Gerald Maclennon's Blog - Posts Tagged "vaya-con-dios"
We always knew about Mama's love
Mama wasn't perfect, but who is? She always had room in her heart for one more; and things would always be better with one more rice crispy bar. From homemade bread to cornbread and beans when times were tough our family was always clothed and well fed.
As for her children, us, she didn't always agree with our decisions and Lord knows we gave this lovely woman her share of grief. Even so, we always knew we were loved. This goes for the grandchildren, too. (and the greats, and great greats). From our hearts to our mother’s heart... you accomplished it all, Mama!
That was from Sister Jeris. This is from me.
About 5 years ago, when Mom and husband, Cady, were moving from a townhouse to an apartment, they were forced, one more time, to downsize their possessions. Mom took me into her small office and handed me a heavy satchel, saying, “These are some of my writings, Ger. The ones that I’m most pleased with. I don’t know if you can do anything with them, but I’ve done about all I can.”
With Mom’s death occurring last Wednesday at the Manor, I knew I was obliged to say something about this lovely woman at her funeral, her last performance… so I searched through my closet for that heavy satchel. I opened it and looked through her typed and handwritten stories, poems and messages. I was reading them for about 8 hours. And, it occurred to me, my Mother had the same obsession for writing that I do. And like me, much of it went into folders, files and notebooks that didn’t see the light of day ever again.
You may recall, that before old age took its toll on her body, Mom had beautiful, Palmer-method, longhand, cursive handwriting. She received a lot of compliments. She considered it an artform and taught it to me. But then, on her final stretch of life, physical deterioration just stole it away from her.
I probably don’t have to tell any of you here about how much it hurts to see someone you have loved for years, decades – someone who was once young, bouncy, vivacious and totally exuding life in all its forms… to see all that love of life she possessed gradually taken away, bit by bit, insult by insult, downsize by downsize until at 93 years of age, she had nothing in this world but a ten-by-twenty foot room, a few photos, a single twin bed, a chair and chest of drawers and that’s it… about the size of a prison cell. But she had a lot of medical needs that required constant attention… and we just couldn’t do it well.
Last week, I knew Mom couldn’t bear it any longer. It was horrible for her to know that the Manor, the nursing home was good as it gets… there would never be an improvement… not in this life… not in this world. Ultimately, she would have to take a permanent leave…but bless her heart, Mom had a lifetime of preparation for going to that next realm. Her faith, her belief in God, and his Holy Spirit was tremendously strong. That faith got her through circumstances that would kill a person who had no hope. That’s because (standby for the lyrics) her hope was built on nothing less than Jesus and His righteousness… those are words in one of the many hymns Norma and Daddy Neal Logan sang in Red Oak, Iowa at the Salvation Army Church when they were young. And, that they sang together in the '55 Oldsmobile as we toodled down the road to our destinations, Shenandoah, Omaha, Des Moines, or vacations in Colorado, South Dakota and Minnesota. Those two, that duo sang hymns and pop songs of the 1940s and 50s… and Jeris and I, and later Jeff, were privileged to be Mom and Dad’s audience. We thought all parents did that. We didn’t know any better.
Yup, Side by Side. “O’ we ain’t got a barrel of money. Maybe we’re ragged and funny. But we’re travelin’ along, singing a song, side by side.” That magical place long ago, in the past, was where Mom and I would travel in our minds when we wanted to escape the Manor for a couple hours. We built beautiful images in our heads. You younger ones may wonder why the old people reminisce so much… why they talk about the ‘Good Old Days’. Y’know I swore I would never do that… but now I catch myself doing that… and doing things I said I’d never do like eagerly looking forward every night to “Wheel of Fortune with Pat & Vanna.” What am I becoming? And Lord, we used to torment poor Grandma Florence for doing the same thing with “Lawrence Welk & His Orchestra.” And-a one, and-a two.
In those writings in the satchel that Sandy and I looked through yesterday… we found one message that sounded very Norma-esque… which is to say deep emotions and a propensity to tell her kids and grandkids how much she loved them. The world should be so afflicted. Here it is:
************************
I give thanks to God for my three children, for giving me the privilege of Motherhood. And to my four (now six) grandchildren for giving me the gift of ‘Grandmotherhood’. Without these privileges there would have been so many lessons that were never taught to me; so many joys I would have missed. And, yes, there were many tears and sorrows that came into my life… but I also thanked God for this beautiful privilege. I am amazed at how I’ve have grown so much in so many ways through the experiences I’ve shared with my children and my grandchildren.
Mom concludes by saying, “I want to tell my children, by putting it in writing, that I truly love each and every one of them.” She goes on, “But words on paper, of course, have no meaning if not backed up by the actions of my life.”
************************
She didn’t have to worry about that. Like my little sister said, “Lord knows we gave this lovely woman her share of grief. (That includes you Jeff.) But, even so, we always knew we were loved.”
Mom’s written words brought tears to my eyes when I first read them. They amplified that feeling of loss, but I realized Sunday that Mom still lives in her writings… she still talks to us, to me, my siblings, to Sandy, to her husband Cady… Mom’s unconditional love radiates out to ALL her family and friends.. I mean, she was not Wonder Women. Her only secret Action Figure power was the Power of God living inside of her… and that gave her the power to go on when life was throwing her nothing but grief and garbage… and that gave her the power to love. And… She gave us that love because He first loved her.
Gerald Edward Logan aka Gerald MacLennon
As for her children, us, she didn't always agree with our decisions and Lord knows we gave this lovely woman her share of grief. Even so, we always knew we were loved. This goes for the grandchildren, too. (and the greats, and great greats). From our hearts to our mother’s heart... you accomplished it all, Mama!
That was from Sister Jeris. This is from me.
About 5 years ago, when Mom and husband, Cady, were moving from a townhouse to an apartment, they were forced, one more time, to downsize their possessions. Mom took me into her small office and handed me a heavy satchel, saying, “These are some of my writings, Ger. The ones that I’m most pleased with. I don’t know if you can do anything with them, but I’ve done about all I can.”
With Mom’s death occurring last Wednesday at the Manor, I knew I was obliged to say something about this lovely woman at her funeral, her last performance… so I searched through my closet for that heavy satchel. I opened it and looked through her typed and handwritten stories, poems and messages. I was reading them for about 8 hours. And, it occurred to me, my Mother had the same obsession for writing that I do. And like me, much of it went into folders, files and notebooks that didn’t see the light of day ever again.
You may recall, that before old age took its toll on her body, Mom had beautiful, Palmer-method, longhand, cursive handwriting. She received a lot of compliments. She considered it an artform and taught it to me. But then, on her final stretch of life, physical deterioration just stole it away from her.
I probably don’t have to tell any of you here about how much it hurts to see someone you have loved for years, decades – someone who was once young, bouncy, vivacious and totally exuding life in all its forms… to see all that love of life she possessed gradually taken away, bit by bit, insult by insult, downsize by downsize until at 93 years of age, she had nothing in this world but a ten-by-twenty foot room, a few photos, a single twin bed, a chair and chest of drawers and that’s it… about the size of a prison cell. But she had a lot of medical needs that required constant attention… and we just couldn’t do it well.
Last week, I knew Mom couldn’t bear it any longer. It was horrible for her to know that the Manor, the nursing home was good as it gets… there would never be an improvement… not in this life… not in this world. Ultimately, she would have to take a permanent leave…but bless her heart, Mom had a lifetime of preparation for going to that next realm. Her faith, her belief in God, and his Holy Spirit was tremendously strong. That faith got her through circumstances that would kill a person who had no hope. That’s because (standby for the lyrics) her hope was built on nothing less than Jesus and His righteousness… those are words in one of the many hymns Norma and Daddy Neal Logan sang in Red Oak, Iowa at the Salvation Army Church when they were young. And, that they sang together in the '55 Oldsmobile as we toodled down the road to our destinations, Shenandoah, Omaha, Des Moines, or vacations in Colorado, South Dakota and Minnesota. Those two, that duo sang hymns and pop songs of the 1940s and 50s… and Jeris and I, and later Jeff, were privileged to be Mom and Dad’s audience. We thought all parents did that. We didn’t know any better.
Yup, Side by Side. “O’ we ain’t got a barrel of money. Maybe we’re ragged and funny. But we’re travelin’ along, singing a song, side by side.” That magical place long ago, in the past, was where Mom and I would travel in our minds when we wanted to escape the Manor for a couple hours. We built beautiful images in our heads. You younger ones may wonder why the old people reminisce so much… why they talk about the ‘Good Old Days’. Y’know I swore I would never do that… but now I catch myself doing that… and doing things I said I’d never do like eagerly looking forward every night to “Wheel of Fortune with Pat & Vanna.” What am I becoming? And Lord, we used to torment poor Grandma Florence for doing the same thing with “Lawrence Welk & His Orchestra.” And-a one, and-a two.
In those writings in the satchel that Sandy and I looked through yesterday… we found one message that sounded very Norma-esque… which is to say deep emotions and a propensity to tell her kids and grandkids how much she loved them. The world should be so afflicted. Here it is:
************************
I give thanks to God for my three children, for giving me the privilege of Motherhood. And to my four (now six) grandchildren for giving me the gift of ‘Grandmotherhood’. Without these privileges there would have been so many lessons that were never taught to me; so many joys I would have missed. And, yes, there were many tears and sorrows that came into my life… but I also thanked God for this beautiful privilege. I am amazed at how I’ve have grown so much in so many ways through the experiences I’ve shared with my children and my grandchildren.
Mom concludes by saying, “I want to tell my children, by putting it in writing, that I truly love each and every one of them.” She goes on, “But words on paper, of course, have no meaning if not backed up by the actions of my life.”
************************
She didn’t have to worry about that. Like my little sister said, “Lord knows we gave this lovely woman her share of grief. (That includes you Jeff.) But, even so, we always knew we were loved.”
Mom’s written words brought tears to my eyes when I first read them. They amplified that feeling of loss, but I realized Sunday that Mom still lives in her writings… she still talks to us, to me, my siblings, to Sandy, to her husband Cady… Mom’s unconditional love radiates out to ALL her family and friends.. I mean, she was not Wonder Women. Her only secret Action Figure power was the Power of God living inside of her… and that gave her the power to go on when life was throwing her nothing but grief and garbage… and that gave her the power to love. And… She gave us that love because He first loved her.
Gerald Edward Logan aka Gerald MacLennon
