and complaining, now they do these chores as expected. We make occasional requests for them to do other chores and each girl generally cooperates in doing.

Although the word "chores" can sometimes take on a heavier, more somber meaning and feeling, it can be reframed to mean an act of contribution and service such that any of us, adult or child, can view this kind of work within the family as a joy and a pleasure.


"We labor to make a house a home, then every time we're expecting visitors, we rush to turn it back into a house.—Anonymous

"A family in harmony will prosper in everything."—Chinese Proverb

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#11 - Beaver Spirit- Do Your Chores

"Our house is clean enough to be healthy, and dirty enough to be happy."—Anonymous

"Said the daughter: 'I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how.'" —Anonymous

Amongst other elements there are two areas the family unit must continually address: social needs and maintenance requirements. Social needs pertain to the way the family interacts with one another, whereas maintenance requirements involve the tasks necessary to keep the household running smoothly. It's a constant balancing act and if there's too much attention to one over the other for an extended period of time, the family simply doesn't operate as well. At one extreme is the family that interacts so much that chores don't get done and as a result the home environment suffers. On the other hand if it's all work and no play, the needs for involvement and affiliation are adversely affected and can lead to the members feeling isolated from one another.

If you look at the various cards in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards you'll see that these two dimensions are addressed in a variety of ways. The value of contributing to the family by doing chores is the message from Beaver spirit. The card itself shows a Beaver looking out at us, branches in hand (which he undoubtedly chewed off a tree), with the simple message, "Do Your Chores." Beavers themselves have tightly knit family units and maintain these bonds not only through working together, but also through grooming, play and vocal communication. As Beaver said in the extended message in the guidebook for the cards:

You might have heard the expression, "busy as a beaver," but I'm telling you we're not always that busy. I get things done as quickly as possible and try to do my best when I have some chores to do. I don't even think of what I do as chores, but more that I'm making important contributions to my family, friends, and to my community.
So today check with your parents or friends and see if there's anything they want you to do. Then do what they've asked, do your best, and try not to look at any of these tasks as chores. Instead, think about how good it feels to help someone else out, even with easier chores like taking out the trash or drying the dishes. Especially in your family there are a lot of ways you can help out by doing different jobs. And do them with a smile.

An older child who is interested in reading this more extensive message will also find suggestions for activities that support the value of contributing to the family functioning smoothly. Parents can also guide their children in engaging in these particular activities, thereby reinforcing the importance of their contribution to the harmony of the family unit. Here are some of the possibilities:

* Look around your house and find one or two chores to do that contribute to the upkeep of the home and do them before you're even asked.
* Finish something you started but had put aside, like writing a story or doing an art project.
* Whenever you are doing any of your chores, try to do them graciously and with a slight smile on your face knowing you are helping others.

For parents, there are additional suggestions of things they can do with their children in the guidebook to further encourage their children to contribute by doing the chores that are needed.

* When a child is given specific chores, giving them a choice can help lessen power struggles, such as, "Would you like to clean your room now or when we get home?" The implication is that they are expected to do it but still have a choice in the matter.
* Children like to help out and contribute to the family, so giving them chores that are age appropriate so that they can succeed in fulfilling them helps build their sense of responsibility, competency, their sense of community, and their work ethic.

As stated, the child should be given responsibilities that are do-able at their particular age. They should be encouraged for their efforts and not for perfection. As parents we can continue to shape the desirable behavior through encouragement and comments that acknowledge what is right about what they are doing, rather than criticism for what they are doing wrong. This supports the child's initiative and deepens their innate desire to help out others in their family unit. 

In our household my stepdaughters Serena, 8, and Ari, 6 in addition to picking up after themselves are given responsibilities that are reasonable for their ages. After dinner, the girls alternate on different days cleaning off the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher or vacuuming the dining room. Another responsibility is on Mondays to collect the trash from around the house and put it in the larger trash bin in the kitchen. Although when these were instituted there was some grumbling and complaining, now they do these chores as expected. We make occasional requests for them to do other chores and each girl generally cooperates in doing.

Although the word "chores" can sometimes take on a heavier, more somber meaning and feeling, it can be reframed to mean an act of contribution and service such that any of us, adult or child, can view this kind of work within the family as a joy and a pleasure.


"We labor to make a house a home, then every time we're expecting visitors, we rush to turn it back into a house.—Anonymous

"A family in harmony will prosper in everything."—Chinese Proverb

Note to Reader:  This series will focus on how to encourage children to be more conscious and conscientious of the world around them, both the physical and the non-visible world of Spirit. These columns will initially focus on animal spirit guides found in the Children's Spirit Animal Cards, which are intended to help children understand the guidance that spirit animals can provide.

#10 - Eagle Spirit - Do the Right Thing.

"When I do good, I feel good.  When I do bad, I feel bad.  That's my religion." —Abraham Lincoln

"Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking." —J.C. Watts

Throughout life you're confronted with choices, some that are mundane and don't require a tremendous amount of contemplation, such as what you're having for breakfast or which shoe you put on first. However there are other times when you're faced with a decision where you must weigh your choices based on an assessment of your values and priorities. Not always an easy task, particularly when values clash.

The values and priorities you have instilled that help you determine your choice are based on a synthesis of your familial and ancestral patterns, cultural and societal norms, and a sense of your soul's purpose. How we make these decisions throughout our life changes, depending on our level of moral development. In early childhood choices are primarily based on a more primal, egocentric point of view, as in how I can benefit or else how I can avoid disapproval. That part shadows us to some degree throughout adulthood, but typically becomes a less prominent way to make these kinds of moral and ethical choices.

As you mature, consideration of the group and social norms is taken into greater consideration. Teenagers in particular begin to see the group as an anchor that provides cues as to how to socialize and develop relationships. The norm for the group, society, or culture becomes something that the individual chooses to participate in or develops their identity in opposition to the perceived norm. It's all about figuring out the rules and choosing to adopt them, challenge them, or some combination of the two. Egocentricity becomes subjugated to the consensus of the group or to a particular segment of the larger society.

Although some people remain stuck in these earlier phases, everyone can still at times "default" to them, especially when you don't have a clear set of personal ethics by which to gauge your choices. As you mature, your choices become driven more by an internal set of ethics and morality. Some of these accord with the rules and regulations of the larger society while others may not, but instead are congruent with a person's values and priorities that have been formed over a lifetime.

In the Children's Spirit Animal Cards, Eagle spirit addressed these considerations in the admonition, "Do the right thing." For the younger child, this will most likely mean making choices that meet with parental approval and avoid punishment. As the child matures, familial and group values will likely become more of a gauge by which to make these kinds of decisions. The older the child can also read the guidebook, where the extended message from Eagle encourages the child to think for herself as to what's right or wrong in any given situation. The magic of these cards is that often this particular card will show up exactly when the child is faced with such a decision.

As Eagle's message says in the guidebook:

As you're growing up you will be faced with a lot of choices. Some of these will be fairly easy such as what you want for breakfast or what game you want to play with friends. Other choices will be a little more difficult, such as whether to take that piece of candy from a friend knowing that they had taken it from another person without their knowing it. Or another choice would be when some of the kids at school are teasing one of the new kids, and you don't feel comfortable joining in the teasing but you feel pressure from your friends that are part of the teasing.
Let's suppose your father has left a few dollar bills lying out on the kitchen table and he seems to have forgotten it's there. Would you take them? What would be right thing to do in any of these situations? What's the most important thing, that you have that piece of candy or refuse it because it was taken without permission? Would it more important to join in with your friends so they wouldn't tease you or to stand up for the kid who was being teased? Or take the money on the table knowing your father wouldn't really miss it or tell him that he left it there? I'm sure you would know the right thing to do.

In addition, activities are suggested that can reinforce the ideas generated by the message:

* Think of a time when you were faced with these kinds of choices and made the right choice, then write or draw a story about this time.
* When faced with a tough decision, stop and think about what the important adults would say about what choice to make.
* If you see somebody, even a friend, doing something wrong, especially if it may be harmful to themselves or to others, tell a trusted adult about it.
* Try your best to do the right thing in any situation even if it is scary or others may not like you.

Further, a section in the back of the guidebook not only gives general ideas as to how to help your child work with the cards, but also activities with which they can involve their children to reinforce the message in the card. For Eagle, here are some activities parents can encourage:

*Even if your child is afraid, encourage them to tell the truth and let you know when they see something that is wrong.
* Be clear with your child as to what your priorities are regarding moral and ethical values.
* Have conversations with them about what choices they would make in any situation where the choice is challenging.
*Have a posted list in the house that you create with the child of the top 5 or 10 rules expected of everyone living there.

In a world where so many choices are before us, we can only hope as parents to provide the best guidance possible that will help a child to learn to make these kinds of decisions from a solid internalized foundation of moral principles. For anyone so inclined, you can call on help from your spirit guides, but most especially from Eagle spirit.

"Live never to be ashamed if anything you say or do is published around the world, even if what is said is not true." —Richard Bach

"If you have integrity, nothing else matters.  If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."  —Alan Simpson