Maya Hu-Chan's Blog

No one is immune to imposter syndrome. These strategies can be the cure.

There comes a time in my coaching sessions when many of my most successful clients reveal, at their most vulnerable moments, a secret:

“I’m a fraud.”

They aren’t, of course. They are high-achieving, passionate, knowledgeable, respected leaders, with the evidence to prove it. But they still can’t shake this feeling, known as imposter syndrome.

Most of us have felt imposter syndrome at one point in our careers, and very few of us are immune. In fact, research by Korn Ferry shows that the higher we rise in our careers, the more pronounced the feeling can get, with 71 percent of American CEOs saying they feel like imposters.

Imposter syndrome can have many causes and roots, varying along differences in industry norms, cultural traditions, and individual circumstances. But, the result is the same: It can hold you back from taking risks, realizing your full potential, and enjoying your hard-earned successes.

If you have imposter syndrome, know that you are not alone — and you aren’t helpless. That’s what I tell my clients following those confessions. And, with the following strategies, they learn to believe they truly deserve to be where they are.

1. Develop a growth mindset
In her book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer From the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It, Valerie Young identifies five types of imposter syndrome, characterized as the Perfectionist, the Superwoman/man, the Natural Genius, the Soloist, and the Expert.

For the Perfectionist, any result short of perfect is proof of inadequacy. The Natural Genius expects to be great at all things on a first try, and they feel like failures if they’re not. A growth mindset can help shift these thoughts.

The growth mindset, a concept identified by researcher Carol S. Dweck, is the belief that intelligence, talent, and ability are ever-evolving and can be developed through training and persistence. For most of us, there will come a time when a new role brings new challenges. Adopt a growth mindset and believe that you are capable of meeting those challenges, even if you can’t right now. Embrace that learning is a healthy and fulfilling part of the process.

The Soloist type, according to Young, faces those challenges alone, because they fear asking for help would expose them as frauds. A growth mindset can help them, too. Don’t be afraid to ask questions — of peers, trusted colleagues, managers, mentors, and even a career coach. Asking for help only reveals that you are curious and open to learning, not that you are a fraud.

2. Take feedback seriously, not personally
Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone receives critical feedback, whether it’s ad-hoc or during a performance review. For those with imposter syndrome, though, critical feedback isn’t received as a routine part of work, but as reinforcing the feelings of phoniness.

Instead, remember to take critical feedback seriously (don’t dismiss it because it causes difficult feelings), not personally (the feedback is not about you as a person). Everyone, even those who seem to navigate their careers with confidence and ease, is a work in progress. Embrace that you aren’t at your final destination — instead, you are on a continuous journey of lifelong learning and skill-building.

3. Compete only against yourself
It’s often said that comparison is the thief of joy — it can also be the fuel for imposter syndrome. Many of my clients often hold back in expressing their ideas because they’re not as technically proficient as their colleagues, don’t hold as many advanced degrees, or don’t speak English as well as their native-speaking peers. The fact is, they’re in their roles not through luck or by mistake, but because they’ve earned their positions, and everyone would benefit from hearing their ideas.

Instead of silently comparing themselves with others, I invite my clients to compete only against themselves. Set realistic goals, and measure your progress against where you were before, not where your peers are now.

Similarly, practice relying on internal validation instead of seeking approval from external sources (which doesn’t do much to alleviate imposter syndrome anyway). Believe that you deserve every role, accomplishment, and reward. Be mindful of your internal dialogue — does it reflect reality, or is it only reinforcing your imposter syndrome? Nurture your internal confidence.

When you feel like you may not actually be the expert you are, mentoring someone in a junior role can be the reality check you need to rewrite that story. Helping someone else on their way up can not only feed the soul, it can affirm that you do, in fact, know your stuff.

Overcoming imposter syndrome is not about never feeling self-doubt again — it’s about recognizing those feelings and choosing to act in spite of them. By developing a growth mindset, taking feedback seriously but not personally, and competing only against yourself, you can start to dismantle the grip of imposter syndrome. Embrace your journey, celebrate your achievements, and remember: You deserve every bit of your success.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

Women face bias in the workplace that can hold back careers. Here’s how women can take back power, and how leaders can facilitate change.

Becca is a leader in a global pharmaceutical company. She’s smart, driven, and has a proven record of delivering results. Her boss, another female leader, had identified her as her successor, but Becca was denied the role when the time came. Her outspoken nature was labeled as “lacking in executive presence.” Leaders said she “dominates conversations” and knocked her off the list without giving her performance record, or her boss’s endorsement, any consideration.

Jasmine faces a similar situation. She’s been in her role in a financial services company for a short while but brings with her decades of experience and technical expertise. She, like Becca, is passionate and outspoken. However, Jasmine is a Black woman. She has received feedback that she is “angry” and “aggressive.”

Both Becca and Jasmine are experiencing gender-based bias in the perception of their leadership styles, with Jasmine bearing the added weight of bias leveraged against her racial identity. Nancy E. Parsons describes this phenomenon in her book Fresh Insights to End the Glass Ceiling. When men and women display the same behaviors, they are perceived differently. For example, a woman confidently voicing her thoughts is labeled as “too opinionated,” while a man doing the same is perceived as “selling his point of view.”

While everyone can always grow in their communication skills, women face bias in ways that men don’t. So, I helped Becca and Jasmine find strategic adjustments to help mitigate the bias. But, this is only part of the solution: Leaders, too, must take steps to stop gender bias before it happens.

Here’s what both groups can do.

1. Pause and reflect
Both Becca and Jasmine move quickly and decisively. While this may be perceived as a positive for male leaders, both women were characterized as “talking too fast” and seeming “anxious.” I coached them to pause frequently and focus on listening to fully understand others. While they’re both quick thinkers, they can often be several steps ahead of others, leaving their colleagues in the dust — and feeling unheard. Summarizing and paraphrasing what others say, framed with phrases such as “I want to be sure I understand” or “I want to clarify what I heard,” can help others feel heard. They can also ask clarifying questions — even if they know the solution to a problem before the speaker is done describing it.

2. Consider word choice
Jasmine and Becca have both been perceived as “too direct” — a quality often celebrated in a male leader, but perceived negatively in women. I encouraged them to pay attention to the impact of word choice. Framing a problem-solving conversion with “I would like to solve this problem with you; my goal is that we work together” states intentions clearly and lessens the effect of the person feeling attacked. Using the word “could” instead of “should” helps the conversation feel more collaborative.

3. Respond to microaggressions
Like many women, Becca and Jasmine experience workplace microaggressions — subtle, yet impactful put-downs, insults, or other instances of bias. I encouraged them to address microaggressions directly but calmly. Wording such as “I know you didn’t mean it this way, but this is how [specific words or actions] landed with me” can address behaviors while preserving the delicate balance of a working relationship.

4. Choose data over gut opinions
When it comes to hiring and mobility within a company, leaders sometimes depend on gut reactions — this only opens the door to acting on bias. Instead, rely on data. Becca’s promotion was denied based on her having poor “executive presence,” which may have been colored by stereotypes of how a woman should act, versus a man. Instead, leaders can be specific and objective, and deliver feedback based on those specifics. And, rely on data when possible. Centering Jasmine’s proven expertise, for example, would have prevented using stereotypes as a basis for feedback.

5. Ask for input outside your echo chamber
People tend to gravitate toward others who share their backgrounds and opinions, and those are often tied to identity. When leaders seek input only from the same people, they may reinforce existing biases. Instead, act against confirmation bias — the tendency to seek opinions that confirm something you already believe — by welcoming different opinions.

6. Establish transparent and objective policies
Transparent, data-based processes for bonuses, promotions, and hiring can help safeguard against bias. For example, the leaders in Becca’s company could have relied on such a process for choosing the successor to Becca’s boss, which would have brought her track record into the decision, rather than personal subjective opinions. Clear structures give all employees the chance to grow and be successful.

Tackling gender bias requires everyone to pitch in. By making smart changes and using clear, data-driven policies, leaders can build a fairer workplace where people like Becca and Jasmine get the recognition they deserve.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

Hybrid or all-virtual roles are here to stay. Here’s how to make sure you don’t fade into the background.

Today, it’s not unusual to have been in a job for a few years and not have met your boss–in person, that is.

That’s the reality for many of my clients, whose virtual or hybrid roles make it challenging to have the visibility it takes to grow in a company, feel connected to their colleagues, and be fulfilled in their careers.

But being remote doesn’t have to mean being invisible. Here are seven things I coach my clients to do to help them be just as visible and influential as their in-person colleagues.

1. Communicate face-to-face

One of my clients, Jan, has discovered something proven by psychological research: Much of communication happens nonverbally, in the body language and facial expressions that are lost in written communication or even voice calls. So, as a remote worker, she makes the most of the tool that provides the closest thing to in-person communication: video calls.

“I build relationships most quickly with the people whom I speak with regularly, especially when we use video for our conversations,” Jan says.

2. Schedule more cross-departmental meetings
People tend to stick to relationships within their own departments or divisions. Instead, ask yourself: Whom can I collaborate with outside of day-to-day colleagues? Who’s in my ecosystem? Who are my stakeholders? Proactively reach out to these people with “soft touch” check-ins that establish rapport. Ask how they are doing, how you can support them, and how you can be a resource. Don’t assume that people are too busy for meetings like this–instead, realize that you could be helping others break out of their silos, too. And make these touch points consistent. Another of my clients, Greg, often had to reintroduce himself to colleagues despite having been in his company for two years. “They don’t remember working with me,” he said. “I started to feel invisible.” By scheduling regular check-ins, he started replicating the real-life running-into-each-other moments to keep him top of mind.

3. Actively participate in meetings
When Zoom fatigue sets in, it’s tempting to check out of a meeting and turn your camera off. Instead, make an effort to show up as an engaged contributor. Turn your camera on, ask questions, share your perspective, and actively participate. Don’t hold back on ideas, especially if they show off strategic thinking. Share them and be prepared to volunteer to get them implemented.

4. Volunteer for stretch assignments
If you want more visibility, don’t just stay in your lane. Volunteer for high-profile projects, especially cross-functional assignments, and projects led by senior leaders–just make sure to keep these in balance with your day-to-day work. Ask to present at the next staff meeting or company all-hands. This can help you become known as a thought leader and subject matter expert. Take it a step further and look beyond your company for industry-wide opportunities to speak on panels, write for trade publications, or present at conferences.

5. Think of your manager as your ally
A solid relationship with your boss can be a boost to your visibility. Let your manager know that you’re interested in growing your connections and capacities. Ask if there are meetings you can join, or projects you can take off their plate. This can serve a double purpose: You expand your influence and exposure to other leaders, and you establish yourself as someone your boss can depend on to make their job easier.

6. Visit the office at least a few times per year
Take advantage of any opportunity to visit the office in person. If you’re a hybrid worker, coordinate your days in the office with others’ — Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays tend to be the busiest in-office days. Schedule lunches, coffees, and check-ins. Have meetings face-to-face. Make an effort to meet people whose names you’ve only seen in writing. If you live in a different city, travel as much as your company’s budget allows, attending quarterly meetings, sales trainings, or retreats. Find reasons to justify extra travel to the office.

7. Be available and dependable
Unfortunately, in-person workers can be perceived as more “available” than remote workers purely because of their physical presence. As a remote worker, it takes extra effort to show that you’re just as dependable. Be eager to jump into impromptu meetings, phone calls, or chats. Answer emails quickly. Be flexible when adjusting to time zone differences. These adjustments can be an extra burden for remote workers, but being responsive and available builds long-term trust and credibility.

Working remotely doesn’t mean you have to fade into the background. By turning your camera on, connecting across departments, pursuing high-profile opportunities, thinking of your boss as your ally, being available, and visiting your office as much as you can, you can be not just another name on the screen, but a key player in your company, growing your career and finding real satisfaction in your work.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

There’s a lot that must go into an investor pitch, but thinking of it as a three-part story can help you tackle your next pitch with confidence.

When making a pitch to potential investors, many entrepreneurs lose sight of something important: A pitch isn’t only about financial details and projections, it’s a chance to build a relationship, tell a story, and inspire trust in you and your vision.

While experts might disagree on the exact order of an ideal pitch, most agree on the things that absolutely must go into it.

In terms of structure, it can help to break down your pitch into three general sections: who you are, what you need, and the challenges you might face. Here are the must-have elements of each.

1. Who you are

Start your pitch strong by grounding your audience in the basic who/what/why. It all starts with a hook: The five-second elevator pitch.

This single sentence is a concise, five-second summary of your entire pitch, and it follows a basic formula: We help X achieve Y by doing Z. X is your customer, Y is your company’s value proposition, and Z is your innovation, product, service, or solution to a problem.

It seems like it would be easy to boil your entire pitch down to five seconds, but it takes work to refine it into a single, focused sentence.

The rest of your first section unpacks your elevator pitch, beginning with a compelling story about how and why you started your company. Most founders love this part, as it’s an opportunity to talk about the moment that inspired the start of their business. Lean into the emotion that sparked that moment — it’s relatable and connects the audience to you and your story.

It also helps to think of your story in terms of a three-part obstacle-solution-benefits framework. What is the common problem your company solves, and what is the personal story about when you noticed it? What are the limitations of the current solutions to that problem? What solution does your company provide? What are the unique benefits of that solution? If there are early success stories or testimonials, this is a great spot to share them. A prototype, demo, or video of the user experience can bring your idea to life, too. But beware of presenting too many technical details that could overwhelm or alienate your audience, an easy trap to fall into when you’re passionate about your idea.

Next, back up your story with hard data — projections, financial details, and growth plans. What is the market size and potential for growth? Is your company solving a local problem, or is there potential for a global customer base? If you describe future growth plans, provide the financial details to back up several scenarios. Don’t be afraid to think big — investors aren’t usually motivated by small possibilities — but refrain from exaggerating, as savvy investors can tell the difference between pumped-up figures and realistic projections.

Investors like to know how your big idea is monetized, and that information comes through with details about your revenue model. Keeping it simple is key, including providing a breakdown of how this model relates to total annual revenue goals.

2. What you need (and how you’ll use it)
When it comes to funding, investors are looking for specifics, not “we’ll take as much as you can give us” — that communicates only that you don’t have a solid grasp on what it takes to build your company. Instead, be clear and concrete with your numbers, describing how much funding you are seeking, how long you expect that funding to last, what you will use the money for, and where you project your company will be once the funding runs out (will the company be profitable, or will you be eligible for an additional round of funding?).

Many founders neglect to include a marketing strategy, which is essential from an investor’s point of view — they may believe in your idea, but they also need to believe you are equipped to bring it to market. If you don’t have a marketing strategy, tap a marketing expert for your team, and include them when you describe the expert team you’ve put together.

3. What are your potential challenges (and how will you meet them?)
Founders tend to downplay two very real challenges: competition and risks. You inspire more confidence in your potential investors if you acknowledge these challenges and show that you have thought through how to approach them.

Even if your product or service is unique, there is always competition in the form of whatever option is available today. Present an analysis of current-day competition, including their strengths and weaknesses, and how your company compares.

Risks are always present, as well, whether they’re regulatory, legal, political, technological, or related to liability. Be prepared to detail potential risks and how you plan to mitigate them.

These general sections can help you keep track of the overall “story” of your pitch, helping you transition from one section to the next while remaining in conversation with your “audience” of potential investors. It’s about more than reading a series of slides and bullet points — it’s about inspiring your audience to take action, and believe in your idea as much as you do.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

The prep that goes into your pitch — and how you follow up — is almost as important as the pitch itself.

It’s a situation familiar to many entrepreneurs.

You have a wonderful business idea. You put together a strong team. You work hard on a beautiful deck. You line up a group of potential investors and make your pitch. The investors were enthusiastic and interested, and yet, radio silence. What went wrong?

From the investor’s point of view, an idea that seemed promising on paper felt flat during the pitch. They, too, wonder what went wrong.

While there are crucial things that investors look for in every pitch, success often depends on the work an entrepreneur puts in before their pitch — and after.

Here is what to do pre- and post-pitch to increase your chances of success.

1. Before the pitch: Know your investors
The same rule that applies to presentations in general applies to investor pitches: Know your audience.

Venture capitalists and angel investors look for different things from entrepreneur pitches. Because venture capitalists write checks on behalf of a group of investors, they have a stronger incentive to make smart decisions. They’re detail-oriented, thorough, and focused on numbers, so focus your pitch on financial details, metrics, and potential risks.

As high net-worth individuals, angel investors are able to act more quickly on their investment decisions because they’re only accountable to themselves. Generally, these investors are interested in the big picture, so focus on the potential upsides of your business and the market it addresses.

For all types of investors, knowing whom exactly you are pitching to is crucial prep work. Research each unique investor. Find out who they’ve invested in before, what has made them say yes, and what questions they usually ask. If you can’t find this information online, don’t be afraid to connect with other founders who’ve worked with that investor.

2. Know your time
It’s important to tailor your pitch not only to your audience but to the time you’ll have to present it. While most investors take meetings in 10- to 20-minute slots, a pitch can be longer or shorter. You have to be prepared to pivot.

Practice scaling your presentation, starting with what is most important. According to surveys, investors are most concerned about three things: knowing the founder, management team, and advisory board are made up of strong, seasoned people with proven track records; proof they’re investing in a product with a competitive edge; and details about the size of the market for the product.

Always include time for a Q&A. Generally, a 30-minute presentation would include 10 minutes of Q&A, but be ready for questions to happen at any time, too.

3. Practice and get feedback
Practice can take two forms: practicing your pitch for trusted colleagues and friends, and presenting to several investors before pitching your most ideal investor.

Friends and colleagues can provide honest feedback. Are there parts that are unclear or confusing? Is the intention behind your words aligning with how your audience is perceiving them? What is resonating most, and what isn’t?

These investor stand-ins can also help you practice answering some of the toughest questions you might get, questions such as what milestones — particularly those related to growth and revenue — will you hit and when? Where do you see this business in five years? Why do you think we are the right investor for you?

Investors often don’t wait until the Q&A portion to ask questions. Ask your friends or colleagues to interrupt with challenging questions, and practice welcoming them with honesty, transparency, and confident calmness. Don’t get defensive or show you’re irritated — sometimes, investors want to see how you react in these moments as a clue to your overall attitude and coachability.

Once you’ve lined up investors, try to pitch to a few before you get the chance to go before your ideal investor. It’s very rare to get a yes after the first few pitches. But that doesn’t mean you won’t gain anything at all — each pitch will give you valuable information on what is resonating, what kinds of questions to expect, and how you can refine your pitch, so you are in the best shape possible for that most ideal investor.

4. After the pitch
The pitch isn’t done once you’ve hit your final slide — there’s still work to be done. Follow up with a brief message thanking the investor. Make sure your tone is gracious and genuine, and avoid a generic, one-size-fits-all email by referencing specifics, like something you learned from your interaction with the investor.

If you don’t hear back for some time, don’t be afraid to follow up on your follow-up. Busy people often get buried with communications, and an extra reminder may be appreciated.

Radio silence and unanswered questions don’t have to follow your next pitch. With preparation before — and a genuine follow-up afterward — you’ll instead be hearing a resounding yes.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

Investor pitches are one of the most important steps in the entrepreneur journey. Here’s how to make yours sing.

If you’re a company founder, you’ve likely engaged in one of the most high-stakes, stressful steps of entrepreneurship: the investor pitch.

No matter how much time, energy, and effort you pour into your pitch deck, the actual in-person pitch and how you show up as a founder are what matter in the end.

Here are four things that investors, from angel investors to VC firms, look for in every pitch — and every founder they want to invest in.

1. Confident control
The conventional wisdom holds that investors look for founders who are passionate about their businesses. While this may be true, how that passion is portrayed can make or break a pitch.

MIT researcher Lakshmi Balachandra analyzed 185 pitches from an MIT competition judged by real VCs. Her team measured the founder’s visible passion — categorized as enthusiasm, energy, and persistence — against whether their pitches won high marks with the judges. The result? The highest marks went to founders who had calm, steady, confident demeanors, which investors equated with leadership strength. But beware of erring on the side of low energy, which can read as nervousness or insecurity. Practice your pitch so you develop the confidence and steadiness that comes with preparation. And avoid any temptation to engage in high-pressure sales tactics. Investors take a measured, thoughtful, long-term view and are turned off by must-act-now persistence.

2. Build trust
While competence matters, investors aren’t looking for founders who can do it all — they know that strong leaders hire qualified people to fill in knowledge gaps. What matters more is character.

Balachandra also studied founder character. Her research with angel investors found that these investors, who often work closely for years with company founders, were most interested in startups whose founders conveyed trustworthiness, not competence. In fact, her research found that entrepreneurs who came across as trustworthy increased their odds of being funded by 10 percent.

Building trust can take months, if not years. How can an entrepreneur communicate trustworthiness during a brief pitch? First, when questions come up, be open and responsive. Investors feel secure with leaders who don’t evade questions but instead respond truthfully and quickly. Second, be consistent — with your values, motivations, and character. Investors trust founders who are easy to read, hinting at what could be an honest and open working relationship.

3. Be coachable
Both angel investors and VC firms expect to work closely with founders and their teams to grow the business. This requires founders who are open to mentorship, collaboration, and feedback, especially from investors who have the expertise to offer it. In short, investors look for founders who are coachable.

During your pitch, there are ways you can communicate that you are coachable. Ask for feedback, and greet it with openness and acceptance. If you receive critical feedback or objections, set any feelings of defensiveness aside and lean into gratitude and curiosity instead. This assures the investors that your ego won’t get in the way of their investment. Instead, they’ll have a partner who’s open to growth and mentorship.

4. Be aware of gender bias
Gender bias has a well-known impact on VC funding. According to a report by the Harvard Kennedy School Women and Public Policy Program, women receive a disproportionately small share of funding from VC firms: 2.3 percent for all-female founding teams and 10 percent for mixed-gender founding teams.

Balachandra’s research investigated how gender-based stereotypes play a role in investors’ assessment of founders, and discovered that all founders, regardless of gender, were less likely to succeed at pitching when displaying stereotypically “feminine” behaviors, such as warmth, sensitivity, expressiveness, and emotionality. Those behaviors deemed stereotypically “male,” such as forcefulness and assertiveness, were seen as more favorable. In short, Balachandra concluded that VCs are biased against femininity.

Founders should not have to change who they are, but instead be strategic. Think of your pitch as a performance and be deliberate about which moments are best suited to portray assertiveness and confidence. Know yourself and when you may be naturally more sensitive or emotionally reactive, and practice toning down those moments. You don’t have to be inauthentic in your gender expression, but it helps to know your audience, know their norms and expectations, and use that knowledge to your advantage.

Before you close the laptop on your next pitch deck, remember that the impact of your pitch extends beyond your slides. Use those precious minutes to build trust, portray calm confidence, and demonstrate that you are coachable while keeping gender bias in mind, and you may be shaking hands with a new partner.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

The pickleball generation is figuring out there’s more to the sport than dinks and dunks.

Those of us fortunate to live a long and productive life are likely to face a turning point: a time to retire.

“Retirement,” however, can be a loaded word. For some, it brings a sense of elation — what challenges lie ahead? What will I do with all of my time? What does my future look like?

For others, it brings uncertainty — what challenges lie ahead? What will I do with all of my time? What does my future look like?

OK, you’ve caught me. The questions are the same. The difference, I would argue, is a matter of perspective.

The Fertile Void

I see this firsthand with many of my clients, all successful in their own fields and financially secure as they transition to their new life. Some love the freedom to explore new challenges or engage in activities they didn’t have time for when they were climbing the career ladder.

For others, there’s a sense of loss — loss of purpose in their life and a loss of structure in their daily schedule.

I look at this period of transition as a fertile void. This is a concept first coined by psychotherapists Fritz and Gloria Perls, who defined it as a state of “not knowing, a precursor to something new and generative, and perhaps even the state of feeling simultaneously empty and full at the same time.”

What I tell my clients is that their lives are full of possibilities — it’s just that the possibilities haven’t been identified yet.

So where should they look for their possibilities? One word: pickleball. Or, rather, what pickleball represents.

The Pickleball Generation

You’ve no doubt seen the rise of pickleball in your neighborhood. The mashup of tennis, badminton, and Ping-Pong has taken off in recent years, becoming the fastest-growing sport in the U.S. And while it’s popular with people of all ages, it seems to have really caught on with people of a certain age. In fact, according to a 2022 report by the Sports & Fitness Industry Association, more than half of core pickleball players are 55 or older, while almost a third are over 65.

I believe there are four main reasons why the sport is particularly popular with this age group. One, it’s active. It keeps its players motivated to move, without imposing too much physical strain. Two, it’s doable. It’s accessible, inexpensive to play, and easy to learn. Three, it’s social. It brings people together and has built-in interactivity. And, finally, it’s fun. (If you’ve played pickleball, you know.)

I can attest to these four reasons because I’m one of those core pickleball players. And while I’ve just started, I can hit dinks and dunks, and, of course, I know to stay out of the kitchen.

For these reasons, I would go so far as to say we are all part of the pickleball generation.

A Post-Retirement Blueprint

I’m not saying the solution to figuring out what to do for the rest of your life is to just play pickleball (although it is a lot of fun).

I am arguing that the reasons why pickleball is great as it can provide a blueprint for this transition to a new chapter of your life. Let’s revisit them.

It’s active: We have worked hard in our careers. We still want to be active and engaged, but in ways that are meaningful to us and allow us to give back to others.It’s doable: We’ve already developed our skills, through school, technical degrees, and work. Let’s find something fulfilling that doesn’t require a lot of development, but does allow us to grow and develop as much as we want.It’s social: Most of my clients say one of the biggest rewards of their careers is the social connections they developed. That doesn’t change in retirement. Walk down this new path with others.It’s fun: Your career may have been fulfilling, but if you’re like most, it was equally important to pursue work that allowed you to raise a family and maintain a home. In this next phase, focus on things that fulfill you. Take time to enjoy what you’ve earned.

If you found a career that brought you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, those goals don’t have to change in retirement. The difference is that instead of working to feed your family and build a home, you now have the opportunity to feed your inspiration and build upon other things you are passionate about.

Some may find a passion to give back to the community. Others may decide to start a new business, like a bakery. Still, others know their work experience would benefit others and offer to mentor young professionals. And some, yes, become addicted to pickleball.

Over the next few months, I plan to share ideas on how to identify what comes next for soon-to-be retirees. The next step should be a rewarding one, an opportunity to embrace being active, being social, finding fulfillment, and having fun. That’s the perspective everyone in the pickleball generation should have.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

This article was originally posted on Inc.com

When my clients are feeling stuck, confused, or lost, I ask them to close their eyes and tell me what they see.

High-performing entrepreneurs and executives are usually experts at understanding the needs of their teams, clients, and customers. They’re often not, though, experts at understanding their own needs.

When it comes to connecting with what they truly want or uncovering what their emotions are trying to tell them, many of them fall short. In these moments, I often find success with a surprising, powerful tool: leaning on images, not words, to reveal what’s important. This tool of visual metaphor and visualization allows these executives to merge their rational, analytical selves with their intuitive selves.

“A rainbow of ideas and perspectives”

My client, Mariana, is a thoughtful, passionate, and expressive leader. Her team and peers appreciate that she wears her emotions on her sleeve — because she’s so transparent, she’s easy to trust. This means, though, that she lacks a “poker face.” She can’t help but portray how she feels about an idea — good or bad — even when her intention is to hide her opinion.

Her team quickly picked up on this. If Mariana is enthusiastic about an idea, she’ll lean forward in her seat, as if to listen more closely. If she doesn’t like an idea, she’ll do the opposite and lean away from the speaker. Mariana didn’t realize she was doing this until a colleague pointed it out. And she was grateful for the feedback: As a senior leader, she was inadvertently making people feel judged, discouraging them from expressing their ideas and points of view. As soon as the lean back started, people tended to stop talking.

Mariana was distraught. She wanted to create an environment of psychological safety for her team. I asked Mariana to close her eyes and envision the kind of culture she wanted to cultivate. After a few moments, she responded.

“A rainbow,” she said. “It has multiple colors, which represent a wide range of ideas and perspectives. And it’s circular. Those perspectives are all together and inclusive. It feels like you’re pointing to the future, high in the sky.”

As Mariana described this image, her body language changed. Her shoulders relaxed, her face softened, and her arms pulled away from her body, expanding into an open posture. When represented by a visual metaphor, it was easy for Mariana to describe the culture she wanted for her team. Not only that, but summoning the image in her mind caused her body language to deliver a message that aligned with her values as a leader. From now on, when she listens to her team’s ideas, she will recall the image of the rainbow in her mind. This way, no matter the idea, her body language would always communicate that she is open and accepting.

“A badminton shuttlecock”

Carl, my client, was in a very difficult position at this stage of his career. He was working in a toxic environment and dealing with burnout and prolonged stress. The anxiety was causing his performance — and mental health — to suffer.

I asked Carl to close his eyes and picture his current state. What image came to mind?

“A tennis ball,” he said. “But it’s not yellow. It’s covered in dirt and it’s filled with dirt. It’s so heavy it can’t bounce.”

I then asked Carl to picture his ideal state of mind. What does that look like?

“A badminton shuttlecock,” he replied. “The wind blows and everything just passes through. It’s light, airy, and carefree. That’s what I want to be.”

We discussed the realistic steps he could take to get to that state. He realized he needed to let go of the things that were beyond his control but he still felt he needed to hold onto. If he finds himself ruminating on those things, he will picture the shuttlecock and let those things “pass through” him.

“I can still get to where I want to go in my role without all of that weighing me down,” he said.

Carl had been feeling his emotions, but he was unable to unearth what they were trying to tell him. Emotions are data, not directives, according to Harvard Medical School psychologist Susan David, a leading thinker on emotional agility. They are the mind’s way of letting us know that something in our lives is unaligned with our deepest needs, wants, and values. For Carl, visualizing his emotional state provided the key to unlocking the data his emotions held. From there, he was able to use that data to clarify his goals and make decisions to get him closer to meeting them.

If you are having trouble articulating a goal, deciphering what your emotions mean, or understanding your needs and wants, try exploring a visual metaphor. It can help you connect your rational side to your intuitive self — and it’s a resource you can always have with you.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

How do you feel when you’re checking out of a store and someone behind the counter says, “Have a nice day?” Do you get a little shimmy in your step? Does your day get a little brighter? Not really? Ever wonder why that is? The term have a nice day is often uttered by service employees to customers at the end of a transaction. Most of the time, it doesn’t really mean anything because it’s not real. It doesn’t feel authentic to us. As author Brene Brown put it, “Authenticity is not something we have or don’t have. It’s a practice, a conscious choice of how we want to live. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” When it comes to the concept of saving face, being authentic isn’t just a means to an end. It’s the key factor for maintaining dignity.

One of my clients is a major U.S. furniture manufacturer. They had ordered a new line of dining tables to be made by a factory in Southern China. They sent a detailed blueprint design to the factory, and set up deadlines for product review and delivery. A few weeks later, the American manager checked on the progress, and to his surprise, the factory ignored the blueprint design and they added shiny metal bars to the table legs. “Why did you add the bars? It is not in a design,” the Americans asked. “Well,” the Chinese said, “It’s a design improvement.” The U.S. company told the Chinese to remove the rods and follow the original design. But the bars were still there at their next meeting.

After many weeks, one of the American executives began gently probing the factory engineers and discovered the real issue. He found out that the Chinese company used the bars because they could not find the right parts as required by the original design. Fearing loss of face on a multimillion-dollar deal, the embarrassed Chinese had said nothing. The American manager offered to work together with the Chinese to find a supplier with the right parts. The tables were made, and the deal was closed. To everyone’s satisfaction, the American manager has helped the Chinese save face.

So, here’s how I define saving face.

1. Saving face is preserving dignity for others. Dignity is the state of being worthy of honor or respect. When you help someone preserve their dignity, you make them feel respected and valued. That’s the foundation of trust.

2. Saving face requires you to be kind but firm. Brene Brown said, “We can be compassionate and accepting while we hold people accountable for their behaviors. We can, and in fact, it’s the best way to do it.”

3. Saving face is creating psychological safety. Make others feel heard, understood, and appreciated. Create a safe space for people to speak up, contribute, share ideas, and take risk so they can be creative and do their best work.

4. Saving face is intentional. Start with the end goal in mind. Ask, what is my intention? What do I want to achieve? State your intention repeatedly to create openness for authentic conversations.

5. Saving face is following the Platinum Rule. You know the Golden Rule, treat others the way you like to be treated. So, what is the Platinum Rule? There’s only one word difference: treat others as they would like to be treated.

6. Saving face is inclusive. It promotes a sense of belonging, not just fitting in. When people feel they belong, they’re more open, more relaxed, more engaged, and ultimately, more productive.

Finally, saving face is winning all around. Strive to achieve the best outcomes for everyone involved. It’s not win-lose, not win-win, but winning all around. To achieve this, it may require compromise, negotiation, powerful questions, authentic conversations, and creative solutions.

My book, Saving Face illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.

Click here to watch the video.

This video was originally posted on AthenaOnline.com

Conflict can lead to productive, positive outcomes. It all depends on your approach.

My client, Nicole, avoids conflict. After a recent conversation with her preteen son, she realized she should rethink her approach.

Her son and his grandparents were spending an upcoming Saturday together. The grandparents were planning a day at the beach, but he really wanted to go to an arcade. “Can you ask them if we can go to the arcade instead?” he pleaded. Why, Nicole asked, when he can ask them himself.

“Because, you’re nicer,” he replied. “And I’m afraid they’ll say no.”

Nicole realized her son was approaching conflict just the way she does: Say nothing, even if you’re right, rather than risk people being upset with you.

This was her approach at work, too. Although she excels at building relationships and is respected for her expertise, she shuts down at the first hint of disagreement. Recently, she allowed a project to progress despite disagreeing with a colleague’s solution to a problem. Rather than contradict her colleague, she stayed quiet. The solution failed, and the project did, too.

Her peers noticed her silence. Those with less power were frustrated that Nicole hadn’t spoken up when she, as a leader, was in the position to do so. Nicole’s attempts to be likable were causing her to lose respect.

In our coaching sessions, Nicole and I worked through the Thomas-Kilmann conflict model and its five conflict-handling modes: competing, collaborating, avoiding, accommodating, and compromising. It helped Nicole — and her son — stop running away from conflict.

Finding the right balance
The Thomas-Kilmann conflict model places the five modes along an X-Y graph, with “assertive” on the y-axis and “cooperative” on the x-axis. Each mode is defined by how assertive and/or cooperative the conflicting parties are in their approach.

When neither party takes action, they are both avoiding, which is low on assertiveness and low on cooperation. This is a lose/lose situation — no one gets what they want.

When Nicole didn’t disagree with her colleague, even though she knew he was mistaken, she was accommodating, which is high on cooperation but low on assertiveness. In this conflict mode, one party wins, while the other loses.

When both parties are high on assertiveness but low on cooperation, they are competing. This mode results in an I win/you lose outcome.

These three modes do have their purpose. An emergency situation, for example, calls for the quick, decisive action of the competing mode. Accommodating can be a smart move if preserving harmony is more important than being right.

For Nicole (and, by extension, her son), the challenge was in practicing the assertiveness needed for the compromising and collaborating conflict-handling modes.

A win for both sides
Compromise sits in the middle of the Thomas-Kilmann conflict model, with midlevel cooperativeness and assertiveness, resulting in a yield/yield outcome — both sides give a little, and lose a little. Collaborating is high on assertiveness and cooperation, and is the only mode that leads to a win/win outcome.

Nicole’s fear of conflict stems from anxiety over speaking up. She fears being disliked and being perceived as aggressive or pushy. I asked her to reimagine the situation with her colleague and the flawed problem solution. What would have been the benefit of voicing her disagreement?

“In the long run, it would have saved us time and money,” she said. “If I’d spoken up, it wouldn’t have been for selfish reasons — it would have been for the greater good.”

This crystallized the most powerful motivation for Nicole to speak up. As a leader, her goal is to make decisions for the greater good. That requires managing conflict, not avoiding difficult conversations.

With this new mindset, Nicole coached her son to speak his mind and collaborate on a solution with his grandparents.

It worked. After some research, they found a section of the beach located near an arcade. Everyone got to enjoy their Saturday outing.

Nicole shifted the way she led at work. She started to seek buy-in from colleagues in personal, one-on-one conversations before engaging in larger-group collaboration and compromise. This allowed her to both lower the stakes and leverage her talent for building relationships.

If conflict provokes anxiety for you, too, remember the mindset shift that helped Nicole tap into her confidence. Focus on the greater good and work for outcomes that are a win/win for all.

My book, Saving Face: How to Preserve Dignity and Build Trust, illustrates how we can honor face to create positive first impressions, avoid causing others to lose face, and, most importantly, help others save face to build trust and lasting relationships inside and outside the workplace.