Arthur Daigle's Blog - Posts Tagged "lies"

New Goblin Stories 27

Sunset City’s jail was filled beyond capacity with members of the Red Hand, forcing Julius and Archibald the Archivist to place their captives in the jail’s breakroom and two broom closets. Normally losing their breakroom would be the cause of great angry among hardworking guardsmen, but Julius had found a way around the problem.

“How much does that rental house for the guards cost you?” Brody asked Julius.

“Five guilders a week rent and another three guilders for snacks. I also borrowed two dart boards and reading material that isn’t fifteen years out of date.”

Ibwibble held up a magazine older than he was and asked, “Does that mean starlet Jenny Starbrew and drummer Thorn Lax aren’t a couple anymore?”

“That marriage ended with lawsuits, arson and treason,” Julius told him.

“Don’t all relationships end that way?” Habbly asked.

Julius shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. Wait, where’s the other goblin, Yips?”

“He asked to be locked up with Anton to keep him company,” Brody answered.

Archibald cleared his throat. “If we may begin?”

The two men and three goblins were not the only ones in the sparsely decorated breakroom. There were four tables, twelve chairs, stacks of reading material no one had bothered reading in decades and one member of the Truth Seekers. The young man didn’t match that impressive title, being eighteen years old, tall and thin with messy black hair and bad acne. He was seated at one of the tables next to a large stack of Truth Seeker papers, his black uniform replaced with a prison uniform dyed bright pink.

“Can we do something about my clothes?” their prisoner asked.

Julius sat down across the table from the youth. “That’s what prisoners wear in Oceanview Kingdom. Your associates chose not to cooperate. You did, which gives you a reduced sentence, but you have to earn it. Name.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Kid, you don’t have the arms for breaking rocks,” Habbly said. “Keep playing dumb and that’s what you’ll be doing for the next twenty years.”

The youth gulped. “Sorry. Thought a little humor might lighten the mood. Craig Defoe.”

“You’re not a former Archivist,” Archibald said.
“How did you become associated with these renegades?”

“I used to be a scribe,” Craig said. “I met Anton when he was still with the Archivists. I’d get hired to do small copying projects for them and we got to talking.”

“Traitor!” Anton screamed from a broom closet.

“It’s over, Anton,” Craig replied. “We almost died! It’s time to either go down with the ship
or make the best deal we can.”

“You have been wronged!” Yips called out from the same broom closet. “I swear a blood oath to avenge you! I don’t have any blood handy, but I’ve got a handkerchief with mucus on it. That’ll do.”

“Don’t wipe that on me!” Anton yelled. “Oh come on, it’s all over my leg!”

“Can’t we move him somewhere else?” Brody asked.

“Oceanview’s king wants Anton and his friends in jail,” Julius replied. “We might be able to move them later, especially ones who cooperate, but for now it’s here or nowhere.
Craig, why did you join Anton?”

Craig cast his eyes down. “After work Anton and I would talk for hours. It started friendly, but the more time went by the angrier he got. He said the Archivists were hoarding information. They research ancient places for hidden secrets and treasures. Anton said when they found them, most of the time they hid them in guarded vaults. Everything they learned might as well have stayed buried because no one ever benefits from it.”

“A partial truth,” Archibald replied.

“That’s rich coming from a group called the Truth Seekers,” Habbly said.

“I told him it wasn’t just Archivists doing it,” Craig continued. “Anytime important people couldn’t finish copying paperwork in time they’d hired independent scribes like me to do it. You wouldn’t believe the things I saw! Merchants, noblemen, trade guilds, they all had secrets they kept buried, sometimes real embarrassing stuff. I told Anton I had to wonder if that’s what they’d pay me to copy, what did they have in-house scribes recording?”

Craig looked between Julius and Archibald. “Anton asked me to show him these papers. I did and he got furious. He said everyone was keeping secrets, stuff people would protest and even riot over if they knew the truth. He ran off, and the next night he showed up with a bunch of his friends from work. They wanted to find the secret papers I’d mentioned. I knew where to find personal records of the ironworkers’ guild because I’d done work for them. I thought it would be impossible to get in, but Anton knew some magic that helped. We found loads of paperwork filled with ugly stuff.”

“Define ugly,” Julius said.

“Their guild master paid bribes to politicians. He fired dwarf guild members because he hated dwarfs. He was cheating on his wife. The guild was turning out substandard work for export. It goes on.”

“Why didn’t you tell the authorities?” Julius asked.

“You mean why didn’t we show them stolen papers?” Craig asked. “Didn’t see that ending well.”

“There are still trustworthy people you could have gone to,” Julius said.

“If one guild master had done so many terrible things, we figured all our leaders were doing it, too. I mean, the Archivists have a great reputation, but nobody ever gets to see the stuff they dig up. The more we looked the more lies and crimes we found, written down where nobody but the guilty could see them.”

“So Anton decided to share this with the world,” Julius said.

Craig nodded. “We copied incriminating information onto sheets and pasted them on walls across the city. We thought there’d be a riot when the citizens found out, but most of the papers were torn down by guardsmen and the rest were ignored. I told Anton most people can’t read and we’d have to tell them in person, but he said that we’d get arrested. He said we’d just have to make more copies and spread them out many kingdoms.”

Brody rubbed his forehead. “Hold on, all the stuff you wrote about came from somebody else’s writing?”

“All of it,” Craig said. “We tried finding informants, but the people we approached either wouldn’t talk to us or wanted money.
The one time we bought information it turned out the guy was telling us what he thought we wanted to hear. In the end Anton said we had to get everything from written sources and verify it. Two sources minimum and someone had to go in person to make sure the information was true.”

“Some of this isn’t true,” Archibald said. He went through the pile of Truth Seeker papers until he selected one and set it down in front of Craig. “This headline claims the dwarf corporation Geo Speculations hired human criminals to guard their properties. Geo Speculations doesn’t trust other races and only hires dwarf guards.”

Habbly called to the broom closet, “Nothing to say about that one, Anton?”

“It was verified!”

“I’ll verify it again!” Yips shouted.

“Who verified it?” Julius asked.

Craig shrugged. “I don’t know. Anton divided our group into cells. Each cell is responsible for a single kingdom or city where they discover secrets. Cells only meet in emergencies and send runners to communicate in person. Every cell has a wizard who knows magic to mask our locations. Runners bring information to Anton, and he approves it and sends it back to be copied and spread. Cells have their own hideouts, suppliers and storehouses that only they know about.”

Julius glanced at Archibald. “That’s remarkably complex. Is that part of your training for junior Archivists?”

“Certainly not.”

“That’s Gron’s work,” Craig said.

“Who’s Gron?” Brody asked.

“You already met him. The older guy in our group? He’s the one who got away. Doesn’t surprise me. Gron’s a tough old bird. He told us how to divide into cells, how to get around defenses in manor houses and guild halls, even where to get supplies we need so nobody would suspect us.”

“And he was an Archivist?” Brody asked.

Ibwibble looked at Archibald and said, “Hey, you guys aren’t so bad! Can you help me hunt tax collectors?”

Exasperated, Archibald said, “This Gron person was never with us.”

“He found us,” Criag said casually. “We found recruits wherever we could, usually guys who were disgusted with their employers. Whole lotta them. Gron used to be with the Coral Ring merchants. He spotted our papers and asked around about joining us. The man was a godsend. He even got us money.”

“From where?” Julius asked.

“He stole it from the Coral Ring. It was never enough to do everything we wanted to do, but it got us through some hard times. When we ran out, he helped us get more from the Coral Ring by stealing pay chests.”

“Liberating pay chests!” Anton yelled.

“It’s too late for that kind of talk!” Craig yelled back.

“I swear to liberate your socks!” Yips added.

“Stop eating those!” Anton screamed.
“Somebody get him out of here!”

“Hold everything!” Habbly yelled. “A merchant knew how to set up a secret organization? How?”

“He said he spent time in the army before joining the Coral Ring,” Craig explained.

“That’s not standard training for a soldier, either,” Julius said. “Not unless you were an intelligence agent.” He saw the puzzled expressions on every face except Archibald’s and said, “A spy.”

“You said you guys talked by runners,” Ibwibble said. “Did Gron manage that?”

“Yeah,” Craig admitted. “Look, guys, you don’t get it. Gron saved our lives more times than I can count. He’s golden. The guy swore an oath to us like I’d never heard. You don’t break oaths like that.”

“What was this oath,” Archibald asked.

Craig looked serious when he said, ““I solemnly swear that I shall serve you loyally with all my strength until I die, and may I be torn limb from limb if I tell a lie.”

“At least it rhymes,” Ibwibble said.

“I never heard an oath like that,” Brody admitted.

Julius’ expression hardened. “I have. It’s common in the Land of the Nine Dukes. Most of the dukes rob merchants rather than buy from them, so Gron didn’t learn that oath by doing business there. It must be where he was born.”

“Does that matter?” Brody asked.

“Yes!” Ibwibble seized the stack of Truth Seeker papers and started arranging them in piles. “Nolod, Cronsword, Forthosia, Oceanview, Long Land and Ket! Those are all close enough you could walk there without wearing out your shoes. The Land of the Nine Dukes is smack dab between Forrthosia, Oceanview and Long Land, and not one paper blabbed their secrets.”

Craig rolled his eyes. “The Guild of Heroes’ top man is taking advice from goblins. Wow. We didn’t learn secrets from the Land of the Nine Dukes because we never set up a cell there. It was too dangerous after the ruckus from the Fallen King ravaging the land.”

“Exactly who decided it was too dangerous?” Habbly asked.

“Gron did,” Anton said from inside the broom closet. His earlier defiance was gone, replaced by a thoughtful tone. Craig looked surprised.
Julius got up and walked over to the closet’s door. “You personally approved the secrets you revealed, but Gron dealt with your runners. Could he have approving things you chose not to reveal without you knowing?”

“Open the door,” Anton said softly. Julius opened it and let Anton out. The young man was dressed in the same prison clothes as Craig, but he also wore iron gloves locked over his hands to keep him from casting spells. Anton walked over to the table and looked at the stacks of papers. Yips followed him, still chewing on the young wizard’s socks. Anton went through the papers briefly before pointing at one. “This is a lie. So is the next one. That one wasn’t verified.”

Page by page Anton went through the papers, identifying lie after lie. When he was done there were dozens of stories either false or questionable. He slumped down into a chair, his face pale and a haunted look in his eyes.
“The earliest posts were all accurate. Later ones had flaws. The most recent papers are half lies and guesswork. Ones I personally wrote and posted are true. Gron wouldn’t dare alter them when I’d see them.”

“Did you two ever argue about which secrets to reveal?” Julius asked Anton.

“He said we had to be bolder, to take more risks. He said if we kept information to ourselves then we were no different than the Archivists, burying the truth where no one could see it.”

“None of these papers talk about Gron’s homeland,” Julius said. “This looks like an intelligence operation to create confusion and conflict in neighboring countries.”

“But why?” Brody asked. “If this gets out everybody in a thousand miles is going to hate the Land of the Nine Dukes. They barely survived getting attacked by the Fallen King and his army of thugs. If actual kingdoms come after them when they’re still weak, they’re toast.”

“That’s why they did it,” Archibald said. “The Land of the Nine Dukes needs years if not decades to fully recover. They are incredibly vulnerable to attack by neighboring kingdoms, but if those kingdoms are wracked by internal struggle, they can’t take advantage of this weakness. As for hating the Land of the Nine Dukes, every nearby city state and nation already does. There was every reason to make this cowardly attack from the shadows and no downside. Making matters worse, if that is possible, their last post makes the invasion of Oceanview a very real possibility.”

Archibald selected a single paper and held it up to Craig and Anton. “The Dawn Lantern is in Sunset City. Dare I ask if this is one of your ‘verified’ truths?”

“I learned you were sending Archivists to find it,” Anton said weakly. “I didn’t say anything about it because the Archivists have been looking for it for years. I never thought it was in Sunset City.”

Brody raised his hand. “Somebody want to fill the rest of us in on this?”

“The Dawn Lantern is one of the fifty most powerful magic items on Other Place,” Archibald said. “It has passed from one owner to another for three hundred years, never staying in one place or with one person for long. Of all the so called ‘big fifty’, it is one of three currently unclaimed. The Truth Seekers say it is in this city. Anyone who wants it will come to seize it.”

“This is a big city with lots of people,” Brody said. “Who’d even think to attack?”

“The sort of people powerful enough to attack an entire city and win,” Julius said. “We already met Magnus Quake of the Inspired. The Inspired want to take control of the world. Having the Dawn Lanter would make that possible.”

“It’s that powerful?” Brody asked.

“We don’t know how strong it is,” Archibald admitted. “Records concerning the Dawn Lantern are few and contradictory. Magic that could discover those secrets has always failed. What little we do know is cryptic and hard to interpret, including the claim the lantern can allow vampires to walk in the light of day.”

“So vampires might attack,” Habbly said. “Because we really needed that.”

“Vampires powerful enough to think they can attack a city,” Julius added. “Neighboring kingdoms might attack, as could pirates, thieves, mercenaries, secret societies and more. We’re in incredible danger until we either find it or prove it’s not here.”

Ibwibble shrugged. “I don’t see why everyone’s so upset. He’s a good guy who keeps to himself.”

“Who?” Brody asked.

“The lantern. I met him. He’s cool.”

“You know where it is?” Archibald demanded.

“Him and me went separate ways months ago.”

“You had one of the most powerful magic items on the planet and lost it?” Anton screamed.

“Yeah, so what?” Ibwibble asked.

Anton covered his face with his hands. “Unbelievable.”

The meeting was interrupted when a door opened and Officer Dalton and Kadid Lan staggered into the breakroom. The guardsman and apprentice wizard were dirty and exhausted as they approached Julius.

“Nothing to report, sir,” Officer Dalton said. “The king has every guardsman and anyone else he trusts scouring the city. We haven’t found the Dawn Lantern or clues where it is.”

“Which sadly proves nothing,” Archibald replied. “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. The Dawn Lantern might be here so well concealed we haven’t found it, or simply be in a place we haven’t looked yet.”

“The longer we go without finding it, the better the chance it was never here,” Kadid said.

“If the authorities did find it, they might lie about it,” Julius countered. “The people who want it have to assume it’s either currently here or was here recently enough that this is where they should start searching.”

Anton’s eyes were fixed on the papers covering the table. “He lied to me. He used me.”

“Used us,” Craig corrected him.

“There were real verified crimes I was going to expose, and he replaced them with lies,” Anton continued. “He corrupted everything I tried to accomplish.”

“News flash, chuckles, your plan as intended nearly got people killed,” Ibwibble said. “You told everybody these secrets, including really bad people. Some stuff gets buried for a reason. You ruined more lives than alcohol before you became this jerk’s personal sock puppet.”

“Now what?” Brody asked.

Julius headed for the door. “We keep looking for the Dawn Lantern. If we find it, we use it to keep enemies at bay. We send messages to other victims of the Truth Seekers so they know what’s going on. We try to break up the remaining cells so they can’t spread any more lies. Stopping Gron is a high priority, because he’s actively trying to cause an invasion. And we call for help from anyone who will come.”

Julius glanced at Archibald. “The Archivists aren’t focused on combat magic, but you have to have people who can fight, if only to protect your vaults of information and artifacts.”

“We are being pressed hard on every side by those who seek to plunder those vaults,” Archibald replied. “Those who can help are needed where they are. What of the Guild of Heroes?”

“Every guildmember who can still stand is on assignment.” Julius clenched his fists and said, “An attack on Sunset City could come in weeks or even days. Is there anyone else we can trust who could come in time?”

“Could we print our own papers saying the Trith Seekers are tools and the Dawn Lantern isn’t here?” Brody asked.

“An exemplary plan, save for the fact our enemies will assume it’s an attempt to divert them from their prize,” Archibald replied. “Gron will also keep telling lies, and the ambitious will believe the version that fits decisions they’ve already made.”

There was the sound of voices outside the breakroom. Officer Dalton went to the door, only for it to open so suddenly it hit him on the forehead. He staggered back, and a mob of goblins poured in, led by a gray skinned goblin with white hair and outrageously long eyebrows.

“Little Old Dude,” Julius said. Ibwibble stood at attention and the other goblins sucked in their guts. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I wasn’t planning on coming,” Little Old Dude replied. He waved for his goblins to drop a hogtied man dressed in black at Julius’ feet. “I heard you were collecting these losers. We caught one after he nearly got me and two of my students killed.”

Little Old Dude climbed on top of his whimpering prisoner. “I’m too old to put up with this nonsense. What do we have to do to make it stop?”
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Published on November 13, 2024 11:11 Tags: comedy, goblins, humor, lies, secrets, spy

New Goblin Stories 28

Brody woke the next morning on a bed of fresh straw in an empty shed. As a goblin he could sleep almost anywhere, but the bed was a nice gesture. He sat up and saw the neighboring pile of straw was empty. Julius must already be up. Officials in Sunset City had offered him better accommodations but he’d declined and taken a space next to Brody. That was Julius in a nutshell. Brody ate some of the straw, for goblins weren’t any pickier about their diet than their sleeping arrangements, and headed outside.

The streets of Sunset City looked like an anthill that had been kicked over. Some residents were fleeing with whatever they could carry. That might seem like an extreme reaction, but the weak and lowly took no chances when wars could happen. Guardsmen led groups of citizens in a frantic but thorough search for the Dawn Lantern, going from house to house. This led to more than a few confrontations as the owners weren’t happy with strangers pawing through their property.

“I don’t have this thing!” a man protested as guardsmen filed into his home. “I’d sell it if I did! Say, what’s this thing worth, anyway?”

“Your life, and everyone else’s, too,” a guardsman replied.

Goblins joined the search, crawling through chimneys and splashing through sewers. This didn’t bother them, as goblins happily went through such filthy places on a daily basis. Digger goblins dug up every patch of dirt that didn’t have a tree or shrub growing on it. Builder goblins checked homes for secret doors and hidden compartments.

Brody peered down a sewer grate and saw Habbly lead goblins as they poked through the filth with wood poles. He asked, “Find anything?”

“Loose change and a carriage wheel,” Habbly replied. “There’s also a sewer monster with lots of legs and eyes. He said he hasn’t seen it.”

Brody spotted builder goblins leaving a house. The owner swept up after them and scowled.
Brody asked, “Have you had any luck?”

“We turned up a few smuggler tunnels but no lantern,” a builder goblin replied

Brody headed over to a nearby warehouse that had been empty the night before. He opened the door to find it as busy as a beehive. Men and goblins hurried about, walking around tables and empty crates used as chairs. Stacks of paper and bottles of blue ink competed with large maps for place on the tables. Kadid Lan was operating a cheap magic mirror with a copper frame in one corner. A vender slipped through the crowded room as he sold doughnuts and coffee to the men. Not surprisingly, Julius was at the center of the crowd.

“We’re sure about this?” Julius asked.

“No,” Kadid told him. “The reports came from terrified shepherds at night. They could be mistaken about what they saw, but if they’re right eighteen vampires are headed for Sunset City.”

“How long until they arrive?”

“Three days, maybe less,” Kadid replied. “I’ve also heard from guardsmen that the remaining Red Hand members are recruiting and plan on coming back. Not sure if they want your head or the Dawn Lantern. I also heard Lord Bryce hired every swordsman he could afford and is heading here from Nolod.”

“We’ll file the last one under annoyances.” Julius rubbed his forehead and spotted Brody. He waved for the little goblin to come over. “Have you heard anything from the goblins?”

Brody crawled under a table to reach him. “Nothing helpful. Little Old Dude, why aren’t you checking the sewers with your students?”

Little Old Dude was reading old Truth Seeker papers. “It’s a perk of leadership.”

Brody glared at those stupid papers that had turned everyone’s life upside down. As he thought about it, they represented a terrible waste. Most of them revealed embarrassing details about powerful people’s lives, but dig into anyone’s life and you’d find something embarrassing. Some were outright lies, ruining good reputations or even putting people in danger.

It was the ones revealing crimes that really bothered him. The crimes were real enough, but the papers warned criminals that they’d been discovered, giving them time to destroy evidence or run away. If those facts have been delivered to guardsmen, knights or the Guild of Heroes then they could have been the first step toward catching the bad guys. Anton might have wanted the best for the world, but he hadn’t thought this out far enough.
Brody got close to Julius and whispered, “You look worn out.”

Julius’ voice was equally soft. “These problems come so fast. Helping the baron, the Red Hand, the Truth Seekers, one after another.”

“When we’re done here, we need to get you a vacation.” Julius frowned at the offer. Brody said, “Much more of this and you’ll fall down before you can lie down.”

“I know.” He sounded so tired. Nobody could be a hero forever.

Little Old Dude asked, “Have there been any new papers this week?”

Officer Dalton came over with a handful of papers and set them on a table. “Too many and none of them good. Shep, no!”

Dalton’s dog Shep charged through the room and jumped onto Julius, knocking him onto a table. Dalton hurried over and scolded the dog. “You’re not a puppy anymore! Sit! Please sit!”

Julius wrapped his arms around the dog, lifted him up and carried him over to the latest papers. “The Truth Seekers just revealed the names and addresses of secret agents working for King Ethan Trecka of Forthosia. That puts a target on their heads. Or maybe this is a lie and they’re innocent people, in which case they’re civilians in a lot of danger. There’s something here about a new evil overlord with an entire village of goblins and a smuggler gang, with a lady werewolf as his chief enforcer and paramour.”

Brody frowned. “What’s a paramour?”

“That’s not the critical detail,” Julius said hastily. He glanced at the paper and said, “It says the evil overlord is a wizard and killed three vampires. Do we know if this one is true or not?”

Kadid Lan fiddled with knobs on the magic mirror. “I’ll look into it, but Oceanview’s king lent us a cheap mirror. We’re getting so much interference it’s hard to see anything with it. That could be because it’s garbage or someone could be trying to block us.”

“The Inspired?” Brody asked.

Archibald the Archivist stood up from a table he’d been sitting at. “If they were responsible the mirror would be a smoking wreck. I’ve cast warding spells to detect threats that come within five miles of the city, and defensive spells to block enemy attempts to search Sunset City with magic. If we can’t find the Dawn Lantern, neither can they.”

“Could they bring more wizards than Magus Quake?” Julius asked.

“Their numbers are depleted after numerous failures. Their remaining members are occupied, and many greatly mistrust their fellow wizards. If Magnus calls in powerful members of the Inspired, he risks them stealing his prize. Make no mistake, Magus Quake will return better prepared to face us, but I doubt he’ll have many reinforcements.”

Julius handed Shep back to Officer Dalton. “One’s too many. We’re looking at three or possibly four separate forces attacking Sunset City. One at a time we can win, but we’ll be stretched thin if they strike too close together. At least nearby kings aren’t invading. Yet.”

Brody spotted Ibwibble sitting at a table in a corner with Craig of the Truth Seekers. The goblin handed the man a stack of papers and said, “Write down that Ibwibble the Terrifying defeated the Truth Seekers, ending their reign of whatever it is you were trying to do.”

“That’s not technically true,” Craig said.

“You’re not still going on about that, are you?”

“Ibwibble, you made it sound like you got along well with the Dawn Lantern,” Brody told him. “Do you have any idea where we should look?”

“I haven’t seen him in months. He could be a million miles from here.”

Archibald frowned. “That might not be an exaggeration. Some of the so called big fifty are capable of moving great distances on their own.”

Julius was about to speak when the vendor walked up to him and asked, “Doughnuts?”

“Two, with sprinkles.” Julius paid the vendor and said, “Do we have solid leads on the remaining Truth Seekers?”

“One of them got arrested in Nolod,” Kadid Lan replied. “The rest are spreading lies as fast as they can.”

Julius glanced at Anton. The Truth Seekers leader still wore a prisoner’s pink uniform, but he wasn’t wearing iron gloves anymore. He sat in a corner copying page after page of writing. Anton looked up briefly and said, “I’m finishing an announcement to all Truth Seekers that we’ve been deceived and urging them to stop all activities. I’m appealing to them by name and have enough personal information about them that they’ll know I wrote it, but they might think I was forced to.”

“You’re not telling them to turn themselves in,” Brody said.

“They’re good people who were doing good work and don’t deserve to spend the rest of their lives in prison. It’s my fault we took in a liar, not theirs.”

“Fanatic,” Brody muttered under his breath.

“I heard that!” Julius scowled at Anton, who looked down. “They might ignore my message. They’ll definitely ignore it if I tell them to accept punishments for what weren’t crimes. I’ll help you stop this, I’ll take your punishment for failing my quest, but I won’t betray them.”

His earlier defiance returned, and Anton shouted, “And where is Oceanview’s king in this time of trouble? Why did he let a member of the Guild of Heroes do his job for him?”

Officer Dalton poked Anton in the chest. “He’s taken the greatest challenge on his own shoulders! The kingdom is in danger we might not be able to stop, so he’s gone to get help from lawyers!”

The clamor, conversations and bustle of so many people was replaced by a stunned silence. Men gasped in horror. Anton staggered back as if struck, his face as white as a sheet. Julius dropped one of his doughnuts, which Shep the dog ate.

“I nearly got killed by the Red Hand and Magus Quake because of those papers, and even I think that’s going too far,” Julius said.

“Eighty years of mischief and I never involved lawyers,” Little Old Dude add.

Officer Dalton nodded. “It’s drastic, and there’s no telling what it’s going to cost the king. But there’s nothing he won’t do for his people.”

Brody lost his patience with Anton. He pointed at Julius and said “He’s the best man for this job. I know it, the king knows it, and if you can pry your head out of your backside for a second, you’d know it, too. We’re all in danger cleaning up your mess.”

Everyone was shocked by his outburst, even Brody. The normally timid goblin had been pushed too far for too long, and his anger boiled over. “You remember a mad scientist named Umber Hatchwich? You told everyone in a thousand miles that he wants to take over the world. Bad people thought that was an advertisement! Thousands of villains who’d never heard of him before that day showed up to join him! He was a nobody with a few goons and now he’s got an army! We can’t try to stop them because we’re facing vampires, an evil wizard, gangsters and this Bryce twerp coming because of your stupid papers!”

There was a pause as Anton stared at Brody and everyone else looked away. Julius walked over and put a hand on Brody’s shoulder. “We’ll figure something out. We always do.”

“I don’t suppose this Hatchwich fellow can help?” Officer Dalton asked.

“I wouldn’t risk it,” Julius said. He waved to the vendor and asked, “Can I get another doughnut? Thanks. Our last problem is Gron. The Truth Seekers are still working, and if Gron is with them he’s controlling their messages. Do we have any idea where he is?”

“None,” Archibald replied. He took a cup of coffee from the vendor and added, “There are two logical choices for him. The first is to declare the task too dangerous and return to the Land of the Nine Dukes. If he doesn’t feel his mission is complete, he will join up with another cell of Truth Seekers both to direct their efforts and to benefit from their magical protection that makes them so hard to track.”

“We can’t look for him and the Dawn Lantern at the same time,” Brody said.

“We can’t, but others can,” Archibald told him. “We’ve warned neighboring kingdoms about the Truth Seekers and Gron. Most can’t send us help when they have so many responsibilities of their own, but they search their territory for Gron.”

* * * * *

The rest of the day was incredibly frustrating. Nobody found the Dawn Lantern, but there was a steady stream of frauds and liars trying to pass off fakes and demanding a reward. Most of those fakes were embarrassingly bad, including a cardboard lantern painted black. One ambitious fellow asked would he become king if he found the Dawn Lantern. He was upset when Julius told him it didn’t work that way even if a punk kid had become a king for yanking a magic sword out of a boulder.

It was getting dark when Brody went outside for fresh air. The streets of Sunset City were rivers of lights as men with ordinary lanterns continued searching for a magic one. Brody was about to get some sleep when he saw Archibald leaning against a building. The poor man looked miserable, no surprise when the Archivists had accidentally spawned this mess. Brody took a deep breath and approached him.

Archibald saw him coming and raised an eyebrow. “I must admit to having never studied goblin behavior. There are a few experts on that topic among the Archivists. What they’d told me is at odds with what I’ve seen these last few weeks. You show more intelligence and loyalty than many men I’ve met.”

“I hear that a lot. You also met Yips, so I guess it evens out.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. For all his faults, Yips has a good heart and nearly matches you in loyalty.” Archibald squinted at Brody. “Your expression makes me think you’re about to impress me again with your intelligence.”

“I have a question,” Brody asked. “Anton said the Archivists hide the things they learn about the past. You said it was a partial truth. Is he right? I mean, why go to all the effort of digging stuff up if you’re going to bury it again?”

Archibald looked off into the distance when he answered. “The Archivists were formed to unearth forgotten knowledge, magic and technology. We have members on four worlds who dedicated their lives to bring back the wonders of the past. We share much of what we’ve learned. Sometimes we hold onto our discoveries because we don’t fully understand them yet. In time we will learn more, and then we can share them.”

He turned and looked at Brody. “But what to do when the past wasn’t so wonderful. When it was a time of horror, darkness and suffering. Oh yes, we’ve discovered evidence of atrocities so foul no one should have committed them, yet they happened all the same. It is a sad testament that such deeds occurred even once, and a worse indictment that they could occur so often. You know, I actually envy goblins, for in our research we found only your kind innocent of these horrors.”

A shiver ran down Brody’s spine. “Why hide that? Doesn’t it make sense to tell people what happened so they don’t make the same mistakes?”

“I think you’re too innocent to understand the answer, but I’ll try. There are age old feuds between men, elves and dwarfs over crimes committed centuries ago. In some instances we learned exactly who perpetrated those crimes. The guilty parties and their victims are all long gone, but their descendants remain, and if they learned what we know those conflicts could reignite, spreading wars that would mimic those of old. We made a decision to conceal those facts, for to release them was too horrifying to contemplate.”

“Tell him the rest.” Archibald and Brody both spun around to find Julius standing behind them. When Archibald was silent, Julius said, “You left out the biggest threat.”

“You know why I don’t talk about that!” Archibald snapped.

“You can tell me,” Brody said. “If I tell anyone, they won’t believe me because I’m a goblin.”

Archibald fumed for a moment before he relented. “The city of Ephemera is a legend from the Ancient Elf Empire. Ephemera never existed. Every elf will tell you that. But we discovered fragmentary records from the empire where elves said they were passing through Ephemera or ordering goods from merchants living there. Yet there was no city, not even ruins.

“The Archivists deduced where Ephemera could have been and began digging. We asked the Guild of Heroes for help because elves have a habit of seizing control of archeological digs that might uncover elf artifacts. Julius was one of the members they sent. We dug down thirty feet in a desolate wilderness and discovered Ephemera’s suburbs, damaged marble buildings picked clean before they were buried. Then we discovered the actual city.”

Archibald hesitated. “Three miles of nothing, a perfect circle of devastation. Stone, metal and wood had been reduced to a thin layer of powder. I dared not ask what happened to the residents. Outside that circle were untouched houses. An inch one way meant survival and the other way meant doom. We, we learned how it had been done. It…would be possible to do again.”

“Y-you,” Brody stammered, “you know how to destroy an entire city?”

“The elves lost that knowledge in the aftermath of the civil war that destroyed their empire, but we suspect some of them know it happened. Elves seek to reconquer Other Place. Can you imagine what would happen if they relearned the skill? We buried the knowledge so deeply none would ever discover it. Most Archivists don’t even know about it. That is the weight the Archivists bear. That is what we hide from the world, secrets of that magnitude.”

“Secrets,” Brody repeated. “There are others as bad as that?”

“Many more are locked away and must never be freed.”

“Sir!” Brody, Julius and Archibald turned to see Kadid Lan waving from the entrance of their warehouse headquarters. “I found Gron!”

Archibald ran over and demanded, “Where is he?”

“He’s in the kingdom of Long Land. The spells masking him failed for a few minutes, long enough for me to get a lock on him. I think the wizard who’d protecting him must have forgotten the spell had run out and recast it too late. It was a faint image, but I’m sure it’s him.”

“That’s a long way from here,” Julius said. “Can we get there in time?”

Archibald frowned. “I used all my magic earlier today. Gron knows he’s being hunted and will surely flee before the morning when I have regained my strength.”

Kadid’s enthusiasm faded. “There’s someone who might help, sir, but you’re not going to like it.”
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Published on November 22, 2024 17:29 Tags: comedy, goblins, humor, lies, secrets, spy

New Goblin Stories 29

“Boss!”

It was late at night, and a warm breeze blew across the beach as Harry Silt turned to face the goblin running toward him. The red haired youth had changed in the last few months. He still had a slender build and needed glasses, but these days he wore alligator skin boots and bracers, black pants and a gray shirt. His staff now included vampire fangs worked into the wood, not just a trophy of his victories but an important magical component strengthening his spells. And he had a hat. The goblins had insisted he needed one, and they’d even collected materials to make the black fedora with more vampire fangs in the band.

More importantly, he’d changed as a man. The desire for advancement in the Archivists, and he was honest enough to admit his selfishness, was gone, replaced with a love and devotion to his followers. Harry had grown up in a safe community, attended safe schools and been totally safe working as a minor Archivist.
He’d never noticed the suffering, the injustices, the hardships that so many others endured.
He’d never experienced them personally or seen anyone else do so. He’d seen such pain and wrongdoings in his time among the goblins. So many good people working themselves to exhaustion for the right to live another day, praying that monsters and villains wouldn’t notice them.

He’d felt such shame while recovering from his first battle with a vampire. So many people suffering while he’d only thought about himself. And in that dark time he’d come to accept the role the goblins had asked him to take. Harry Silt the Archivist, the petty man, was gone. Harry Silt the Evil Overlord took his place, and the world was better for it.

The goblin ran over to Harry and gave him a salute so vigorous the goblin hit himself in the head and fell over backwards. Harry helped the goblin up and brushed sand off him. “Boss, we’ve got a message for you by the beach. A magic message.”

“How do you know it’s magic?”

“Water bubbled up and turned into a mirror showing a dorky kid.” The goblin pointed to the beach, where goblins gathered around the flat plane of water showing a human wizard even younger than Harry. The goblin added, “He said he wants to talk to the Evil Overlord of Wandering Village, which is you, so I figured you should know about it.”

Harry frowned. He’d been expecting trouble ever since he’d accepted his new role. Were the Archivists trying to get him to come back into the fold? Possible, but they hadn’t sent anyone to look for him in months. The other wizard wasn’t dressed as an Archivist, either. Who wanted him?

“Call Vivian and Igor,” Harry ordered the goblin. The goblin saluted again, this time without knocking himself over. Harry headed through the Wandering Village toward the watery mirror on the beach. Whatever this was, he wanted as much help as he could get to deal with it.

The Wandering Village had grown considerably under his rule. The population had doubled as goblins gathered more of their kind to carry out his orders. He’d also picked up fifty human smugglers and their three barges. Those barges were moored nearby in a shallow bay, and the Wandering Village now had dozens of crude tents. Lastly an Igor had volunteered his services, and Vivian had come.

Vivian.

“My alpha!” Harry saw Vivian running across the beach. Her black satin dress fluttered as he caught up with him and wrapped an arm around his waist. She was incredible, young, strong, healthy, vivacious, and if you scratched below the surface so frightened. Her pack of werewolves had suffered brutal infighting that had forced the raven haired beauty to flee for her life. Goblins had found her alone and scared, and brought her to Harry in an act he could only call miraculous. “We are in danger?”

“Possibly. We’ll see what’s happening.”

The two walked together to the mirror. Goblins, men and giant tortoises followed the pair until they stopped at the mirror. Harry adjusted his glasses as he studied the young man with gray clothes and bad acne in the watery mirror.

“I understand you wish to talk with me,” Harry began.

“Hi, I’m Kadid Lan,” the other wizard replied. His voice sounded warped as it came through the water. “Uh, listen, I know we don’t know each other, but I need a huge favor and you’re the only man who can do it.”

“He honors you, my alpha,” Vivian said.

“We can’t pay you, but if you help it could save lots of people,” Kadid continued. “There are these papers plastered all over the place telling embarrassing facts or just outright lies.”

“I’m familiar with them,” Harry said drily.

“I recognize that voice!” An older man wearing blue and white robes pushed Kadid aside and stood in front of the mirror. “Oh for the love of all that’s holy! Are all the junior Archivists going rogue?”

Harry’s jaw dropped, but he quickly recovered from the shock. “Master Archibald Scrace. I’m curious what it took to get you out of your office.”

“That’s all you have to say? You were sent to find the Dawn Lantern, and now I find you leading a band of miscreants!”

“Hey, we’re miscreants!” a goblin shouted. “Last spring we were just deadbeats and losers!”

“Hurray!” the goblins cheered.

“It’s hard to explain,” Harry said. “Your friend made it sound like you needed an evil overlord, not the man I used to be. What’s this have to do with those papers, and what did you mean by Archivists going rogue?”

“Those papers were written by Archivists who left our order,” Archibald said. “They were infiltrated by a man named Gron who used them to publish damaging lies. This villain is currently near you but will surely leave at the first opportunity. No one else is close enough to stop him. I am asking you to catch Gron before more harm is done.”

“How dangerous is this man?” Harry asked.

“He’s a skilled warrior and clever. He also has several former Archivists with him, one of whom is a wizard of middling abilities. Don’t underestimate him, and don’t believe his lies. Can we count on you?”

Harry’s followers watched him with eager eyes, some even drooling at the prospect of action. He said, “Those idiots nearly cost me my life.”

“You’re not alone in that,” Kadid said.

“I need a better idea where to look,” Harry said.

Archibald nudged Kadid back and said, “Gron was detected by a magic mirror twenty minutes ago in a town called Hogshead. That’s as close as we were able to get.”

A smuggler said, “Hogshead is thirty miles away. We’d need six hours to reach it by boat and a day on foot.”

“Or thirty minutes by air,” Harry replied.

“Your magic clouds aren’t that big,” the smuggler cautioned. “You won’t be able to take many of us, and this could be dangerous.”

“I’m dangerous, too,” Vivian retorted.

“No promises, but we’ll try,” Harry told Archibald. “Where do we deliver them if we catch them?”

“Sunset City in Oceanview Kingdom,” Archibald replied as the watery mirror dissolved back into the ocean. Before it was completely gone, Archibald added, “I wish you luck. Know that many depend on your success.”

“Time to go hunting,” Harry said. Vivian squealed in delight and the goblins cheered. He waved for them to quiet down and called out, “Igor!”

“Here, sir.” Harry frowned as Igor ran over. He was a trustworthy man and had done much for Harry, but he was, well, odd. Tall, handsome, blonde hair, perfect teeth, he didn’t look like an Igor. The perfectly tailored suit also defied expectations.

“I know I keep asking, but you’re sure you’re an Igor?” Harry asked. “Not a Chad? Or a Chet?”

Igor was momentarily crestfallen. “I know, I was born tragically normal. But deep down I am a small, misshapen man ready to say the wrong thing at the worst time.”

Harry shook his head. “Forget I asked. You and the Wise Old Fraud are in charge until I return. I need our next batch of heal fast potions brewed and ready to go by morning and check the herb gardens. I need a steady supply of ingredients for more potions.”

Those potions were Harry’s biggest advantage. He and Igor had built a small, crude distillery for making healing potions. He’d won a lot of fights by being able to heal his followers and made lots of friends by giving potions to those in need. Selling the few he didn’t use or give away kept his group in the black.

The Wise Old Fraud, a green goblin wearing long robes, waved his staff and said, “You can probably count on us. There may be mistakes, omissions and the occasional explosion.”

“That’s expected.” Harry waved his own staff as he cast a spell to create a magic cloud in front of him. Harry hadn’t learned any new spells since becoming an evil overlord, but he’d gotten far better at using the spells he already knew. He’d practiced more than he once had, and he’d made simple magic items like his hat and improved his staff to bolster his power. It was enough to make his magic cloud thirty feet across and strong enough to carry tons.

“Everybody on board!” a goblin screamed. Dozens of them piled on along with five smugglers who’d proven themselves in battle. Harry stepped on next with Vivian. She stayed close to him as the cloud rose into the air and shot across the sky. The smugglers kept well away from the edges of the cloud, no doubt worried about falling. The goblins weren’t worried at all and howled in delight as they sailed over trees and rooftops.

“Top of the world, ma!” a goblin yelled.

“I’m flying, Jack!” shouted a second. That was goblins in a nutshell. But they weren’t the only ones talking. Vivian clung tightly to Harry and whispered to herself.

“My alpha won’t cast me out. My alpha won’t abandon me. My alpha won’t cast me out.”

This had happened before. Werewolves were pack animals and terrified of being alone. Vivian had been quivering when he’d first seen her and needed weeks to open up to him. When she was stressed, even for good reasons like hunting, she’d repeat those words so softly she thought no one would hear her. Harry heard. He wondered what he could do to heal those wounds.

Mile after mile flew by as they sailed across the sky. Even the light of a full moon offered little illumination, but Harry had no trouble seeing the cluster of lights from Hogshead. Human towns always kept lanterns and torches lit in case of an attack by bandits, pirates and monsters. Their king should be protecting them, but his forces were too busy threatening neighboring kings. Harry and his small army had saved Hogshead once before and nearby villages many times, which ironically made the king hate and fear Harry. Apparently gratitude was not an option.

“Hogshead dead ahead!” a goblin yelled.

“Indoor voices, everyone,” Harry told his followers. “I don’t want them to know we’re coming.”

“Shh,” one goblin told another. Goblins shushed each other, making nearly as much noise as when they’d been yelling. Harry lowered the cloud to street level at the edge of the city and dissolved it to release his followers. Harry cast a locating spell, but the glowing arrow spun wildly. That wasn’t surprising. Master Archibald was a much more powerful wizard than Harry. If his magic hadn’t succeeded, Harry’s wouldn’t, either. But it was worth trying, and he still had an advantage Archibald didn’t.

“It’s a big city to find a handful of men,” a smuggler said.

“I’ve got a plan,” Harry told him. “These idiots leave their papers whenever they go. Spread out and find me one.”

Goblins and smugglers hurried across cobblestone streets and between wood houses. Most of Hogshead’s people were indoors and sleep, but a few people saw Harry and his followers. It pleased Harry that they nodded or even saluted rather than call for the guard.

It only took minutes before a goblin came back and reported, “Found one, boss. It’s glued to the side of a wagon.”

“Take me to it,” he replied. The goblin led him and the rest of his forced came with. They saw a wagon parked on a street with a paper pasted to one side. Harry cast a spell to produce a pale light, just enough to read the message.

‘No secrets! Your leaders are hiding the truth from you! The evil overlord Harry Silt has allied with wicked smugglers. He sells counterfeit heal fast potions that kill those who drink them.’

An indigent goblin struck a hand across his chest. “They’re talking trash about our evil overlord!”

“No one insults my alpha!” Vivian screamed. She tried to tear off the paper, and looked shocked when Harry held her back.

“Vivian, that paper must have been put up recently,” he said. “Can you get the scent of who placed it there?”

Vivian gave him a thoughtful look. “Maybe. I need to change.”

She walked into a nearby alley. Harry looked up and said, “Lovely stars tonight.”

Every goblin and smuggler gazed up far from Vivian. A smuggler said, “Oh gosh yes.”

“Absolutely beautiful,” a goblin added. “Sorry we haven’t found you more followers, boss. The Dread Evil Overlord Joshua and that Umber Hatchwich guy have been soaking up all the local talent.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Harry replied.

“We did hear back from a guy you might want,” the goblin continued. “He calls himself the Enigmatic Eye. No references, no work history, and he’s got this persistent smell I can’t identify, but I got a really good feeling about him.”

Seconds later Vivian came back in her werewolf form. She was sleek and beautiful, nearly as tall as Harry and covered with lustrous black fur. Her claws could tear a man apart, her jaws could break cattle bones and she was fast as a racehorse. Vivian handed a smuggler her clothes before she approached the paper and sniffed it, running her nose up and down the libelous document.

“We just bring in food,” a smuggler said. “Good folks would starve if we didn’t. Not our fault taxes are so high we have to do it quietly.”

“And the elven wine, well, everybody needs a good drink,” another smuggler added. “Not like we’re transporting slaves or poisons.”

“I have it,” Vivian growled. She stepped away from the paper and shredded it with her claws. “Gron can hide with magic, but not from me.”

“I want these men alive to answer questions,” Harry told his friends.

“They’ll live,” a goblin promised. “They just won’t be happy.”

Vivian led them through the twisting streets of Hogshead. Like most human cities it had expanded over the centuries with no plan, making it a maze of roads hard for anyone but a native to travel without getting lost. They came across more papers pasted to houses, shops and a church. Vivian sniffed them as well before tearing up the papers. They walked the streets of Hogshead for hours with Vivian on all fours sniffing the ground. Then she stopped and pointed at a stable.

“There. The scent is strong.”

“Are they still inside?” Harry asked.

Vivian’s ears twitched. “Yes. Four men, one of them older.”

“Cover all the exits,” Harry ordered. Goblins and smugglers surrounded the stable and drew their weapons. Harry considered his options and opted for overwhelming violence. Shocking how good he was getting at that.

Harry cast a spell to form a magic cloud and sent it across the street. It scooped up dirt, rocks, trash and a broken wheelbarrow, forming a mound of garbage weighing five hundred pounds. He then sped up the cloud and rammed it into the stable doors, knocking them off their hinges and terrifying the black clad men hiding inside. They’d been packing their bags, and had brushes and empty buckets stained with paste.

“You can come quietly or you can be carried out on stretchers,” he told the Truth Seekers. “Either way works for me.”

One of them yelled, “Run for it!”

Harry scowled. “Stretchers it is.”

The Truth Seekers charged Harry with drawn daggers. One cast a spell to form an icy knife and threw it at Harry. Harry caused the magic cloud to rise and let the icy knife hit the pile of garbage on it. Two Truth Seekers went left and another right while their wizard tried to cast another spell.

Harry charged the enemy wizard. He knew a lot about magic, including how long it took to cast spells. Combat spells didn’t take long, but the slightest blow could ruin the caster’s concentration and end the spell. Harry ran in and swung his staff, striking the rival wizard in the shin.

“Son of a—” the Truth Seeker screamed, but his no doubt obscenity laced tirade ended when two smugglers tackled him and pulled him to the ground.

A second Truth Seeker pulled a glass vial from a belt pouch and hurled it to the ground. The vial burst into a cloud of fire blocking goblins and smugglers trying to chase him. Harry caused his magic cloud to rise up and float over the fire, then vanish. The dirt and refuse carried fell onto the fire and snuffed it out.

“Next time drop it on the guy,” a goblin said.

“We need him alive,” Harry said.

“He can be alive with broken legs,” a smuggler countered.

The Truth Seeker ran for his life, throwing alchemic firebombs with wild abandon to cover his escape. Two bombs ignited a wood house, forcing three smugglers to stop and put out the fire before it spread. That Truth Seeker nearly escaped before Vivian ran down the street, leaped over the fires and landed on his shoulders with her feet. That knocked him to the ground and set off two firebombs in his belt. He screamed in terror as Vivian ripped off his belt and threw it away, then grabbed the man, lifted him over her head and dunked him into a horse trough to put out his burning clothes.

The last two Truth Seekers were trying to break through a mob of goblins blocking their way. They kicked and punched goblins, but a goblin managed to grab one of them. Three more followed, dragging their enemy to a halt and then tipping him over.

“Gron, don’t let them take me alive!” the downed Truth Seeker cried out.

Harry reformed his magic cloud, jumped onto it and soared after the men. “Ah, you’re the man I’m after.”

Gron saw him coming and swung a short sword. Harry blocked it with his staff and swung at Gron’s Legs. Old he might be, but Gron had the reflexes and training of a professional soldier and dodged the attack. He also kicked aside a goblin trying to pounce on him. Gron jumped onto the magic cloud and raised his sword to strike Harry. Harry dispelled the magic cloud, dropping both himself and Gron only a few inches back to the street. It was enough to throw off Gron’s balance and he staggered back. Harry tripped Gron with his staff and let the goblins pile on his fallen enemy.

“You’ve made powerful enemies,” Harry told Gron. “Be grateful they want you in a condition where you can answer questions. I’m half tempted to let the other three go, but setting fires in a city annoys me.”

One of the other Truth Seekers squinted at Harry. “Wait, Harry? It is you!”

“Yeah, it’s me, the guy you said kills people with fake heal fast potions.”

Three Truth Seekers looked shocked by his words. One said, “But you do. We verified it.”

Vivian dragged back the man she’d both defeated and saved. She dropped him at Harry’s feet and said, “Speak another lie against my alpha and we’ll hand over three men and one body.”

Harry pulled off Gron’s mask and looked him in the eyes. Gron was in his fifties but in excellent health, barely showing gray in his hair and few wrinkles. The older man scowled and said, “We’ll die, but you’ll join us soon.”

“I’m going to give one of my very real and effective heal fast potions to your friend whose massive stupidity set himself on fire,” Harry said. “Then I’m taking you all to Oceanview Kingdom, where very angry people are going to ask you lots of questions. One of them is Archibald Scrace, so get ready for the Archivists’ personal brand of retribution.”

“No!” Gron screamed as he broke free of the goblins holding him. He drew a dagger from a belt sheath and lunged at Harry. Harry raised his staff to block it when Vivian threw herself between the men and took the hit to her chest. Goblins cried out in terror. Smugglers swore.

Vivian slapped Gron across the face so hard the older man was thrown to the ground, where she then kicked him three feet into the air. She grabbed him and lifted him up even with where the dagger had hit her and done absolutely nothing.

“Next time use silver,” she growled. “My alpha, how alive do you want him?”
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Published on November 29, 2024 14:52 Tags: comedy, evil-overlord, goblins, humor, lies, secrets, spy, werewolf

New Goblin Stories 30

Brody woke up the next morning to more of the same. Frightened people left Sunset City while others remained because either they were too stubborn to leave or they had nowhere to go. Crowds of guardsmen and conscripted civilians searched for the Dawn Lantern. Some goblins helped them, but others had given up the hunt. Brody was shocked when he recognized one goblin walking away from the search teams.

“Little Old Dude, where are you going?” he asked.

The elderly goblin was leading his crowd of goblin students to the outskirts of the city. “No point looking anymore.”

“But we haven’t found the lantern!”

“Too many enemies will get here before we find it, if we ever do. It’s a better use of our time to get ready for them.” Little Old Dude leaned in close to Brody. “Watch your friend the hero. He’s starting to crack under the stress.”

“Too many people are asking too much from him. You know, it’s crazy, we might get killed for something that’s not here.”

Little Old Dude gave Brody a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I’ll keep in touch. Ibwibble, we’re setting traps!”

Ibwibble ran after Little Old Dude. “Finally!”

Despair hung over the city like a cloud. Brody saw a young human couple with a baby at the door to an apartment. The woman was seeing her husband off and said, “Be careful, my love.”

“I’ll return to you safely.” He kissed her and then the baby. “We’ll get through this and all other challenges, Isa.”

The man left and Brody was going to move on as well when he spotted goblins in an alley next to the apartment building. They were armed with clubs and lassos, and one wore a rug as a cape or cloak. There was also a tool shed in the alley, an odd place to have one. Brody frowned when the shed moved.

“Excuse me, but did that tool shed smile at me?” Brody asked the goblin mob.

The goblin wearing the rug smiled. “He’s very friendly.”

Goblins were good at dealing with nonsense, so Brody just shrugged and left. If that was the weirdest thing that happened today he’d count it as a win. He’d only gone a short distance when he saw a monk pulling a cart loaded with bee hives down the street. A goblin with lavender skin sat on top of the wagon.

“Mangus Quake, now that’s an easy name to spell,” the lavender goblin said as he scribbled onto a scrap of paper.

“He’s not an enemy to be taken lightly,” the monk replied.

“That’s why he’s on the list.”

Brody shook his head and went to the warehouse where Julius was directing the search. Once inside he found the situation had changed only a little. There were more guardsmen, and they were armed and armored for a fight. Archibald and Kadid Lan stood by the magic mirror, but like Little Old Dude they’d given up hope of finding the Dwan Lantern. Instead they used the mirror to study the edges of Oceanview Kingdom.

“We’ve spotted Lord Bryce and his men,” Kadid said. “He brought more of them than I’d thought.”

Brody studied the mirror and saw four wagons pulled by horses, with a dozen men in each wagon. An elegant carriage led them with Lord Bryce at the reins. “He came in person? That’s risky.”

“If he didn’t, his hired men might seize the Dawn lantern for themselves,” Archibald said. “Yips, stop drawing mustaches on the mirror.”

Yips giggled and made no attempt to erase the black mustache he’d drawn on Lord Bryce’s face. “How about a black eye and pimples?”

Kadid grabbed a rag and wiped the mirror clean. “He’ll be here by nightfall. We also saw four suspicious ships heading for Sunset City. They’re clustered together and not flying any kingdom’s flag.”

Archibald adjusted the mirror’s controls to zoom in. “Give me a moment to…it’s the Red Hand. They’ve loaded the ships with men.”
Julius walked up to the mirror. “Any sign of the vampires or the Inspired?”

“Not yet, but vampires and master wizards are fast,” Kadid said. “They could be a hundred miles away and reach us in hours.”

“Does anyone else want to get in on this?” Brody asked.

“We’re trying to prevent that,” Julius replied. “Are there armies or knights close enough to deal with them?”

Archibald continued adjusting the mirror. “None. King Baldos has moved most of his forces to the borders.”

“What for?” Brody asked.

Just then Officer Dalton entered the warehouse escorting Anton. Anton spotted Julius and yelled, “What did you do with Craig?”

“Who?” Yips asked.

“Just as well you don’t remember him,” Brody told him.

Julius stepped back from the mirror and addressed Anton. “Your friend is helping to avert a war. Last night we received word that three nearby kingdoms threatened to invade unless we hand over the Dawn Lantern. King Baldos went with his lawyer, a hundred knights and your fellow prisoner Craig to convince those kings that we don’t have it and never did.”

“How is Craig supposed to stop armies?” Anton demanded.

“By going under oath and testifying about the Truth Seekers, including how they were subverted,” Julius replied. He saw confused looks from both men and goblins, and explained, “Lawyers have powerful abilities, including placing a person under oath so they can only tell the truth.”

“That’s one less threat,” Kadid said.

“Not necessarily,” Archibald said. “The kings threatening to invade may not believe Baldos. There are ways to evade telling the truth even under oath by giving testimony that is both true and inaccurate.”

Officer Dalton frowned. “Huh?”

Brody snapped his fingers. “Wait, I think I get it. Baldos could say no man has found the Dawn Lantern, but a woman found it so it’s still kind of true.”

“No one would fall for that one anymore,” Archibald replied. “It’s an omission used far too often. But he could say none of his subjects found the Dawn Lantern, which could mean someone like myself who isn’t his subject did find it. He could also say the Dawn Lantern isn’t in Oceanview Kingdom while knowing its exact location outside his borders.”

“I feel queasy,” Office Dalton said.

Yips clutched the sides of his head. “Brain hurting, trying to escape through my ears!”

“Stop explaining the law to them,” Julius ordered. “Much more of that and we’ll all need therapy.”

Anton still wasn’t satisfied. “Why did you send him and not me? I’m the leader of the Truth Seekers. I’d be the better person to represent my group, and our failings.”

“You have a more important job,” Julius told him. “We received word that Gron and three Truth Seekers were captured and are on their way here. I need you to convince those three men that they’ve been used and need to cooperate with us. And you need to be present for Gron’s interrogation. You know him better than we do and can help spot his lies.”

Anton scowled. “Oh yes, I want to see him again.”

Hours dragged by without progress. Guardsmen fortified the city as best they could, but their numbers were low. Civilians with military experience were drafted into service. After that guardsmen gave spears and shields to any able bodied man they could find. They ran out of weapons long before running out of men. Messengers were sent to get help. The few who returned reported that knights and soldiers were on the border facing off against powerful armies that could attack at any second.

It was getting late when Habbly found Brody outside a stable and walked over. Habbly waved his mop at Julius, who was talking with two guardsmen, and asked, “Any good news?”

“Kadid got word through the magic mirror that King Baldos is talking with the other kings. We think he’s convinced them the Dawn Lantern was never here and they’re being played for fools. Hopefully tens of thousands of men aren’t going to attack.”

“Hurray,” Habbly said blandly. “Brody, exactly how crazy are we? On a one to ten scale.”

“Four. Four and three eighths tops. Why?”

“I figure we’re way higher than that. We should have both run away the second this started. Instead we keep getting dragged in deeper. Evil wizards, conspirators, foreign spies. It’s way too much for goblins to deal with.”

Brody shrugged. “Running away wouldn’t help. Things would have kept getting worse and worse until there was no way to avoid it. We did our part to keep this from getting bigger and hurting more people. I’ve got friends who would get hurt if I did nothing. I didn’t used to have friends. Kind of nice not being alone, even if it means you have to take risks for them.” Brody waved at the guardsmen still on the street. “They’re not my friends, but I’ve been around them long enough to know they’re good. I don’t want bad things to happen to them.”

Habbly gazed at the setting sun. “I’d like life to settle down, go back to the good old days when goblins were the ones causing problems. We caused little problems and nobody got hurt, just embarrassed and dirty. Soiled trousers at most. Those were happy times.”

“There were no good old days,” Archibald interrupted them as he walked out of the warehouse and stretched his arms. “It’s a sad fact I’ve learned that every time in history had its share of problems. Some years were worse than others, but there were always hardships to deal with.”

“You must be bored it you’re discussing philosophy with goblins,” Habbly said.

“Forgive my involving myself in your conversation,” Archibald replied. “It reminded me of talks I’ve had with my brother Archivists, and I couldn’t help but speak. I actually came here when my magic wards detecting help coming. Come, my friends, for luck finally favors us.”

Julius, Kadid, Officer Dalton and Anton left the warehouse to find Archibald pointing his staff into the sky at a white cloud heading straight for them. The magic cloud began a leisurely descent, revealing its crowd of passengers. Harry Silt was in front with his werewolf, currently a beautiful woman with long black hair and dressed in black satin. Behind them were burly men holding Truth Seeker prisoners bound hand and foot. Goblins clustered at the cloud’s edges and babbled incessantly.

Officer Dalton nodded at the woman. “There’s a reason to become an evil overlord.”

“Yep,” Kadid Lan replied.

“Gentlemen, please,” Archibald said.

Kadid Lan held up his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just saying.”

Julius walked in front of the group. “Say it somewhere else.”

The cloud landed in front of Julius, but it didn’t dissolve and no one stepped off it. The evil overlord nodded to the woman, who grabbed their prisoners and threw them at Julius’ feet. She said, “Four verminous liars, as you requested. I don’t know why you want this trash, but they’re yours.”

“We’re grateful for your help,” Julius replied. “Forgive me for asking, but there are powerful enemies on their way to Sunset City. Your help would go a long way to protecting innocent lives.”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t doubt your words, but I have my own problems and followers to defend. Whatever this is about, you’ll have to handle it without us.”

“Mr. Silt,” Archibald said tersely.

“I don’t ask you to understand why I did this, master, but believe me when I say good men are alive today because of the choices I made.” Harry nodded to Julius and then made the magic cloud rise above the rooftops and soar away.

One of the Truth Seekers managed to rise to his knees. He blinked and asked, “Anton?”

Anton walked by him. “I’ll explain later. Gron!”

The old man stayed on the ground, but he grinned as Anton approached. “Finally figured it out for yourself, or did someone have to draw you a picture?”

“It was a picture,” Brody said.

Yips smiled. “We drew it with crayons.”

Anton grabbed Gron and pulled him up until the old man was sitting. “You destroyed everything I tried to accomplish! I wanted to save the world!”

Gron looked amused. “What are you complaining for? I saved your life.”

“You ruined me!” Anton screamed.

“Can’t tell when a man is being honest with you? It’s true. Duke Thornwood heard of your stupid papers and ordered me to kill you before you spread secrets about the Land of the Nine Dukes. I convinced him to spare you and your idiot followers. Told him you could be useful. Heh, useful idiots. Every kingdom is filled with them.”

Julius stepped between the two men. “You spread distrust among kingdoms and cities around the Land of the Nine Dukes, hoping to pit neighbor against neighbor so no one could take advantage of your master’s weakness. You’d spawn conflicts, possibly wars, giving your master time to recover from the damages done by the Fallen King without fear of attack.”

“And it worked perfectly.” Gron laughed at Anton. “I had your measure the moment I saw you. Smart, angry, inexperienced, and best of all arrogant. You’d save the world? Overturn every corrupt and evil leader, because only you knew the truth, only you knew what was right. I thought it would be hard to trick you, but I barely did anything. You were out of money? I told you who we could rob and said they were bad men. Why bother checking if I was right? No, just steal all the gold you could carry.”

Gron nodded at Julius. “This self righteous nitwit saved entire kingdoms. I thought you’d never turn on him, but I didn’t have to say a word before you told everyone where he was going and what he was doing. Did the Red Hand thank you? Nearly got a hero killed, and you didn’t bat an eye. Why would you when you were the champion of the truth.”

Red faced, Anton screamed, “You told lies in my name!”

“Hundreds of them,” Gron said cheerfully. “I told people what they already wanted to hear, the same as I did with you. I knew who they hated and gave them more reasons to hate. I knew who they envied and told them their enemies had treasures ripe for the taking. And then you told everyone the Archivists were looking for the Dawn Lantern.”

Gron’s eyes narrowed, and his leering smile showed dirty teeth. “It was brilliant, boy. I would have never thought of it. Well done! You riled up the most dangerous men in a thousand miles, exciting their greed and ambition, but why stop there? I took it a step further and told them exactly where to find the lantern, unclaimed and ready for anyone to grab it and become all powerful. I showed them no evidence or witnesses, and it didn’t matter. It worked better than I could have ever hoped. The Inspired even believed me and they’re supposed to be geniuses. Then again, you’re supposed to be pretty bright, too.”

Anton tried to punch Gron, but Julius held him back. Gron laughed and continued ranting. “There’s no man so blind as one on a mission, willing to sacrifice everything to reach a distant goal. That beautiful vision of the future always just out of reach justifies doing anything to everyone. Steal gold. Ruin families. Destroy businesses. Get people killed. Start invasions. Be honest with me, boy, as a truth teller to a liar. You see the panic and horror around you, a city on the verge of attacks or even invasion. If you really thought the Dawn Lantern was hidden here, would you still tell the world? I think you would, and you’d sleep like a baby afterwards, because you’d told the truth.”

Anton screamed and lunged at Gron. Julius pulled them apart while Gron laughed. Julius ordered, “Officer Dalton, get the prisoners inside. Kadid, use the magic mirror to tell King Baldos that we’ve got the man behind this lie. Once all the kings know Duke Warwick is responsible for this they’ll stop threatening one another and turn their attention to the Land of the Nine Dukes.”

“Did you hear that, Gron?” Antoin yelled. “Your plan backfired! The people you wanted to fight each other are going to come after your master. You didn’t save him, you doomed him!”

Gron kept smiling. “King Baldos isn’t going to attack anyone after this is over. Anton, did you know your loyal idiots kept sending me reports after you were captured? Honest reports. I know who’s coming, and this is going to be brutal.”

Julius grabbed Gron by his heels and dragged him into the warehouse. “We need to warn our enemies, too. They might turn back once they know they’re being used. Archibald, is there a way to contact Magnus Quake and the rest of the Inspired?”

“They wouldn’t believe me,” Archibald warned as he followed Julius. He was going to say more when glowing bells appeared around his head. “My wards have been triggered! We are in danger!”

“Secure the prisoners and warn King Baldos,” Julius ordered as he entered the warehouse. Kadid ran by him and headed for the magic mirror. The young wizard was ten feet from the mirror when it flashed and exploded. Julius dropped Gron and ran over to help Kadid up. “Are you hurt?”

Kadid coughed and rubbed his right arm. “Just bruised. I was far enough back when it blew up”

Brody tugged on Archibald’s robes. “You said our mirror would explode if the Inspired tried to interfere with it.”

“I did.” Archibald marched outside. The others followed him and gazed out at the night sky. The sun had just set, leaving them barely enough light to see a stone pillar thirty feet high circled by two more pillars twenty feet high, all three flying high in the air and approaching Sunset City. Surrounding those were dozens of boulders between twenty and thirty feet across.

“What’s that?” Yips asked.

“Magnus Quake, who has prepared heavily for this battle,” Archibald replied.

“I meant the other that.” Yips pointed in the opposite direction where strange winged creatures as big as men flew toward Sunset City.

Archibald cast a spell and formed strange glowing letters in the air. He grimaced and with a wave of his hands dispelled the words. “Allow me the dubious honor of introducing Vampire Lord Vacast and his followers. The Dawn Lantern is said to grant them the power to walk in daylight, a boon they desperately desire. Clearly they have come to claim it.”

Warning bells rang near the docks, drawing everyone’s attention to four merchant ships approaching Sunset City to release their repulsive crew. The Red Hand had come, and their men numbered in the hundreds. Lord Bryce’s arrival almost went unnoticed as he entered the outskirts of Sunset city with a far smaller force, but one wearing plate armor and wielding spears and swords.

Citizens cried out in terror. Guardsmen ran by to face the threats. Draft animals brayed and bellowed. And over it all was the hideous sound of Gron laughing.
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Published on December 07, 2024 19:12 Tags: comedy, goblins, humor, lies, secrets, spy, vampires, wizards