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4 Worst Pieces of Dating Advice You Can Receive by James Russell Lingerfelt

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Everyone we know is a relationship expert, so they think. They'll dish out advice all day since they aren't responsible for the outcome of your decisions. When in doubt, here's some pointers based on research to to help you navigate.[image error]1. Choose someone based on physical attraction.

“Date with your eyes closed.” That’s much better.

No matter their appearance or build, it all fades over time. Does their inner beauty cause their outward beauty to shine? In our youth, many tend to believe that outer beauty reflects inner beauty. That's a mistake.

Years from now when the infatuation has dissipated, and we look at our partner, and all we see is their character, who have we chosen to share our life with?




What will he or she whisper into our ears when we lay down at night? Will they be pulling us down or building us up?  

What kind of parent will they be? Will they love our children and help raise them to be unselfish, loving, ethical, and responsible leaders? Or will the children be verbally or physically abused, or raised believing they are the center of the world?


2. Trust them until proven wrong.

To trust someone and rely on them is dangerous when we don’t truly know them. It takes a good three months for us to begin knowing people. According to studies, it takes a good two-three years to truly know them.

Most of us put our best face forward in the beginning. Give the person time. Listen to their words and observe their actions in various circumstances.




The best place to see who they really are is when they’re at home with their families. Meeting the family should be one of the first steps in dating someone, not when the time of engagement is approaching. When we date someone, we’re dating his or her family. If we marry him or her, we’re marrying into that family. 


3. Long engagements are a bad idea. 

I cannot count the number of couples who said they didn’t begin seeing their partner’s true character until around the two to three year mark.

One girl said her boyfriend didn’t start yelling and screaming at her, becoming verbally abusive, until around three years together, and they had spent time together almost everyday. Wow.

I know people who dated less than six months and then married. It worked out well for some, but for most, they wish they had spent more time dating each other.




4. Ignore warnings from family and friends. 

My friend John is a chair in Family Counseling at a university in Nashville. He said there were two common threads in the results of each divorce case study: Divorcees a) didn’t know their partners well and b) family and friends had made objections to their union.

Yes, family and friends can be jealous and unreasonable at times. But make sure that’s the reason they’re saying no, and not because they see things which we can’t because those infatuation chemicals are firing in our brains. “Love is blind” is a popular saying for a reason.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever! 

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6 Ways to Rebuild Trust After Cheating by contributor, Content Geek. 
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[image error]So, you’ve cheated on your partner. The knowledge has come out. At the end of it all, you’ve decided to stay together and try to rebuild. How do you do that? How do you put the relationship first, especially as the partner who cheated? If you want to continue this relationship, you need to make a concerted effort to do so. Here’s how you can do that.


1. Truly Understand Your Partner’s Feelings

Your partner’s probably dealing with a lot of negative emotions. Some of those emotions are probably targeted at you. It’s easy for this to feel like an intentional attack. Try to avoid the urge to fire back, however. Let your partner have those emotions, as long as they’re not being abusive toward you. As you rebuild trust, those emotions will fade.


2. Tackle the Root Problem

There’s a reason you cheated. You may not even personally know the reason, but there’s a reason behind every decision, even ones made in the heat of the moment. What drove you to make this decision? What’s driving you to make sure you don’t repeat it? Whether this requires couple’s counseling or just lots of introspection, make sure you know the thing that caused this in the first place.





3. Don’t Lie, Even About the Little Things

When you lie to your partner, you’re getting more and more comfortable with lying. That can spiral into very big lies, even ones regarding cheating. Make it a point not to lie. If you’ve had problems with compulsive lying before, consider making an explicit agreement with your spouse that you can always correct a lie, even a white lie. If you realize you’ve lied, state that to your partner, then state the truth. You may be surprised at the impact it makes.


4. Make Sure You’re Honest About the Cheating

It’s very hard to talk about the cheating incident, especially if you feel genuinely guilty about it. However, your partner deserves to know the whole story, even if it hurts both of you. Your partner may want you to tell the story step-by-step, or they may not want to hear exactly what happened. Either way, when your partner asks questions about what happened, don’t hide the truth because you’re worried about causing pain. Be open and honest, even about this painful topic.





5. Don’t Treat the Relationship Like a Negotiation

You’re going to run into negotiation-like issues in this relationship. If you want to go out with friends, your partner may ask that you say when you’ll be home and keep to it. However, don’t turn the whole relationship into a negotiation. At the end of the day, you’re staying together because you love each other. That should be your guiding principle. Avoid the temptation to argue your way into a better situation, because that’s not going to work.


6. Take Steps to Show You’ve Changed

You have to actively show that you’ve changed. You can’t just leave it to a passive set of behaviors. Reach out to your partner in a way that shows you’ve changed. For example, if you met the other person through your phone, you may want to give your partner access to your phone records. Your partner can run contact numbers through an online people search to know exactly who you’re talking to.




Conclusion: Your relationship can survive cheating. Even though not every relationship can get through that storm, if you’ve chosen to try, you can do it. However, it requires a lot of hard work on both sides. You need to be willing to accept your faults. Whether it’s because you drank too much, you were jealous, or you wanted to get back at your partner for a slight, you did something with lasting consequences.

If you’re willing to let your love keep you together, you can make it through this. Building trust is hard, but if you take it one day at a time, it’s possible.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!
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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these three coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest, or subscribe to his email list for updates.

Are You Holding Onto Relationships That Are Holding You Back? by Margie Warrell. See below for details.    

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Think of someone you love spending time with. Someone whose infectious enthusiasm for life has a way of reframing your challenges and boosting your confidence to rise above them. Someone you can count on to embolden your thinking—to back yourself more and doubt yourself less. 

Now just imagine if everyone you hung out with was like that. And if everyone is, this article is not for you. 

But chances are, there’s people you spend time with who aren’t lifting you up. Chances are, there are some in your orbit who might actually be pulling you down, albeit unintentionally, and keeping you from taking the very actions that would open up a whole lot of exciting new possibilities in your career or business or life. 




We are all social creatures. As such, we’re at our best when we feel part of a “tribe”: connected to the people around us. But not just to any people. 

The problem is, that as we go through life, we can inadvertently accumulate relationships that aren’t bringing out our best and may actually be fueling our doubts, narrowing our perspective, lowering our sights and keeping us playing small. 

So if you’re the biggest thinker you know or you cannot honestly say that you look forward to the conversations you have with the people you spend time with, then maybe it’s time you decided to be more intentional in the relationships you’re investing in.




Here’s three strategies to get you started. 


1. Start with yourself: Your vibe attracts your tribe

A magnetized piece of iron can lift 12 times its own weight; yet if it is demagnetized, it can’t even lift a feather. Like attracts like. Accordingly, people who radiate passion for life attract opportunities, lucky breaks and other positive people into their lives. The same is true in reverse. How you show up in the world determines who shows up in yours. 

This isn’t about trying to prove yourself, or putting on a face and being someone you’re not. It’s just about embracing your worth and focusing on who it is you most want to be in the world. After all, despite the pressure you may feel to impress people, it’s by owning who you are that you will attract the kind of self-assured and big-hearted people who can help you become more of the person you aspire to be. Not all people, but the right people for you! 




In You’ve Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself, I wrote that the wonderful irony of simply being yourself is that the less you care about what other people think of you, the more they actually do. 


2. Be proactive: Don’t wait for ‘chance encounters’; create them

Sometimes serendipity happens and an incredible person lands in your orbit. However, as my mother always said, “God helps those who help themselves.” So go hang out in the kind of places the people you want to meet hang out in. Attend a conference. Join a community. Register for a course, or organize your own event and invite people you’d like to know better.




After moving to a new country a few years back, I met a fabulous woman named Tamera. We hit it off straight away, but between our respective work and family commitments (we had seven kids between us), we didn’t meet up near as often as we wanted.

So we decided to start our own “Best Self” Book Club and invite along five other women each—women who were “up to stuff” and shared a similar outlook on life. Within months, our personal and professional networks had expanded exponentially (despite the fact we often resorted to book summaries!). 


3. Get offline: No technology can replace genuine human connection




Studies show that although we are more interconnected than any other time in human history, millions of people feel more alone and socially disconnected than ever before. Surprisingly, it’s those under 35—the most prolific social networkers—who feel loneliest of all.

Which just goes to show that we have to move beyond trading “likes” of curated selfies, which, while providing the illusion of friendship, fall a long way short of meeting our deeper human hunger for authentic connection. 

Can unplugging from our devices and plugging into the people around us be wholly uncomfortable? You bet. Human connection requires embracing the vulnerability that our screens allow us to avoid.  

Yet by lowering our online masks and getting real, with real people, in real time, we can forge the most meaningful and rewarding relationships of all. So put down your smartphone and start up a conversation with someone in front you. You have no idea what doors it might open up. 

As you go through life, it’s inevitable that you’ll outgrow some relationships. That doesn’t mean you don’t care about the people you’ve shared a season of life with. Perhaps many. It just means that continuing to spend more than the minimal time with them no longer serves you… or them (though they may not see it that way).

This isn’t disloyal or unkind. It simply reflects your own personal evolution and the reality that some people simply aren’t growing in the same direction or at the same pace as you. It’s not good. It’s not bad. It’s just life. 

Your energy is precious. Your time is precious. You are precious. So if the people you’re spending your precious hours with aren’t helping you grow into the kind of person you most want to be, stop making excuses and start investing more time with those who will.

This article first appeared as Are You Holding Onto Relationships That Are Holding You Back? by Margie Warrell at Success Magazine. Margie did a great job with this article! Click on her name to follow her on the social networks!    

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!    
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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these three coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest, or subscribe to his email list for updates.

How To Approach an Office Romance (and how not to) by Amy Gallo. See below for details.   

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Lots of people meet their partners at work, and yet dating someone in the office is often frowned upon. Some companies even have explicit policies against it. So what if you and a colleague have been flirting and might want to explore a relationship? Should you steer clear? Should what’s right from a professional perspective override what’s best for your personal life? 


What the Experts Say 

There are perfectly good reasons why coworkers fall for one another, says Art Markman, a professor of psychology and marketing at the University of Texas at Austin. “You spend a tremendous amount of time at work and, if you put people in close proximity, working together, having open, vulnerable conversations, there’s a good chance there are going to be romantic relationships,” he says.

Research shows that we also tend to fall for people who are similar to ourselves, says Amy Nicole Baker, an associate professor of psychology at University of New Haven and author of several papers on workplace romance. And “the more familiar you are with the person, the more likely it is that you’ll become attracted to one another,” she says. If you’ve become romantically interested in a colleague, proceed carefully. Here are some things to think about. 


Know the risks 




Before you act on your feelings, it’s important to think through the risks — and there are quite a few. Of course, there’s the chance that the relationship won’t work out and that there will be hurt feelings on one or both sides. There are also potential conflicts of interest. Markman references the dual relationship principle, an “ironclad rule” in psychotherapy that therapists cannot have any relationships with patients beyond their professional one.

Obviously, the same rule doesn’t apply between coworkers — many people are close friends with colleagues, for example — but “having multiple relationships with someone creates potential conflicts of interest that can be hard to resolve,” he explains. If you’re dating your teammate, do you put the team’s or the individual’s interests first? There are also reputational risks. “Your professionalism may be called into question,” says Baker, “especially if people don’t see your motives for entering the relationship as positive.” Some colleagues may think you’re giving your romantic partner preferential treatment or vice versa. “Having a relationship with someone higher up in the organization can create an alternate explanation for why you’re succeeding,” says Markman. 


Have the best intentions 

If you’re aware of these risks and still want to move forward, research shows that your intentions matter. Your coworkers’ reactions will reflect what they believe your motives to be, says Baker. When they perceive you as having “ego motive” — seeking out the relationship to serve your own needs, whether it’s to get ahead in your company or for your own excitement — they will clearly think of you less favorably.

On the other hand, “studies show that coworkers are generally positive if they perceive that you’re falling in love and genuinely care about each other,” she says. So, before you jump in, check your motives and consider how others will perceive them. Having positive intentions at the start may also help guard against hurt feelings and misunderstandings should the romance eventually end. 

Know your company’s policies 

Many companies prohibit employees from dating coworkers, vendors, customers, or suppliers, or require specific disclosures, so be sure to investigate before you start a relationship. “Follow the rules and try to understand the reasons they’re in place,” Baker says. “You ignore them at your peril.” If you’ve already violated a policy, she suggests you “come clean early” because “the longer you persist, the worse the consequences will be.”

Markman says that he’s seen companies “lifting those regulations in recent years both because they’re hard to enforce and they haven’t changed behavior.” For him, this is a positive. “The rules need to recognize the reality of the world and, when it comes to workplace relationships, we want to teach people principles for making good, adult decisions, not to legislate through punishment.” Rules are also evolving because of the #MeToo movement. For example, at Facebook and Google, you can only ask a coworker out once, and if the person says no or gives you an ambiguous response (“Sorry, I’m busy”) you’re not allowed to ask again. 

Stay away from your boss and your direct reports 

No matter what your intentions are, it’s best not to date your managers or subordinates. “It is a bad idea to get involved with anybody who is in your chain of command — up or down,” says Markman. Baker agrees: ““We know from research that the outcomes aren’t as good; the perceptions are more negative.” That’s because this is where conflicts of interest are most stark. It’s hard to be objective when giving someone you’re dating a performance review, for example. And you don’t want people to think that you’re being unduly favored; it can erode your own confidence and hurt the team’s morale. Both experts acknowledge that boss-employee romances do happen — and sometimes those relationships work out. However, if that’s something you’d like to consider, they suggest you “take action immediately” to transfer to a new boss or reassign your direct report to another team. 

Don’t hide it 

Both Markman and Baker agree that it’s important to be open about the relationship with your coworkers and boss. This might be tough advice to follow, especially if you’re not sure where the relationship will go. “You don’t have to tell them after the first date,” says Markman, “but letting people know reduces the awkwardness” and increases the likelihood that they’ll be positive about the relationship. Besides, “if you don’t tell anybody, people will still figure it out,” he says.

Baker adds that clandestine romances tend to have poorer outcomes and can be “corrosive” to other relationships. “Secrets tend to erode our trust in one another and, when the truth comes out, people are going to feel lied to,” she explains. Keep your disclosure simple and straightforward. You might say something like, “We went on a few dates, but I’m sure you can understand that I don’t want to get into more detail about our personal lives.” 

Make sure that your manager is one of the first to be informed. If this feels unnecessary, put yourself in your manager’s shoes, Markman says. Wouldn’t you want to know that two people on your team, or a team member and a colleague from another group, were dating? Then “let your bosses make the call on how to staff you. They may prefer you not work together. By telling them, you’re allowing them to make informed decisions.” Whether or not to tell HR will depend on the company policy and on how much you trust your colleagues in the department to handle the situation.

“If you have an HR department that’s good, you might want to have a record, especially if the relationship goes sour,” says Markman. “If your HR dept has a reputation for being all about checking boxes, don’t tell them.” There’s another important caveat: LGBTQ employees may not feel comfortable disclosing a relationship with a coworker, especially since you can still be fired in many states for being gay. “While many workplaces have become more diverse, they haven’t necessarily become more inclusive,” Markman says. “Many people may not feel comfortable talking about their relationships.” 

If you break up 

Of course, not every romance will work out and if you or your partner decide to end things, it’s best to be prepared. There’s no reason to mince words: “It’s going to be very painful,” says Baker, but “you still need to be open about the break up.” Markman agrees: ““If you’ve been telling people about the relationship, keep them updated on the fact that you’re no longer together.” And try to remain as professional as possible.

“Anyone who’s ever been in a relationship has said something less than sympathetic about an ex,” says Markman, “but you have to be civil as if nothing ever went wrong and hope that the other person will do the same.” If you find it too awkward or painful to continue working alongside the person, you may need to consider leaving the job or at least transferring to another department. No matter how the relationship turns out, it’s worth following some of Baker’s most simple advice: “The less drama, the better.” 


Principles to Remember 

Do: 

Know the many risks of getting involved with someone at work  Familiarize yourself with your company’s policies – and the rationale behind them  Talk through what you’ll do if the relationship doesn’t work out 

Don’t: 

Pursue a coworker if you’re not serious about a relationship  Date someone who you have a reporting relationship with  Try to hide the relationship from your manager or colleagues – it will only erode trust 

Case Study #1: Always keep it professional 

Heather Townsend and her colleague, Alex, were both working at one of the Big Four accounting firms when they became interested in one another. But they were hesitant about getting romantically involved. “We thought dating at work was faux pas. I wouldn’t even have more than one glass of wine with a coworker,” she says. Still, the attraction was there and, while they never openly flirted, they were “friendly” over instant messages. 




After three months of uncertainty over where things were headed, Alex “finally said on instant message, ‘Do you want to go to dinner with me?’ and I said, ‘Yes.’” On their first date, they talked about how they would handle the situation in the office. “We were both very career-focused and agreed that we wanted to always keep it professional so that our careers wouldn’t be impacted.” 

Heather told one friend at work that she was dating Alex, but they waited a few months before disclosing their status to HR. “While it got serious very quickly, we wanted to be sure,” she explains. Eventually, though, they were upfront with HR in part because they were at different levels of the organization and wanted to do it before any conflicts of interest arose. “We said something like, ‘We’re dedicated to the company and we don’t want this to affect our careers but we fell in love. What should we do?’”

The HR managers responded positively. The couple worked with HR to make sure they wouldn’t be on the same project and that Alex, who was more senior than Heather, wouldn’t be responsible for her performance reviews or advocating for her promotions. “There was no way he could write an unbiased review,” she says. 




Once they had that support, Heather told her boss and a few other colleagues. “That’s when the gossip started,” she says, “but we didn’t let it bother us. We kept working hard and rose above it.” Still, she was concerned about the potential impact on her reputation. “I didn’t want it to seem like I was doing well at the company because of who I was dating, and I didn’t want people to think I didn’t take my career seriously.”

So, she and Alex made a conscious decision to treat each other like co-workers first and foremost whenever they were in the office. “I didn’t stop by his desk or kiss him on the cheek or have casual conversations. We would go out for coffee, but we always met by the elevator.” 

Heather left the company about nine months into their relationship for unrelated reasons, and she and Alex wed several years later. While they no longer work together, they are still happily married. 

Case Study #2: Why secrecy doesn’t work 

When Becca Pierson (some names and details have been changed) worked at a large tech company, she was assigned to help a new employee, Meryl, onboard. After getting to know one another over several months, the two women started dating. 




“We were on different teams, but we interacted regularly,” Becca explains. “Though I wasn’t her manager, I was more senior, which made me nervous. I thought it would look really bad to my team if they knew I was dating someone who was at the same level as them.” 

They chose to keep their relationship a secret. “It was complicated because she wasn’t out of the closet,” Becca explains. “She’s from a country where being gay is essentially illegal.” Although the secrecy made “things more exciting in a way, more romantic and special,” it also caused a lot of anxiety. Becca couldn’t tell her friends — at work or outside it — what she was doing a lot of the time. “It was weird that no one knew the relationship existed. It felt like going back in the closet. I think when you’re hiding a work relationship — whether you’re gay or straight — it can feel that way.” 

They dated for close to a year and were able to keep the secret that whole time. “I don’t think anyone ever knew,” she says. Becca feels like the secrecy ultimately broke them up. “I didn’t feel like it was a real relationship; it was almost like living a double life.” She even felt somewhat relieved when it ended. “I didn’t think I could do it for much longer. She wasn’t out to her family, and we couldn’t imagine how that would ever work.” 

While Becca and Meryl remain friends, Becca says that the whole experience has made her want to steer clear from having another relationship at work. 

Case Study #3: When it doesn’t work out 

Jordan Lu (names and some details have been changed) fell for his coworker, Susan, after they’d been at the same investment bank for less than three months. “We hadn’t been working together that long. She’d joined the company before me.” 

He felt like the romance didn’t present a conflict of interest because there wasn’t a reporting relationship between them. “Though I was technically senior to her in terms of hierarchy —she was an analyst and I was an associate — she did not report to me and I wasn’t involved in assigning her work, managing or evaluating her,” he explains. “We did sometimes work together as part of a big team but were never on the same team when we were dating.” 

This was the first time Jordan had ever been involved romantically with someone at work and he says he was “extremely naïve” and didn’t consider the risks. “I don’t think either of us thought that far ahead to be honest. We sort of stumbled into the relationship.” 

Since it was casual at first, they didn’t think to tell anyone. But when it got more serious they felt like it was too late. “It just seemed odd to raise at that point, several months in,” he says. “She was being considered for a promotion, so we didn’t want [the disclosure] to potentially impact that process.” They each had a friend at work — someone Jordan had known for a while and Susan’s roommate — who knew about the relationship. “They were both people we trusted to a high degree.” 

Eventually, however, the relationship fizzled and the pair broke up. “That was the most awkward part of it all,” Jason says. “We ended up having to work much more closely on different projects, and, though it was always polite between us, there was definitely an incredible amount of tension and simmering resentment,” he says. “While it was never apparent to others, it was not pleasant.” The situation contributed to his departure from the company. “It was so awkward, and I felt like we both needed space.”

This article first appeared as How To Approach an Office Romance by Amy Gallo at Harvard Business Review. Amy did a great job with this article! Click on her name to follow her on the social networks!   

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!   
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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these three coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest, or subscribe to his email list for updates.

No, You Can't Make a Person Change by Mark Manson. See below for details. 

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[image error]We’ve all had that one person—that one person in our lives that we always find ourselves saying, “If only they would…” Month after month, year after year—we love them, we care about them, we worry for them, but when we turn off the light or hang up the phone, we think to ourselves, “If only they would…” 

Maybe it’s a family member. Maybe they’re depressed. Heartbroken. Despondent. Maybe they don’t believe in themselves. And every time you see them, you try to fill them with love and confidence, you compliment their new Spiderman shirt and tell them how cool their new haircut is. You casually encourage them and offer some unsolicited tips and recommend a book or two and silently say to yourself: 

“If only they would believe in themselves…” 

Or maybe it’s a friend. Maybe you see them screwing up left, right, and center. Drinking too much. Cheating on their partner. Blowing all their money on their odd yet obsessive go-kart hobby. You pull them aside and give them the hands-on-the-shoulders pep talk that friends are supposed to do. Maybe you offer to take a look at their bank statement and maybe even give them a loan or two. Meanwhile, in the back of your head, you keep thinking: 

“If only they would get their stuff together…” 

Or maybe it’s the worst. Maybe it’s your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Or even worse, it’s your ex- husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe it’s over but you keep clinging to the hope that they’ll somehow change. That there’s some special piece of information that they missed that would change everything. Maybe you keep buying them books that they never read. Maybe you drag them to a therapist that they don’t want to go to. Maybe you try leaving tearful voicemails at two in the morning, screaming, “WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?!!?” 

Yeah, like that’s ever worked… 
 
We’ve all got that person in our lives. Loving them hurts. But losing them hurts. So, we decide, the only way to salvage this emotional cluster is to somehow change them. 

“If only they would…” 

On my speaking tour this spring, I held short Q&A sessions at the end of each talk. Invariably, in every city, at least one person would stand up, offer a long explanation of their messed up situation and end it with, “How do I get him/her to change? If only they would do X, things would be better.” 

And my answer, in every situation, was the same: you can’t. 

You can’t make somebody change. You can inspire them to change. You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change. 

But you can’t make them change. 

That’s because making someone do something, even if it’s for their own good, requires either coercion or manipulation. It requires intervening in their life in a way that is a boundary violation, and it will therefore damage the relationship—in some cases more than it helps. 

These are boundary violations that often go unnoticed because they’re done with such good intentions. Timmy lost his job. Timmy is laying on his mom’s couch, broke, and feeling sorry for himself every day. So, Mom starts filling out job applications for Timmy. Mom starts yelling at Timmy, calling him names and guilt-tripping him for being such a loser. Maybe she even throws his Playstation out the window for good measure, just to give him that extra oomph of motivation. 

While Mom’s intentions may be good, and while some may even see this as a dramatically noble form of tough love, this type of behavior ultimately backfires. It’s a boundary violation. It’s taking responsibility for another person’s actions and emotions, and even when done with the best of intentions, boundary violations screw relationships up. 

Think about it this way. Timmy is feeling sorry for himself. Timmy is struggling to see any point in living in this cruel, heartless world. Then, suddenly, Mom comes in and trashes his Playstation while literally going out and getting a job for him. Not only does this not solve Timmy’s problem of believing the world is cruel and heartless and he has no place in it, but it is actually further evidence to Timmy that there is something fundamentally wrong with him. 

After all, if Timmy wasn’t such a screw up, he wouldn’t need his mom to go out and get a job for him, would he? 

Instead of Timmy learning, “Hey, the world is all right, I can handle this,” the lesson is, “Oh yeah, I’m a grown man who still needs his mother to do everything for him—I knew there was something wrong with me.” 

It’s in this way that the best attempts at helping someone often backfire. You can’t make someone be confident or respect themselves or take responsibility—because the means you use to do this destroys confidence, respect, and responsibility. 

For a person to truly change, they must feel that the change is theirs, that they chose it, they control it. Otherwise, it loses all its effect. 

A common criticism of my work is that, unlike most self-help authors, I don’t tell people what to do. I don’t lay out action plans with steps A through F or create dozens of exercises at the end of every chapter. 

But I don’t do it for a very simple reason: I don’t get to decide what’s right for you. I don’t get to decide what makes you a better person. And even if I did decide, the fact that I told you to do it, rather than you doing it for yourself, robs you of most of the emotional benefits. 

The people who tend to populate the self-help world are there because they have a chronic inability to take responsibility for their choices. It’s full of people who have floated through life looking for someone else—some authority figure or organization or set of principles—to tell them exactly what to think, what to do, what to give a care about. 

But the problem is, every value system eventually fails. Every definition of success eventually turns up crap. And if you’re dependent on someone else’s values, then you’re going to feel lost and identity-less from the start. 

So, if someone like me stands on stage and tells you that for half your life savings, I will take responsibility for your life and tell you exactly what to do and what to value, not only am I merely perpetuating your original problem, but I’m making a killing while doing it. 

People who have survived trauma, who have been abandoned or shamed or felt lost, they’ve survived that pain by latching onto worldviews that promise them hope. But until they learn to generate that hope for themselves, to choose their own values, to take responsibility for their own experiences, nothing will truly heal. And for someone to intervene and say, “Here, take my value system on a silver platter. Would you like fries with that?” only perpetuates the problem, even if done with the best of intentions.1 

(Caveat: Active intervention in someone’s life can be necessary if that person has become a danger to themselves or others. And when I say, “danger” I mean actual danger—they’re overdosing on drugs or becoming erratic and violent and having hallucinations that they’re living with Charlie in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.)


HOW CAN YOU HELP PEOPLE? 

So, if you can’t force someone to change, if intervening in their life in such a way as to remove the responsibility for their own choices ultimately backfires, what can you do? How do you help people? 


1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE 

Anyone who has ever made a major change in their life has noticed that it has a ripple effect on their relationships. You stop drinking and partying, and suddenly your drinking friends feel like you’re ignoring them or are “too good” for them. 

But sometimes, just sometimes, maybe one of those party friends thinks to themselves, “Damn, yeah, I should probably cut back too,” and they get off the party boat with you. They make the same change you did. And it’s not because you intervened and were like, “Dude, stop getting blackout drunk on a Tuesday,” it’s simply because you stopped blacking out, and that became inspiring to others.


2. INSTEAD OF GIVING SOMEONE ANSWERS, GIVE THEM BETTER QUESTIONS 

Once you recognize that forcing your own answers on somebody sabotages the benefits of those answers, the only option left available is to help the person ask better questions. 

Instead of saying, “You should fight for a raise,” you could say, “Do you believe you’re paid fairly?” 

Instead of saying, “You need to stop tolerating your sister’s bullshit,” you could say, “Do you feel responsible for your sister’s bullshit?” 

Instead of saying, “Stop pooping your pants, it’s disgusting,” you could say, “Have you ever considered a toilet? Here, may I show you how to use it?” 

Giving people questions is hard. It requires patience. And thought. And care. But that’s probably why it’s so useful. When you pay a therapist, you’re essentially just paying for better questions. And this is why some people find therapy to be “useless,” because they thought they were signing up for answers to their problems, but all they got was more questions. 


3. OFFER HELP UNCONDITIONALLY 

This isn’t to say you can never give people answers. But those answers must be sought by the person themselves. There’s a world of difference between me saying, “Hey, I know what’s best for you,” and you coming to me and saying, “What do you think is best for me?” 

One respects your autonomy and self-determination. The other does not. 

Therefore, often the best thing you can do is simply make it known that you are available if a person needs you. It’s the classic, “Hey, I know you’re going through a hard time right now. If you ever want to talk, let me know.” 

But it can also be more specific. A few years ago, a friend of mine was going through some stuff with his parents. Instead of giving him advice or telling him what he should do, I simply told him about some of the problems I had with my parents in the past that I believed were similar. The goal wasn’t to force my friend to take my advice or do what I did or even to give a care about what happened to me. That was all up to him. 

I was simply making an offering. Putting something out there. And if it was useful to him in any way, he could use it. If not, that’s fine too. 

Because when done that way, our stories carry value outside of ourselves. It’s not me giving him advice. It’s my experience lending perspective to his experience. And his right to choose and take responsibility for his experience is never impeded, never encroached, always honored. 

Because, ultimately, we are each only capable of changing ourselves. Sure, Timmy may have a sweet job and one less Playstation, but until his self-definition changes, until his feelings about himself and his life shift, he’s the same old Timmy. Except now with a much more frustrated mother.

This article first appeared as No, You Can't Make a Person Change by Mark Manson at his blog. Mark did a great job with this article! Click on his name to follow him on the social networks! 

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever! 
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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter or subscribe to his email list for updates.

How to Say Goodbye: The Art of Ending Relationships Well by Matthew Jones. See below for details.  

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[image error]A brutal truth about life is that we can die at any moment.  

In an instant, people that we know and love--friends and family members--can be taken from us, leaving the rest of us to work through the many feelings we have towards the deceased.  

While saying goodbye is not the same as someone dying, in some cases they're similar.  

Have you ever moved or graduated or secured a new job? 

How many of your friends and associates did you maintain contact with? 

Chances are, many of the people you used to spend time with--even the ones you attempted to stay connected to--faded away with time and distance. That's because it takes a significant amount of energy to sustain emotional connections while confronting the demands of adulthood.  

Now, you may think to yourself, "but I see them all the time on social media." But we both know that watching someone's highlight reel isn't the same as being with them as they navigate life's complexities.  

So, in some respects, your moving to a new environment resulted in something similar to death: your communication stopped. And your relationship to that person changed.  

That's why psychologists and other experts trained in mental, emotional, and psychological wellbeing prioritize what they call termination.  

Termination occurs when a therapist and client end their relationship. And what's most interesting about termination is how and when it's discussed. 

Whereas most relationships fade into the background, terminations are intentional. They are discussed for weeks and sometimes months prior to the actual ending.  

As someone ending treatment with many of my clients, I've brought up termination--or the ending of our therapeutic relationship--several times throughout our work. But especially over the last month. 

Each time clients say something that feels relevant to the ending of our work, I remind them about our ending. I specify how many sessions we have left. And I invite them to share more of their thoughts and feelings about it.  

When done properly, termination can help people leave the relationship with a sense of closure, wellbeing, and confidence in their future.  

Paradoxically, the only way that people can access those positive feelings is by sharing all of their frustrations, fears, regrets, and wishes prior to the relationship ending.  

During what I call the "termination phase" of treatment, I focus on creating space for a wide range of feelings. I encourage clients to share thoughts that they've typically kept private. I empathize with their wide range of responses. And I share my own reactions to the ending of our relationship. 

I do all of this while summarizing the themes of our work. Encouraging clients to think about what they've learned from our time together. Setting goals for the future. And asking clients to imagine what life will be like without our sessions.  

Sometimes these conversations are short. Other times, they are long and full of intense feelings. But more often than not, even having these talks gives clients the opportunity to do something new: end our relationship the way that they'd like to. 

Most often, we don't have the ability to choose how to end relationships. People stop showing up. People fade away. People move. Or a million other things happen that prevent the relationship from ending the way both parties would prefer.  

There's no right or wrong way to feel about a relationship ending. Each person varies according to their personality, their history, and their preferences. However, there can be better and worse ways to go about ending a relationship.  

Ghosting leaves people on both sides with unfinished business. Avoiding these uncomfortable conversations can do the same. And both of those result in people experiencing lingering thoughts and feelings for years to come.  

These feelings can take the form of anger or frustration at the person for leaving. They can be sadness, regret, or guilt from your inability to share your thoughts and feelings with them. And they can also involve feeling a sense of relief--being thankful that the relationship is over.  

That's why termination, or the ending of relationships in whatever form they take, can feel a lot like death. No matter how different they appear, sometimes the emotional impact is similar.  

While it may be uncomfortable to think about the loss of relationship as a death, bringing that seriousness and intentionality to such endings can result in greater fulfillment for both people. It gives you a chance to say things you typically wouldn't and opens you to feedback you might not otherwise receive.  

So instead of pulling away from the emotional discomfort, face it. Move towards these conversations by having them early and often. Accept with open arms all of the feelings that get expressed. And say what you need to say. 

That way you can leave the relationship feeling ready to continue living your rewarding and fulfilling life. 

This article first appeared as How to Say Goodbye: The Art of Ending Relationships Well by Matthew Jones at Inc. Matthew did a great job with this article! Click on his name to follow him on the social networks!  

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!  
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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter or subscribe to his email list for updates.

A Letter To My Future Son: Don’t Let One Girl Ruin Every Other Girl For You by Samantha Lebbos. See below for details.

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It’s the first date. Could you be any more nervous?

As you pace around your room trying to find the perfect outfit, packing on the cologne and practicing what you’ll say in front of the mirror, you hope this one date will turn the girl into your girlfriend.

You take one big, deep breath, look in the mirror one last time, grab some money from your father and head out to pick her up. Although you’re feeling nervous and excited at the same time, you’re mostly just happy she agreed to a date.

You pull up to her place, knock on the door like a true gentleman and introduce yourself to her parents. You better listen when they give you both rules about what time she needs to be home; their daughter is in your hands.




Feel accomplished and don’t take your responsibility for granted; gaining trust is hard and losing trust is easy. Gaining that trust back is nearly impossible.

As you both start the night off with laughs and conversations about your teachers, you innocently have the best time of your lives. Nothing else matters at this point; you are both on the same page.

There’s no rush now, like there is when you are just saying “hi” passing by in the school hallway. As you are still naive, you convince yourself that this is the girl you want to marry.

Oh, young love, it’s a beautiful thing when you’re caught up in the moment. I won’t sugarcoat it for you: Everything falls apart if you don’t both put in the effort. Young love is a time to explore and you two might not be on the same wavelength for as long as you’d like.

In the midst of it all a couple weeks later, the love turns to hate; you wonder when it happened. She’s moved on. Her heart latched on to someone else. But that’s how people are; they move on, and sadly, you’re the one left heartbroken.




I can see it when you walk through the door from school, and when you go straight to your room and give me one-word answers after I ask, “How was your day?”

When did your heartache take over your entire life? As your mom, I can assuredly say that there is a silver lining. Heartbreaks never last; take my word for it.

That nauseating feeling at the pit of your stomach that keeps you up at night is brutal, I know. I’m older and more experienced with this crap, I promise. It’s the memories that make the pain so much worse. Those memories are engraved in your brain and only time can heal it all.

Eventually you’ll mature, go to college and move on. You’ll meet plenty of ladies out and about while at sporting events or the bar (don’t forget the legal drinking age is 21).

Between all of the emotions you felt with your very first love, I need you to understand one thing: I never want you to lose the confidence you had on that very first date.




You know those exciting jitters you had before your first kiss, and that effort you made to stay up all night and talk on the phone even if you were tired?

I want you to have those before every date you go on because when you meet the right girl and those same feelings happen every time you see her, you’ll know she’s the one. Those feelings won’t fade like they did with the wrong girls who broke your heart.

Don’t let one heartbreak give you the same perception of every girl. Don’t bring the baggage from the last relationship to the next one because it’s just not fair. No, not every girl is the same; don’t ever say that.

Everyone has his or her one true person; you just haven’t found yours yet. Please, don’t become a jerk. Don’t be that one person who doesn’t open the door and pick up the check.

Please, don’t lay your finger on a girl unless you are hugging her or kissing her or — when you find your true love, of course — undressing her.




Please, don’t be that boy who takes her choice of wanting to take it slow as an insult. Take it slow; you’re still so young. Most importantly, choose wisely.

Don’t sleep with every girl you get the chance to sleep with because when you’re mature and you find someone you really want to be with, your past matters. 

When you go through all of these heartbreaks, you will always get back on your feet and grow stronger as a person. With every struggle, you will learn more about yourself.

You’ll realize that when you find your true love, get married and have a family, you will pass all of this advice along to your son. Looking on the other side, you’ll also want the same exact thing for your daughter.

Above all, in the end, you’ll finally understand the difference between being a boy and being a man.

P.S. Don’t forget you are babysitting tomorrow night; your dad and I are going on a date. XO




Love you forevaaa and evvaaaa,
The Number One Woman In Your Life (aka, your mom)

This article first appeared as A Letter To My Future Son: Don’t Let One Girl Ruin Every Other Girl For You by Samantha Lebbos on Elite Daily. Mrs. Lebbos did a great job with this article! Click on her name to follow her on the social networks!

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!
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5 Great Ways To Enjoy Being Single by James Russell Lingerfelt

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It’s been my observation that society in general is becoming more aware of the importance of knowing and understanding ourselves before committing to a partner.

We seek to understand ourselves, our own wants and desires, thus embracing the single life until we’re ready to fully commit to a relationship.

For those who spent their earlier years in committed romantic relationships, and you want a fresh start getting to know yourself, this article will stimulate some ideas to help you enjoy and get the most out of your single life.


1. Get active and adventurous.




When you’re sitting in your home or office all day, the weekend arrives, and you don’t want to look at anything work related… where does your mind wander? 

Yoga, Biking, Hiking, Running, Swimming, Mountain Climbing, Traveling, Concerts, Barbeques? Make a list of where your mind wanders, for that will tell you a lot about yourself. Then, start participating and enjoying yourself. 

Not only will you find a life of adventure, but when you’re ready for romance, you’ve met some great, likeminded people along the way who share similar interests. 


2. Reconnect with old friends.




There are friends and old acquaintances you wish you had time to get to know… who are also single.

You’ll have a blast together once you reconnect. They may even introduce you to interests of theirs that you didn’t know could be so much fun.

You’ll also meet their friends and expand your social networks. That means you’re likely to meet future best friends you never knew existed.


3. Pursue your dream moneymaker.

You might be an artist who now has more time to learn how to promote and sell your art, or you might like the idea of working with people already established in an industry that intrigues you.




You can set up meetings, lunches, coffee times, and outings with different people you want to learn from and/or work with.

We all want to be at a place where we make a living just doing what we love. Now you have more free time to explore those possibilities. Go for it!


4. If people think it’s strange you’re single… know they’ll get over it.

Why are people great at giving us suggestions and advice? Because they don’t have to live with the consequences of our decisions. We do.

I don’t understand myself very well. I’m working on that. But I understand me better than anyone in my family and within my close group of friends.




If you know what’s right for you, then do it.


5. Remember who’s in your life now… who would love your love.

My parents and brother are awesome. And I have a handful of very close friends I’ve known for years who I can depend on for anything. 

When I pour my love and attention into them, and I’m there for them when they need me, guess what? Their countenance lights up like a firefly. 

Our relationship that’s already built on years of love, respect, trust… it grows stronger, deeper, and the loneliness I felt away from them dissipates.





In closing:

I like to look at my life and see who’s already there, who loves me and thinks I’m pretty amazing, and then I like to spend my time with them as often as possible.

Since I’ve adopted these attitudes, my life has become much, much richer.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!
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8 Things Men Find Romantic by James Russell Lingerfelt

Note: If these topics interest you, please see the following books whose writings helped inspire this article: Willard Harley's His Needs Her Needs and Gary Smalley's The Five Love Languages.

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You’re probably doing better than you think at romancing your man. Though it’s hard to define exactly what qualifies as “romance” when it comes to [image error]men, there are many things we men appreciate from our women. And when we know we’re respected and appreciated (don't miss this), it ignites the fires deep within.


1. If your man likes to give and receive gifts… 

Is there a material item or event he keeps obsessing about? Can you surprise him with it? 

Not only does gift giving show you care about his happiness, but that you were paying attention to his likes and that you respect him. 




Respect is key with men. “A man wants to be respected and a woman wants to be loved,” is a popular quote among family therapists. Imagine how different your life would be if everyone loved you. For men, replace the word “love” with “respect” and you’ll begin to understand the motives behind many of his actions and words. 


2. If your man likes to perform acts of service to express his love… 

How can you help make the events and occurrences in his day easier? What if you ran certain errands for him and/or prepared his favorite meal without him asking for help?

I’ve heard women attest that when they started serving their husbands, over time, their husbands began reciprocating. Sometimes leadership is volunteering to be the first to serve, even though there’s fear of being taken advantage of.


3. If your man likes you to join him in his hobby…




Can you cancel your plans and spend time with him in his hobby? One of the top needs men express is Recreational Companionship.

When he has things to look forward to, and he’s doing it with you, the woman he fell in love with, this can definitely rekindle sparks. 


4. If your man loves to spend quality time with people… 

Would you be willing to prepare (buying or cooking) a meal in your home and invited his friends and their wives to join you? Then, give the boys guy time afterward. 

He’ll be refreshed in having that time with the people he loves most. Not only will your time planning and/or cooking for him will speak wonders, but he’ll associate those good feelings to your act of sacrificial love, and that’s a huge plus for your relationship.

On my brother’s birthday, his wife will call all his friends (even if there’s some she doesn’t care for), and they’ll all surprise him at his favorite restaurant. He thinks that’s awesome.


5. If your man loves to shower people with words of affirmation… 




What if you made a list of things you admire and respect about him and give it to him or leave it for him to find?

Any man would love receiving a letter from his wife, telling him what she admires and respects about him.

The greatest complaint men have is that their wives don’t respect them. I’ve heard it from many men: “I have my daily struggles, my insecurities, my fears, my unmet hopes and dreams, but I do the best I can to provide for my wife and family. And I rarely feel appreciated for it.”

We men are horrible self-critics. The weight of the world can be on our shoulders and we’ll say our day is just fine. 

Maybe it’s because the older men in our lives taught us to be tough, suck it up, and do our duty. Or maybe we’re biologically wired to serve as providers/protectors and feel ashamed when our ability to fulfill that role is jeopardized. 

But I know this. The greatest compliment a boy will ever receive is when the father figure in his life pats his shoulder at a well-deserved moment and says, “You did good, young man.” As a man, if he hears similar comments from people he loves or respects, he’ll light up like a firefly.


6. If your man’s a touchy-feely kinda guy or if he loves sex…




You already know what he likes in that arena. If not, just ask. If he doesn’t believe you truly want to know, just try different things until he tells you what feels good.


7. If your man loves to see you looking beautiful…

We all love to see our lady in sweats and a t-shirt. Especially if it’s our t-shirt. But the next time you are out in public together for an outing or event, put extra time into your appearance.

Men like to be proud of how their spouse looks and behaves. No man aspires to marry a woman who has stopped caring about the way she looks. 

Men love to brag about and show off their wives. This isn’t about some sort of trophy wife parade, but it reflects his genuine appreciation of you.

When men have a companion who takes care of herself, she helps him look good in front of his friends, peers, and colleagues. “She takes care of herself because he takes care of her,” they think to themselves. 


8. If your man likes public affection…

While you’re having your evening out, consider looping your arm in his, hold his hand, lean your head on his shoulder, or just be right there at his side. You probably already know what he likes and is comfortable with. If not, just ask.




You’re telling him (and all those watching) that this man’s important, you respect, admire, and can depend on him, and that you’ll be there for him when he needs you.


9. If – No, ALL men want to love to come home.

When he comes home, show him you’re glad he’s there, and that you’re glad you married him, however that is manifested. 

​Over time, if he knows home is a safe and welcome place and that he’s loved there for whom he is, he’ll come to a place where he can’t wait to come home to be with you. 

Men are sensitive to how they match up with other men. The money they make, the house and/or neighborhood they live in, the vehicles they drive, the schools their children go to, how their children perform, how other men treat their partners and children, etc. 

He may often wonder if you’re still happy you decided to marry him. 

We men like to feel secure in our beliefs, values, decisions, our accomplishments, etc. This never ends. Ambition means a lot to us men. When goals are met, new ones are set.

Read another popular post: Don't Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!

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The Secret To Staying With Someone Forever: Keep Falling In Love (And Never Stop) by Paul Hudson. See details below.

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[image error]You’re not exactly sure what’s going on. Your heart keeps racing, regardless of whether or not you’re in this person’s presence.

Thoughts flood your mind, making it difficult to focus on anything other than the person in front of you.

This person is there with you throughout the day, keeping you company in your moments of solitude.

You can’t let go of him or her because this person has somehow managed to seep through your pores, fusing and making the distinction between you and this person a little more than shadow.




You’re falling in love, and the world finally just started spinning. The moment you realize what it is that you’re getting yourself into is the moment that you take a fresh breath of life and begin living.

Falling in love is the most memorable moment of your life – each and every time it happens. In life, you should never stop falling in love because the moment that you do, the colors start to fade.

We’re cursed to forever draw comparisons between new experiences and memories.

Just as much as it is advantageous, having the ability to prop two things side by side, compare them and analyze them, is also what damns us to a life riddled with sadness and disappointment.

Accepting that the lows in life are necessary for the highs isn’t built into our nature.

We are creatures who never want to lose. We never want to lessen our holdings, our place in the world and social circles.

We are individuals who fear loss. When we take a look at experiences we’ve had and emotions that we’ve felt, we compare them to what it is that we are feeling at the present moment.




While memories allow us to look back fondly, they simultaneously lessen the pleasure that we receive from what we are now experiencing.

Because we hate losing, we love the idea of always rising higher, always getting more, experiencing something novel and, above all else, improving.

We’re in a constant competition with ourselves trying to outdo our pleasant moments in life with more pleasant and more memorable ones.

All of this, however, is an illusion – a trick that we play on ourselves. And it’s this constant pursuit of that higher high that will make you feel as if you’re constantly on the losing team.

To win in life and to form a successful partnership, you have to learn to appreciate the uniqueness of every moment you live.

Every little thing that you see and experience in life is different from everything else that you have ever experienced.

No two seconds in your life will ever be the same. No two moments will ever taste exactly like another, nor will you ever again live this very minute of your life.




We all live on borrowed time. The person you are this very second is not the person you were the last.

The difference may be minuscule, unnoticeable even. Yet, a difference there is. When looking over a wider span of time, it’s readily noticeable how much we change as people.

This very same principle applies to every person in the world. It applies to your friends, your family, your colleagues and your lovers.

Every moment you spend with the person you love is a moment you will never get back.

It’s a moment in time that ceases to exist as soon as it comes into being.

The time that you have with the one you love is time that you ought to cherish, regardless of how it makes you feel compared to how other moments in your life made you feel.

What you once felt is gone. You can’t live in past, allowing fossilized emotions to influence your decisions. What you are feeling right now is the only time in your life that you will feel exactly that way.




This moment is unique. It isn’t duplicable and therefore it should be appreciated.

Because we take each moment for granted, we lose sight of the fact that love is a living thing that needs to be nurtured.

The secret to loving, lasting relationships is simple. You need to fall in love with the person all over again and do so as often as possible.

We all remember that moment when we come to realize that this stranger we met not too long ago holds great value to us, the moment we realize that we care about this person as much as we care about ourselves.

This magical moment will almost certainly never be as magical as it was the first time around. When you fall in love with someone the first time, the novelty of it all intensifies the experience.

It raises your awareness of both the individual you love and the emotions you’re experiencing.

The first time will always be the most intense of times if only because of that extra stimulant.




This, however, does not mean that falling in love over and over again with the same individual isn’t possible.

All it means is that falling in love with this person will never feel the same as it did the first time around.

It will feel different each and every time and it will be for different reasons, under different conditions and circumstances.

Nevertheless, falling in love continuously over a lifetime with that single person is not only possible, but necessary in order for you to be part of the sort of relationship you’ve always dreamed of.

What you cannot allow yourself to do, however, is to spend time comparing the way that you are now feeling to the way that you felt initially when Cupid struck his arrow.

Doing so will only nullify the emotions that you should be feeling. The past will drown out the present if you don’t learn to love the moment for what it is alone and nothing else.

Don’t run from fear of losing love. You can’t lose it. You can only stop creating it.

Read another popular post: Don’t Ever Apologize For Loving Someone – Not Ever!

This article first appeared as The Secret To Staying With Someone Forever: Keep Falling In Love (And Never Stop) by Paul Hudson. Click on his name to follow him on the social networks!

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[image error]Did you like this article? Check out these coming-of-age love stories from the male perspective by James Russell Lingerfelt. Follow James Russell Lingerfelt on Facebook, Pinterest, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter or subscribe to his email list for updates.