Kim Golden's Blog - Posts Tagged "near-enough-to-hold"

"Are you listening to me?"

Nick blinked. He'd done it again. Dazed out while his sister Ellie was talking to him. It wasn't intentional. He hadn't slept well in days and she kept bringing up the past. He didn't want to talk about the past anymore. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and muttered an apology. "Sorry, Ellie. What are we talking about again?"

"Boston," she said tersely. "I asked you if you're going to come home for Thanksgiving."

"That's months away." Nick kept his head down. An ant meandered between his feet. The back of his neck was wet with sweat. He hated the end of August almost as much as he hated thinking about going back to Boston. "Anyway, why can't you just come here?"

"I always come to you. It would be nice if you made an effort too."

We sound like an old married couple, he thought. He lifted his head now and was met with his younger sister's grimace. She was five years younger but sometimes it felt like she was the older sibling. Especially lately. She took care of so many practicalities.

"Have you got your ticket?" Nick stood up and stared into the darkness. A train whistle sounded in the distance. It was probably her train--the Northeast Regional that would carry her away from Richmond and whisk her back to Boston. She'd been here with him for two weeks and now he was ready to return to his normal life.

"Of course I have my ticket," she quipped. "I don't lose things."

"Don't be like this, Ellie." He turned back to her and ruffled her chestnut brown hair. She'd pulled it into a neat bun, just like she always wore it. He wished she'd let her hair down and stop worrying about him. "You know going back is hard for me."

"It's been five years though."

"Doesn't mean it's any easier."

"It's never going to be easier if you don't face it."
Other passengers were venturing out now, jostling for the perfect position to wait for the train's arrival. Nick took his sister's bags and moved aside. Ellie followed him. The air smelled wet. He was pretty sure it would rain soon. He could already feel the coolness of it in the heavy air.

"Did you forget anything at the house?"

"You know I didn't," she said and touched his shoulder. "I just...I know going back is hard for you. But it would be nice for my big brother to come and visit me. And everyone misses you."

"I know...I'll think about it."

"I'll even let you bring Rufus," she grinned. "He'll get his own room and everything."

"Rufus is a given. Where I go, he goes."

"So you'll come?"

"I'll think about it, Ellie. That's all I can promise right now."

"Okay," she conceded. "That's better than nothing."
The train pulled into the station, loud enough to drown out any attempts at conversation. They said their goodbyes and then Ellie hugged Nick so tightly he nearly gasped. "We'll see each other again soon," he assured her.

"We'll be okay."

She nodded and kissed his cheek. "Love you, big brother."

"Love you too, kid."

He watched as she showed her ticket to the conductor and then headed across the tracks to the northbound platform. Thunder rolled across the night sky and fat drops of rain began to splatter on the asphalt. But Nick didn't move. He wanted to make sure his kid sister was on the train and he wanted to see the train pull out of the station. So he stood there, ignoring the chatter of the others who were seeing off friends and loved ones, ignored the umbrellas snapping open around him. The signals clanged and announced the imminent departure of the Northeast Regional. As the train finally pulled out, Nick waved. He could just see Ellie through one of the mottled windows. She waved back, her expression hopeful and heartbreaking.

Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time for him to go home.

Confession time: I have a lot of unfinished and nearly complete WIPs on my computer. Some of them are stories that didn't feel right. Others are stories that needed more time to germinate.

Near Enough to Hold is one of those stories that needed more time. When I first began writing it, I was going through too many things at once--my grandfather was terminally ill, there was a lot of family drama going on around me and things were NOT great at my day job. As much as I loved writing about Nick and Keisha, I couldn't focus. And the story seemed to fast forward and then zig-zag... well, you know what I mean.

Then three things happened in one week: Philadelphia was hit by an earthquake, a hurricane blew through and my grandfather died on the eve of said hurricane. It threw me for a loop. well, you know what I mean. I had to step away from it.

For months now, the story has been popping up in my mind, reminding me to go back, take care of Nick and Keisha and give them an ending. So that's what I am doing.

Near Enough to Hold is a serial love story. Each part will be at least 3 to 5 chapters long and will cost 99 cents. Once the story is complete, it will be compiled into one full-length novel. I'm not sure I would classify it as a romance, but it's definitely a love story. And it starts off one rainy night in Richmond, Virginia--a town both loved and hated when I lived there while working on my master's degree.

Near Enough to Hold goes live on August 1. For now, it is Kindle exclusive. It'll probably go wide once the entire story is complete.

I hope you'll enjoy following Nick and Keisha's story. Let me know if you have any questions.

This week, my husband and I are bidding on a house in southern Sweden. We're really excited about it--this will be our weekend + holiday escape. It will be where I can focus and write. Keeping my fingers crossed we win the bidding. :)

Somehow I managed to lose my Kindle...again. I have to buy a new one. Grrrr!

What else is new this week? I updated and lightly edited Under the Midnight Sun, which was previously in the Hot on Ice anthology. And then I released it. :) You can read it for free in Kindle Unlimited or purchase it for your Kindle.

I'm still working on Part Three of Near Enough to Hold. It will be released on September 12, a week later than planned.

I know. It took forever. I apologize... I still work full-time, so sometimes my work life bleeds into my writing time.

I hope you'll enjoy the continuation of Near Enough to Hold. The final part of the story will be available later this month.

In the meantime, I am planning my next novel, which I will work on for NaNoWriMo. I'm also working on completing another novel, which I started last year as a part of NaNoWriMo. Hope to finish that one very soon and send it to my editor.

By the way, if you're looking for another short read, you should definitely check out Janae Keyes' A Summer Affair. I read it this weekend and really enjoyed it!

I’M A NANOWRIMO LOSER THIS YEAR
Today is the last day of NaNoWriMo, and, unlike last year, I didn’t manage to finish on time.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, this has not been the best year for me: I lost several people who meant a lot to me, including my younger brother. His passing hit me hardest. For months after his passing, I was unable to write any fiction. The only thing that seemed to help me find my writing mojo again was grief counseling.

I was hoping that this autumn would be calmer than last year. I managed to finish NaNoWriMo on time last year–despite dealing with work-related stress and losing a close friend.

SO WHAT WAS DIFFERENT THIS YEAR?
Well, I was working this year and searching for a new job since the temporary position I should have had until February ended early due to the company going bankrupt and then being bought by a new owner who changed the company’s focus area. Also, I was working on a freelance project that ended up taking a bit longer than initially planned. So job hunting and freelancing ate into some of my NaNoWriMo writing time. Even though I managed to get my morning writing done, my evening sessions were not as productive because I was also revising my CV, updating and customizing cover letters, and then reworking copy for my freelance project.

I STILL FEEL LIKE A WINNER
But…despite everything, despite not being anywhere near done and being able to officially declare myself a NaNoWriMo winner, I still feel like a winner.

For the first time in months, I have managed to write every single day and make significant progress on a project. I have close to 30,000 words written. And I wrote them in thirty days. Sure, it’s super rough and needs a hell of a lot of tweaking to get it right. This time last month, I hadn’t written more than 2000 words in a month.

SO WHAT’S NEXT?
I will keep working on What Were the Chances…? It will be part of a new series, set entirely in Stockholm, called Love in Stockholm (which I’ve told you about before because last year’s NaNoWriMo-winning novel is also part of that series). Tomorrow I’ll continue working on the story and hopefully have a quick and dirty rough draft done by the end of the month.

Other projects that I am working on include finally compiling Near Enough to Hold into one volume. It’ll be going to my beta readers soon for feedback on how to finetune it before I then rework it, send it to my editor, and then publish it. In the meantime, the serial version of it will be leaving Kindle Unlimited very soon.

I’m also still working on finishing a couple of other projects which I’d started already back in 2017 but–due to all the shit I was going through at my previous job–I just couldn’t finish back then. My goal moving forward is to finally finish them. I am tired of having so many unfinished projects and feeling stalled.

I do feel like I’ve finally emerged from (or at least emerging from) the fog of grief and depression. Some days are better than others, but at least I remember what I love about writing, and I want to write again.

So, even though I officially lost NaNoWriMo, for me, I’ve won.

After the last few years of feeling like I had no writing mojo, I thought for sure I would find myself in a writer's block fog during the pandemic. Instead, I've actually managed to stay focused and get some writing done. In November, I hit my NaNoWriMo goal (which will hopefully be another release for later this year, but that's another story).

I've finally got a new (well, sort of new) release coming your way!

But one thing I'd had on my writing to-do list since early 2020 was to compile all the parts of Near Enough to Hold to one volume, revise and edit it. This was the serial experiment that I started when I first began feeling like I was losing my writing mojo due to work-related stress and depression. Once all four parts were done, I'd planned on jumping head-on into expanding and revising it...but then I quit my job, and then several friends died quite unexpectedly...and then I was laid off from another job when the company was heading into bankruptcy and restructuring...and then my brother died. I lost all interest in writing for a while.

Fast forward to 2020, once the pandemic began, I started working on Near Enough to Hold, then had to set it aside again to start planning to sell my apartment and move to a new city to start a new job. It took a while, but I was finally able to return to fiction writing and Near Enough to Hold again.

Now it's finally available for preorder for Kindle, Nook and Apple Books. It will go live on April 16 and a print version will be able a few weeks later.

So what's it about? Two strangers - Nick and Keisha - meet one rainy night at a train station on the outskirts of Richmond, Virginia. He's just dropped his sister off to take the last train heading back to Boston. She's just arrived...only to find that the man she was supposed to meet there has left her stranded. Nick offers her a ride into town and his act of kindness will inevitably change the two of them forever.

The compiled version has been expanded and edited. I really loved creating Nick and Keisha's story, and I hope you'll enjoy it too.

It's not much longer until Near Enough to Hold is live. Here's a little taste of it:

I wasn’t sure when I fell asleep. The fire had died down, and Rufus was at the door barking. I raked my fingers through my hair and tried to shake away the grogginess. Then the doorbell sounded. Was that what jarred me awake? Someone at the door? I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and then stood on unsteady feet. Rufus was still barking, but it wasn’t that grumpy “who the fuck are you” bark he used on strangers. This was more of his “get your ass off the sofa and come see who’s at the door” bark. By the time I got to the hall, I could see he was practically wagging his entire body. Whoever it was, he was happy to see them. Fuck, what time is it?


I turned on the light in the vestibule and then I saw her clearly through the glass. It was the girl from the station. I unlocked the door and opened it. “Hey…”


“Hi…” She looked like she’d been crying. “Does the offer still stand?”


I nodded. “Come on in.”


Rufus led the way, jumping and barking, turning himself in circles to make sure she was following. 


“You okay?” I asked her. 


She shook her head no. "The fucker has a girlfriend. He never told me about that."


I gestured at the couch. Keisha sat down heavily then lowered her head into her hands and started crying again. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know the right things to say. So, I asked her if she wanted something to drink. 


“Did you know?” she asked suddenly. “Is that why you made the offer?”


“I suspected when you told me the address. I knew who you were talking about. I knew Alex was seeing someone.”


“Why didn't you say anything then? Why'd you let me walk into that?”


“I thought you knew.”


“I would have never left London if I'd known he was fucking someone else.”


“Guys like him are always fucking someone else.”


“I wish you'd told me.”


“Would it have stopped you?”


She nodded then shook her head no again. "Shit...I'm sorry, this isn't your fault. I should have known better." When she lifted her head again, her eyes were red from so many tears shed. Her walnut-hued skin was wan, from exhaustion, jet lag, from frustration? She looked around as if realizing for the first time that she was in an unfamiliar place.

"Did I interrupt you?”


“Interrupt me?”


“Maybe you were asleep? God, your wife is going to get the wrong idea. Sorry, I should just check into a hotel.”


“I don't have a wife.” Saying it aloud feels so wrong. I did have a wife. She was just no longer with me. It's just me and Rufus.”


“In this big of a house?”


I nodded. "It's just the two of us." I sat down beside her on the sofa. She smelled faintly of sweat. It was not an unpleasant scent. Even though it was chilly outside, there was a faint sheen of perspiration on her bare arms and neck. “It's just been the two of us for a while now.”


“You're divorced?”


“Widowed.”


“Oh! I'm sorry.”


“It's okay. It was a long time ago.” Five years. Five fucking years of trying to figure out why my wife was killed. Why my daughters were taken away from me. “So, you want to tell me what happened?”


“It seems so stupid now.”


“Just tell me.”


“He's living with this woman called Jenna.”


“Jenna Barrow?”


"I guess so. Alex didn't say what her last name was." She grimaced. "She's not even beautiful. I could accept it if he were fucking someone who was better looking than me. But she's...average."


Jenna Barrow was average. Average everything. She wasn't particularly smart. She wasn't especially lovely. She was one of those women who usually blends in the background. It was a wonder Alex ever even paid any attention to her. I’d seen her at Secco so many times, trying a little too hard, wearing too much makeup, smiling a little too brightly as if she thought her smile would be enough to keep someone like Alex interested. When I first moved back to Richmond, a mutual friend sent me on a blind date with Jenna. I wasn't ready to date, not then. My wounds were still too fresh. And there was something about Jenna that reminded me of April. It was probably just the blonde hair and the faint trace of a Bostonian accent that bedazzled me long enough to consider dating her. I needed someone to remind me of April. Then the mirage faded. And I knew I couldn't go through with it. 


I still wanted my wife. 


I didn't want a substitute. 


I was still thinking about April when Keisha said, "Everything he told me in London was just complete and utter bullshit."


“What did he say in London?”


"He said he missed me. He said he was ready to commit and we could make it work this time. That was just two months ago. I told him I needed time to tie up loose ends. I couldn't leave London without giving notice or finding someone who could take over the lease on my apartment." 


"Everyone around here has an Alex story," I said. Maybe I shouldn't have been telling her this. "He's been with a lot of women around here. Broken a few hearts, a few marriages."


"And I was stupid enough to fall for him."


"It happens."


"So, what happens now?"


"What do you mean?"


"Well, what should I do? I only came here for him."


"I don't know. I'm no expert on getting back on track. I am the worst person to ask for advice."


"Maybe I should just go to bed."


"It is late," I agreed. "Come on. I'll show you the cottage."


We walked through to the kitchen and then out the back door. The cottage was just behind the house, separated by a stone path. My dad would have said it was within spitting distance. I unlocked the door for her and showed her into the small dwelling. It was not much more than a large living/dining area downstairs with an old-fashioned bathroom and a small bedroom upstairs. I should have opened the windows earlier. It smelled closed-in, damp, and neglected. But the rooms were in perfect condition. She walked around, looking out the window at the view of the yard, running curious fingers over the wainscoting. “It's nice,” she said. “It feels homey.”


“Well, it's yours if you want it.”


“How much?”


“How much what?”


“How much do you want for it?”

“I’m not selling it.”


“I meant in rent. If I'm staying here, I need to pay something.”


I shrugged. I didn't need any extra money. The mortgage was already paid in full. I hated to admit that the money from my wife's estate allowed me to do nothing. I worked when I felt like it. I didn't need anything. “Don't worry about money. Just take care of the place. Maybe walk Rufus now and then, and we’ll call it even.”


"I can't stay for free." She folded her arms across her chest and gave me a stubborn look that made me grin. "I'm not a charity case. I just need to work a few weeks and get a paycheck coming in."


“Have you got a job already lined up?”


“No, but I'll figure something out.” She tossed her head back. "I'm resilient like that. Always have been.”


“Good for you. Well, you can stay as long as you want. And...when you get that job lined up, just pay me however much you think this place is worth then.”


“What if I think it's only worth fifty bucks a month?”


“Fine by me.”


“You're crazy. You could get at least one or two thousand bucks a month for a place like this.”


“It doesn't matter. Look, you want to stay here?”


“Yeah, I need a place to stay.”


“Then it's yours, and you figure out how much you can afford to pay me or something like that. And then it's okay.”


“I’ve got one more question, though.”


“What now?”


“Have you got some towels I could borrow? I left everything like that behind in London.”


“There should be some clean ones in the closet in the bedroom. My sister was just here, and she was on a guest towel buying spree.”


“Thanks, Nick. For letting me stay here.”


“Yeah, it's nothing.”


“No, this is something. You don't even know me from Adam, and you're letting me live in your home. It means a lot to me.”


"It's fine. Just...yeah, be nice to Rufus, and we're all right."


“Being nice to Rufus is easy,” she said. “Being nice to everyone else is the problem.”


We said good night. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was here. Should I shake her hand? Should I just nod? She stepped in and gave me a brief hug then repeated good night to me. I went out onto the porch and then headed back to my house. The air was still damp, but the rain had subsided. Maybe it would be better weather tomorrow. I went inside and then made sure the fire in the hearth was out. Rufus watched me from under his bushy eyebrows. When he saw I was heading upstairs, he trotted behind me. I guess he was ready for a little shut-eye too. 


I was halfway up the stairs when I realized her suitcase was still in the living room. I retraced my steps back down again and fetched it from its position by the vestibule door. Her baggage claim tags were still fastened to the handle. She must've come here directly from the airport. It looked like she’d arrived at BWI and then taken the train to Richmond. How long had she been traveling before I found her by the side of the road? And why had Alex just left her there? Why didn't he at least meet her as he'd promised her that he would? None of it added up. The whole story would come out sooner or later.

I am so happy! My new book - Near Enough to Hold: a novel of love lost and found is finally live!

This is the book that got me through such a difficult period in my life. In some ways, it was therapy for me. I initially wrote it as a serial that was only available in Kindle Unlimited. I then began revising and expanding the story in fits and starts. A lot of things happened -- I switched jobs, dealt with burnout and stress, lost some people very close to me...and then I finally found myself again and began writing again.

Near Enough to Hold is a love story about two people who were never supposed to be more than strangers...but fate meant for them to be something more.

Grab your copy today!