Tarek Refaat's Blog

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Could it be that I have lost the word ? The touch or inspiration that set me into the world of writing since I was about 9 years old when I realized that I liked to write down how I see things and what I feel about them?

For over two years now I feel I have perhaps lost my sense of writing, even though I am very well aware that I am no where near being a ‘Good Writer’ so to speak.

I have a lot of grammatical mistakes, I lack perhaps the depth that most people look for, I do not plan what I want to write. But I just used to write , and I enjoyed it tremendously ..It was a feeling I always waited for..That moment when I am alone with my realm of words pretty much like how I enjoy cooking , things just happen..

And two years ago it all stopped.. After being said to be by some of my friends ‘Over Productive’ to someone who hardly finds a few lines to say and just barely manages to pull a few quotes out of his box of thoughts..

At some point in my life I used to think that I would be able to help others through what I write..I never actually thought of how I would do that.. But I just let things be.. I wrote in a variety of subject in both Arabic & English..

I am the type who questions himself endlessly and trying to always find that spot in the universe where my piece of the puzzle fits.. That one place I don’t try over and over to make it fit because it looks very much like my place but in the end it’s not and I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find where I actually fit…

I was told by some people I am a gifted writer, by others that I lack a lot to be a writer.. But I kept writing.. In the hopes of achieving this dream and seeing my book on the shelf one day..And even imagine that some people will actually enjoy it..

Some actually did.. Others didn’t…Yet I still do not qualify myself on my personal grade as a good writer.. I don’t like to give myself credit that I do not feel I have rightfully earned.. I’ve seen some of my friend’s writings and I can say easily that they write better than me..

Could it be that I had some sort of oil well of writing that has run dry? or simply was very basic and couldn’t develop into something better ? But to answer that it’s not just entirely relying on just my mood for writing but as well what do I do to develop..

I am trying to find that sound.. That person that used to talk to me.. Who ever they are.. That ….I don’t know really how to describe it or even how to begin to find something that might lead me to know what it is..

But it’s gone that echo of words is not here.. The lost echo of wor

Kindle Free Promotion on both Ebooks "Ruptured" & "Ribbons & Heels".
Ruptured Will be available for free from 9th April to the 12th of April 2013
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Good morning everyone , Hope you are all having a great day ! :) Now that I have had the pleasure of announcing the release of my 2nd book "Ribbons & Heels" , I would like to have the pleasure of having it reviewed and your support on promoting it! if you have space for reviewing it please let me know , if you want to know more about "Ribbons & Heels" here's an excerpt: "A journey of love and life . . . Nariman, Iman, Sherine, and Nahla are four friends whose lives are closely intertwined. Diverse backgrounds and different experiences define them. Love, life, heartache — each experience is one they've known intimately. Throughout their tumultuous lives, their friendships have never wavered. Their minds, hearts, and souls are bound together, tested to their limits. Each unique circumstance draws them ever closer. Join them as they embark on a memorable journey that will live in their hearts forever."

Ribbons & Heels , is available in multiple formats.
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Yesterday I was sitting online in the middle of the night surfing the internet as usual since this Thursday was off for the 6th October celebrations..And I saw the news as it hit everyone that Steve Jobs founder and previous CEO of Apple who just resigned a few weeks back has passed away..

I was touched as I automatically went on to check and dig for more information about this man, his life and achievements…And as the day passed by and after talking to a few more people this idea hit me that drove me to write this article which I have yet to get into..

Death really is usually our wake up call.. For everything in life.. It’s like getting out of the water to gasp for air but then you dive again and forget.. Everyone knew who Steve Jobs was but not many really knew much about that man or what he did. But am not here to talk about Steve, his achievements or who he was as a person.. But Steve just happened to inspire me for this note..

Have you ever realized how much time you actually spend observing others and what they do and letting this consume more of you and your time rather than spend this time on making yourself a better person? How many people have you came across who are constantly so much focused on other people around them who are doing things and all what they’re doing is complaining that these people are doing so.. Like your next desk colleague who keeps complaining that another colleague is being credited for work and why he/she shouldn’t be credited, while not paying attention to the fact that they’re not doing their job and if they try they won’t be able to. Because simply they are too much focused on that other person..

Steve, as you may all have seen or read, did exactly the opposite of that.. He did what he felt “HE HAD” to do.. Regardless of who thought what or why!

We fail to see that sometimes we are our own worst enemy, we drag ourselves back and end doing more damage to ourselves than any good we imagined we were giving.

What am trying to say here is the following.. Each and everyone of us, is a unique and special individual that God has created with huge set of skills and abilities that are waiting for you to spend time to find them , and hone them .. They will not simply arise or float, You need to dig and dig deep to find them.. To be able to find how can you make yourself a better person , how can you make tomorrow a better day for you or even those around you..

Failure is part of life, no one has ever been a perfect person , or will be.. We all stumble , fall , fail and pass through very tough times.. But what matters most is how do you use such experience, do you let it push you forward or backward, do you let it be a motivator or a draw back..

Every experience in our lives is a lesson, if there’s one thing I’ve personally learned it is to turn my pains to be my friends.. To teach and show more of the value that I may have blindly missed or surpassed..

Understanding who you are starts by realizing what you are made of , your good points as much as your bad ones. It involves discovering how you can improve your good points and try to break down the bad ones to make you a stronger and yet a better person.

Your ethics, morality, your way of life, all of this defines you and you define it. You are the one who tells yourself which path you will choose, which road you will drive through.

So jump in the front seat of your life.. Grab the steering wheel and take control..

Steve Jobs is a genius and a incredible achiever even among his peers… But I am sure.. There are more Steve Jobs out there who have not yet discovered who they are.. But remember you may never discover it because you never let yourself be that what you can be…

So finally I’ll say.. “Good night Steve.. thank you for valuable lessons you have shared during your life.. But also greater ones with your death..”

Amal got back to her apartment, she opened the door and walked right in closing the door behind her before leaning against the cold wood of her door closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.. “Finally it’s the weekend” she thought to herself..

As she kicked off her shoes, she could feel her sore feet aching from the high heels she wore all day..

Amal flipped her hair to the side as she walked in to her small apartment located in Zamalek, which overlooked the Nile..

While walking into her living room she tripped at the rug edge and hit her small library with her left shoulder.. And instantly a few books fell off the bookshelves..

“damn it” she exclaimed, as she leaned down to pick up the books.. But she noticed that something else fell among the books.. An old photo album..Some of the photos slid from inside the album after the album fell.. She started to watch the photos one by one ..

One of them was her with her parents at a park at she was riding a swing and there was this huge smile on her face… She remembers that moment like forever, it brought back all those memories to her, her smile, her happiness.. Happiness.. that word kept echoing in her mind..

And all her life started to go right in front of her own eyes, like a movie bringing back all those good memories , those moments of joy and happiness that weren’t as much as she would have wanted them to be.. Uncontrollably her lips drew a smile and she walked with that photo and stood in front of a mirror and put the photo next to her face and smiled, she noticed something.. Not just the difference that all her missing teeth back then are so white and shiny now..

But the smile she had on her face back then was more radiant..She had nothing much to worry about.. Oh how a simple swing just made the world bright for her.. Everything was in those few seconds in the air as the swing went back and forth..

Amal went to her computer, turned it on and logged into her blog.. Funny enough she called it “The road to happy land”

“Dear diaries,

After a long day at work and feeling like the cog I am in the machine of life, just doing my part, I came home tired as usual dead beat more or less and with no plans, just my same old routine.. I bumped into my bookshelf and a few books fell off amongst them was a photo album which had a photo of me riding a swing! What caught me there wasn’t the photo or the smile which I had on my face.. But what caught my attention is to how long has it been since I’ve been this happy.. This feeling of joy that is irreplaceable in the world we live in today where we are all overwhelmed and overtaken by the huge amount of things that have invaded the way we live.. Just to simply get by.. But when do we find happiness.. There are these small moments of happiness that manage to find their way into our hearts they happen but at very distant times..Is it us? or is it the world we live in?..mmm I guess i’ll spend the evening thinking about that.. Or you know what?

I just have something else in mind.. I’ll tell you later!

See you !”

Amal posted her blog and ran to her room and changed into some sportive training clothes and dashed out of her apartment, and for the first time took the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator.. She stood in front of her apartment building and just had a huge smile on her face.. She walked steadily and crossed the road in front of her building and walked into a small public park.. It was school so there were no children.. She looked around and found a swing.. And took a few quick steps till she got there and sat on it, held the chains and began to swing herself… As the swing took her back and forth, this sense of joy started to find its way through her heart.. Her smile grew wider and wider.. And gazed up and the sky as the sun was about to set, she could see some of the stars.. “Yes she thought to herself, if only we would give ourselves more chances to be happy.. If only..”

She closed her eyes and let herself fade into her sense of joy.. As the swing went on and on..

Suddenly an elderly voice interrupted her ” Miss?..” but she tried not to pay attention, again the voice came “Miss?..”

This time Amal opened her eyes to find an elderly man, the keeper of the park standing in front of her.. “This is a children’s playground miss..These swings are for for children no more than 12 years old..”

Amal’s face turned red as her cheeks flushed with red color.. “I know.. But can you let me stay here for just a few more minutes?”

She smiled like a child as she then added ” just two more minutes!”

The man smiled slowly as he turned around and left “Don’t stay too long.. But don’t lose your happiness”

Amal then sat back up straight and tried to look for the man.. She couldn’t find him in sight..But her feeling of joy was just too much to ignore..

She stayed for a few more minutes.. And then left and went up back to her apartment, took a shower and curled up in her bed.. And slept with a wide smile on her lips..She had found her happiness..

Yep driven by Bad,

I read a few moments ago Patti Roberts’s Blog post “Did you just receive a bad book review?” which just triggered something in me, that actually got my numb fingers and dozed mind to come to life.. “Bad reviews” , “Bad comments” , “Bad forms of expression” .. Simply things are plain “BAD”… People who think that by sharing their thoughts in a manner that they “See” fit regardless of the way they put it , is their pure right.

I also recalled while reading the post, a comment I received on one of my poetry pieces which I used to write back between 2003-2005! I used to share my work on a site called “www.eliteskills.com”. I wrote something about myself and some guy came and posted his thoughts on the piece which if my memory serves me right was “Who the hell wants to know anything about you?”

After first reading this I just sat there for a few minutes observing my monitor silently before a smile took share on my lips and I just decided to keep it.. Some good folks later came on and replied to the post that this was not an acceptable way to post their thoughts.

But even though I still kept it! I realized that things like that despite having this bitter taste and feeling of a needle piercing your flesh but it makes you stronger, if you take it as a medicine and a teacher through your life..

At that point in time I only wrote poetry before I decided to go into story writing a few years later.. But still this comment hangs in shelves of my mind.. It’s not about what I like or what you like or what others think… The world is a very colorful place with many things to show.. What matters is how you deal with it..It makes all the difference..

I for one continued to write.. I failed in publishing a book in the first time and now I published another one.. A few years later.. Do I see myself as a successful writer? Do I consider myself to be the next best seller?

I would be lying if I tell you I don’t dream about it! But I like to actually think of myself as an adventurer ,watching, observing and learning!

I managed to get the thoughts of several people on the book, some liked it others didn’t and some others are just indifferent..That’s how life is..

In Arabic literature there’s the famous character “Goha” who usually teaches us important lessons through is humor and the incidents he encounters.. So in this specific case I recall the story of “Goha”, His son and his donkey…

They passed by a bunch of people where Goha rode the donkey and his son walked next to him.. The people exclaimed “Look at this cruel man, riding the donkey and letting his son walk!” .. So switched places with his son, later they passed by another bunch of people and those exclaimed “Look at this rude boy, riding while he lets his father walk!” .. So this time , Goha and his son carried the donkey, another bunch of people exclaimed “Look at those fools who are carrying their own donkey!” … So they put the donkey down and both walked next to it.. And the story goes on..

So bottom line , people will always talk, and they will say all sorts of different things..Be driven by your heart and mind, embrace those who truly appreciate you and learn but also learn from those who try to harm you, you never know when there might be something good to catch..

If you are a writer who’s read a bad comment.. Be driven by bad.. Be drive to be better and stronger.. If you are not a writer.. Then still this is for you too.. Live, enjoy and learn.. You don’t have another spare life or someone will just insert a coin in the back of your neck to give you a new life..

It’s just one life.. So be driven, find your dream and enjoy!

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