Tara Sivec's Blog - Posts Tagged "seduction-and-snacks"
Paperback copy
Seduction and Snacks can now be ordered in paperback here: https://www.createspace.com/3908902
It's also available on the Nook as well as the Kindle.
Thanks everyone!
It's also available on the Nook as well as the Kindle.
Thanks everyone!
Google is the Devil!
I am in the process of writing the sequel to Seduction and Snacks. I just wrote "Elephantitis of the balls" in a sentence. And then I decided to Google it just to see if it was a real thing. And then I clicked on "images". Folks, don't ever do this. EVER. These are things that can never be unseen.
I'm now going to Google puppies and kittens frolicking on rainbows while cuddling with unicorns in the hopes that my soul will be restored to its original, unblackened form.
Have a good day everyone! And may you never, ever fall victim to Elephantitis of the balls. Or be looking over the shoulder of someone Googling it.
Tara Seduction and Snacks
I'm now going to Google puppies and kittens frolicking on rainbows while cuddling with unicorns in the hopes that my soul will be restored to its original, unblackened form.
Have a good day everyone! And may you never, ever fall victim to Elephantitis of the balls. Or be looking over the shoulder of someone Googling it.
Tara Seduction and Snacks
Do You Like Me?
So, chapters 1-7 of the sequel to Seduction and Snacks has been shipped off to my reading team. Their job is to tell me if, while reading the chapters, they do this:
or this:
I don't know about other writers who do funny, but I don't think I'm funny. At all. I don't write something, go back and read it and say, "OMG I am a comedy GENIUS!". Basically, I read it over and say, "No one is going to laugh at this unless they're drunk."
I feel like I'm in elementary school and just wrote a letter to a boy that says "Do you like me? Circle one: yes, no, or maybe" and the dumb shit circles "or" and then gives it back.
So here's to hoping my team circles "yes" and I don't have to go back to the drawing board (vodka bottle).
Tara Sivec
or this:
I don't know about other writers who do funny, but I don't think I'm funny. At all. I don't write something, go back and read it and say, "OMG I am a comedy GENIUS!". Basically, I read it over and say, "No one is going to laugh at this unless they're drunk."
I feel like I'm in elementary school and just wrote a letter to a boy that says "Do you like me? Circle one: yes, no, or maybe" and the dumb shit circles "or" and then gives it back.
So here's to hoping my team circles "yes" and I don't have to go back to the drawing board (vodka bottle).
Tara Sivec
Teaser Monday :)
Since I adore all of you so much, here is the first teaser to the sequel of "Seduction and Snacks". Enjoy!
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"Futures and Frosting" Teaser:
The sound of gagging and thumping interrupted our Hallmark card moment and Liz and I turned to see Jim's little cousin Melissa in her flower girl dress straddling Gavin on the floor and trying to choke him. Gavin flailed and kicked beneath her, trying to dislodge her hands from around his neck.
“Hey!” I whisper-yelled.
They both ceased all movement and turned to stare at me.
“WHAT are you doing?!”
Gavin shoved with all of his might and Melissa went tumbling off of him. He scrambled up, grabbing his fallen ring bearer pillow and clutching it to his chest.
“She freaking hell took my pillow! Stupid punk!” Gavin said loudly.
“He kicked me in my no-no-zone!” Melissa complained with a stomp of her foot.
“Oh my,” Liz's mother muttered.
“You should eat dirt!” Gavin turned and yelled at Melissa.
“I will NOT eat dirt!” she counterattacked.
“EAT IT WITH YOUR CHICKEN FACE!”
It was complete and utter child anarchy and before I could pick a kid to yell at, the organ music changed and began playing the song that I needed to walk down the aisle to with Gavin and Melissa right behind me.
I quickly bent down in front of both of them and stared them square in the eyes with as stern of an expression as I could muster.
“Both of you little monsters listen up. As soon as you step foot out of those doors you better have smiles on your faces and your outside voices duct taped inside your bodies. If you speak, push, shove, swear, argue or even blink at each other I will haul your asses out of that church and lock you in the basement with the scary clowns.”
I huffed to emphasize my point and stood, tugging up the front of my strapless dress.
“If I see a clown, I’m going to punch him in the nuts.”
“Gavin Allen!” I scolded.
“What? We didn’t step fru dose doors yet,” he argued, pointing behind me.
“Kid has a point,” Liz whispered, adjusting her veil.
“Behave,” I whispered through clenched teeth as I turned and nodded to the two church attendants so they could open the double doors for my entrance.
“My mom’s not afraid to punch a kid,” I heard Gavin whisper to Melissa as I took my first step down the aisle.
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Futures and Frosting
******************************
"Futures and Frosting" Teaser:
The sound of gagging and thumping interrupted our Hallmark card moment and Liz and I turned to see Jim's little cousin Melissa in her flower girl dress straddling Gavin on the floor and trying to choke him. Gavin flailed and kicked beneath her, trying to dislodge her hands from around his neck.
“Hey!” I whisper-yelled.
They both ceased all movement and turned to stare at me.
“WHAT are you doing?!”
Gavin shoved with all of his might and Melissa went tumbling off of him. He scrambled up, grabbing his fallen ring bearer pillow and clutching it to his chest.
“She freaking hell took my pillow! Stupid punk!” Gavin said loudly.
“He kicked me in my no-no-zone!” Melissa complained with a stomp of her foot.
“Oh my,” Liz's mother muttered.
“You should eat dirt!” Gavin turned and yelled at Melissa.
“I will NOT eat dirt!” she counterattacked.
“EAT IT WITH YOUR CHICKEN FACE!”
It was complete and utter child anarchy and before I could pick a kid to yell at, the organ music changed and began playing the song that I needed to walk down the aisle to with Gavin and Melissa right behind me.
I quickly bent down in front of both of them and stared them square in the eyes with as stern of an expression as I could muster.
“Both of you little monsters listen up. As soon as you step foot out of those doors you better have smiles on your faces and your outside voices duct taped inside your bodies. If you speak, push, shove, swear, argue or even blink at each other I will haul your asses out of that church and lock you in the basement with the scary clowns.”
I huffed to emphasize my point and stood, tugging up the front of my strapless dress.
“If I see a clown, I’m going to punch him in the nuts.”
“Gavin Allen!” I scolded.
“What? We didn’t step fru dose doors yet,” he argued, pointing behind me.
“Kid has a point,” Liz whispered, adjusting her veil.
“Behave,” I whispered through clenched teeth as I turned and nodded to the two church attendants so they could open the double doors for my entrance.
“My mom’s not afraid to punch a kid,” I heard Gavin whisper to Melissa as I took my first step down the aisle.
**************************************
Futures and Frosting
Shameless Pimping
Seduction and Snacks was featured on the Mama Laughlin blog yesterday. If you haven't been to this blog, why the hell not?! This woman is hilarious and my sister from another mister. Here's the link if you want to check it out. And you should. She did a book give-a-away of S&S and had her readers tell her funny stories. There are some SUPER ones in there that will keep you laughing until Futures and Frosting comes out :)
http://www.mamalaughlin.com/2012/09/s...
http://www.mamalaughlin.com/2012/09/s...
I'm Giving it Away!!
No, not my vagina. Not this time at least.
Seduction and Snacks is currently on sale over at Amazon for 99 cents for a limited time!
Yes, you heard me correctly. Unless you have a penis in your ear and it sounded like "Boob reductions and spanks are mine and mine for an infected mime."
In that case, sorry mimes. You're stuck in a box with boobs and VD.
In summary, take the penis out of your ear and tell your friends. Do it for the mimes.
Seduction and Snacks
Seduction and Snacks is currently on sale over at Amazon for 99 cents for a limited time!
Yes, you heard me correctly. Unless you have a penis in your ear and it sounded like "Boob reductions and spanks are mine and mine for an infected mime."
In that case, sorry mimes. You're stuck in a box with boobs and VD.
In summary, take the penis out of your ear and tell your friends. Do it for the mimes.
Seduction and Snacks
Vaginas All Around!
Seduction and Snacks is now on sale for just $0.99 on Amazon! Pass it on and spread the sex and chocolate love. Oh, and the vagina love. Don't forget the vagina love.
XOXO
BUY ME NOW!
XOXO
BUY ME NOW!
