Elara Stone's Blog - Posts Tagged "femdomstalking"
The Relentless Admirer: Why Some Fans Won't Take No for an Answer in Femdom Worlds
Hello to my sweet readers,
As an author, I get to chat with all sorts of amazing readers. Most of you are fantastic—you share thoughts, give honest feedback, and make my writing better. But every now and then, I bump into guys who just won't let go. They start off nice, maybe asking for a bonus chapter or wanting to beta-read my next book. Before I know it, they're messaging me every day, using fake names to sneak back in after I say stop, or even leaving weird hints in reviews that feel like they're trying to mess with me. It's not fun; it makes me double-check everything. I figured it was time to dig deeper and understand why this happens, especially in our femdom community where submission and control are big themes. What I found? It's often about deep-rooted stuff like feeling rejected or chasing a "fix" for their emotions. Let's break it down, step by step, in simple terms anyone can get.
What Stalking Really Looks Like
Stalking isn't always like in movies, with someone hiding in bushes or sending scary letters. It's any repeated, unwanted chasing that makes the person on the receiving end feel stressed or uneasy. Think daily messages you didn't ask for, someone watching your every online move, or popping up with new fake accounts after you block them. Experts say there are different kinds of stalkers—some want revenge, some think they're in love, some are just clueless about boundaries. But the big thing is, it bugs the victim (that's me or anyone in this spot), not the stalker. In online worlds like ours, it's super easy because the internet lets people hide behind screens. About 8-32% of people face this in their lifetime, and sadly, most know their stalker from before—like a fan who got too attached [1] [2].
The Rejected Type: When "No" Feels Like the End of the World
A lot of these pushy fans fit what experts call "rejected stalkers"—that's about half of all cases. These guys start chasing harder after they feel cut off, like from a friendship, a job, or even just a fan-author chat. For them, getting ignored or told "no more" hits like a punch to their ego. They might flip between begging to come back (super nice and sorry) and getting mad (threats or mean comments). In femdom circles, this gets extra intense because submissive guys often see the dominant woman (like me) as their ultimate guide or "goddess." When I say "thanks, but I'm good without your help," it feels like total rejection to them. They keep trying to "fix" it by sneaking in with new names or begging for another chance. Studies show this type makes up 40-50% of stalkers, and it's all about trying to get back what they lost—control, attention, or that feeling of belonging. They want a close bond or relationship with the person they're chasing, like Elara Stone—me [3] [4].
Where It Starts: Bumpy Childhoods and Fear of Being Left Behind
A big reason for this clingy behavior? Something called "insecure attachment," which often comes from rough times as a kid—like parents who weren't always there, family breakups, or feeling neglected. This makes grown-ups super scared of being left behind, so they hold on too tight in relationships. About 60-80% of stalkers have this issue, and in surveys (where people open up in therapy or studies), 40-60% talk about childhood stuff like losing a parent or unstable homes. It's not that every stalker spills their life story—some hide it out of shame—but research from interviews and tests shows the link is strong. For a guy like this in femdom, the odds are high (maybe 50-70%) that old fears are at play: they see me as a "safe" figure who "gets" their submission, so rejection hits like losing someone close all over again. They chase to feel okay, but it just bugs me more [5] [6] [7].
Chasing the Dream: The Goal That Won't Let Go
I came across this idea called Relational Goal Pursuit (or RGP for short), and it clicked for me. Basically, some people turn a simple want—like joining a fan group or getting extra book stuff—into a huge life goal. They think it'll make them happy or prove their worth, and they really want a relationship or close bond with the person they're chasing. Here's how it works in easy steps: First, they hype up how awesome the goal is (being in my tribe feels like the ultimate win). Second, they tie it to bigger stuff (like feeling good about themselves or getting that thrill from submission). Third, their brain tricks them into thinking it's totally doable—they ignore all the "no's" and keep trying because they believe one more message will work. Fourth, when things go wrong, they just think about it more and try harder, not caring how it bugs me. In femdom, subs might link chatting with me to relieving their hidden urges or feeling "seen." This fits about 80% of relationship-based stalkers, not the creepy random ones. As one expert put it, they chase goals that seem "must-have, can-get, no backup plan"—and boy, does that ring true [8] [9] [10].
Sneaky Sides: Tricks and Self-Centered Moves
These chasers often have what psych folks call "dark traits," like being sneaky to get what they want or feeling super entitled. They might use fake names or hide behind tech to keep pushing, thinking they deserve a spot in your world. In sub guys, this mixes with their kinks—they act all obedient but flip to pushy when they don't get their way. Odds are 30-50% of online stalkers have this, higher when it's about ego hits like being told "no thanks" [11] [12].
Hiding the Thrill: Why They Twist and Turn
Subs in femdom often feel ashamed about what turns them on, so they talk around it—like chatting about morals or book meanings instead of admitting the arousal. But if they're not super sharp (think bad English or quick mistakes), it turns into tricks to stay close without saying the real reason. They feel entitled to your time, even if it means lying or sneaking. This hiding makes them defensive and flippy, as the shame bubbles up [13] [14].
The Internet Mask: Why It's So Hard to Shake Them
Online, people feel bold because no one sees their face. They use tricks like VPNs to keep coming back, not thinking about how annoying it is for you. About 70% of cyber chases involve this hiding, making it last longer. In femdom groups, some "fake subs" use it to push boundaries without getting called out—for example, begging for roles like beta reader even after you say no, or leaving reviews that hint at private stuff to force a reply [15] [16].
Why They Just Won't Stop
It's like a bad loop: getting shut out makes them want it more, tying into old hurts or that rush from feeling "owned." Your stories keep firing up their imagination—like scenes of cribs or playpens that get them aroused—so they can't stand being left out and keep pushing to get back in. They ignore your "stop" because their brain says "one more try." Half of these guys do it again even after warnings [17] [18].
Wrapping Up: Staying Safe in Our World
Dealing with these admirers has taught me to set firm lines early. For us in femdom, it's about enjoying the power play without real-life creeps. If you're facing this, document everything and report it—it's not your fault [19] [20].
Sources
[1] Spitzberg & Cupach (2014). Dark Side of Relationship Pursuit. Routledge. https://www.routledge.com/The-Dark-Side-of-Relationship-Pursuit-From-Attraction-to-Obsession-and-Stalking/Spitzberg-Cupach/p/book/9780415896733
[2] PMC: "Stalking Victimization" (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7483056/
[3] Mullen et al. (2000). Stalkers and Their Victims. Cambridge UP. https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/stalkers-and-their-victims/2B2F75EE36EA8F103C4837C4D8F4699F
[4] Psychology Today: "Rejected Stalkers" (2022). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-equation/202201/rejected-stalkers
[5] Cupach & Spitzberg (2004). Obsessive Relational Intrusion. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24047049_Obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[6] PMC: "Attachment and Stalking" (2018). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8915219/
[7] Journal of Forensic Psychiatry (2015): Childhood Trauma. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14789949.2015.1037331
[8] BDSM Psychology Review (2021). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11176219/
[9] Spitzberg & Cupach (2000). RGP Theory. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313001114_Toward_a_theory_of_obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[10] Cupach & Spitzberg (2004). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24047049_Obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[11] Mullen et al. (2000). https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/stalkers-and-their-victims/2B2F75EE36EA8F103C4837C4D8F4699F
[12] Spitzberg & Cupach (2014). https://www.routledge.com/The-Dark-Side-of-Relationship-Pursuit-From-Attraction-to-Obsession-and-Stalking/Spitzberg-Cupach/p/book/9780415896733
[13] PMC: "Narcissism in Stalking" (2019). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6970445/
[14] Journal of Personality (2022): Machiavellianism. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jopy.12685
[15] PMC: "Shame in BDSM" (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7429999/
[16] Suler (2004). Online Disinhibition. https://truecenterpublishing.com/psycyber/disinhibit.html
[17] PMC: Trauma Bonding (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8638712/
[18] Journal of Interpersonal Violence (2018): Recidivism. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0886260518759990
[19] PMC: "Stigma in Cross-Dressing" (2019). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7725857/
[20] PMC: "ADHD and Gender" (2022). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9107489/
As an author, I get to chat with all sorts of amazing readers. Most of you are fantastic—you share thoughts, give honest feedback, and make my writing better. But every now and then, I bump into guys who just won't let go. They start off nice, maybe asking for a bonus chapter or wanting to beta-read my next book. Before I know it, they're messaging me every day, using fake names to sneak back in after I say stop, or even leaving weird hints in reviews that feel like they're trying to mess with me. It's not fun; it makes me double-check everything. I figured it was time to dig deeper and understand why this happens, especially in our femdom community where submission and control are big themes. What I found? It's often about deep-rooted stuff like feeling rejected or chasing a "fix" for their emotions. Let's break it down, step by step, in simple terms anyone can get.
What Stalking Really Looks Like
Stalking isn't always like in movies, with someone hiding in bushes or sending scary letters. It's any repeated, unwanted chasing that makes the person on the receiving end feel stressed or uneasy. Think daily messages you didn't ask for, someone watching your every online move, or popping up with new fake accounts after you block them. Experts say there are different kinds of stalkers—some want revenge, some think they're in love, some are just clueless about boundaries. But the big thing is, it bugs the victim (that's me or anyone in this spot), not the stalker. In online worlds like ours, it's super easy because the internet lets people hide behind screens. About 8-32% of people face this in their lifetime, and sadly, most know their stalker from before—like a fan who got too attached [1] [2].
The Rejected Type: When "No" Feels Like the End of the World
A lot of these pushy fans fit what experts call "rejected stalkers"—that's about half of all cases. These guys start chasing harder after they feel cut off, like from a friendship, a job, or even just a fan-author chat. For them, getting ignored or told "no more" hits like a punch to their ego. They might flip between begging to come back (super nice and sorry) and getting mad (threats or mean comments). In femdom circles, this gets extra intense because submissive guys often see the dominant woman (like me) as their ultimate guide or "goddess." When I say "thanks, but I'm good without your help," it feels like total rejection to them. They keep trying to "fix" it by sneaking in with new names or begging for another chance. Studies show this type makes up 40-50% of stalkers, and it's all about trying to get back what they lost—control, attention, or that feeling of belonging. They want a close bond or relationship with the person they're chasing, like Elara Stone—me [3] [4].
Where It Starts: Bumpy Childhoods and Fear of Being Left Behind
A big reason for this clingy behavior? Something called "insecure attachment," which often comes from rough times as a kid—like parents who weren't always there, family breakups, or feeling neglected. This makes grown-ups super scared of being left behind, so they hold on too tight in relationships. About 60-80% of stalkers have this issue, and in surveys (where people open up in therapy or studies), 40-60% talk about childhood stuff like losing a parent or unstable homes. It's not that every stalker spills their life story—some hide it out of shame—but research from interviews and tests shows the link is strong. For a guy like this in femdom, the odds are high (maybe 50-70%) that old fears are at play: they see me as a "safe" figure who "gets" their submission, so rejection hits like losing someone close all over again. They chase to feel okay, but it just bugs me more [5] [6] [7].
Chasing the Dream: The Goal That Won't Let Go
I came across this idea called Relational Goal Pursuit (or RGP for short), and it clicked for me. Basically, some people turn a simple want—like joining a fan group or getting extra book stuff—into a huge life goal. They think it'll make them happy or prove their worth, and they really want a relationship or close bond with the person they're chasing. Here's how it works in easy steps: First, they hype up how awesome the goal is (being in my tribe feels like the ultimate win). Second, they tie it to bigger stuff (like feeling good about themselves or getting that thrill from submission). Third, their brain tricks them into thinking it's totally doable—they ignore all the "no's" and keep trying because they believe one more message will work. Fourth, when things go wrong, they just think about it more and try harder, not caring how it bugs me. In femdom, subs might link chatting with me to relieving their hidden urges or feeling "seen." This fits about 80% of relationship-based stalkers, not the creepy random ones. As one expert put it, they chase goals that seem "must-have, can-get, no backup plan"—and boy, does that ring true [8] [9] [10].
Sneaky Sides: Tricks and Self-Centered Moves
These chasers often have what psych folks call "dark traits," like being sneaky to get what they want or feeling super entitled. They might use fake names or hide behind tech to keep pushing, thinking they deserve a spot in your world. In sub guys, this mixes with their kinks—they act all obedient but flip to pushy when they don't get their way. Odds are 30-50% of online stalkers have this, higher when it's about ego hits like being told "no thanks" [11] [12].
Hiding the Thrill: Why They Twist and Turn
Subs in femdom often feel ashamed about what turns them on, so they talk around it—like chatting about morals or book meanings instead of admitting the arousal. But if they're not super sharp (think bad English or quick mistakes), it turns into tricks to stay close without saying the real reason. They feel entitled to your time, even if it means lying or sneaking. This hiding makes them defensive and flippy, as the shame bubbles up [13] [14].
The Internet Mask: Why It's So Hard to Shake Them
Online, people feel bold because no one sees their face. They use tricks like VPNs to keep coming back, not thinking about how annoying it is for you. About 70% of cyber chases involve this hiding, making it last longer. In femdom groups, some "fake subs" use it to push boundaries without getting called out—for example, begging for roles like beta reader even after you say no, or leaving reviews that hint at private stuff to force a reply [15] [16].
Why They Just Won't Stop
It's like a bad loop: getting shut out makes them want it more, tying into old hurts or that rush from feeling "owned." Your stories keep firing up their imagination—like scenes of cribs or playpens that get them aroused—so they can't stand being left out and keep pushing to get back in. They ignore your "stop" because their brain says "one more try." Half of these guys do it again even after warnings [17] [18].
Wrapping Up: Staying Safe in Our World
Dealing with these admirers has taught me to set firm lines early. For us in femdom, it's about enjoying the power play without real-life creeps. If you're facing this, document everything and report it—it's not your fault [19] [20].
Sources
[1] Spitzberg & Cupach (2014). Dark Side of Relationship Pursuit. Routledge. https://www.routledge.com/The-Dark-Side-of-Relationship-Pursuit-From-Attraction-to-Obsession-and-Stalking/Spitzberg-Cupach/p/book/9780415896733
[2] PMC: "Stalking Victimization" (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7483056/
[3] Mullen et al. (2000). Stalkers and Their Victims. Cambridge UP. https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/stalkers-and-their-victims/2B2F75EE36EA8F103C4837C4D8F4699F
[4] Psychology Today: "Rejected Stalkers" (2022). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-equation/202201/rejected-stalkers
[5] Cupach & Spitzberg (2004). Obsessive Relational Intrusion. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24047049_Obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[6] PMC: "Attachment and Stalking" (2018). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8915219/
[7] Journal of Forensic Psychiatry (2015): Childhood Trauma. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14789949.2015.1037331
[8] BDSM Psychology Review (2021). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC11176219/
[9] Spitzberg & Cupach (2000). RGP Theory. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/313001114_Toward_a_theory_of_obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[10] Cupach & Spitzberg (2004). https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24047049_Obsessive_relational_intrusion_and_stalking
[11] Mullen et al. (2000). https://www.cambridge.org/core/books/stalkers-and-their-victims/2B2F75EE36EA8F103C4837C4D8F4699F
[12] Spitzberg & Cupach (2014). https://www.routledge.com/The-Dark-Side-of-Relationship-Pursuit-From-Attraction-to-Obsession-and-Stalking/Spitzberg-Cupach/p/book/9780415896733
[13] PMC: "Narcissism in Stalking" (2019). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6970445/
[14] Journal of Personality (2022): Machiavellianism. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jopy.12685
[15] PMC: "Shame in BDSM" (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7429999/
[16] Suler (2004). Online Disinhibition. https://truecenterpublishing.com/psycyber/disinhibit.html
[17] PMC: Trauma Bonding (2020). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8638712/
[18] Journal of Interpersonal Violence (2018): Recidivism. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0886260518759990
[19] PMC: "Stigma in Cross-Dressing" (2019). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7725857/
[20] PMC: "ADHD and Gender" (2022). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9107489/
