Sam Mariano's Blog - Posts Tagged "writing"
Finishing Stories
Finishing stories has always bummed me out.
I’m referring more to writing them than reading them—that sucks too, but when I have to finish writing a story with characters that I love, my entire being rebels against the idea. They aren’t just players taking the story from Point A to Point C for me by this point (and if they are, I’ve done something wrong) they’re people with lives that I’m interested in.
When I used to write only for myself (occasionally I still do) I wrote lengthy content that would be unreadable to anyone else—anyone who isn’t invested in them like I am, and that’s fine, because that’s on par with a journal. If I want to write it upside down and in Latin I can; it’s meant for my eyes only.
When I make the decision to share my characters and their story with everyone else, however, there comes a point where I have to say goodbye. And that makes me sad.
Last night—I should say this morning, because while I hadn’t slept yet, it was definitely morning—I was pounding out an important part of Irreparable Damage, and when I finally finished the last of the “night’s” to-do-list scenes, I heaved a sigh of accomplishment, shielded my eyes from the intrusive sun peering through the slats of the blinds, and then realized… I’m almost done with this book. Provided I get some writing done this weekend, the rough draft should be completed by Monday.
I expected to feel excited—this is the fastest I’ve ever finished a story before, and I already have a cover ready and waiting…this brings me one step closer to putting one more book out there into the world!
But it still made me sad.
Which is weird, because in this particular instance, there’s a book two featuring the same characters! So it’s not even goodbye, it’s just, “see ya later!”
Still, book two is not book one, their lives won’t be precisely as they are now, and even though the characters will come back and I will get to write them again, for now…it’s basically over. Just a few more crucial scenes to write, some things to tie up or set up, and then the journey is over for a while.
Plus, then I have to start editing. I hate editing.
That being said, I expect Irreparable Damage to be released in the very beginning of October (maybe even a little sooner, depending on how editing goes) and I’ll get to try out the pre-order feature for the first time!
Look for a blurb and maybe some teasers to pop up very soon! :)
I’m referring more to writing them than reading them—that sucks too, but when I have to finish writing a story with characters that I love, my entire being rebels against the idea. They aren’t just players taking the story from Point A to Point C for me by this point (and if they are, I’ve done something wrong) they’re people with lives that I’m interested in.
When I used to write only for myself (occasionally I still do) I wrote lengthy content that would be unreadable to anyone else—anyone who isn’t invested in them like I am, and that’s fine, because that’s on par with a journal. If I want to write it upside down and in Latin I can; it’s meant for my eyes only.
When I make the decision to share my characters and their story with everyone else, however, there comes a point where I have to say goodbye. And that makes me sad.
Last night—I should say this morning, because while I hadn’t slept yet, it was definitely morning—I was pounding out an important part of Irreparable Damage, and when I finally finished the last of the “night’s” to-do-list scenes, I heaved a sigh of accomplishment, shielded my eyes from the intrusive sun peering through the slats of the blinds, and then realized… I’m almost done with this book. Provided I get some writing done this weekend, the rough draft should be completed by Monday.
I expected to feel excited—this is the fastest I’ve ever finished a story before, and I already have a cover ready and waiting…this brings me one step closer to putting one more book out there into the world!
But it still made me sad.
Which is weird, because in this particular instance, there’s a book two featuring the same characters! So it’s not even goodbye, it’s just, “see ya later!”
Still, book two is not book one, their lives won’t be precisely as they are now, and even though the characters will come back and I will get to write them again, for now…it’s basically over. Just a few more crucial scenes to write, some things to tie up or set up, and then the journey is over for a while.
Plus, then I have to start editing. I hate editing.
That being said, I expect Irreparable Damage to be released in the very beginning of October (maybe even a little sooner, depending on how editing goes) and I’ll get to try out the pre-order feature for the first time!
Look for a blurb and maybe some teasers to pop up very soon! :)
The Book I Swore I'd Never Write
On September 1st, 2007, I finished writing the lengthy prologue of Because of You.
It took me literally years to finish that story, not only because of school and work (mostly because of school and work) but because the characters in that book, Nikki and Derek, took an immense toll on me. Also because when I started that story, I didn’t know how it was going to end. (I was a true pantser back in the day.)
The ending that I initially intended would have made it a completely different book, as I would have changed a major part of the plot, but over time I realized that was cheating. I wanted Because of You to be authentic; I could not compromise the overall vision, no matter what. I knew what role I wanted Nikki to play in Derek’s life (especially from the outside) and I knew how important he would be in hers. I knew Nikki’s love story, and I wanted to share it. I had a very specific audience in mind for that book, and I wanted to be honest with them...but I also wanted to write a story people would like.
I did come up with several suitable endings, and the one that I was honestly leaning toward for probably a year, maybe even two was WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. It was also an epilogue, but it would have taken place during college...it would have also completely undermined certain aspects of Nikki’s relationship with Derek. I came up with it at work one day when I was feeling particularly pissed off/empowered, but it was not right for Nikki or the story.
At the end of the day, I decided not to do it. I had a new idea, one that I liked much better/suited them much better, and I thought, “Hey, you never know, maybe I’ll do a sequel where Nikki and Derek are background characters” (which is insane, and I don’t know what I was thinking). I wrote one chapter of that sequel, realized it was a horrible idea, and scrapped it. I thought I was done with the characters (although I’d say roughly 90% of the people who read Because of You have always disagreed with me on that).
That was when I began doubling down on the whole “guys, I’m sorry, but this book is never, ever, ever going to get a sequel. Seriously. Ever. I’m not going to write it. Not ever.”
And I believed that, because the sequel that went with the epilogue was not right, and because of the epilogue, it was the only one I could actually do.
The other reason, and I forgot about it until I got a couple chapters into After You, is this: writing these characters is hard. Emotionally. I can’t even tell you how taxing it is. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the easiest explanation is that I have to pull from very deeply within myself to become Nikki. She isn’t easily accessible. Her feelings, especially now, are so difficult to coax out of her, and she’s ashamed of even having feelings—so she doesn’t want to let them out/own up to them. Nikki is a damaged character. But I also wrote her in first person POV in the first book, and I can’t change the POV to third (which I’m much more comfortable with) just because it’s easier for me. Consequently, I have to become Nikki when I write her story. (I suspect Nikki is the reason I dislike writing in 1st person to begin with.)
I had forgotten how many tears I shed writing Because of You—buckets and buckets. I can remember very distinct instances of trying to type, but not being able to see the monitor through the tears. Just setting the laptop aside, curling up in bed and crying, because I was so emotionally spent.
I only remembered when I got back into that mindset and started writing the sequel. I don’t like to cry, that’s probably part of why I was so adamantly against the sequel and I just blocked it out, but...it is what it is. It will be tough at times. It’s easier on readers, I’m sure (I’ve gotten reports of crying from Because of You, of course, but reader crying and writer crying are different levels of agony) but channeling the right emotions to evoke the scenes necessary to do this couple justice...is a pain. Literally.
At the end of the day, I do want to give my readers what they want, but I can also only write the stories my characters allow, otherwise it’s Writer’s Block City, population: me. I have some very stubborn characters, typically one per story. Some are flexible, some are not. Nikki is not flexible. I have almost no control over her. Nikki will tell me and the rest of the world to fuck off if I try to manipulate her into doing something she doesn't want to do. She may be interpreted many ways by many different people, but let me tell you, at her core, Nikki has a quiet strength; she has a spine of steel and she wants what she wants. She feels what she feels, and she’s not sorry for it.
The good news is, my characters are all cooperating right now and I believe pretty much everyone will be happy with this sequel. I hope so. I’m aware that I’m too emotionally biased while writing it to know for sure, but I’m not going to rush the release, because I want to be able to revise the hell out of this book if I need to. My priority is making sure that as many readers as possible are on board and satisfied with the conclusion while staying true to the characters. When I first started the book, that felt much more daunting than it does now (characters were hassling me) but I think I’ve finally hit that “Eureka!” geyser that I needed. I finally understand everyone’s motivations and what’s going on.
So, I know some people were wondering why now, after years of saying no, I suddenly announced a sequel. It’s because the characters are finally ready for one. Because, when I was making the paperback version of Because of You and I thought, “Hey, I wonder what would happen if I removed the epilogue” the answer popped into my head almost instantaneously. This is what would happen.
After You, coming sometime in 2015.
It took me literally years to finish that story, not only because of school and work (mostly because of school and work) but because the characters in that book, Nikki and Derek, took an immense toll on me. Also because when I started that story, I didn’t know how it was going to end. (I was a true pantser back in the day.)
The ending that I initially intended would have made it a completely different book, as I would have changed a major part of the plot, but over time I realized that was cheating. I wanted Because of You to be authentic; I could not compromise the overall vision, no matter what. I knew what role I wanted Nikki to play in Derek’s life (especially from the outside) and I knew how important he would be in hers. I knew Nikki’s love story, and I wanted to share it. I had a very specific audience in mind for that book, and I wanted to be honest with them...but I also wanted to write a story people would like.
I did come up with several suitable endings, and the one that I was honestly leaning toward for probably a year, maybe even two was WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. It was also an epilogue, but it would have taken place during college...it would have also completely undermined certain aspects of Nikki’s relationship with Derek. I came up with it at work one day when I was feeling particularly pissed off/empowered, but it was not right for Nikki or the story.
At the end of the day, I decided not to do it. I had a new idea, one that I liked much better/suited them much better, and I thought, “Hey, you never know, maybe I’ll do a sequel where Nikki and Derek are background characters” (which is insane, and I don’t know what I was thinking). I wrote one chapter of that sequel, realized it was a horrible idea, and scrapped it. I thought I was done with the characters (although I’d say roughly 90% of the people who read Because of You have always disagreed with me on that).
That was when I began doubling down on the whole “guys, I’m sorry, but this book is never, ever, ever going to get a sequel. Seriously. Ever. I’m not going to write it. Not ever.”
And I believed that, because the sequel that went with the epilogue was not right, and because of the epilogue, it was the only one I could actually do.
The other reason, and I forgot about it until I got a couple chapters into After You, is this: writing these characters is hard. Emotionally. I can’t even tell you how taxing it is. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the easiest explanation is that I have to pull from very deeply within myself to become Nikki. She isn’t easily accessible. Her feelings, especially now, are so difficult to coax out of her, and she’s ashamed of even having feelings—so she doesn’t want to let them out/own up to them. Nikki is a damaged character. But I also wrote her in first person POV in the first book, and I can’t change the POV to third (which I’m much more comfortable with) just because it’s easier for me. Consequently, I have to become Nikki when I write her story. (I suspect Nikki is the reason I dislike writing in 1st person to begin with.)
I had forgotten how many tears I shed writing Because of You—buckets and buckets. I can remember very distinct instances of trying to type, but not being able to see the monitor through the tears. Just setting the laptop aside, curling up in bed and crying, because I was so emotionally spent.
I only remembered when I got back into that mindset and started writing the sequel. I don’t like to cry, that’s probably part of why I was so adamantly against the sequel and I just blocked it out, but...it is what it is. It will be tough at times. It’s easier on readers, I’m sure (I’ve gotten reports of crying from Because of You, of course, but reader crying and writer crying are different levels of agony) but channeling the right emotions to evoke the scenes necessary to do this couple justice...is a pain. Literally.
At the end of the day, I do want to give my readers what they want, but I can also only write the stories my characters allow, otherwise it’s Writer’s Block City, population: me. I have some very stubborn characters, typically one per story. Some are flexible, some are not. Nikki is not flexible. I have almost no control over her. Nikki will tell me and the rest of the world to fuck off if I try to manipulate her into doing something she doesn't want to do. She may be interpreted many ways by many different people, but let me tell you, at her core, Nikki has a quiet strength; she has a spine of steel and she wants what she wants. She feels what she feels, and she’s not sorry for it.
The good news is, my characters are all cooperating right now and I believe pretty much everyone will be happy with this sequel. I hope so. I’m aware that I’m too emotionally biased while writing it to know for sure, but I’m not going to rush the release, because I want to be able to revise the hell out of this book if I need to. My priority is making sure that as many readers as possible are on board and satisfied with the conclusion while staying true to the characters. When I first started the book, that felt much more daunting than it does now (characters were hassling me) but I think I’ve finally hit that “Eureka!” geyser that I needed. I finally understand everyone’s motivations and what’s going on.
So, I know some people were wondering why now, after years of saying no, I suddenly announced a sequel. It’s because the characters are finally ready for one. Because, when I was making the paperback version of Because of You and I thought, “Hey, I wonder what would happen if I removed the epilogue” the answer popped into my head almost instantaneously. This is what would happen.
After You, coming sometime in 2015.
I'm Alive!
So...I haven't been around very much lately.
I apologize for generally disappearing off the face of the planet since this year started. Basically, if anything at all has happened since January began, I don’t know about it. If you have read/reviewed/rated/thought about my books, thank you so much! I have done exactly zero promoting this year, so the few books that have sold have been a lovely surprise.
Unfortunately I’m really behind at life right now. I had planned (though only a few people knew this anyway) to have the sequels to Irreparable Damage and Because of You out by April. This is not going to happen for a few reasons. One, my cover designer also disappeared for a little while and I couldn’t get in touch with her, and I cannot release After You (Because of You #2) without a cover even if it was finished. But also, it isn’t finished. It’s half-finished, as it was in January, which is the last time I touched it. Irreparable Lives is in exactly the same place–first draft half finished, hasn’t been written since January.
I already have the cover for Irreparable Lives, so that one is under control. As soon as the writing/editing/etc is finished, I will be able to release that one. After You…I’m not positive when it will be released now, because I haven’t heard back about the cover yet. (Also I have to finish it.) The cover is my main concern though, it usually takes a few months because the designer is pretty booked.
I’m very sorry the books haven’t been released. I’m sorry they haven’t even been finished. This was very much not my plan, but as the Fresh Prince would say, “my life got flipped, turned upside down.” (Are you too young for that reference? You might be; I’m getting old.) The start of this year was the start of a really destructive shitstorm in my personal life and many days just getting out of bed to take care of my kid seemed like far too much to ask. I don’t usually get writer’s block, and I wasn’t technically even blocked, my brain was just fried, I had no motivation, and my plate was just too full to add writing to it. Particularly what I needed to be writing. The themes of these books made writing them during this time particularly impossible, so rather than force little bit by little bit to meet an arbitrary deadline that was only in my mind, I decided to steer clear of both manuscripts until I could get my head back in the game.
Which I think was a good call.
I am finally getting my personal life back into some semblance of order, so if not today (probably not today, as my schedule is pretty full) then tomorrow I am going to get back to work on Derek and Nikki’s story, as well as Ethan and Willow’s conclusion. If you’re one of the people who has been waiting for them, I’m so sorry they aren’t ready for you yet. I will do my best to get them finished as soon as I can.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to have a little surprise sale!
On Wednesday, March 25th at 7pm PST, Because of You will go on sale for $.99! If you miss that, on Friday it will go up to $1.99 before finally returning to its original price of $3.99 early Saturday morning.
If you haven’t met Derek and Nikki, here’s your chance!
Once again, I apologize for the unexpected delay. Life just sucker punched me and I wasn’t ready for it.
Thank you for your continued interest and support! My readers are pretty much the best. ;)
I apologize for generally disappearing off the face of the planet since this year started. Basically, if anything at all has happened since January began, I don’t know about it. If you have read/reviewed/rated/thought about my books, thank you so much! I have done exactly zero promoting this year, so the few books that have sold have been a lovely surprise.
Unfortunately I’m really behind at life right now. I had planned (though only a few people knew this anyway) to have the sequels to Irreparable Damage and Because of You out by April. This is not going to happen for a few reasons. One, my cover designer also disappeared for a little while and I couldn’t get in touch with her, and I cannot release After You (Because of You #2) without a cover even if it was finished. But also, it isn’t finished. It’s half-finished, as it was in January, which is the last time I touched it. Irreparable Lives is in exactly the same place–first draft half finished, hasn’t been written since January.
I already have the cover for Irreparable Lives, so that one is under control. As soon as the writing/editing/etc is finished, I will be able to release that one. After You…I’m not positive when it will be released now, because I haven’t heard back about the cover yet. (Also I have to finish it.) The cover is my main concern though, it usually takes a few months because the designer is pretty booked.
I’m very sorry the books haven’t been released. I’m sorry they haven’t even been finished. This was very much not my plan, but as the Fresh Prince would say, “my life got flipped, turned upside down.” (Are you too young for that reference? You might be; I’m getting old.) The start of this year was the start of a really destructive shitstorm in my personal life and many days just getting out of bed to take care of my kid seemed like far too much to ask. I don’t usually get writer’s block, and I wasn’t technically even blocked, my brain was just fried, I had no motivation, and my plate was just too full to add writing to it. Particularly what I needed to be writing. The themes of these books made writing them during this time particularly impossible, so rather than force little bit by little bit to meet an arbitrary deadline that was only in my mind, I decided to steer clear of both manuscripts until I could get my head back in the game.
Which I think was a good call.
I am finally getting my personal life back into some semblance of order, so if not today (probably not today, as my schedule is pretty full) then tomorrow I am going to get back to work on Derek and Nikki’s story, as well as Ethan and Willow’s conclusion. If you’re one of the people who has been waiting for them, I’m so sorry they aren’t ready for you yet. I will do my best to get them finished as soon as I can.
In the meantime, I’ve decided to have a little surprise sale!
On Wednesday, March 25th at 7pm PST, Because of You will go on sale for $.99! If you miss that, on Friday it will go up to $1.99 before finally returning to its original price of $3.99 early Saturday morning.
If you haven’t met Derek and Nikki, here’s your chance!
Once again, I apologize for the unexpected delay. Life just sucker punched me and I wasn’t ready for it.
Thank you for your continued interest and support! My readers are pretty much the best. ;)
What? I wrote a blog post? No way!
Hi guys!
Okay, so we could talk about how I posted a year ago all like, “hey, my personal shitstorm is over, on with the book stuff!” But let’s not. Let’s just acknowledge that sometimes I’m super wrong about things and move on.
Anyway. I have a super secret project I’ve been working on. It has a working title, but let’s not mention it anyway just in case someone decides to release a book by that name a month before I’m ready to release or something. Super Secret Project is a long time in the making; I’ve known the characters for somewhere around a decade now, but I always said that one was only for me (mostly because it was before dark romance/dark erotica was a thing, and I was pretty sure nobody would like it). Well, not anymore. I did crop out and reign in the story and the characters quite a bit in consideration of the readers, but there are some elements I just can’t do away with without sacrificing the meat of the characters (and frankly, the plot of the story).
And that got me thinking. Why do I have to? (I mean, because I would like to actually sell some books, I guess, but…) Why is it that authors who write gruesome murder mysteries or fantasies wherein they slaughter ALL OF THE PEOPLE (you know who you are…) are cool, but you tack “romance” onto ugly things, and suddenly you’re a sadistic, twisted hater of all things sane?
It’s all fiction.
I’ve seen readers leave comments on a dark romance author’s Facebook page saying that they hoped someone kidnapped her from her home and raped her so that she could see how much fun it was–just because she wrote a captive romance. Suddenly writing a piece of fiction means you advocate everything between the pages.
NO.
Anyway, amid the murder and mayhem in Super Secret WIP, I’m writing the unthinkable: a love triangle. I know, I know. Originally when I was working out the plot, I decided to try to filter it out, rewrite the story in a different way and dilute the love triangle until Dude #2 (boy, would he loathe being called that) only toy-flirted in a couple of scenes but was largely harmless.
But you know what? It didn’t work. It didn’t work because it wasn’t true to the character, it wasn’t true to the story, and I just couldn’t do it. So I put it all back, listened to my characters, let them scorch and salt the earth beneath their feet. And now it works.
I’ve still been angsting, as these scenes pour out of my fingertips, how am I going to get people interested in this book? How will I market it? I’ve anticipated the apology/PSA I’ll have to write like I did with Irreparable Damage, I’ve wondered, could I somehow downplay this part enough that people won’t turn into the before-person in the Snickers commercial?
I realized the answer was no. I realized instead of trying to “I’m sorry don’t hate me I’m sorry you know what maybe don’t even read the book you’ll definitely hate it” the people who aren’t going to like my book, no matter how much I dress it up, because it just isn’t their kind of book, I’m going to embrace the love triangle. Target it to people who may like it. What a concept, right?
What about you? Are love triangles an automatic no for you? What are your hard limits on a book?
Okay, so we could talk about how I posted a year ago all like, “hey, my personal shitstorm is over, on with the book stuff!” But let’s not. Let’s just acknowledge that sometimes I’m super wrong about things and move on.
Anyway. I have a super secret project I’ve been working on. It has a working title, but let’s not mention it anyway just in case someone decides to release a book by that name a month before I’m ready to release or something. Super Secret Project is a long time in the making; I’ve known the characters for somewhere around a decade now, but I always said that one was only for me (mostly because it was before dark romance/dark erotica was a thing, and I was pretty sure nobody would like it). Well, not anymore. I did crop out and reign in the story and the characters quite a bit in consideration of the readers, but there are some elements I just can’t do away with without sacrificing the meat of the characters (and frankly, the plot of the story).
And that got me thinking. Why do I have to? (I mean, because I would like to actually sell some books, I guess, but…) Why is it that authors who write gruesome murder mysteries or fantasies wherein they slaughter ALL OF THE PEOPLE (you know who you are…) are cool, but you tack “romance” onto ugly things, and suddenly you’re a sadistic, twisted hater of all things sane?
It’s all fiction.
I’ve seen readers leave comments on a dark romance author’s Facebook page saying that they hoped someone kidnapped her from her home and raped her so that she could see how much fun it was–just because she wrote a captive romance. Suddenly writing a piece of fiction means you advocate everything between the pages.
NO.
Anyway, amid the murder and mayhem in Super Secret WIP, I’m writing the unthinkable: a love triangle. I know, I know. Originally when I was working out the plot, I decided to try to filter it out, rewrite the story in a different way and dilute the love triangle until Dude #2 (boy, would he loathe being called that) only toy-flirted in a couple of scenes but was largely harmless.
But you know what? It didn’t work. It didn’t work because it wasn’t true to the character, it wasn’t true to the story, and I just couldn’t do it. So I put it all back, listened to my characters, let them scorch and salt the earth beneath their feet. And now it works.
I’ve still been angsting, as these scenes pour out of my fingertips, how am I going to get people interested in this book? How will I market it? I’ve anticipated the apology/PSA I’ll have to write like I did with Irreparable Damage, I’ve wondered, could I somehow downplay this part enough that people won’t turn into the before-person in the Snickers commercial?
I realized the answer was no. I realized instead of trying to “I’m sorry don’t hate me I’m sorry you know what maybe don’t even read the book you’ll definitely hate it” the people who aren’t going to like my book, no matter how much I dress it up, because it just isn’t their kind of book, I’m going to embrace the love triangle. Target it to people who may like it. What a concept, right?
What about you? Are love triangles an automatic no for you? What are your hard limits on a book?
On Writing Characters in Untenable Circumstances
I write things.
More specifically, I write stories that I make up featuring characters I mentally spawned going on journeys I engineered myself. And more often than not, they're bad. Not the stories (I hope), but the characters, their circumstances, their choices, what have you--something is kinda bad. That's just how it tends to go.
With some stories it's harder than others. My Irreparable books, I was sitting on my couch summer before last and I had this idea of this really terrible situation I could put all of these poor characters in, and the whole aim of this series (it was originally going to be 3 installments, but it's actually only 2 now) was to decimate everything and see what was left. It was to put them through horrible scenarios and then build something with the irreparable pieces of their former lives. Not to say there's no happy ending, but given the circumstances, given what's done and what happens and just...all of the destruction, there's a limit to how tidy things can ever really be. I'm going against nature by tying these characters together, I'm tying triggers into the mix and ensuring that it's as hard as I can possibly make it to keep these characters both likeable and self-respecting.
It's hard. Ethan, I'm finding, is the hardest. Because it's a romance. Taboo, yes, but a romance. And it's not a straight dark romance, like a WIP to eventually be revealed, where I can sort of unapologetically throw heinous things out there and be like, "He's a bad guy, what do you expect?"
Ethan's not a bad guy. He's not an anti-hero. But sometimes it's hard as hell to make him a hero, too. Especially considering I don't just want him to be the good guy for one damaged young woman, I also don't want him to be a heel to a woman whose years of love and life he completely betrayed. Nothing about his character's journey is ever easy. He has a road full of difficult decisions and responses to situations he didn't mean to create in the first place. All the while, he wants to be the hero of two opposing stories.
This isn't possible. Maybe it is, but I'm probably not going to pull that off. Rather, Ethan isn't. I know this because I write him, and the more I try to make him a good guy in one respect, the less he feels like the good guy in the other. I'm pulling him in several different (untenable and a bit unnatural) directions, and it's probably pushing the release date even more (because when I finish doing the Stretch Armstrong on him, I'm gonna have some overall revisions to do), but at this point, this book isn't the "3 months of fall/winter" writing that I planned it to be, and I just really want to get the ending right. I know it won't please everyone, I know some people will struggle with his struggle/what inevitably makes him a better man than he could be, but it's just who he is. The heroine loves him for/sometimes despite it, and hopefully everyone else will, too.
I shared this Facebook post today because it's so true. Published and unpublished, I've written some crazy stuff. It's just fiction. I'm just spinning a tale, trying to weave some reality and fiction together to tell a story that might entertain you for a few hours. I'm not condoning something because I write it. Some readers have this feeling like we should be punished for writing in distasteful scenarios, but I have news for them: we are, sometimes when we're writing the story, and definitely later when it comes time to try to find reviewers!
God help anyone who reads my books looking for tips on how to navigate their own love life.
Anyway. It's 4 am and I should really go to sleep, but I just left Ethan in a really crummy situation...so maybe I should write a little bit more....
Eh, on second thought, that's Tomorrow Sam's problem. :)
More specifically, I write stories that I make up featuring characters I mentally spawned going on journeys I engineered myself. And more often than not, they're bad. Not the stories (I hope), but the characters, their circumstances, their choices, what have you--something is kinda bad. That's just how it tends to go.
With some stories it's harder than others. My Irreparable books, I was sitting on my couch summer before last and I had this idea of this really terrible situation I could put all of these poor characters in, and the whole aim of this series (it was originally going to be 3 installments, but it's actually only 2 now) was to decimate everything and see what was left. It was to put them through horrible scenarios and then build something with the irreparable pieces of their former lives. Not to say there's no happy ending, but given the circumstances, given what's done and what happens and just...all of the destruction, there's a limit to how tidy things can ever really be. I'm going against nature by tying these characters together, I'm tying triggers into the mix and ensuring that it's as hard as I can possibly make it to keep these characters both likeable and self-respecting.
It's hard. Ethan, I'm finding, is the hardest. Because it's a romance. Taboo, yes, but a romance. And it's not a straight dark romance, like a WIP to eventually be revealed, where I can sort of unapologetically throw heinous things out there and be like, "He's a bad guy, what do you expect?"
Ethan's not a bad guy. He's not an anti-hero. But sometimes it's hard as hell to make him a hero, too. Especially considering I don't just want him to be the good guy for one damaged young woman, I also don't want him to be a heel to a woman whose years of love and life he completely betrayed. Nothing about his character's journey is ever easy. He has a road full of difficult decisions and responses to situations he didn't mean to create in the first place. All the while, he wants to be the hero of two opposing stories.
This isn't possible. Maybe it is, but I'm probably not going to pull that off. Rather, Ethan isn't. I know this because I write him, and the more I try to make him a good guy in one respect, the less he feels like the good guy in the other. I'm pulling him in several different (untenable and a bit unnatural) directions, and it's probably pushing the release date even more (because when I finish doing the Stretch Armstrong on him, I'm gonna have some overall revisions to do), but at this point, this book isn't the "3 months of fall/winter" writing that I planned it to be, and I just really want to get the ending right. I know it won't please everyone, I know some people will struggle with his struggle/what inevitably makes him a better man than he could be, but it's just who he is. The heroine loves him for/sometimes despite it, and hopefully everyone else will, too.
I shared this Facebook post today because it's so true. Published and unpublished, I've written some crazy stuff. It's just fiction. I'm just spinning a tale, trying to weave some reality and fiction together to tell a story that might entertain you for a few hours. I'm not condoning something because I write it. Some readers have this feeling like we should be punished for writing in distasteful scenarios, but I have news for them: we are, sometimes when we're writing the story, and definitely later when it comes time to try to find reviewers!
God help anyone who reads my books looking for tips on how to navigate their own love life.
Anyway. It's 4 am and I should really go to sleep, but I just left Ethan in a really crummy situation...so maybe I should write a little bit more....
Eh, on second thought, that's Tomorrow Sam's problem. :)
