Arthur Daigle's Blog - Posts Tagged "books"
A Humble Request
Friends and readers, I come today not with tales of crazy goblins or cunning sorcerer lords, but with a request. It would be more accurate to call this shameless groveling, but I’m trying to retain some shreds of dignity.
One of the biggest problems for indie authors such as myself is getting the word out on their books. Many marketing websites require hefty fees while generating little results, and others only advertise free books. Offering free books gives away hundreds or thousands of copies in the hope that readers will go on to buy the author’s other books, but too often this generates only a few sales. A few advertising sites are notoriously picky about which books they will accept. I’m looking at you, Bookbub!
There is a way around this. Amazon is the largest and best-known book seller in the world. They also sell nearly everything else you could want short of live muskrats, and given time I’m sure they’ll enter that market, too. But I digress. Reviews on Amazon make a big difference in whether a book does well or poorly. Potential buyers are more likely to purchase books with lots of reviews. Amazon’s algorithm, a mysterious force that decides which books appear on customers’ suggestions list, also considers the number of reviews to determine which books it shows to customers. Verified reviews, which is when a customer reviews a book they bought from Amazon, count for even more.
Getting reviews for books can be a Catch 22. You need reviews to attract attention from both Amazon and its customers, but you need satisfied customers to get reviews. Many customers don’t leave reviews. Some readers leave reviews on Goodreads, a site Amazon owns lock, stock and barrel. Oddly enough, Goodreads reviews don’t appear on Amazon, nor do Amazon reviews appear on Goodreads, proof that big business is capable of boneheaded mistakes and oversights.
I come to you good people asking for a favor. If you have read and enjoyed my books, I would be eternally grateful if you would review those books on Amazon. This would help other Amazon customers know that you liked my books and give them some idea of what to expect if they buy a copy. These reviews can be as little as a few words and selecting a star rating. At most this will take a few minutes of your time per review. Nor does it cost you any money. If you have posted reviews on Goodreads, please post the same information to Amazon. If you have already posted reviews, I appreciate your assistance.
Thank you for your time and patience, and I promise my next post will be appropriately silly.
One of the biggest problems for indie authors such as myself is getting the word out on their books. Many marketing websites require hefty fees while generating little results, and others only advertise free books. Offering free books gives away hundreds or thousands of copies in the hope that readers will go on to buy the author’s other books, but too often this generates only a few sales. A few advertising sites are notoriously picky about which books they will accept. I’m looking at you, Bookbub!
There is a way around this. Amazon is the largest and best-known book seller in the world. They also sell nearly everything else you could want short of live muskrats, and given time I’m sure they’ll enter that market, too. But I digress. Reviews on Amazon make a big difference in whether a book does well or poorly. Potential buyers are more likely to purchase books with lots of reviews. Amazon’s algorithm, a mysterious force that decides which books appear on customers’ suggestions list, also considers the number of reviews to determine which books it shows to customers. Verified reviews, which is when a customer reviews a book they bought from Amazon, count for even more.
Getting reviews for books can be a Catch 22. You need reviews to attract attention from both Amazon and its customers, but you need satisfied customers to get reviews. Many customers don’t leave reviews. Some readers leave reviews on Goodreads, a site Amazon owns lock, stock and barrel. Oddly enough, Goodreads reviews don’t appear on Amazon, nor do Amazon reviews appear on Goodreads, proof that big business is capable of boneheaded mistakes and oversights.
I come to you good people asking for a favor. If you have read and enjoyed my books, I would be eternally grateful if you would review those books on Amazon. This would help other Amazon customers know that you liked my books and give them some idea of what to expect if they buy a copy. These reviews can be as little as a few words and selecting a star rating. At most this will take a few minutes of your time per review. Nor does it cost you any money. If you have posted reviews on Goodreads, please post the same information to Amazon. If you have already posted reviews, I appreciate your assistance.
Thank you for your time and patience, and I promise my next post will be appropriately silly.
Mad Goblin Publishing
Goblins are known for being short, stupid and slightly crazy, and surprisingly literate. Most goblins can read and write enough to share basic messages, even if most of the time they only write graffiti. Some goblins even develop a love of writing and use this skill to spread mayhem with false and defamatory messages about the rich and powerful. But a few goblins have taken this skill to the next level and actually publish books. The world wishes they hadn’t.
Mad Goblin Publishing
Ten years ago, a group of goblins rallied together to form a guild dedicated to writing. This small team of fifty goblins began writing books filled with bad puns and insults against kings living, dead and imaginary. Proud as could be at completing their first book, they took it to a publisher to get it into print. They were thrown out on their ears, but that usually happens when goblins show up at a place of business, so they didn’t take it personally. They then sent the manuscript to publishers under a fake name, Rex Lignob.
After six to eight weeks they got their book back with a written message. The goblins were outraged at the publisher’s comments. Unprofessional. Libelous. Used the Oxford comma. Wouldn’t make a sale but would get the publisher tarred and feathered. The guild was up in arms at this harsh feedback and cowardice. What person goes into publishing if they're afraid of hot tar? Other publishers were contacted, but the results were always the same: not interested.
One dark and dreary night the goblins came to a terrible decision. If no one would publish their book they’d do it themselves. They christened themselves Mad Goblin Publishing and dedicated themselves to sharing their book with the masses. They stole printing supplies, moved into an abandoned stone fort and went to work. Three weeks later they’d finished a limited edition run. Not interested in money, they snuck copies into hundreds of libraries across eight kingdoms, confident they’d made the world a better place. They continued writing new books and reissuing older copies, never for pay and always certain they’d created masterpieces.
There have been eleven attempts to destroy Mad Goblin Publishing. Eight were done by major publishing houses who’d been blamed for creating the books, two were by kings offended by the content and one was by Coslott the Conqueror, but most people agree it wasn’t personal as he was destroying everything up to and including tea parties. Each attempt has failed, either not finding the goblins’ lair or being driven off when they did. The goblins relocate once a month to avoid their enemies and keep writing, but they can’t prevent their books from being burned. Thousands of Mad Goblin Publishing’s books have gone up in flames, only to be replaced weeks later.
A small sample of Mad Goblin Publishing’s books may explain this harsh reaction. Their first book, The Pink Fuzzy Bunnies of Doom, has been banned in eight kingdoms. In it, a toxic waste dump containing depleted uranium fuel rods, dinosaur DNA, dead aliens and expired hair care products spontaneously produces pink fuzzy bunnies. These creatures go on a rampage, destroying entire kingdoms before they’re stopped by the power of friendship. And nerve gas. The Pink Fuzzy Bunnies of Doom has been credited with inspiring eight peasant revolt, one heresy and five thousand cases of irritable bowel syndrome.
This was followed by Hippopota-Mess, where an anthropomorphic purple hippo clutters up her room so much it becomes a pocket dimension of garbage. Parents in eleven kingdoms claim it encourages being messy and hoarding bits of string (it does), poor hygiene (again true) and creating fire hazards (yep). The sequel, Happy Hippo Says Hello, is less divisive but still gets burned.
Most recently Mad Goblin Publishing released The Uppa Puffa Stumpalumps. Few know what’s in it because every copy has been burned. Those who destroyed these books refuse to say what it’s about and all of them have required extensive therapy. Seeing a single page has been known to break men’s minds, and page 27 caused two wars.
Most people would have given up after such a backlash, but goblins treat this as an occupational hazard and proof they’re doing it right. To their credit, there are places where their books are accepted. The Infinite Library keeps a copy of most of their books. The Archivists are researching the books and speculate what inspired them. Some kings are trying to weaponize them. But most copies are kept and traded by naughty children and adults who never quite grew up. They read the books and keep them safe in underground libraries. A few of these children go so far as to join Mad Goblin Publishing as beta readers, where they ensure only the most immature and idiotic content is allowed.
Mad Goblin Publishing
Ten years ago, a group of goblins rallied together to form a guild dedicated to writing. This small team of fifty goblins began writing books filled with bad puns and insults against kings living, dead and imaginary. Proud as could be at completing their first book, they took it to a publisher to get it into print. They were thrown out on their ears, but that usually happens when goblins show up at a place of business, so they didn’t take it personally. They then sent the manuscript to publishers under a fake name, Rex Lignob.
After six to eight weeks they got their book back with a written message. The goblins were outraged at the publisher’s comments. Unprofessional. Libelous. Used the Oxford comma. Wouldn’t make a sale but would get the publisher tarred and feathered. The guild was up in arms at this harsh feedback and cowardice. What person goes into publishing if they're afraid of hot tar? Other publishers were contacted, but the results were always the same: not interested.
One dark and dreary night the goblins came to a terrible decision. If no one would publish their book they’d do it themselves. They christened themselves Mad Goblin Publishing and dedicated themselves to sharing their book with the masses. They stole printing supplies, moved into an abandoned stone fort and went to work. Three weeks later they’d finished a limited edition run. Not interested in money, they snuck copies into hundreds of libraries across eight kingdoms, confident they’d made the world a better place. They continued writing new books and reissuing older copies, never for pay and always certain they’d created masterpieces.
There have been eleven attempts to destroy Mad Goblin Publishing. Eight were done by major publishing houses who’d been blamed for creating the books, two were by kings offended by the content and one was by Coslott the Conqueror, but most people agree it wasn’t personal as he was destroying everything up to and including tea parties. Each attempt has failed, either not finding the goblins’ lair or being driven off when they did. The goblins relocate once a month to avoid their enemies and keep writing, but they can’t prevent their books from being burned. Thousands of Mad Goblin Publishing’s books have gone up in flames, only to be replaced weeks later.
A small sample of Mad Goblin Publishing’s books may explain this harsh reaction. Their first book, The Pink Fuzzy Bunnies of Doom, has been banned in eight kingdoms. In it, a toxic waste dump containing depleted uranium fuel rods, dinosaur DNA, dead aliens and expired hair care products spontaneously produces pink fuzzy bunnies. These creatures go on a rampage, destroying entire kingdoms before they’re stopped by the power of friendship. And nerve gas. The Pink Fuzzy Bunnies of Doom has been credited with inspiring eight peasant revolt, one heresy and five thousand cases of irritable bowel syndrome.
This was followed by Hippopota-Mess, where an anthropomorphic purple hippo clutters up her room so much it becomes a pocket dimension of garbage. Parents in eleven kingdoms claim it encourages being messy and hoarding bits of string (it does), poor hygiene (again true) and creating fire hazards (yep). The sequel, Happy Hippo Says Hello, is less divisive but still gets burned.
Most recently Mad Goblin Publishing released The Uppa Puffa Stumpalumps. Few know what’s in it because every copy has been burned. Those who destroyed these books refuse to say what it’s about and all of them have required extensive therapy. Seeing a single page has been known to break men’s minds, and page 27 caused two wars.
Most people would have given up after such a backlash, but goblins treat this as an occupational hazard and proof they’re doing it right. To their credit, there are places where their books are accepted. The Infinite Library keeps a copy of most of their books. The Archivists are researching the books and speculate what inspired them. Some kings are trying to weaponize them. But most copies are kept and traded by naughty children and adults who never quite grew up. They read the books and keep them safe in underground libraries. A few of these children go so far as to join Mad Goblin Publishing as beta readers, where they ensure only the most immature and idiotic content is allowed.
