Chloe M. Gooden's Blog

After a hot, sweaty and humid day; time to jump in the car and head home. I love going to my car at the end of the day. It’s my space to be alone and unwind with just me, the road and God. I quickly plop my groceries in the back seat, step in, take a deep breath, and start the car. Ready for my forty-five-minute drive home and a moment of relaxation. I’m ready to take off, then something catches the corner of my eye, a spider crawling up right beside me! “Ugh,” I sigh in frustration. I hate dealing with bugs. No matter what they are, I hate seeing them and dealing with them.

I love peace and quiet, and get so irritated at anything that invades my alone time.I move the car throttle back to park to deal with this uninvited guest. I first try to simply open the door and sweep it out. (Surprisingly, I don’t feel right about killing bugs. They are a part of God’s creation and I do try to respect them when I can. Then, there are moments that they must meet their creator.) I open the door, sweep my hand over the spider, and somehow, it passes my hand. It than glides to the dashboard, and I try to sweep again. Missed. I look up and it has gone to the windshield. Once again, I try to sweep it out, but now it has turned into a smashing expedition. This went on for at least two to three minutes, when finally, after multiple attempts, I was able to guide it out of the door.

“Whew. Done with that. You are a stubborn little creature. You don’t go down easy,” I said. Then, I heard God say, “You don’t go down easy either Chloe.” I simply laughed and said, “Touché.”

God reminded me of how frustrating it can be for Him when he is trying to direct me to a different location or place and I am persistent in my own pursuits. The entire time I was trying to guide the stubborn spider back into the outdoors, but he was trying to save himself and I couldn’t place him back where he belongs. Oh, how this spider is a reminder of God’s battle with us.

Many times, we wonder off into areas where we were never intended to go. How do we get there? Sometimes we mistakenly wander off because we don’t have a guide and are aimlessly walking with no direction. Sometimes we have a purpose in mind, and without consulting our ultimate guide, we go forth in self-will, but not God’s will. Sometimes we simply are heading a direction to provide a need, and instead of waiting on God to provide the need, we end up pushing for ourselves and end up in a place that’s simply- out of place.

Just like this critter, God comes to us and tries to place us back into His intended location and deliver us from the unknown and destructive. What do we do? We run just like the spider. We push our own way. We question God. We don’t hear His voice. We focus on our purpose and miss His voice telling us, “My child, this isn’t where you are supposed to be. Let me deliver you to your proper place.”

When I looked up the word deliver, from the Webster Dictionary, it states, “…to set free…to bring or hand over to its proper place or intended target or destination…”See, when we veer off to unknown, questionable waters, God is always right there and He makes several attempts to bring us back to our proper place. The place where He called us to be for His will and our good. The place of blessing, growth and prosperity. The place that He always intended us to be; our assignment.

I am unsure where you have ended up. I am unsure why you are there nor how you got there. However, wherever you are, God will deliver you to your proper place. But, when He does, don’t fight Him. Don’t regret the moments of frustration and the time you were in the wilderness. Don’t feel you’ve wasted time because you veered of track. God is sovereign, and He is directing you to your proper place and will use your moments in the valley to strengthen you, develop you and teach you the importance of depending on Him for all your needs. He can redeem the years the locusts have eaten. God is full of grace, mercy and unconditional love for His children; even His stubborn ones.

Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.

”Joel 2: 25-27 “The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you. Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the Lord your God, who does these miracles for you. Never again will my people be disgraced. Then you will know that I am among my people Israel, that I am the Lord your God, and there is no other. Never again will my people be disgraced.”

What are some areas in your life, past or present, that you felt you were being stubborn towards God and His plans?

Would love to hear from you!
Chloe M Gooden

How to Handle a Relationship Where You Feel “Unloved”Love can be a beautiful thing. Whether it’s receiving love from a family member, friend or significant other, it’s nothing like being in a relationship where both parties love each other and will do anything and everything to preserve the relationship. But what if you love the other party and you aren’t receiving the same love and commitment back? Not a good feeling, right? Trust me, I totally understand.It is in our nature to not only want to give love but also receive it. It’s a constant transactional relationship as a reminder of the beauty of the gift of love and the beauty in not only receiving but giving. But when you don’t get that love in return, it can hit you hard. I can’t think of any pain that hurts worse than someone not loving nor caring about you nor the relationship as much as you do. It’s worse than being in physical pain. I am unsure about you, but when I am hurt emotionally, it does something to me. You feel pain in places you didn’t even know existed.This type of relationship can be very draining. Especially if you are the only one trying to keep the relationship going. At some point, you start wondering if you should let go of the relationship and sever all ties, or continue trying to work at keeping the relationship afloat. Well, I will be honest, it’s all dependent on the type of relationship. If it’s a spouse, you need to consider a couple of tactics before just calling it quits. Speak with wise counsel and see what is the best course of action for the time being. I would never tell anyone to immediately consider divorce; God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). But God also desires for you to have peace (1 Corinthians 7:15). Talk to wise counselors and see what’s the best thing to do in this season. If it’s a family member, do you have to see them on a regular basis? Is it your mother or father? Is it someone of significant importance in your life and affects your day to day living? If it’s a friend, how long has this relationship been in your life? Has it been more beneficial or hurtful? These are things to consider, however, as this strain in your relationship is occurring, you need to take care of yourself and remember some things:Their lack of love for you does not dictate your worth.You have been loved and accepted by someone before you were even born; God.Because they don’t love you back, and you may even have flaws, do not beat yourself up. We all have flaws and areas to work on. If they cannot be patient with you, if you are truly willing to work on the flaw, that is not unconditional love. Unconditional love is exactly what it says; not conditional.Surround yourself with people who do love you and value who you are and you all’s relationship. You need a reminder of how amazing you are and what unconditional love really looks and feels like.Depend on God to always fill your void for the need for love and acceptance. God will never change. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow (Hebrews 13:8). He promised He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). He sings over you and showers His love over you continuously (Zephaniah 3:17).Take care of yourself. Sometimes we struggle with not being loved by others because we truly struggle with loving ourselves. Do you think you deserve to be loved? Do you love yourself? You deserve to be loved. If you aren’t receiving it in this relationship, you may need to sever it and find your peace. That action in itself is showing love to yourself.Know when it’s time to let go. I totally understand wanting to preserve a relationship. Especially when you truly love them and value the relationship. However, if you find yourself being killed (emotionally, spiritually, etc) in the process of trying to preserve something and the other does not, it may be time to separate yourself. A relationship with you should be valued. If they don’t value you, why would you want to continue a relationship with them?Stay prayerful. Ask God to give you discernment about this relationship as well as what steps to take. God informs us to do what’s needed to keep peace within relationships (Romans 12:8), however, after you have attempted, if you have to move forward, He values you having your peace as well. Allow God to give you direction. He will make it clear what to do. When we ask for wisdom He gives it to us liberally (James 1:5).You deserve unconditional love in all types of relationships. God is the perfect example of that love.Agape Love.If you are struggling with moving forward from a damaging relationship, click here:  Rubies Healing & Letting GoClick Here to Read More Blogs from Chloe M. Gooden: www.chloemgooden.blogspot.com

Unsure about you, but when I was dating, I thought every guy I dated could potentially be the "one." When I look back at it now, I think it is so silly! I had no idea what honestly a husband should be nor look like specifically for me. If he was attractive, cared for me and gave me attention...ding! ding! ding!...."We have a winner Chloe!!" It's so crazy when I look back on it now. I think we want a husband/marriage so bad that we get excited of any potential of that desire coming into fruition. So as soon as ANYTHING looks like we are about to get there, we get excited. I think the anticipation of marriage has put us into a lot of relationships that should have never happened. You meet a guy and ignore all of the important signs screaming to you , "He is NOT the one!" But, even when we see it, we ignore it. Why? Because we don't want to give up on what we "think" could finally be it. I mean what if no one else comes after this? What if we end up single forever? What if we're being too critical and missing a good man? I've been there and used to think the same way. However, after being wrong many times, and ending up in heartbreaking relationships and situationships, I finally learned to surrender my desire to God and pursue an intimate relationship with Him. Ironically, that's when I was able to clearly see if a guy was truly the man for me. Why? Because I fell in love with the author of love; God. When you get to know God and have an intimate relationship with Him, you will never be confused if a guy is for you. You've experienced what real love is and you find out what your Father desires for you in marriage. The more I communed with God, the more I learned what God's purpose was for marriage. So how did I know my husband was the one.....?

He was everything I'm not. 

As I grew closer to God, I realized his true purpose for marriage. Yes, He wants us to have companionship, love, affection and to multiply the earth. But, I realized that marriage was more than that. He wants marriage to make us more like Christ. How does he do this? Well, ever heard of couples getting frustrated with each other because they feel they are nothing alike? They're right. They aren't anything alike and that is exactly why God brought them together. Now, understand that things such as your belief in Christ and morals/values should be the same. That is imperative. But besides that, God will bring you together with someone who is nothing like you. Why? So you can develop into the complete image of Christ. My husband was the complete opposite of me. Everything I lacked, he had. Everything he lacked, I had. Why is this important? Because marriage will put a mirror in your face. You will see the areas you need to work on and your relationship with each other prunes you both to be become better. This truly hit me when I read the fruits of the spirit. If you are unaware of this scripture , it is in Galations 5: 22-23 . In this scripture there are 9 fruits of the spirit that should be developed and shown in a christian through the power of the Holy Spirit. I read this scripture and I realized that my husband and I both had some of these attributes, however, the one's he had I did not and vice versa. I quickly realized, this is why I was with him. He is everything I am not, and together, we are complete.

Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."
He loved me in ways no other man had before.

I truly thought I knew what love was until I got to know God. If you really want to see how a man should love you, look at how God treats you. When I was younger, I had mistaken puppy love for real love. Love is more than about being with someone who makes you feel good or someone who spoils you. Love is sacrificial. Love is someone who wants to protect and preserve you and also protect and preserve the relationship. My husband was the first man who didn't quit on our relationship even when I wanted to. He was the first man to put actions with his words. If anything, he did more for me than what he said. God loves, protects and will do anything to preserve His relationship with you. Think about it. He wanted to get back in a relationship with his children so bad, that He came down in the flesh and sacrificed his life JUST so He could preserve you all's relationship. That's love. The man God has for you will love you no matter what. He will do what's needed to protect and preserve you and the relationship.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..."
He made me better. 

God's purpose in marriage, as well, is to give you both a helpmate. Help. If you look at the definition (via Dictionary.com) of help you will see it says to "...make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources." It also goes on to say "...to serve." When it comes to marriage, a helpmate should be making your life easier not harder. I am in no way saying that it is about their "material" services or resources. Though, yes, that comes with marriage, that is not God's focus. What do they have to offer you spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically? Does he help you reach that goal you've been talking about for years? Does he convict you in areas that you know you need to work on? Does he hold you accountable? Are you spiritually and/or emotionally better because of him or do you find yourself majority of the time emotionally/spiritually drained? God doesn't bring a spouse in our lives to be a hindrance, but to help. My husband made me a better person and I did the same for him. I always tell my family and friends, "If it wasn't for Eze I would be heavier and broker." LOL. But in all seriousness, he truly has done that for me. He is my helpmate. My friend. My accountability. God wants that for you in a mate.

Genesis 2:18 "The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
He supported me. 

Elaborating even more on the topic of being a helpmate, a help mate will always support your goals, dreams and calling over your life. But, beyond supporting you, they will work with you to make it happen. Another thing that stood out to me about my husband; He was the first man who didn't just sit to the side as a cheerleader to what I do, but he worked with me. My husband would put plans and ideas together better than I could sometimes! He would think of ways to help me with my ministry, books, financial goals and so much more. We often joke that he is my marketing manager. =)  I had never experienced that.  Usually people I dated would not necessarily come against what I was doing, but when I look back, what were they doing to help me get there? Nothing. The spouse God has for you will go beyond just cheering you on in the crowd. They will be right there with you. In the field. Working. What is the guy in your life doing to help you?

Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."
He was what I prayed for.

Many of you, right now, are probably praying to God about your potential future spouse. You've probably told Him what you desire and exactly what you feel you need. I did this type of prayer for a while. I have noticed a lot of women also pray about what they want their mate to look like physically. I get it. Been there too. However, as certain events occurred in my life, I quickly realized I had no idea what I truly wanted nor needed. I also realized that I was God's daughter, He loves me and enjoys giving me good gifts. Since this is so, I don't have to worry about any of those things. Why? Because He is my daddy! He is crazy about me just like I am crazy about Him. If anything, He loves me even more because He sacrificed His son for me. When I realized this, I started praying to God about my desire for a spouse, however, I left all the details up to Him. Only thing I told God was that I wanted someone who saw my value and pursed me the way a man should pursue a woman. A man who knew what He wanted and was looking for a wife. Most of all, I wanted Him to love God and have a good heart. My husband was all of those things and even more! God brought me a man who had things in Him that I didn't even know I needed. But the main thing that stood out to me, He pursued me exactly the way I desired and also was determined and serious about pursuing marriage. He was not only what I prayed for, but everything I needed. And, yes, he was attractive too! =)

Luke 11: 11-12 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Is our marriage perfect? No. Is my husband perfect? No.  But, he was perfectly made for me and the man God has for you, will be perfectly made......just.... for...you.





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Okay, so I am sure if you have been alive for the past 2 days your timeline has been FLOODED with Beyonce'. It's crazy. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.....it's insane. Though many people have a ton of opinions about what she did, I truly don't care (lol, just being honest). But what I will do is respect what she is doing and her amazing marketing team and her strong femininity. Though there may be much controversy about Beyonce, I do enjoy the confidence she exudes and gives other women.  It's all about your perspective. As always, I look at everything with a twist. We can learn something from Beyonce'. Yes, I can pull a lesson from anything! So here you go!



1. Get Your Girls in Formation You're single. The first thing you think to do on weekends is mope, eat icecream, rent a redbox movie and sulk in your place all day because you don't have a man. No mam! Get your other single girlfriends together and go out! Enjoy your single season! Every season has blessings and there truly are many. You can go out without getting a babysitter. You can go out without wondering if your spouse is okay with it. You can sleep in the next morning as long as you like! This especially is important for V-Day. Enjoy showing love with your girlfriends and go out together. Nothing like celebrating with your main squeezes! Go out with your girls and slay! Never know, maybe you will meet the man of your dreams =) Even if you don't, still was an awesome night with your girls! 

2. Don't Hold On to That Guy "Just Because"  Don't hold on to a relationship, or call a random guy, just to have someone give you attention and make you feel wanted. Push them allllllllllll the way to the Left! Especially not for V-day. It's one day. It's only 24 hours! Don't put yourself in a situation just to not feel "left out" on one day. You will so regret it on the next day. That guy that never calls you ; DELETE. That guy that never texts you back; DELETE. That guy who swears you're the one for him but he won't commit; DELETE. That guy that hasn't taken any steps to have you, hasn't made any sacrificesand still in a relationship with someone else....TRIPLE DELETE. Stop keeping yourself in situations you don't deserve.

3. Be Proud & Confident In Who You Are      Don't doubt your beauty nor worth based on if you have a man or not. Just because you don't have a man does NOT mean you aren't desirable. Sometimes it just isn't time yet. Sometimes God needs more time to work on us. Be proud of who you are , what you look like, and most of all, KNOW who God has made you. You are beautiful and it will be noticed by the right man. A man doesn't define your worth; God does. If you depend on a man to know you are beautiful and desirable, your worth for yourself will always be unstable. You have to know you are beautiful before anyone else tells you.            

 4. Take Care of You FirstMany times we stay in relationships thinking about the other person. Even if he is treating you horribly, you still will stay in the relationship for them. You say things such as, "Oh, but he needs me. He is just having a hard time right now, " or "He doesn't mean it. He just doesn't have a good role model in his life and I'm the only person he can depend on," or "I know he doesn't do everything he should. But I know he loves me and he will get better." Ladies, stop feeling sorry for these guys and look out for yourself. Are they thinking about you? Are they trying to help you in your life? Are they adding to your life or taking away? You have to look out for yourself. If you don't, who will?



5. Only Date Men that Support You and Don't Mind Letting You Have the Spotlight If you notice, ever since Beyonce has been with Jay-Z her music has changed and she seems to be even more vocal about political issues. I am beyond aware that Jay-Z has a lot to do with that and he is a major influence in these changes. Which is totally normal when you are one with someone. What I respect about this is Jay-Z and her work together , and many times, you see Jay-Z giving the music, props and credit to his wife and allowing her to get the spotlight for it. A real man will always take your gifts and talents and add MORE to you. He will think of ways to help you make it and also to help you grow in your talent. I have experienced this myself with my fiance. If a man really loves you, he will want to see you grow, shine and become the best you can be. He will take joy in that and not feel he is in competition with you. Take note. If a man isn't supporting you, move on to the next one.
*Disclaimer*I am in NO WAY saying that Beyonce nor Jay-Z are the epitome of how we should be nor act. God and the Word are the epitome of examples. Nor do I care about the negativity, opinions or messages people feel Beyonce is portraying. Yes, I know all about the Illuminati mess that goes around, etc. But what I also know is that God has not called us to judge; He called us to love. Be able to see the good in any situation or person. Calm down. Have fun. Be able to give credit to others without feeling the need to put them down. So if you have any negative Beyonce' comments or outraged feelings, please go find a Beyonce' Hate Page and express yourself. Chloe is all about love, positivity and growth. We all can learn something from each other. Peace =)


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 Okay, Ladies! So I've been there. Dating guys from back to back, hoping and PRAYING that each dating prospect was the one. You get so tired of dating each guy and getting your hopes completely let down. So you hope. You pray. You even find yourself doing everything possible to work with THAT guy, even when it's obvious he is NOT the one. Trust me, I get it. Sometimes we find ourselves so sick of dating. We become  desperate for love and attention and we will do ANYTHING just to keep a man around. Well darling, let me be honest with you. That same mindset is usually what make us end up with the wrong guys. The more you try to "make" it work, even when your gut is telling you, "They are NOT the one!" (Made me think of Maury, "You are NOT the Father") lol Okay, back to the subject =) So here are 4 reasons why you have ended up with the wrong guy. There are plenty more reasons why you have probably ended up with the wrong guy, but we will leave those for later. Until then, my book Single to Married goes over many of the mistakes we make and gives you more dating tips so check it out! Alright, here we go:

1. You Try To Change Men
            - Now I know that we all have been here. We meet a guy who is really attractive and has about all of what we are looking for on our list. BUT they are missing the really important things such as; having a relationship with God or consistently keeping a job. It could be different things. So we see this guy doesn't have the important stuff but we still go ahead with it because we don't want to start over and meet another guy. We "take" him to church. (Notice the difference between "take" and "going" together.) We make excuses for his lack of willingness to go to church. We even try to place in our minds that we can "save" them. This list could go on and on. Whatever it may be they are lacking, we stay with them in hopes that they will change. Am I saying relationships don't take adjustments? No. But staying with a guy you clearly see is not the one for you and trying to MAKE him the one; that isn't right. Spare wasting your time and spare hurting his feelings. It isn't right.

2. You Focus on the Wrong Things
          - Okay, so he is fine, has a good job and gives you butterflies every time you see him. But he never calls, seems to hide you to his friends and has dated you for several months and has STILL not committed to you. Why are you with him again? Oh yeah. That's right. Because he is FINNNNEEEE! Fineness will not make you feel secure, loved nor get you commitment. Should you be attracted to your mate? Of course! But don't let that be the reason why you stay. Make sure he really is a good man and does the things that matter. Love. Respect. Commit. Pray.

3. You Ignore RED FLAGS.
           - So you've been dating a guy and he seems just awesome. The more you go out with him you notice certain things he does that raise a flag. He seems to disrespect women jokingly with his friends quite a bit. He acts different around you when he is at work. He seems really distant from his family. He snaps at children when he gets annoyed with them. He tells you he had a physical altercation with a past ex but it was because of her temper. You see things. He tells you things. But you still ignore it. Then one day you all get into an argument and he calls you out of your name and pushes you to the wall. Surprised?? You shouldn't be. He showed you before he had these traits. We as women do this a lot! Pay attention. Men always show who they really are ; you just have to pay attention. 

4. You are Insecure 
           - Please don't take offense. This is only to show you the importance of being confident in who you are. I always remind people on my Her Worth Is Far Above Rubies page that it is so important to know who you are, be confident in who you are and know your worth. If you are insecure in any way, there are men out there who can see it and will prey on it. Let me tell you how. Maybe you are lonely and really want a man around. Soon as a man comes in your presence you scream for attention. You constantly come his way to catch his eye or maybe you somehow get his number and always text him. Let me tell you something, men can sense when a woman is desperate and insecure. When they see that, the wrong man , will pursue and get what he wants from you. You then get upset when he gets what he wants and somehow is acting "different." He isn't acting different. You showed him you wanted the attention and he gave it to you. This also happens when you are insecure and need a man to feel approved or attractive. It is important to know you are beautiful before ANY man tells you. If not, you will fall to any and every word that man says and you won't even notice he isn't putting ANY action behind his words.

I know you want a man. I get it. But don't make these mistakes and end up getting your heart broken. Truly talk to God about how you feel and trust Him to provide it the best way and at the best time. You don't have to be desperate to get what you desire; you have a God. A God that loves you and wants to give you the desires of your heart. Be patient. I PROMISE you it will be worth the wait. 
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Love, Chloe M. Goodenwww.chloemgooden.com  Instagram : @chloemgoodenFacebook : Chloe M. Gooden Facebook : Her Worth Is Far Above RubiesInstagram: @knowyourworthrubies

So you are single? I am assuming you are or you wouldn't be looking at this blog post. It sucks, right? You figured by this age you would be married or ATLEAST in a relationship. You see friends getting engaged, married and starting a family, yet, you can't even get a date for the weekend. It's frustrating, very frustrating. Trust me, I get it. I have been in relationships, married, divorced and BACK in the dating field. It's no fun. You think to yourself, "Geesh. All I want is a good man in my life and to have the simple things like love, marriage and family. Why is it so hard?" That's a great question. Why IS it so hard? There are a plethora of answers I could give on why you are single, just even statistically. For instance, for African American Women there are 8 black women to every 1 black man. ONE! Now that's just one statistic. I don't even want to get started on the others. Though there are surrounding reasons on why you are single, and a ton of evidence to prove it's due to external causes, the truth of the matter is you may be single because of YOU. I know that's hard to take in. I know that's hard to accept. But this is something I had to accept for myself as well. Now understand that yes, there are other reasons you could be single such as God's timing, God's purpose, etc. I go over these reasons in Part 1 of the blog 5 Reasons You're Still Single. If you would like to read it, here is the link: http://chloemgooden.blogspot.com/2014/05/5-reasons-why-youre-still-single.html. But right now we are going to focus on YOU. Nobody likes to hear that they are the cause of their problems. Now I am not saying being single is a "problem", but it is a desire of yours to be with someone and it is something holding you back from attaining that desire. Well, through my own experience and others, I have placed together just a starting four reasons why you are probably still single. There are a ton more. But I am going to start off with these four. As you read them I hope you understand that I am in no way judging or trying to point fingers. I just want to help you just as these insights have helped me. Sometimes we are the own solution to our problems. You can either accept that and change, or either keep fighting against the truth and remain exactly where you are today; Single. So here we go............

1. You Keep Attracting the Wrong Guys
          - Okay, so you may see this headline and think, "Well, duh Chloe. That's why I am single in the first place." Exactly. What made me sit down and really change my perception on my choices was when I realized that I kept picking guys who had similar issues and attributes that were not good dating choices. I would get angry when the same thing would happen over and over with different guys and it made me sit back and think, "Wait, how is it I date different guys yet they all have the same issues?" Because there is something in me that is attracting certain males. For instance, if you find yourself constantly attracting liars, why is that? If you find yourself constantly attracting manipulators, why is that? There is something going on with you internally that you keep attracting them. Are you attracting liars because you want a man in your life so bad that you ignore obvious signs of deceit? Or maybe you keep attracting guys who use you because you give yourself to easily/readily and feel you have to do so to keep a man? Whatever it is you are attracting, do a personal inventory and ask yourself what is going on with you internally that you keep allowing yourself to be involved with these type ofmen. Are there insecurities going on with you? Was there someone in your family that exuded these characteristics and you SWORE you would never date a man like that? Sit back. Journal. Figure out what is going on and change your outcome.

2. You Date Unavailable Men
            - Now you would think this would be an obvious stay away characteristic, but many of us have done this in some form or fashion. Whether the guy was unavailable emotionally, married, in a relationship, engaged, still involved with his ex, still involved with his baby mama, whatever it may be, they are involved! Sometimes we see they are involved but get blinded by their charm, attention and promises of leaving their present significant other. They give us hope that we are the one for them and they just need time to get out of the situation. If a man is unavailable, he is UNAVAILABLE, point blank. Don't get involved with a man unless he is SINGLE. COMPLETELY SINGLE. Don't let your need to have attention or companionship get you involved with someone who cannot make you a priority. You deserve to be a priority. You deserve to be the only one. You deserve a real, committed, loving relationship. Don't settle for less than that.  If you want more tips on this topic, watch my Youtube Post "The Unavailable Man: 5 Men You Don't Want to Date"  here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHQ6DglkStg

3. You Haven't Healed From Your Past
               - Okay, so this is a biggie! All of us have a past that is affecting us today. Whether it's a past heartbreak, abuse and/or hurt that we haven't dealt with, it all can affect us in our relationships. When we are not healed we will continue to attract broken people as well. Those past hurts and pains caused wounds for us, they are still open and we aren't doing anything about it. It's like walking around with a broken leg and never going to the doctor to get it fixed! You keep walking around saying, "It's okay, it's okay"...but you are limping. You are broken. You are in pain. But you continue to try and keep moving forward as if it's not there. Sounds crazy right? But it is the same thing with this past hurt you have not dealt with. Someone in your past may have sexually abused you. Someone in your past may have abused you emotionally or physically. Someone in your past may have cheated and lied to you. Or maybe you never received real security and love at home and you are searching for it from a man? Whatever the hurt may be, you need to deal with it, heal and transform into a healthy and whole woman of God. When you are healed and whole you can attract a healed and whole person. How can you heal? Multiple ways. Ask God to Heal you and reveal the pains in your heart and past that you have not dealt with. Attain counseling or become involved in a group of support and encouragement. Talk to someone you can trust that can walk you through the process and deal with your past. I created a group for Single Women who need healing from past hurts, pains, recent break ups, let go of past partners, or want to stop negative patterns that keep them from attaining the love they deserve. If you want to join, simply click here and I will add you : https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/

4. You Don't Really Believe You Can Get a Man
             - I know this is a tough statement to take in, but sadly, many of us internally really don't believe we can get a man. Why? For multiple reasons. Some may feel they can't get a man because they aren't attractive enough. Some may feel they can't because they don't really believe they deserve to be loved. While others believe thee just aren't any good men out there anymore. How many times have you heard or said that yourself? As much as we want a relationship, deep down, some of us truly don't believe we can have it and we speak it over ourselves daily. Whether you believe there aren't any good men out there, or you continuously say, "I'll never get married," to attain pity, you are speaking those things, therefore, you believe it and it will continue to manifest because your actions will coincide with your speech/belief. If you truly want to attain love then speak positivity over the situation. Rejoice when you see others attain love, because you know that gives you even more hope that yours will come one day as well. Tell yourself everyday that you deserve love and when the time is right you will have it. Be positive, positive, positive! Envision yourself having your hopes and desires. When you believe it in your heart then your actions will follow and it will manifest in it's time.

I said in the beginning, this is just a small number of reasons why you are probably still single. There are plenty more, but I will touch more on that in my book coming out soon! I truly do want you to have the love you so much desire, but you truly have to take ownership of some changes you need to make within yourself that may be preventing this love. I suggest that you join the Rubies Healing & Letting Go group on Facebook if you want to take steps to get closer to your desires. It's free of course! =) Everything I do is to help! We have already started meeting each other and expressing our desires. We will be starting next Sunday on a weekly journey of Healing, Letting Go and Attaining the Love We Deserve! Click the Link Here to Join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1664544490444259/ !

Always Praying for You!Love,Chloe M. Goodenwww.chloemgooden.com 
Photo Credit by via www.lovethispic.com 

Being single we get super excited when we meet a new guy that we sometimes ignore signs that may be screaming to us that he is not the guy! Or maybe he is the right guy for you but you want to ensure some things before you commit. Here are a couple of things to think about. Much more in my book Single to Married!

1. How Does He Communicate With Others
2. What's His Relationship with Mom/Dad
3. His Surroundings
4. Future Goals/Aspirations
5. Relationship With Christ

Okay. So I saw a post today where a man was juggling 17 women. He had 5 wives, 5 fiances and 7 girlfriends. WHAT?! I looked up the article myself and found another article where a guy has done the same thing, except he wasn't married to any of them. Now this is what gets me. I am not even mad at the man. That took some true talent. But what I am concerned about are the women involved.  How could you not notice a man that is dating that many women? There is no way they were unable to see some type of sign that this man had other women in his life. But to be honest with you, I think many of us have been in a situation where we thought we were the "only" girl in his life, soon to find out we were wrong! But did this just happen out of nowhere? How did we miss it? To be honest with you, the signs usually are everywhere but we decide to ignore them. The one night he somehow lost his phone and magically found it the next morning. The many times he checks his phone and makes sure you can't see the message. The moment you notice he doesn't talk to you as much throughout the day as he used to. We see these signs all the time, ignore them and then get upset when we find out we aren't the only one.

So here are some signs that you may not be the only one. Now here is the thing. I am going to give you this list, but honestly, many of you are going to read them and make an excuse for the guy. Why? Because you want to be with him so bad that you decide to ignore them. Ladies, you are worth so much more than that! Don't make excuses for these guys. You deserve a man that will make you the one and ONLY one. Don't settle for anything less.

1. You Never See Him on the Weekends
        -Okay Ladies. If you have never gone out with this guy on the weekend this is a major issue. This is really important because this is when we all wine down from our week at work. When people are free on the weekend the first thing you want to do is spend time with the one you care about. If you only see this guy during the week and NEVER on the weekend. That is an issue. I understand some men work on the weekends. I get that. But does he work Friday to Sunday night every single weekend? If he does, what days does he usually have off? On those days do you ever see him? Think about it.

2. You Never Spend Holidays with Each Other
         - THIS IS A BIG ONE. When you are serious about someone you will try your best to spend time with them on holidays. Why? Goes back to it's free time, a special day, and you want to spend it with that special person. Also, it's usually holidays that you meet friends or family members. If he is serious about you , this meet and greet should eventually happen. If you never see him on holidays, you may want to question who is he spending holidays with OR why you all never spend them with each other.

3. His Phone Is Always Going Off
         - Okay. So once again I understand that some people have busy jobs where their phone is there "business phone." But I want you to think about something. Does his phone go off so much that he has to turn it on silent because it gets so out of hand when you all have together? Also, pay attention to WHEN it's going off. If its business most likely its going to stop towards the evening/night. But if his phone is going off all night and the middle of the night till morning. Come on now. Who do you think that is?

4. You Haven't Met His Family nor Friends
          - When a guy is exclusively with you he is going to want to show you off to his friends and family. He is proud of what he has and wants to show off his love. If you all have been dating for a while, and you still haven't met a friend or family member, he is either juggling multiple women and doesn't want to do anything particularly special for one, or you are the side-chick and the main chick is meeting everyone.

5. No One Knows You are Exclusive but You Two
           - So you all are a Couple, but no one knows about it but you two? Now I am not saying you have to plaster it all on Facebook to be official, but what I am saying is that confession of your relationship is part of the stages of normal relationship development. That is part of the process. Why don't any of his friends know he is in a relationship? Why can't you all ever take pictures? Why doesn't his social media have any implication that he is with you nor in a relationship? I get some people are private but let's be realistic. If you two are the only one that know you are "together" then honey you all aren't "together." 

6. He Never Takes You Out
          - So every time you all hang out you are either at his place or yours. He never takes you on a date. He never takes the time out to make plans for you all. You only "chill." Whatever excuse he uses, no matter how tired he is, no matter if he is on a budget or not, a real man that is with you will sacrifice what's possible to take his woman out. Point Blank.

7. He Is Never Available When You Call or Text Him
         - Every time you call his phone he never picks up or it goes straight to voice-mail. Every time you text him he never texts back or claims he didn't get it. You only talk when he calls you and he is never available when you need him.

8. You Don't Know Where He Lives
       - Why hasn't he ever let you come to his place? Every time you all see each other he has to come to your place or either you all meet up somewhere exclusive. It's a reason he is keeping you from his place.

So as I said in the beginning, some of you will read this and make every excuse possible as to why he does these things. Ladies, go with your gut feeling. Go with your intuition! Please don't stay in a situation just because you don't want to be alone. When you really think about it, you are already alone. Ladies you deserve a committed relationship. You deserve a man who really loves you and wants to make you the one and only in his life. Wait on that. Let God bring you a man that you truly deserve. If you are in this situation please leave now. It will only get harder and harder for you to leave the longer you stay. I will do a Vlog Post soon on How to do this! Subscribe to Channel Here : https://www.youtube.com/user/ChloeMGooden

I am always here for you all! Whatever Encouragement you may need make sure to follow us here! 

www.chloemgooden.com
Photo Credit : Via TSB Magazine posted December 4th, 2014.Via Strange Reasons Why You Can't Sleep Blog by Kate Ferfuson