Sandra Byrd's Blog

While moving things in a storage area, I found a plastic container that held a few treasures from my childhood. I sat on the floor, cross-legged, and lifted the lid.

First out was Mrs. Beasley, my childhood companion, best buddy, and always-faithful blue polka-dotted doll. I’d told her all my secrets and clutched her when I was lonely or scared. At about six years old, I solemnly swore to her that we’d be buried together.

Next, I pulled out a fuzzy alligator with a zippered tummy. I’d tucked my pajamas inside when I went to stay with my grandmother, a woman who’d loved me unconditionally.

I took out an award I’d won for academic achievement—silver, sadly, not gold.

I stared at a slightly haunting black-and-white photo of fifteen-year-old me intimidated by the unknown ahead. I looked into her—my—eyes and swelled with compassion. What would I say to her, Sandra to Sandie, today? “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

Hey, Sandie. You did a great job navigating both easy and hard times. You’re as faithful to your husband and friends as to Mrs. Beasley. You know those imaginary friends people teased you about? They’ve made a living and a ministry for you as a fiction writer. Sometimes, silver is better than gold because you achieve but needn’t fear falling from a perch. You can be the kind of grandma to your grandkids that your grandmas were to you. All that time? You weren’t alone. God was with you.

Close your eyes, beloved, and think about the treasures and traumas of your childhood. How did God use them to help shape the person you are today? Reassure yourself—yep, out loud. Don’t read on until you do this. You are worth all the time it takes.

Open your eyes now to today. Life is still filled with treasures and traumas. Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus, the king in Greek mythology doomed to push a boulder up a hill only to have it repeatedly roll back on him. Will my work, my life, matter? What would future Sandra twenty years from now say to me today? “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29 NLT).

Hey, Sandra. Remember when you worried God didn’t see or hear some of your prayers? Well, look at them now. Immeasurably more than you could have asked or imagined, right (Ephesians 3:20)? That hard work? He doubled the talents and then doubled them again. Good job not giving up (Galatians 6:9). Can’t wait to see what’s next, girl! Press on (Philippians 3:14)! All that time? You weren’t alone. God went before you.

Your turn, beloved. Close your eyes, move ahead a few years, and look back at yourself today. What do you have to say to and for yourself? Make those words sweet and encouraging.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you.

DEUTERONOMY 31:8

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“Taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the person who trusts in him!” Psalm 34:8

My back was out for the second time in a year. My left hip protruded when I stood, leaving my body like one of those timber tower games—pieces jutting out in every direction. I was in pain.

Lying down hurt. Lifting hurt. Walking hurt. Sitting in my work chair hurt. The only position I felt comfortable with was reclining in the easy chair. Over the days, though, I noticed that the longer I sat in the comfy chair, the more fixed my back’s out-of-shape position got. Another couple of days and my tight back would be locked in the wrong position for the long haul.

I needed to get up and move, painful as it would be.

As I hobbled around the block, I prayed and asked God for relief. A phrase immediately came to my mind: Pain is a messenger.

Startled, I acknowledged that truth. What message was my back sending? Even more pointed, what message was my daily life sending?

Day by day, I considered the message as I walked a bit more, a bit faster, and a bit longer. I began to understand that the source of my back pain wasn’t simply my posture but the choices I made every day about how I spent my hours. Stress from overwork caused my muscles to tighten. Lack of exercise locked them into the wrong position. While I was tempted to write this off as the cost of modern living, if I didn’t change what I was doing—and not doing—I would receive the same painful message on repeat. I wanted different and better.

As I contemplated this, I thought about a friend who felt sad after every social media encounter. Pain is a messenger. Another friend was dating a man who made her feel less than. Pain is a messenger. A relative worked long hours with constant reassurance that it would let up, but it never did. Pain is a messenger. A friend ran afoul of a church clique and told me there’s no hurt like church hurt. Pain is a messenger.

Paying attention to our bodies’ signals is a way of caring for ourselves. Many of us have been trained to ignore our pain warnings, but God sends those messages in love, and in loving ourselves, we should heed them. Of course, there is pain beyond our ability to repair. But often, when we hurt, the easiest thing to do is remain in a comfortable chair that locks us into discomfort. To be free, we can’t ignore the message. Instead, we must heed the Messenger and do the hard work, step-by-step, of walking it out and perhaps walking away to relieve the pain.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

HEBREWS 12:11

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“Taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the person who trusts in him!” Psalm 34:8

The week had been difficult. A regular monthly expense was considerably increasing just as our money tree seemed to have dropped all its leaves. There was job turmoil. An adult child’s relationship had unexpectedly broken up, and my child seemed broken now, too.

Lord, I cried out in prayer, I need some peace. Don’t You care about me?

I closed my eyes as I felt God’s presence draw near. Daughter, I sensed Him saying, you are looking for peace as the world gives. I do not give to you that way.

It was true. At that moment, I thought having peace meant He would provide more financial resources and an eternally steady job market, and there would be no relationship difficulties. A verse threaded through my mind. “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

I get it, Lord. I’ll have all of that—later. But how can I quiet my anxious, earth-anchored heart right now?

Mark 4:35–40 shares the familiar story of Jesus in the boat with His disciples after telling them they would go together to the other side of the lake. Partway there, the disciples became frightened by the fierce wind and waves, their scary circumstances. They woke Jesus and asked,

“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

[Jesus] got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” (vv. 38–39)

I’m encouraged that Jesus rebuked the wind, not His disciples for their worry. That freed me not to rebuke myself for my fears, either. Instead, Jesus asked them to consider their fear in light of their faith and all they had experienced with and through Him. He turned their eyes from their circumstances to the One who is master of them all (v. 41). As I reread that passage, He turned my eyes that way, too.

Jesus can undoubtedly quell any squall in our lives, and sometimes He does. But we should not look for a world-given, removal-of-tough-circumstances kind of peace, which I’d slipped into expecting. Instead, His peace is firmly anchored in the knowledge that He is always with us in the boat, and that He will sustain us, carry us, and rescue us (Isaiah 46:4) from now until we reach the other shore, where our worries will be no more.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

JOHN 14:27

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“Taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the person who trusts in him!” Psalm 34:8

A sharp ping snapped me out of work mode and drew my attention to my phone. A friend’s text read, “The whales are in your neighborhood! Go quickly!”

She and I followed an app that pinpointed the current locations of the orca pods that bless our state. We were like tornado chasers in the Midwest, but instead we were whale chasers. Those killer whales were quick and stealthy deep divers, so I’d yet to “catch” one. I glanced up at my monitor—so much work to do. Why waste time on another fruitless chase? Yet the words Go quickly echoed in my mind.

As I grabbed my keys and headed to my car, I prayed. Lord, I’d like to see the whales this time. I know it’s a small request, perhaps frivolous in light of the many complex things You must be tending to. But my heart is set on seeing a whale.

I drove to the waterfront and parked where the orcas had last been seen, scanning the bay with my camera’s telescope lens. Nothing. I got back into my car and then zipped west. Nothing. Driving once more, but wondering if this was another false alarm, I headed east to the farthest point on the boardwalk. I waited and waited, praying once more. Just as I was about to leave, I sensed the Spirit’s prompting: Wait.

I felt His presence beside me, almost like a father holding his daughter’s hand at a zoo. As we watched, three whales breached, lifting from the water, sliding back, gliding. I blinked the tears away. Only God could command the whales to rise from the sea (see Job 41:1–5) for me, His beloved daughter.

I love You, Abba, I whispered.

He loves me and you, too (1 John 3:1). To some extent, almost everyone has daddy issues. Maybe your dad was great—but he was still human and therefore made mistakes. Maybe your dad was abusive, neglectful, or not present at all. Those are complex wounds to heal. Philosopher Blaise Pascal first wrote that we each have a God-shaped hole in our hearts, but we have a dad-shaped hole in our hearts, too. Thankfully, your Father God can fill both of them at once. He’s always by your side, daughter. He’s eager to show you that He can do for you what no earthly father, even the very best of them, can do.

I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.

2 CORINTHIANS 6:18 ESV

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“Taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the person who trusts in him!” Psalm 34:8

I’ve written ten books set in London, so I’ve visited many times, explored many places, and enjoyed historical research. One thing I’ve not yet done is mudlarking. To mudlark, you visit the foreshores of the River Thames at low tide, when everything is laid bare by the receding water, to see what fragments of the past have churned to the surface. Once you find something, you must decide what to keep and what to toss back.

Mud larks, named after the poor Victorians who scavenged for scraps to sell to avoid going to the poorhouse, walked the foreshore of the river looking for anything of value to sell. Today’s mud larks also look for bits and bobs of the past with the intention of tucking or tossing away.

In AD 43, the Romans invaded Britain, sailing up the River Thames. In the eras that followed—medieval, Tudor, Georgian, Victorian, and modern, among others—ships lost cargo in the river; city residents’ household sewage and rubbish emptied into the river; people pitched their litter into the water. Among those same rocks, shells, and sand, seekers find Roman coins, Victorian hairpins, clay tobacco pipes, and pieces of transferware from afternoon teas gone by. It’s beachcombing the past.

Although I haven’t mudlarked on the River Thames, I’ve done it plenty of times in my inner life.

During low-tide periods in our lives, when we are depressed, disheartened, disoriented, or discouraged, everything seems to be laid bare. Those are the times when I wander, in my mind, through all the eras of my life, the years past. Some things I yearn for; some I wish I hadn’t remembered. I pick up pieces of memories and examine them.

There are pieces of the past that are best left in the past: high 33waters, sweeping rivers, frightening fires. Sins God has forgiven and forgotten, and so should we. Difficulties. Betrayal. It doesn’t do any good to rehearse these; with our eyes on the ground looking for these, we can’t see the good just ahead. As the prophet Isaiah told the people of Israel, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:18–19).

But there are also pieces from the past that we should pick up, clean off, and treasure, like Mary who pondered God’s wonders in her heart (Luke 2:19). Things like gifts, friendship, the truth that we are precious to God (Luke 15:8–10), faith, hope, and love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

I must decide what to do with them. Choosing correctly is requisite to return my mind to high tide. So I seek His wisdom. “I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer” (Psalm 143:5–6 NLT). Then I tuck away—or toss.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

PHILIPPIANS 4:8

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“Taste and see that the Lord is good! How blessed is the person who trusts in him!” Psalm 34:8

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a woman during the Tudor era when all three Tudor Ladies in Waiting books are set? Here are some interesting tidbits about how a woman’s life was both different and very much the same as ours.

Tudor Women Had Careers Like many of us today, some women during Tudor times worked outside the home as well as raising a family. Career choices for lower-class working women in 1500s England included street vendors, bakers, milliners, tails, brewery workers, textile workers, household servants, or seamstresses. They were prohibited from acting on the stage or working as doctors, lawyers, or politicians. Noble women and members of the gentry had more genteel choices, but those still required hard work! Many were tapped to serve as ladies-in-waiting (much like BFFs/personal assistants) for a woman of higher rank. More senior ladies-in-waiting might also serve in positions such as Mistress of the Wardrobe. Within noble households, you would also find women working as governesses.

Tudor Women Trained to Run Households Even though many of us have careers, the responsibility today for raising families and running households still falls mainly on women. It was the same during Tudor times, with young girls of all social classes being taught how to keep household accounts, manage or perform daily household tasks, grow and use medicinal plants, and represent their husbands well. Queens sometimes stepped in to rule while the king was away at war, which is what Katherine of Aragon and Katherine Parr did while each was married to Henry VIII. Upper-class women supervising large houses were expected to know the requirements of meal preparation, food storage, spinning of yarn and weaving, brewing of ale, and making necessities such as candles and soap. They would have been expected to keep their husband’s estates running smoothly in his absence. In the merchant class, men often employed their wives and daughters, who ran the business when necessary.

Tudor Women Were Obedient In most cases, the young woman in the time of Henry VIII was raised to obey her parents, church, and husband. In the upper social strata, young women were married to whoever would benefit their family or monarch most. However, some noble women during this time were educated and wielded power by advising their husbands and forming favorable alliances. During the Tudor era, women promised to obey their husbands during marriage, but Catherine Middleton, The Princess of Wales, did not when she married Prince William!

Tudor Women and Marriage Women were expected to marry and have children, no matter what social class, during the days of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn. Marriages were usually arranged for adolescent girls in the noble class, but most lower-class women married in their teens and twenties. Sometimes, early marriages were consummated years after the marriage if the girl was deemed too young, or sometimes, such as in the case of Margaret Beaufort, mother of Henry VII, who was married for the second time by age 12 and became a mother to Henry at age 13, young girls were not so fortunate. Divorce was rarely possible. When the end of a marriage was desired, the standard option was for the woman to enter a nunnery, at which time her marriage would be annulled. These were the options Henry VIII presented to Katherine of Aragon when it became clear that he would not get a male heir from her.

Lives of Tudor Women, Part Two

Lives of Tudor Women, Part Three

{Photo credit: See page for author [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons. By Unknown - [2], Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=825024}

Historical novelists are sometimes suspected of importing twenty-first-century values into sixteenth-century novels. While it's true that most authors seek to connect their readers with their novel's women of the past, it isn't necessary to ascribe new values to past women. They were, in many ways, much like us.

They valued education. Although medieval women's education was often limited to gentler feminine arts such as dance, needlework, and playing of the lute or virginals, by the beginning of the Tudor era, women were much more interested and involved in intellectual education. Queen Catherine of Aragon ensured that her daughter, Mary, had a strict regimen of demanding studies following her own upbringing.  Sir Thomas More is often credited with putting practice to the idea that non-royal women deserved as much education as noble or highborn men. As a result, his daughters completed an education in classical studies, languages, geography, astronomy, and mathematics.

Queen Katherine Parr's mother, Maude, educated her daughters in accordance with More's program for his children, eventually running a kind of "school for highborn girls" after she was widowed. Eventually, educating one's daughters was seen as a social necessity, and men expected their wives to be able to play chess with them, discuss poetry and devotional works, and be conversant in the day's issues.

They knew they couldn't marry for love - the first time - but desired it anyway. Most historical readers understand that women in the Tudor era were chattel, legally controlled by their fathers and then their husbands. They married for dynastic or financial reasons; marriage was an alliance of families and strategy and not of the hearts. And yet, these women, too, had read Song of Songs wherein a husband and wife declare their passion for one another.  Classically educated as they were, Tudor women had unquestionably come across the Greek myths, including Eros and Psyche, and perhaps had even read the medieval French love poem, Roman de la Rose. 

If a woman was left widowed - and that happened quite often - she was free to remain widowed and under her authority or to marry whom she wished.  Henry VIII's sister, Mary, married King Louis XII of France first for duty.  When he died, she married Charles Brandon for love.  After Mary's death, Brandon married his ward, Katherine Willoughby, her duty.  Later, she married Richard Bertie for love. Mary Boleyn, Anne’s sister, married William Carey for duty and Willam Stafford for love. Katherine Parr married three times for duty, including her third husband, King Henry VIII.  Her fourth marriage, to Thomas Seymour, was for love. 

High and lowborn worked inside and outside the home.  Highborn women were often ladies in waiting to the queen, a demanding, full-time job with little pay and time off. They ran the accounts for their husband's properties and juggled household management. For example, Katherine Parr's sister, Anne, served in the household of all six of Henry VIII's wives. Some highborn women, such as Lady Bryan, became governesses. Lower-born women were lady maids, seamstresses, nurses, servants, or baby maids, in addition to helping their husbands as fishmongers or in the fields.

Although there are some notable differences, we have much more in common with our highborn sisters of five hundred years ago than one may think!

Lives of Tudor Women, Part One

Lives of Tudor Women, Part Three

{Anne Parr photo credit: Hans Holbein [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons}

{Queen Katherine Parr (1512–1548) (after Master John), English School, 17th or 18th century, via Wikimedia Commons}

Historical novelists are sometimes suspected of importing twenty-first-century values into sixteenth-century novels. While it’s true that most authors seek to connect their readers with their novel’s women of the past, it isn’t necessary to ascribe new values to past women. They were, in many ways, much like us.

They valued education. Although medieval women’s education was often limited to gentler feminine arts such as dance, needlework, and playing of the lute or virginals, by the beginning of the Tudor era, women were much more interested and involved in intellectual education. Queen Catherine of Aragon ensured that her daughter, Mary, had a strict regimen of demanding studies following her own upbringing. Sir Thomas More is often credited with putting practice to the idea that non-royal women deserved as much education as noble or highborn men. As a result, his daughters completed an education in classical studies, languages, geography, astronomy, and mathematics.

Queen Katherine Parr’s mother, Maude, educated her daughters in accordance with More’s program for his children, eventually running a kind of “school for highborn girls” after she was widowed. Eventually, educating one’s daughters was seen as a social necessity, and men expected their wives to be able to play chess with them, discuss poetry and devotional works, and be conversant in the day’s issues.

They knew they couldn't marry for love - the first time - but desired it anyway. Most historical readers understand that women in the Tudor era were chattel, legally controlled by their fathers and then their husbands. They married for dynastic or financial reasons; marriage was an alliance of families and strategy and not of the hearts. And yet, these women, too, had read Song of Songs wherein a husband and wife declare their passion for one another. Classically educated as they were, Tudor women had unquestionably come across the Greek myths, including Eros and Psyche, and perhaps had even read the medieval French love poem, Roman de la Rose.

If a woman was left widowed - and that happened quite often - she was free to remain widowed and under her authority or to marry whom she wished. Henry VIII’s sister, Mary, married King Louis XII of France first for duty. When he died, she married Charles Brandon for love. After Mary’s death, Brandon married his ward, Katherine Willoughby, her duty. Later, she married Richard Bertie for love. Mary Boleyn, Anne’s sister, married William Carey for duty and Willam Stafford for love. Katherine Parr married three times for duty, including her third husband, King Henry VIII. Her fourth marriage, to Thomas Seymour, was for love.

High and lowborn worked inside and outside the home. Highborn women were often ladies in waiting to the queen, a demanding, full-time job with little pay and time off. They ran the accounts for their husband’s properties and juggled household management. For example, Katherine Parr’s sister, Anne, served in the household of all six of Henry VIII’s wives. Some highborn women, such as Lady Bryan, became governesses. Lower-born women were lady maids, seamstresses, nurses, servants, or baby maids, in addition to helping their husbands as fishmongers or in the fields.

Although there are some notable differences, we have much more in common with our highborn sisters of five hundred years ago than one may think!

Life of Tudor Women, Part One

Life of Tudor Women, Part Three

{Anne Parr photo credit: Hans Holbein [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons}

{Mary Rose Tudor photo credit: By Attributed to Jan van Mabuse (Jan Gossaert) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons}

 Tudor Women and Fashion Rules It’s hard to imagine being told what fabrics and colors you could wear, isn’t it? Sumptuary Laws in place during Tudor times regulated the wearing of rich fabrics to the upper classes, the number of meal courses to be served for specific guests, and the purchases of luxuries allowed for each social class. Henry VIII, in particular, was concerned about the rise of the wealthy merchant class, which had no connection to nobility, so he revived and expanded the restrictions on clothing and other expenditures. For example, only members of the royalty were allowed to wear ermine, and only the nobility was allowed to wear clothing trimmed in fox or otter. Anne Boleyn was known for her stylish attire; she had it early and further developed it while in France. She brought French sophistication back to the English court and was known especially for her French hoods and for adding a small but different accessory to her wardrobe each day, which was always fresh.

Tudor Women as Mothers Children were treasured in Tudor times as they are today. A woman would probably have had a child every one to two years. Many women died in childbirth due to poor medical hygiene, and the chance at least one of their children would die was significant. Consider that Catherine of Aragon is reported to have been pregnant at least six times but had only one son who lived just a few days and one surviving daughter, Mary. Anne Boleyn was pregnant at least three times, but only Elizabeth survived. Katherine Parr and Jane Seymour each bore one child, and both women died of childbed fever. Neither the high-born nor the low-born were spared the grief of frequent miscarriages or stillborn children.

For women of the noble class, giving birth would have been a social event attended by the mother’s closest friends and a midwife arranged ahead of time. Doctors rarely attended births. Puerperal sepsis, or ‘childbed fever,’ was common as handwashing was seldom practiced (by midwives or doctors.) A contemporary study for the UK’s National Institute for Health estimates the maternal death rate in the 16th century as 26 women per every 1,000 births. Compared to today’s figure in the UK of .11 per 1,000 women dying as a result of childbirth, you can see that childbirth was a hazardous undertaking in Tudor times!

Tudor Women and Social Relationships Within the social structure of Tudor times, loyalty to family, especially family of origin, took precedence. For women of noble birth, that meant that advancing the social position of their families was their primary function. Often, Anne Boleyn is seen as having been "pushed" toward marriage to Henry by a socially climbing family. All families were social climbers, and Thomas Boleyn was no different than other good men before and after in seeking to advance his house, often to disastrous consequences, but sometimes, to love. Betrothals and marriages, the ability to produce an heir, and their connections as ladies-in-waiting to more highly-ranked nobles would have motivated the decisions made by and for noble women of this era.

The relationships they formed within noble circles would have been based on similar personalities and interests and the other person’s ability to help them advance their family’s interests. It was common for young women in noble families to leave their families for extended periods to serve in court. One type of close relationship familiar to women of noble households was with long-time servants who served not only as employees but also as confidantes and go-betweens with others in the household. This is clearly seen in Meg Wyatt's friendship with her longtime lady's maid, Edithe.

Lives of Tudor Women, Part One

Lives of Tudor Women, Part Two

Research Sources: Coventry.ac.uk; Elizabethan-era.org.uk; elizabethi.org; TudorsWiki; LocalHistories.org; NIH.gov

Main photo credit: Walker Art Gallery, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons