Jen Safrey's Blog: From Jen's Desk

My friend, Dr. Tony Ortega, just released his new book, Enlightened as Hell: How to Be Spiritual and Not Be a D*ck. It’s an amazing book full of ways to seriously help yourself. I loved it—I laughed, I nodded my head and said, “Mm-hm,” and I felt seen.

So, I asked him a few questions. :)

You have a background as a mental health professional. Can you give a little detail about what you do and who you work with?

I am a licensed clinical psychologist, which basically means I have a PhD in psychology and am allowed to practice in the state of New York. In a nutshell, I work with clients in looking at their thoughts and behaviors that contribute to negative feelings, and process/teach them more adaptive ways of thinking and behaving. I incorporate a lot of mindfulness techniques as well as metaphysical principles in my work with clients.

Who did you write this book for? Who is the ideal reader for this book?

The cynic who doesn't believe in spirituality. The atheist who doesn't believe in God. The Wall Street executive or the single mother of five children who lives in the Bronx. The person seeking a higher purpose in life but can't afford the seminars/courses that are being peddled in the mainstream spiritual/self-help world. The book is intended for everyone, really, and is presented in what I call "a street-level fashion." No need to refinance your home to attend any conferences or buy any courses or books or what have you. It's the perfect starting point for anyone who feels they have a higher calling in life and are too confused as to how to get that. It encourages the reader to find their own path with only a few principles.

What prompted you to write this book? I'm going to assume from the title that you have experience with "spiritual" types who turn out to be d*cks.

I was just so fed up with all of the snake oil gurus out there. It seemed all very fake and once they had your money, they either wanted more money or wanted nothing to do with you. The mainstream culture seemed very one-size-fits-all, but only the size the teacher thought was the size for you, not you making that decision for yourself. I was so over all the lofty ideals on how to live a spiritual life that I wanted to write a manual that broke things down very simply. I was so scared to write this book, but thanks to lockdown, I didn't have much else to do, so here we are.

What would you like readers to come away with at the end of the book?

YOU ARE YOUR OWN GURU would be the number-one message, honestly. I mean, the book is chock full of messages, but truth be told, I want the reader to be empowered to be their own master and teacher.

How can readers find you (and your book) online?

Website for Dr. Tony Ortega: www.drtonyortega.com

All social media: @drtonyortega

Kindle edition of Enlightened as Hell: How to Be Spiritual and Not Be a D*ck: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BFRTYNHP/...

Paperback edition of Enlightened as Hell: How to Be Spiritual and Not Be a D*ck: https://www.bookdepository.com/Enligh...

Is there anything you’d like to add?

Buy this book, lol.

(Disclosure from Jen: I did contribute to the editing of Enlightened as Hell: How to Be Spiritual and Not Be a D*ck. I was honored to do so. :) )

And please check out Tony’s other books:

#IsHeHereYet: Being the Person You Want to Be With

#Are You Here Yet?: How to STFU and Show Up For Yourself

The Accords Volume 1: Unity in Chaos (You guys, this is a comic book about a group of superheroes based on the chakras!)

If you know me, you know I’m a summer girl. I was born in sunshine-soaked June. I love heat, humidity doesn’t bother me (even if it bothers my hair), and my spirit animal should be a little gecko on a desert rock.

So autumn’s arrival, with its pumpkin-scented cold breezes and its early nighttime darkness, makes me generally miserable. I interpret autumn as a well-dressed but dangerous harbinger of winter, when I remain under blankets for days on end, dreaming of beaches and rustling green leaves and al-fresco breakfasts and afternoon cicada sounds.

There are a few things about autumn I do like: my annual apple-picking date with Teddy, putting the twinkle lights up in the living room to brighten my space, my cute clothes (my fall/winter clothes are a lot cuter than my summer clothes), and National Novel Writing Month/Preptober. Oh, and in October, Teddy begins to make pizza again—the summer is too warm for the oven. So I do have pizza nights to look forward to.

Still, why I still live in New England when I’m meant for the Southwest is something I grapple with every October.

This year I decided to not embrace autumn—let’s get serious—but to at least open myself up to writers’ artistic impressions of the season by working my way through a list of books that take place in the fall, or that have that “dark academia” aesthetic which, let’s face it, I do totally love.

Here’s my October TBR list:

• "Pumpkin Everything" by Beth Labonte
• "Vanilla Bean Vampire" by Selina J. Eckert
• "The Ex Hex" by Erin Sterling
• "They Never Learn" by Layne Fargo
• "Love at the Fall Festival" by Belle Bailey
• "The Secret History" by Donna Tartt
• "A Match Made for Thanksgiving" by Jackie Lau

Have you read any of these? What did you think? Are there any books I should add to the list? Let me know!

Have you ever had that dream where you go to high school, and you say hi to your friends but they’re all laughing hysterically, so you look down and realize you completely forgot to get dressed?

Or that dream where you go to work, and you say hi to your coworkers but they’re all laughing hysterically, so you look down and realize you completely forgot to get dressed?

Or that dream where you go up on stage, ready to show what you can do, and you’re excited, but everyone in the audience is laughing hysterically, so you look down and—realize you completely forgot to get dressed?

In waking life, this doesn’t happen. Unless you’re a writer looking to get published. Then this dream is real. All the time.

You give your manuscript to your beta readers, and you may as well have stripped down in front of them.

You send your query to agents, and you may as well have stripped down in front of them.

You send a proposal to editors, and you may as well have stripped down in front of them.

Your words, your soul, your heart, all over the page for everyone to see. It’s nerve-wracking and ego-cracking.

I’ve been out of the game for a few years, and I liked to think I’d grown a thicker skin, a stronger resistance to rejection, a more pragmatic and less emotional way of releasing my stories into the wild for criticism or acceptance. Nope. I have not.

It’s as scary now as it’s ever been. I am a little more confident of my abilities now, and I’m definitely a better writer now, but the fear and doubts and negative self-talk is still there.

And I’m really sorry if you read this far hoping for one, but I don’t have an answer. I don’t know how to make writing and submitting less scary or less hurtful. I only know that now I’m a little older and I don’t have time for the should-have-dones. I don’t allow the fear to create hesitation. I have to send this project to this agent. I have to send that project to that agent. I have to find my place in the publishing game. Yes, I’m opening myself up to rejection and criticism, but if I don’t, I won’t be open for acceptance and praise … and readers.

What’s the saying? No risk, no reward. I could be disappointed, but I have to be willing to be disappointed to be delighted and thrilled. So I write another hopeful query letter … and wait.

I look down, and I’m wearing a T-shirt and jeans. At least, there’s that.

Many years ago, I was on a trail ride on Long Island, and I was sitting on a joyful, spirited little horse names Iggy Pop. It was a big group of riders, and I found myself riding beside a gentleman who worked at the barn. He said to me that he always thought women, generally, were better riders than men, because men thought you had to control a horse, be in charge, make it obey you; whereas women understood more that it was a cooperative effort, that developing mutual respect with the horse was the more effective method.

He said, “The thing to always remember about horses is that you are not the boss. You are a guest in their space, so you want to act like a gracious guest.”

I’ve been on vacation—so please forgive my temporary blog absence—and in that time, I got an opportunity to practice being a guest not just with horses, but with all of nature. Teddy and I spent some time in upstate New York, in the Finger Lakes region.

I rode horses all through my twenties but only a handful of times since, and on my vacation I turned 50, so it’s been a while. I made friends with this kind Appaloosa mare named Aspen and she generously carried me through tall grass and streams, up and down hills. The entire time I was on her, I remembered I was a guest in her space, so I kept my hands very quiet, I chatted to her, I patted her neck when she moved through the puddles I asked her to, even though she doesn’t love puddles. She and I were in mutual respect, walking together, enjoying the sunny late afternoon together. When I let her reins go long so she could drink some stream water, she dipped her nose in and flipped water at me over her shoulder a few times, as if she thought I could use some cooling off, or maybe a laugh.

The rest of the vacation was nature-filled too. Every day we saw deer in broad daylight, some very close to us, some far more curious than fearful. In the twilight, we passed fields filled with so many fireflies that it looked like millions of blinking Christmas lights. We chased waterfalls, and made friends with chickens.

We were guests in nature’s space, and we took care to be guests who would be welcomed back.

When I was a kid, I looooooved the library summer reading challenges. I always completely filled my row with star stickers by mid-June, then just kept on going. This summer is no exception, but sadly, no one puts up posters with gold stars for adults.

Here’s a list of what I’ve read so far this summer that I recommend. (This isn’t a complete list, just my favorites so far.

• "Ice Planet Barbarians" by Ruby Dixon: Well, I bought into the BookTok hype and started this series, which is not new—there appear to be at least 22 books so far. And it did not disappoint. Not so much sciencey fiction that I got restless, great sex scenes, and a believable-enough premise that I already bought book 2.
• "Malibu Rising" by Taylor Jenkins Reid: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo might be one of my favorite books of the last decade, and Daisy Jones and the Six was engrossing, so Reid is becoming a must-buy for me. If you like family drama and imagining yourself surfing in Malibu and attending legendary parties, this is for you.
• "The Happiest Girl in the World" by Alena Dillon: This ripped-from-the-headlines story about a gymnast, an abusive team doctor, and BFF drama was tough to read, but I did it in just about one sitting. The competition scenes were engaging, and the protagonist’s growth was engrossing, if disturbing.
• "Saint X" by Alexis Schaitkin: This story about a teen who dies while on a tropical island vacation with her parents is narrated in turns by the teen’s younger sister and the man first accused of the crime. The emotional depth is noteworthy, and the mystery lingers until the end.
• "Whisper Network" by Chandler Baker: A timely novel about a man poised to take over a company, and all the women he harmed in that company deciding to do something about it.
• "Where the Grass is Green and the Girls Are Pretty" by Lauren Weisberger: Another ripped-from-the-headlines novel about a famous anchorwoman who becomes embroiled in a college admissions scandal. All she’d meant to do was to secure her daughter’s future…
• "Agatha Arch is Afraid of Everything" by Kristin Bair: She sure is. A woman with severe anxiety copes with her husband’s infidelity—mostly not very well. I loved this story because often we are given a cheating spouse in the story and the protagonist moves on pretty quickly. Agatha—doesn’t.

Here are my on-deck novels for the rest of the summer:

• "While Justice Sleeps" by Stacey Abrams
• "Forever, Interrupted" by Taylor Jenkins Reid
• "Katherine Parr, The Sixth Wife" by Alison Weir
• "Well Played" by Jen DeLuca
• "Woman Last Seen in Her Thirties" by Camille Pagan
• "Barbarian Alien" by Ruby Dixon
• "Bunco" by Robin DelNoce
• "Palm Beach" by Mary Adkins
• "Second First Impressions" by Sally Thorne
• "Cam Girl" by Leah Raeder

What about you? What have you read this summer that you recommend? What are you looking forward to reading?

Today’s guest blog interview is with one of my best friends and my boss at the yoga studio! Landen offers some tips on practicing yoga in the summer.

Please tell us who you are and what you do.

Hi, I’m Landen Stacy, owner of Emerald Yoga Studio. I am a yoga instructor, business owner, and creative entrepreneur––not necessarily in that order.

It's summer! What advice do you have for someone who'd like to start a yoga practice in the summer?

Summer is a great time to start a yoga practice, especially if you have a work schedule that changes seasonally! This might mean you are available for even more classes than during the school year. My advice for someone who would like to start yoga is that summer is one of the best times to create a new routine. Most people think they can only set up a ritual or habit on New Year’s, but the summer months are full of sun energy. The days start earlier, it’s light out for longer, and the extra time off that some of us enjoy is best spent trying something new.

What advice do you have for someone who already practices?

My advice for someone who already practices is simple: “Don’t stop!” Just because summer is here and you may have more time away from work and home doesn’t mean you need to give up on your yoga practice. It is much easier to maintain a habit than it is to start from square one. Even if you’re out of town or out of state, you no longer have to worry about missing class. You can still join us virtually to keep your practice moving forward. The best part? Yoga is pretty easy to do from just about anywhere. Your mat doesn’t take up a lot of room in the car. They sell foldable yoga mats that fit in a carry-on. You don’t have to worry about lugging around a bunch of equipment just to be able to take a class.

How does the hot weather benefit the practice, and how does it make it more challenging?

The hot weather benefits the yoga practice by increasing joint flexibility and spinal mobility, and it even encourages you to drink more water since you will be sweating more. This is why so many people flock to year-round hot yoga. On the other hand, hot weather may make your practice more challenging if you’re someone who struggles with the heat (like me!). Some people may think their bodies are “all warmed up” and end up injuring themselves by overstretching. The heat can also cause dehydration, leading to even more health problems.


What's your favorite pose or yogic technique to cool off?

My favorite way to cool off is to take savasana in an air-conditioned room. If I am practicing from home in front of my windows, sometimes I will retreat to my bedroom to enjoy my savasana, where it is cooler. Our bodies can drop in temperature when we are at rest, so I think I can relax deeper by putting myself in a colder environment.

Do you have a favorite cold drink recipe you can share?

My favorite cold drink recipe is one I use year-round. I make this in a big pitcher so that I can enjoy it anytime. I combine two squeezed lemons (and sometimes just slice the leftovers up and toss those in, too) in a gallon pitcher with about two tablespoons of grated fresh ginger root, water, and sometimes one tablespoon of honey. After adding the water in, I will stir the mixture around and drain it to remove any pulp or extra pieces from the ginger. This drink is excellent for your digestive system––especially if you drink it at room temperature, and it’s a quick way to rehydrate after being out in the sun.

What do you like to read? What are some of your favorite books and authors?

I mainly read non-fiction books. I am currently on an audiobook kick since I moved and got a new library card with free audiobooks right on my phone. I find that listening to audiobooks while I clean or drive helps me to concentrate on them more. I never pick favorites for books/movies/TV shows because they constantly change!

What are you looking forward to this summer?

I am looking forward to doing some of my favorite outdoor activities like kayaking, swimming, camping, hiking, and of course, geocaching. I would love to plan a vacation to recharge since I haven’t taken more than a day off since the pandemic began, and as a business owner, it’s been long overdue. I am also hoping to spend some time on my self-care this summer.

How can readers get in touch with you to check out the Emerald Yoga Studio community and all you have to offer?

You can follow along with Emerald Yoga Studio by following our social media:
- Our VIP Facebook Group: facebook.com/groups/emeraldyogagems
- Facebook Page: facebook.com/EmeraldYogaStudio/
- Instagram: instagram.com/emeraldyogastudio/
- Website: emeraldyoga.com
- Newsletter: bit.ly/emerald-newsletter

I am a firm believer that age brings wisdom, and wisdom enhances experiences. Complacency and stagnation do not need to be hallmarks of middle age and beyond—quite the opposite. Don’t be afraid to make a major change (or three) to your life. Here are some I recommend (and I’ve done).

1) Use Your Voice
We were all mouth know-it-alls when we were 15 and 21 and 30, right? But you know what? After 50, we actually do know something—a lot of somethings—about life, and I’ve noticed that older adults aren’t sharing that wisdom with one another like they could be. Start a blog. Start a podcast. Write a book. Write articles. You have something to say that only you can say! Why are you depriving us?
2) Go Back to School
I definitely hated school as a kid. I hated every moment I was there. So my obsession with adult learning came as a surprise to me, and I encourage you to seek out opportunities. There are lots of local adult education classes where you can find experts in your community willing to teach you car repair, hiking, nature drawing, coding. Find something that appeals to you. I took an adult education course in watercolors and I was terrible at it but had a great time. I also took an adult education course in taekwondo and I ended up pursuing it all the way to my black belt. You might find a longtime passion, or you might just have fun for a few weeks and make some local friends. And there are plenty of online go-at-your-own-pace classes if that sounds better to you.
3) Self-Teach Something New
YouTube absolutely fascinates me. I just received a ukulele and my goal is to teach myself this year how to play by just watching YouTube videos. You can learn a language, learn yoga, learn to make a scrapbook—just pop what you’re interested in learning into YouTube and make a commitment to yourself to 15 to 20 minutes a day learning something new.
4) Try a New Fitness Activity
This is not the time of your life to let your fitness goals fade. Get healthy and fit now and you can prolong your life. I don’t mind saying that at 49 I look and feel far better than I did at 25 because I love fitness and working out! The key is to try something new. Weight training, walking, running, yoga, horseback riding, bowling, golf, belly dancing. If it interests you, try it! And did you play a team sport when you were younger? Look around for an over-40 or over-50 league and let your extrovert come out to play with a like-minded community! Always be trying something new.
5) Take an Extended Vacation
If you’ve racked up vacation time and you have seniority at work, take advantage and go see another part of the world. An “extended” vacation to me is anything more than seven days. Two summers ago, I took a 10-day vacation to Cooperstown, NY; Toronto; the Finger Lakes; and Vermont. I realized I hadn’t been away from home this long since I was 20-something and it was amazing.
6) Make a Big Career Choice
Caveat: I’m not suggesting leave a good-paying job and health insurance to lead tours in Tibet. If you want to and you can, go for it. But what I mean here is to take a really good look at what you’re doing for work and if you truly can keep going with it until retirement. You may love your job and if so, great. But if you’re hamster-wheeling it, remember you have a lot of your life left. Maybe you don’t want to spend it in a cubicle 40 hours a week. Maybe you don’t want to spend it the way you’re spending it now. Maybe it’s time for a side hustle, or maybe it is time for a full-on career change. I’m kind of the master of career changes. I left a newsroom job to be a writer; I quit writing to own and operate a yoga studio for 10 years; then I sold the studio and went back to writing and editing while I still teach yoga on the side. There’s a lot to do out there in the world. The career decision I made at 21 was the right thing for me then—but it wouldn’t be the right thing for me now.

I hope this has inspired you to try new things. What I’m finding as I’m getting older is I want to be fully present and fully engaged in the world, doing things for myself and others. Do you have any stories or other advice? Comment below!

I’m a goal-setter—and a goal-meeter. I always have been. Since I was a kid, I’ve had my life tightly scheduled with things I want to try and things I want to accomplish, and that’s how I’m happy. If people tell me to “relax,” it grates on my last nerve. I do relax. I do go on vacation when I can, I kick back and read books or watch TV—I really do. But the fact is, I just love being busy and doing stuff.
And this month, I found myself starting my manuscript’s first draft the same week I began 16-week training for a half marathon.
(By the way, I’ve never run that distance in my life. I’ve maxed out at about 4.5 miles. But I wanted to try it, so on a whim, I registered for the NYC Lives Half Marathon on Coney Island. I had that excited feeling I get when I commit to a tough goal, and I felt that pressure to perform on which I thrive.)
I registered for the race in December 2019, but Covid-19 had other ideas, and the race was rescheduled from September 2020 to September 2021. Which means I had to start my 16-week training the first week of May. Coinciding with my four-month first-draft plan for this manuscript, May 1 to August 31.
Whatever, I thought. I mean, I exercise every day in some form anyway. Running will just take the place of my other exercising and I can easily keep the same schedule.
But not really. The overwhelm caught up to me, and fast … by the third week of running, I was struggling. I dragged myself home from the high school track where I had run a dismal couple of miles and flopped on the couch. I just wanted to go to bed, wake up, and—do it all over again?
What if … what if I decided not to run?
I let myself feel all the feelings of giving up the race. I wouldn’t be able to say I did it. I’d feel like I’m slowing down my goals and my fitness because I’m getting older. I’d have to admit to the people I told about it that I could do it, and I’d changed my mind.
But.
I’d have more strength for other workouts I enjoy more. I’d have more energy for the book. I’d be taking control of my life and my calendar and I would not NOT be quitting—just making a prioritized decision. I could run some 5K races this year and have fun in them. I could consider my entry fee in the half to be a donation, and maybe go to visit Coney Island this summer for a hot dog instead.
So I did it. I crossed off all the training dates in my planner, and as I did, I realized something: I learned the lesson that letting go and prioritizing is not failure. And that lesson of self-respect is a far bigger success for me than pushing myself over another finish line would have been.

Something I’m really good at? Packing for a trip.

And now that we can start moving around again (at least, within the U.S.), and now that the summer is approaching (never fast enough, in my opinion), trip planning—and packing—is once again on the agenda.

Teddy’s approach to his own packing for a trip makes me want to chew glass. Sometimes he starts the day before, but more often he packs the day we leave, often doing laundry until the last minute. I cringe when I look at his bags, a jumble of shirts and socks and underpants that are either balled up or folded (both are just wrong; more on this later). I’m not sure he has a system as to what goes in each bag. Now, to his credit, he usually doesn’t forget anything crucial, so it’s not that his packing is ineffective, but it’s inefficient.
Yours might be too. So I’ll help you out with my system. Feel free to use it in its entirety, or to just take the bits and pieces of it that serve you. (By the way, this is not a lesson on how to pack lighter, or how to wear one item six different ways six different days. If that’s what you do, that’s cool. But that’s not me. I like clothes and I like to bring lots of options.)

1) Make a list three to four days ahead of time.
Not just one giant list of random things. My list is actually more like a multi-column page. If I’m planning to be gone Thursday through Sunday, I put Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as my headers. I check the forecasted weather of my destination for each day, then I’ll write an entire outfit under each day of the week. The entire outfit: top, pants, underwear, socks, shoes. I’m very specific, so it might say under Friday: “pink leopard ¾-sleeve top, Gap jeans, beige flats, underpants, light-colored bra.” I do that for each day, including the day I’m leaving so I know what to pull out to travel in. Some items I write in two days—like white sneakers on Friday and Saturday, so I write it twice. I always include departure day in the list because although I’m not packing those items, I don’t want to make decisions the day I leave, so I’ll know to leave those particular items out to wear.

Then I make a few more columns: Extras (extra pairs of underwear or a sweater, umbrella, pajamas) and Toiletries (contact lens stuff, everything I use to do my hair), Writing (laptop, cords, notebooks, etc.), and Etc. (gifts I’m bringing for people I’m visiting, books I want to read on vacation, and any other odds and ends).

Why make this list a few days ahead? Because I might need to wash some items and I want time to do that.

2) Pack. I take at least 24 hours to pack. Forty-eight hours if I’m going somewhere for more than a week.

I lay items FLAT in the suitcase. Folding takes too much space and wrinkles everything. Flat is the key. Shoes go around the edges. As I pack each item, I check it off. (If it was an item you’re wearing more than once, you wrote it down in a few places, so check it off in all places.) Tedious? Slightly. But you’ll be sorry for not taking the time when you find yourself in another state, wanting to hike but you forgot your sneakers and bug spray.
I pack everything except things that are still in the wash and things I need to pack last minute because I’m using them right before I leave, like deodorant. All those items on the list, I circle.

3) The day of my departure, I pack everything that’s left. It’s not many items, just the items I circled yesterday. I pack each circled item and check each one off.

4) Lastly, I pack my list. That way I remember what I planned to wear each day. No decisions while I’m on vacation, because I planned it all ahead of time.

PRO TIP: Teddy and I once took a vacation where we traveled to Cooperstown, N.Y.; Toronto; the Finger Lakes region in New York, then Vermont. SO … I packed for the first half of our trip in one suitcase, and the second half of the trip in the second suitcase. So for the whole trip, I was always actively using only one suitcase at a time. Genius!

PRO TIP 2: While you’re on vacation, repack your dirty clothes each night as you take them off, and at the end of the trip, you’ll be mostly packed to go home. Genius again!

I hope you have a chance to take a break soon, whether it’s for a night or for two glorious weeks. And if you have any additional packing or other traveling tips, comment below! I’d love to hear them.

I just finished a chapter-by-chapter outline of my current work in progress … and I’m scared.

I’m scared because I have four main characters (one a little main-er than the others) and four points of view I care about so much.

I’m scared because I outlined 67 chapters. What? I didn’t see that coming.

I’m scared because I feel like I’m being called to write this book and that’s much scarier than just wanting to write a book.

I’m scared because I cried outlining my last few chapters, and those weren’t even real prose words—it was a chapter summary, and it made me emotional.

I’m scared because sh*t just got real, and the first word of the first sentence of the first paragraph of the first chapter of the first draft starts tomorrow, and I’m in it now.

I’m scared … but it’s waiting-on-line-to-ride-a-rollercoaster scared. I’m scared, and I’m excited.

Here’s what I’m not scared of. I’m not scared of rewrites. I’m not scared of not getting everything right on the first pass … and I’m definitely not scared of getting some things right. I’m not scared to let events and characters show up that I didn’t plan for. I’m not scared of hard work.

I’m scared of the unknown, but I’m comfortable with the known, and that will get me through the draft.

It’s time to face the fears … like a queen.