Michelle Rodriguez's Blog: A Little Bit of Me - Posts Tagged "writing-tips"
My Creative Process: Some Tips to Share
In the same way that singing does not come simply from opening one’s mouth, writing a novel does not come simply by picking up a pencil (or typing on a computer screen, although I prefer the scribble of lead and paper over clicked keys.) Singing requires practice, a lot of mediocre performances in one’s kitchen where the neighborhood overhears every missed high note, and finally, a performance where one gives her all and hopes to shine. Writing is a parallel; one needs practice, which for me is a basic outline, then a first draft with possible missed “high notes”, and then finally, a finished novel with heart and soul poured into every word.
Many people have asked me the details of my creative process, and until I started to truly contemplate it, I realized I’d never considered it a process at all. It’s just what I do. I was not formally trained to write; I’ve never even taken a Creative Writing class because I didn’t want rules. I’ve always just gone by what I’ve felt, but I’ve learned lessons along the way and my own methods for how I do things. This is my attempt to list some of my tips for writing, and maybe something here will seem helpful or a new way of doing things.
1. Find inspiration. The most important element to every story is that moment of inspiration. One must have an idea and fall so in love with it that it doesn’t feel like a job to compose an entire story about it. My main source of inspiration is music. Whenever I need an idea or have writer’s block, music is my key. I like to fall into a piece or a song and let my mind go and spin me where it will. Pictures come with the melodies, sometimes whole scenes, sometimes basic ideas. I’ve written whole novels based on one scene because it has spoken to me so much that it reveals layers and a story beneath it. It becomes like a movie playing out just for me, and as the songs evolve, the stories follow suit.
2. Notes. I am not talking about composing an entire beginning to end outline of a story before you write it. How much pressure would that be! I cannot imagine writing an entire synopsis, let alone sticking to it! I take notes, scribble down words or ideas from my inspiration and the pictures in my head, minor details, and then I let those words pull me to my next ideas. Sometimes one idea begets another. I often write a point and then a “…maybe (another idea)”; no idea is rejected in a planning stage, even if I don’t use half of them. It’s like there is a story hidden in the middle, and I must find the right route to uncover it. I know a story could take any turn and direction it wants, but to me, it feels like there is one set path, and I have to find it. I never write an ending before I’ve written a story. I usually will plan out 2 to 3 scenes ahead and keep an idea what main points need to be hit, but that’s all. No endings! I think it is too limiting to have a final destination in mind when characters grow and develop during the time they’re worked with. Which leads me to my next point.
3. Let the characters be the guide. My characters speak in my mind. I know some writers will say they talk to their characters and understand them through conversation. My characters don’t talk to me, per se; they talk to each other …a lot! When I’m working on a book, I compare it to having clouds in my head, and I get continuously sucked beneath their blanket into daydreams where my characters are working a scene or two ahead of me. I see it happen, and I go with it. They pull me where they want, and they run the show. I occasionally play mediator if certain points need to be hit or discussed, but for the most part, they are in charge. One makes a comment, and the other reacts to it just like real life, and I get the joy and challenge of putting it into words. My characters become extensions of myself, even though they are their own people. How many times have I felt like I lost myself somewhere in their drama? I have a hard time disassociating ME from THEM, and as such, will be in a bad mood when they are fighting with each other or be overly exuberant when they’ve just admitted they love each other. I can’t say how often I’ve snapped at my poor husband because of some asinine way my hero acted in the last scene I wrote just before I came downstairs in the morning. It’s like being possessed until the story is finished, the clouds clear, and they are out of my head again!
4. Write something everyday! This is a big deal and directly affects the ability to stay in the characters’ heads. Taking time away from a story makes me detach from it in the same way that working on more than one story at once ruins both. I understand that some people can have 5 novels going at once and be reading a book at the same time! I cannot. I put full focus on one story and one character set. If I’m short story writing, then that’s all I’m doing and novels wait. If I’m in the midst of a novel, my phantom stories sit by the way side till I’m done. I feel like the instant I break into something new, I lose my characters’ way. I can’t leap in and out of personalities or stories, or I feel like my characters won’t fully grow. In the same way, I write everyday, even if it’s only a page or 2 because inspiration is being cut by stress. It’s important to keep moving forward and get out of a rut rather than set it aside and hope to go back to it. I think that makes writing a chore rather than a joy. Writer’s block is going to come and go, and there will be days when it’s normal to not feel very creative, but I think the worst thing to do is stop writing because of it. I make small goals, maybe just a few paragraphs, maybe just getting out of one scene, and then I return to point one and hunt for my inspiration again. Those are the nights I go to bed early, put on my headphones, and fall back into my head. I let the pictures take me away and remind me why I fell in love with the story idea to begin with.
5. There is ALWAYS a way to get from Point A to Point B. This is about trusting yourself and your creativity. There are times when I’m writing a novel, and I’ll have a scene I definitely want to include or a culmination that has to come before the next part, and for some reason, it seems impossible to work. What I’ve learned as a writer is to trust myself, and that there is always an answer. There is never a dead-end. It may seem that way at the time, but I take a step back and truly feel out what my characters are after; what are their motives and why? An answer is always there; one just has to look and find it.
6. Don’t be afraid to play God. I always feel like God in my little writing world, and there is nothing wrong with that. In the end, as the writer, I get the final say on how things go. I like to torture my characters! I freely admit to it! I sometimes sit and think what is the worst possible thing I can do to my characters, what would hurt them the most, how can I break them apart. These are the moments when characters grow. It’s how they take my challenge and step up to defeat it. This goes back to the point about letting the characters be the guide. Playing God means I throw horrendous, life-altering situations their way. How they take it and what they learn from it is up to them.
7. Write what you know, but don’t be afraid if you don’t know everything. Yes, research is important, especially when writing a character way out of one’s field. Both “Opera Macabre” and my phantom stories deal with opera and singing, so I get to use my musical knowledge. However, I don’t only write about musically inclined individuals, and there are plenty of details outside of my knowledge. An example: In “Untouchable”, I was adamant about giving Erik a back story. It was a little from here, a little from there, and a whole lot of imagination. I don’t know the mechanics of torture chambers or architecture, nor did I have the desire to learn, but I took what I knew and wrote the rest convincingly enough. I feel like you don’t need precise nuances to everything to be able to include it in writing. I take liberties and believe 100% in what I’m doing. If I can talk about it and believe in it without a doubt, then the audience should be able to as well without questioning whether I’ve seen a real torture chamber to know for certain what each little part would be capable of doing.
8. When it’s time for an ending, don’t be afraid to let the characters go. It’s so easy to get attached to the imaginary people in one’s head, but there is a starting point and an ending point for everything. A novel is giving a glimpse into a set timeline of the characters’ lives. Happily ever after is assumed at the end, and although it’s hard to trust the characters to keep it going on their own, as a writer, one must know when to let the little birds test their wings and fly without the ever present observation. It is like any good TV show. At some point, the cameras need to turn off and go away, and though we don’t get another window into the characters’ lives, we assume the best and move on. Same thing for novel writing. If one over-details the ending, you don’t give the audience the chance to make their assumptions, the chance to dream for your characters and feel their bliss for what is to come.
So I know everyone is different, and the things that work for me may mean nothing to someone else. But I hope that I’ve given you something to think about. Comments and questions are welcome and appreciated. Happy writing, and I wish you all the creativity in the world! :)
Many people have asked me the details of my creative process, and until I started to truly contemplate it, I realized I’d never considered it a process at all. It’s just what I do. I was not formally trained to write; I’ve never even taken a Creative Writing class because I didn’t want rules. I’ve always just gone by what I’ve felt, but I’ve learned lessons along the way and my own methods for how I do things. This is my attempt to list some of my tips for writing, and maybe something here will seem helpful or a new way of doing things.
1. Find inspiration. The most important element to every story is that moment of inspiration. One must have an idea and fall so in love with it that it doesn’t feel like a job to compose an entire story about it. My main source of inspiration is music. Whenever I need an idea or have writer’s block, music is my key. I like to fall into a piece or a song and let my mind go and spin me where it will. Pictures come with the melodies, sometimes whole scenes, sometimes basic ideas. I’ve written whole novels based on one scene because it has spoken to me so much that it reveals layers and a story beneath it. It becomes like a movie playing out just for me, and as the songs evolve, the stories follow suit.
2. Notes. I am not talking about composing an entire beginning to end outline of a story before you write it. How much pressure would that be! I cannot imagine writing an entire synopsis, let alone sticking to it! I take notes, scribble down words or ideas from my inspiration and the pictures in my head, minor details, and then I let those words pull me to my next ideas. Sometimes one idea begets another. I often write a point and then a “…maybe (another idea)”; no idea is rejected in a planning stage, even if I don’t use half of them. It’s like there is a story hidden in the middle, and I must find the right route to uncover it. I know a story could take any turn and direction it wants, but to me, it feels like there is one set path, and I have to find it. I never write an ending before I’ve written a story. I usually will plan out 2 to 3 scenes ahead and keep an idea what main points need to be hit, but that’s all. No endings! I think it is too limiting to have a final destination in mind when characters grow and develop during the time they’re worked with. Which leads me to my next point.
3. Let the characters be the guide. My characters speak in my mind. I know some writers will say they talk to their characters and understand them through conversation. My characters don’t talk to me, per se; they talk to each other …a lot! When I’m working on a book, I compare it to having clouds in my head, and I get continuously sucked beneath their blanket into daydreams where my characters are working a scene or two ahead of me. I see it happen, and I go with it. They pull me where they want, and they run the show. I occasionally play mediator if certain points need to be hit or discussed, but for the most part, they are in charge. One makes a comment, and the other reacts to it just like real life, and I get the joy and challenge of putting it into words. My characters become extensions of myself, even though they are their own people. How many times have I felt like I lost myself somewhere in their drama? I have a hard time disassociating ME from THEM, and as such, will be in a bad mood when they are fighting with each other or be overly exuberant when they’ve just admitted they love each other. I can’t say how often I’ve snapped at my poor husband because of some asinine way my hero acted in the last scene I wrote just before I came downstairs in the morning. It’s like being possessed until the story is finished, the clouds clear, and they are out of my head again!
4. Write something everyday! This is a big deal and directly affects the ability to stay in the characters’ heads. Taking time away from a story makes me detach from it in the same way that working on more than one story at once ruins both. I understand that some people can have 5 novels going at once and be reading a book at the same time! I cannot. I put full focus on one story and one character set. If I’m short story writing, then that’s all I’m doing and novels wait. If I’m in the midst of a novel, my phantom stories sit by the way side till I’m done. I feel like the instant I break into something new, I lose my characters’ way. I can’t leap in and out of personalities or stories, or I feel like my characters won’t fully grow. In the same way, I write everyday, even if it’s only a page or 2 because inspiration is being cut by stress. It’s important to keep moving forward and get out of a rut rather than set it aside and hope to go back to it. I think that makes writing a chore rather than a joy. Writer’s block is going to come and go, and there will be days when it’s normal to not feel very creative, but I think the worst thing to do is stop writing because of it. I make small goals, maybe just a few paragraphs, maybe just getting out of one scene, and then I return to point one and hunt for my inspiration again. Those are the nights I go to bed early, put on my headphones, and fall back into my head. I let the pictures take me away and remind me why I fell in love with the story idea to begin with.
5. There is ALWAYS a way to get from Point A to Point B. This is about trusting yourself and your creativity. There are times when I’m writing a novel, and I’ll have a scene I definitely want to include or a culmination that has to come before the next part, and for some reason, it seems impossible to work. What I’ve learned as a writer is to trust myself, and that there is always an answer. There is never a dead-end. It may seem that way at the time, but I take a step back and truly feel out what my characters are after; what are their motives and why? An answer is always there; one just has to look and find it.
6. Don’t be afraid to play God. I always feel like God in my little writing world, and there is nothing wrong with that. In the end, as the writer, I get the final say on how things go. I like to torture my characters! I freely admit to it! I sometimes sit and think what is the worst possible thing I can do to my characters, what would hurt them the most, how can I break them apart. These are the moments when characters grow. It’s how they take my challenge and step up to defeat it. This goes back to the point about letting the characters be the guide. Playing God means I throw horrendous, life-altering situations their way. How they take it and what they learn from it is up to them.
7. Write what you know, but don’t be afraid if you don’t know everything. Yes, research is important, especially when writing a character way out of one’s field. Both “Opera Macabre” and my phantom stories deal with opera and singing, so I get to use my musical knowledge. However, I don’t only write about musically inclined individuals, and there are plenty of details outside of my knowledge. An example: In “Untouchable”, I was adamant about giving Erik a back story. It was a little from here, a little from there, and a whole lot of imagination. I don’t know the mechanics of torture chambers or architecture, nor did I have the desire to learn, but I took what I knew and wrote the rest convincingly enough. I feel like you don’t need precise nuances to everything to be able to include it in writing. I take liberties and believe 100% in what I’m doing. If I can talk about it and believe in it without a doubt, then the audience should be able to as well without questioning whether I’ve seen a real torture chamber to know for certain what each little part would be capable of doing.
8. When it’s time for an ending, don’t be afraid to let the characters go. It’s so easy to get attached to the imaginary people in one’s head, but there is a starting point and an ending point for everything. A novel is giving a glimpse into a set timeline of the characters’ lives. Happily ever after is assumed at the end, and although it’s hard to trust the characters to keep it going on their own, as a writer, one must know when to let the little birds test their wings and fly without the ever present observation. It is like any good TV show. At some point, the cameras need to turn off and go away, and though we don’t get another window into the characters’ lives, we assume the best and move on. Same thing for novel writing. If one over-details the ending, you don’t give the audience the chance to make their assumptions, the chance to dream for your characters and feel their bliss for what is to come.
So I know everyone is different, and the things that work for me may mean nothing to someone else. But I hope that I’ve given you something to think about. Comments and questions are welcome and appreciated. Happy writing, and I wish you all the creativity in the world! :)
Writers and Their Superstitions
I’m an odd person; as a writer, that’s good fodder for inspiration, but when it comes to the rituals I require to make said inspiration work for me, it can be a bit distracting. I have my own routine about how I always must handle things within my story writing with a fear of failure if these random details are changed. I think that every single person who has a talent or a passion for doing something develops his or her own facets surrounding said talent. I thought I would give a little insight into mine and maybe show that I may be odd, but I’m also unique.
Superstitions are a way of life for my story writing. I have established a certain pattern of behavior that I’ve subconsciously convinced myself will result in nothing but trauma if I deviate. Dramatic? Yes, but when one must be closely in touch with feelings that will be poured out onto paper, one is entitled to be a little dramatic.
I start every one of my stories exactly the same. A brand new, 5 subject, college-ruled notebook, preferably in a color that FEELS like my story. I sign my name in the front cover and date it; that is an important step. When the story is finished, I also sign the back cover and date again. I like knowing the life span of a particular story and its characters. If I look at the date, I can recall what was happening in my life and how I felt at the time I wrote certain scenes and their images. It also gives me a basic average for how long I spend lost to someone else’s life; for me, it is about 6 weeks, although I have a few that were started and stopped for various reasons and a few that pushed into only a month. “Opera Macabre” had the first 60 pages or so written and then was put aside for 4 years before I picked it back up and finished it in less than a month. Sometimes inspiration can be fickle like that. It is neat to look back and see that I started “Opera Macabre” on November 4, 2003, and that one had a time as well as date because that story drove me to so much insanity that I got up one morning before 4AM and just had to start it! Maybe that was a prelude for what was to come; anyone who knows me knows that since having kids, I have little choice but to write at 4AM, but another superstition is that I must do it everyday no matter what else I should be doing instead. I have my bagel and coffee, put on a playlist custom-made for the story I’m working on, and write. The coffee helps immensely, but then again anytime before sunrise, one would need some kind of mental stimulation.
Another superstition I have is that I must write everything out in pencil and never compose at the computer. Yes, that is very old school, and it isn’t even that I was born before the computer take-over. It started off simply because I wanted to be able to write whenever and wherever I was, and so I had a notebook and a pencil everywhere with me. It made sense. I always said that if by some wild, freakish twist of nature, I was one day stranded on a desert island, all I would need were notebooks and pencils, and I could be content forever. There is just something so calming to me about pencil and paper. It’s the scratch-scratch sound; it’s holding the notebook in my hands; it’s being able to flip back pages on a whim to check something out. Having written 24 novels and over 60 short stories, I’m sure it can be imagined the pile of notebooks I have accumulated. Stashed away, they are my treasure. Of course, due to pencil’s inability to be permanent, some words grow smeared, but I like to think that adds character. Maybe someday, people who have enjoyed my stories will be able to see the hand-written copies, before edits and full of leaded smears like artwork. And yes, it is time-consuming to then type every word after the fact, but I use that as a first edit and make changes as I go. It’s amazing how many redundant phrases or repeated words I’ve caught that way. And it’s a labor of love. I literally must adore every word on the page if I take the time to write and then type them letter by letter.
My superstitions are not just rituals; they extend into my story writing as well. I am currently working on the fifth book of my angel series, and aside from some random details that I have granted, I WILL NOT talk specifics until it is done. I can’t. I’m scared I’ll jinx it! How crazy is that! I have a storyline plotted and am chugging away at it, but I feel like telling people adds a weird, unwanted pressure. I don’t even confide the characters’ names! It’s as if everything must stay behind a construction curtain until it is finished and then the surprise can be revealed. And 24/7, it will be the primary focus behind my every expression and playing incessantly in my mind, but I WON’T talk about it! People who know me recognize my tendencies and have learned not to ask. If they do, they get to hear my unqualified superstition and call me strange. That’s just fine. I’ll take strange over normal any day.
Some people might look at my weird tendencies strangely. And I freely admit that they are, but everybody has their technique. Granted, normal people don’t take it as extreme or as a death for the entire story if the pattern is changed, but if the ending result is a book I can be proud of, I go with my oddities and embrace them as MINE. They make me unique. So don’t be afraid to embrace your own superstitions and let them lead you to more creativity. If the simplest detail like scribbling a name and date in a notebook is what it takes to keep calm and mark a beginning to something great, there is nothing wrong with that. I say don’t fix what isn’t broken!
Superstitions are a way of life for my story writing. I have established a certain pattern of behavior that I’ve subconsciously convinced myself will result in nothing but trauma if I deviate. Dramatic? Yes, but when one must be closely in touch with feelings that will be poured out onto paper, one is entitled to be a little dramatic.
I start every one of my stories exactly the same. A brand new, 5 subject, college-ruled notebook, preferably in a color that FEELS like my story. I sign my name in the front cover and date it; that is an important step. When the story is finished, I also sign the back cover and date again. I like knowing the life span of a particular story and its characters. If I look at the date, I can recall what was happening in my life and how I felt at the time I wrote certain scenes and their images. It also gives me a basic average for how long I spend lost to someone else’s life; for me, it is about 6 weeks, although I have a few that were started and stopped for various reasons and a few that pushed into only a month. “Opera Macabre” had the first 60 pages or so written and then was put aside for 4 years before I picked it back up and finished it in less than a month. Sometimes inspiration can be fickle like that. It is neat to look back and see that I started “Opera Macabre” on November 4, 2003, and that one had a time as well as date because that story drove me to so much insanity that I got up one morning before 4AM and just had to start it! Maybe that was a prelude for what was to come; anyone who knows me knows that since having kids, I have little choice but to write at 4AM, but another superstition is that I must do it everyday no matter what else I should be doing instead. I have my bagel and coffee, put on a playlist custom-made for the story I’m working on, and write. The coffee helps immensely, but then again anytime before sunrise, one would need some kind of mental stimulation.
Another superstition I have is that I must write everything out in pencil and never compose at the computer. Yes, that is very old school, and it isn’t even that I was born before the computer take-over. It started off simply because I wanted to be able to write whenever and wherever I was, and so I had a notebook and a pencil everywhere with me. It made sense. I always said that if by some wild, freakish twist of nature, I was one day stranded on a desert island, all I would need were notebooks and pencils, and I could be content forever. There is just something so calming to me about pencil and paper. It’s the scratch-scratch sound; it’s holding the notebook in my hands; it’s being able to flip back pages on a whim to check something out. Having written 24 novels and over 60 short stories, I’m sure it can be imagined the pile of notebooks I have accumulated. Stashed away, they are my treasure. Of course, due to pencil’s inability to be permanent, some words grow smeared, but I like to think that adds character. Maybe someday, people who have enjoyed my stories will be able to see the hand-written copies, before edits and full of leaded smears like artwork. And yes, it is time-consuming to then type every word after the fact, but I use that as a first edit and make changes as I go. It’s amazing how many redundant phrases or repeated words I’ve caught that way. And it’s a labor of love. I literally must adore every word on the page if I take the time to write and then type them letter by letter.
My superstitions are not just rituals; they extend into my story writing as well. I am currently working on the fifth book of my angel series, and aside from some random details that I have granted, I WILL NOT talk specifics until it is done. I can’t. I’m scared I’ll jinx it! How crazy is that! I have a storyline plotted and am chugging away at it, but I feel like telling people adds a weird, unwanted pressure. I don’t even confide the characters’ names! It’s as if everything must stay behind a construction curtain until it is finished and then the surprise can be revealed. And 24/7, it will be the primary focus behind my every expression and playing incessantly in my mind, but I WON’T talk about it! People who know me recognize my tendencies and have learned not to ask. If they do, they get to hear my unqualified superstition and call me strange. That’s just fine. I’ll take strange over normal any day.
Some people might look at my weird tendencies strangely. And I freely admit that they are, but everybody has their technique. Granted, normal people don’t take it as extreme or as a death for the entire story if the pattern is changed, but if the ending result is a book I can be proud of, I go with my oddities and embrace them as MINE. They make me unique. So don’t be afraid to embrace your own superstitions and let them lead you to more creativity. If the simplest detail like scribbling a name and date in a notebook is what it takes to keep calm and mark a beginning to something great, there is nothing wrong with that. I say don’t fix what isn’t broken!
Bittersweet
Done! Finished! Over! Finally, after a six week emotional investment plus an extra week and a half of typing, my 25th novel is complete. For as proud as I am of such an achievement, I can’t help but mourn its ending. It truly is bittersweet.
This was the first novel I’ve ever written in modern times. It was something in planning phases for 2 years as random notes scribbled in the back of a notebook. I was adamant that it had to be written in the fall to fully capture the season in words, and last fall, it was bumped out of the forefront of concentration by another idea that just had to find paper. This year I was determined to capture it.
I started writing it the week before my recital to have a distraction, and it surprised me how easy this one came out. Maybe it was the modern setting, or maybe because there was a bit of memoir mixed in. It flowed on its own and took the story to new unforeseen places, giving me characters that I loved to watch grow. As I’ve blogged about in the past, when I’m writing a novel, I’m committed to writing something every single day, and with this one, I was eager to be up at 4AM and get as much down as possible, to lose myself in the story and see where it wanted to go. It was my escape.
And now it’s done, and I’m sad. I can’t help it. To be fully invested in something that is novel-length, you really must attach a piece of your soul to the characters. At every moment, you are at their mercy. I can’t tell you how often in the past six weeks my mind floated off in the middle of most things and dragged me back into their world. I could have been watching a TV program with my husband or waiting to pick up my son from school, and though my body was present, I was truly in another world, seeing what I had just written that morning, envisioning what would happen next, letting my mind no longer be my own and letting the movie take over. A lot of my less than happy moods in the past six weeks were direct results of sharing consciousness with my characters. I picked up their frames of mind. If they were having a bad day, so was I by default. That’s just the way it works.
My characters are not me. They have minds of their own. They make decisions that would not necessarily be the ones I would make, and I have no choice but to follow them where they lead. They are their own people, and in a way, they become friends. And it’s so hard to let them go now that their story is over. People will read books sometimes and wish the story went on because they enjoyed the characters so much. Well, it’s even harder when you’ve created the characters to not continue life with them. I felt like the unseen angel at their side through every trauma they went through. When my heroine had a broken heart, I was the one with her; I was the one to share her pain and cry as I wrote it. I had to feel what she did and be in her head to truly understand it. As my characters fell in love, I fell in love with them. I truly think that’s why I write romance; it’s falling in love over and over again and making new first times, new excitements, new experiences. It’s not just peeking into their love story; it’s living it from the inside. I already miss it.
So what will I do next? This story is said and done; hopefully, someday it will be as enjoyed by an audience as it is by me. Being the 5th in my angel series with the first one set to be published next year, it has awhile to wait, so for now, it will just be mine. I will look back at it and reread it and recall what I felt when I wrote it. Recall, not relive. Every new story brings new feelings. I can never fully recapture the ones I had when I wrote a particular novel. I’ll remember, but I won’t feel them again. It truly is a chapter in my life closed. A new one may begin, but it will never be the same. That’s why I cherish every foray into someone else’s life; it only comes once. It’s the bittersweet part of reality. And I have to simply trust that though I’m no longer living their lives with them, my characters have their happily ever after and will have it forever.
This was the first novel I’ve ever written in modern times. It was something in planning phases for 2 years as random notes scribbled in the back of a notebook. I was adamant that it had to be written in the fall to fully capture the season in words, and last fall, it was bumped out of the forefront of concentration by another idea that just had to find paper. This year I was determined to capture it.
I started writing it the week before my recital to have a distraction, and it surprised me how easy this one came out. Maybe it was the modern setting, or maybe because there was a bit of memoir mixed in. It flowed on its own and took the story to new unforeseen places, giving me characters that I loved to watch grow. As I’ve blogged about in the past, when I’m writing a novel, I’m committed to writing something every single day, and with this one, I was eager to be up at 4AM and get as much down as possible, to lose myself in the story and see where it wanted to go. It was my escape.
And now it’s done, and I’m sad. I can’t help it. To be fully invested in something that is novel-length, you really must attach a piece of your soul to the characters. At every moment, you are at their mercy. I can’t tell you how often in the past six weeks my mind floated off in the middle of most things and dragged me back into their world. I could have been watching a TV program with my husband or waiting to pick up my son from school, and though my body was present, I was truly in another world, seeing what I had just written that morning, envisioning what would happen next, letting my mind no longer be my own and letting the movie take over. A lot of my less than happy moods in the past six weeks were direct results of sharing consciousness with my characters. I picked up their frames of mind. If they were having a bad day, so was I by default. That’s just the way it works.
My characters are not me. They have minds of their own. They make decisions that would not necessarily be the ones I would make, and I have no choice but to follow them where they lead. They are their own people, and in a way, they become friends. And it’s so hard to let them go now that their story is over. People will read books sometimes and wish the story went on because they enjoyed the characters so much. Well, it’s even harder when you’ve created the characters to not continue life with them. I felt like the unseen angel at their side through every trauma they went through. When my heroine had a broken heart, I was the one with her; I was the one to share her pain and cry as I wrote it. I had to feel what she did and be in her head to truly understand it. As my characters fell in love, I fell in love with them. I truly think that’s why I write romance; it’s falling in love over and over again and making new first times, new excitements, new experiences. It’s not just peeking into their love story; it’s living it from the inside. I already miss it.
So what will I do next? This story is said and done; hopefully, someday it will be as enjoyed by an audience as it is by me. Being the 5th in my angel series with the first one set to be published next year, it has awhile to wait, so for now, it will just be mine. I will look back at it and reread it and recall what I felt when I wrote it. Recall, not relive. Every new story brings new feelings. I can never fully recapture the ones I had when I wrote a particular novel. I’ll remember, but I won’t feel them again. It truly is a chapter in my life closed. A new one may begin, but it will never be the same. That’s why I cherish every foray into someone else’s life; it only comes once. It’s the bittersweet part of reality. And I have to simply trust that though I’m no longer living their lives with them, my characters have their happily ever after and will have it forever.
