Claudette Melanson's Blog - Posts Tagged "bullying"
Rising Tide's Tormentors
Bullies. Haven’t we all dealt with at least one, at some point in our lives? Bullies are the worst kind of people. They find someone they consider different and torment them, for no good reason other than to make themselves feel more important. Maura encounters a group of these heinous tyrants in my novel, Rising Tide.
When I started writing this book, I had no idea the bullies would pop up—and they did in the first chapter. I wanted to write a story about a particular type of character and the paranormal change she was going through, but as I was writing, Katie Parker insinuated herself into my sentences, almost as if of her own accord.
My writing kind of flows like words on tickertape and the story just comes out—without my knowing what is going to happen next! I know the basic outline of my story, the elements of my characters and where the plot is headed, but sometimes idea work their way in, and I haven’t seen them coming.
This happened with the whole first part of the book for me. Not to give too much away, but I was kind of shocked when I saw what this group of bullies was going to do to my poor Maura, as it came forth from my imagination onto the pages of my book. It was obviously there, in my sub consciousness, waiting with baited breath to make its way out into the world.
I remember being a very quiet kid. I was a bookworm and that in itself drew a lot of negative attention my way. During my birth, one of my legs was twisted, affecting my hips and causing me to walk with my feet turned in, until special shoes finally took care of my little problem. I remember the name calling and how much it hurt. Luckily, this didn’t persist much past the first grade.
There have been other times in my life when I’ve had to endure what the bullies are dishing out, even during my adult life in the workplace and with a few people in my personal life. Luckily, as adults we can usually find a way to remove the bullies from our lives—but not without losing something ourselves, whether it be feeling forced to find another job, carrying with us that awfulness the bully placed in our heart or even having physical manifestations like nightmares or illness from the stress and anxiety.
As far as my stance on bullying goes and the way things worked out for Maura, I say this: The person being bullied is the ultimate winner. That person is not the one dishing out destructive behavior and hurting another human being. The tormented may suffer, but they can at least live with knowing they are a better person than the bully. When a bully is acting out, they are putting on display to the rest of the world the most hateful, mean, immature and selfish tendencies human beings possess. They think that by putting someone else down, they somehow make themselves look more strong or capable. All the people observing them are really thinking is about how debase the actions of that bully are, and probably what a waste of space their existence is in our world. One can never build up his or her character by putting another down. All they do is bring a negative cast to their own reputation and invite Karma to claim justice for the malicious act.
Maura does the best thing she can do in her case. She wants to forget about it and put what happened behind her. That takes power away from the cruelty the others inflicted upon her—it doesn’t even matter enough to be remembered. Maura moves on to better things that she wants to hold onto in her memories. She wants to concentrate on the boy she’s falling in love with, the mother who treasures her and the genuine friends she is making—not the mean-spirited people who wanted to hurt and alienate her just because they saw her as different. What kind of a person does that anyway?
And I did mention Karma…well, Maxwell has returned and he is death walking when he wants to be. Maura may be the forgive-and-forget type, but in book two Maxwell will show us that he is not quite as forgiving as his daughter.
Are you bullying someone, even unintentionally or sub consciously?
Bullying.org defines bullying as:
“Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating or insulting behaviour, abuse of power, or unfair punishment which upsets, threatens and/or humiliates the recipient(s), undermining their self-confidence, reputation and ability to perform.”
Why do people bully?
Bullying.org gives some reasons behind this that may bring some small comfort to the object of the bully’s abuse:
“The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. It has nothing to do with managing: Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Anyone who chooses to bully implicitly admits their inadequacy.
Some people project their inadequacy onto others:
• to avoid facing up to and doing something about it;
• to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has; and
• to dilute their fear of being seen as weak, inadequate and possibly incompetent; and
• to divert attention away from the same: In badly run workplaces, bullying is the way that inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs and obtain promotion.”
What is the cost of bullying?
From Bullying.org:
“Bullying destroys teams, causing disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Any perceived efficiency gains from bullying are a short term illusion: Long term prospects are always at serious risk.”
Check out more at bullying.org to see more on the topic. They offer valuable information, which includes a list to check against to see if you are being bullied and they even offer very helpful suggestions as to what you can do about it. One section talks about the ill health effects that can pop up in someone who is being bullied, and that is one of the most important considerations. Nothing is more important than one’s health. Bullying is a major topic of concern we should all take more seriously, so we can work toward its eradication. I’m proud to give it presence in my book, so that my readers can hold it up for moral consideration.
When I started writing this book, I had no idea the bullies would pop up—and they did in the first chapter. I wanted to write a story about a particular type of character and the paranormal change she was going through, but as I was writing, Katie Parker insinuated herself into my sentences, almost as if of her own accord.
My writing kind of flows like words on tickertape and the story just comes out—without my knowing what is going to happen next! I know the basic outline of my story, the elements of my characters and where the plot is headed, but sometimes idea work their way in, and I haven’t seen them coming.
This happened with the whole first part of the book for me. Not to give too much away, but I was kind of shocked when I saw what this group of bullies was going to do to my poor Maura, as it came forth from my imagination onto the pages of my book. It was obviously there, in my sub consciousness, waiting with baited breath to make its way out into the world.
I remember being a very quiet kid. I was a bookworm and that in itself drew a lot of negative attention my way. During my birth, one of my legs was twisted, affecting my hips and causing me to walk with my feet turned in, until special shoes finally took care of my little problem. I remember the name calling and how much it hurt. Luckily, this didn’t persist much past the first grade.
There have been other times in my life when I’ve had to endure what the bullies are dishing out, even during my adult life in the workplace and with a few people in my personal life. Luckily, as adults we can usually find a way to remove the bullies from our lives—but not without losing something ourselves, whether it be feeling forced to find another job, carrying with us that awfulness the bully placed in our heart or even having physical manifestations like nightmares or illness from the stress and anxiety.
As far as my stance on bullying goes and the way things worked out for Maura, I say this: The person being bullied is the ultimate winner. That person is not the one dishing out destructive behavior and hurting another human being. The tormented may suffer, but they can at least live with knowing they are a better person than the bully. When a bully is acting out, they are putting on display to the rest of the world the most hateful, mean, immature and selfish tendencies human beings possess. They think that by putting someone else down, they somehow make themselves look more strong or capable. All the people observing them are really thinking is about how debase the actions of that bully are, and probably what a waste of space their existence is in our world. One can never build up his or her character by putting another down. All they do is bring a negative cast to their own reputation and invite Karma to claim justice for the malicious act.
Maura does the best thing she can do in her case. She wants to forget about it and put what happened behind her. That takes power away from the cruelty the others inflicted upon her—it doesn’t even matter enough to be remembered. Maura moves on to better things that she wants to hold onto in her memories. She wants to concentrate on the boy she’s falling in love with, the mother who treasures her and the genuine friends she is making—not the mean-spirited people who wanted to hurt and alienate her just because they saw her as different. What kind of a person does that anyway?
And I did mention Karma…well, Maxwell has returned and he is death walking when he wants to be. Maura may be the forgive-and-forget type, but in book two Maxwell will show us that he is not quite as forgiving as his daughter.
Are you bullying someone, even unintentionally or sub consciously?
Bullying.org defines bullying as:
“Persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating or insulting behaviour, abuse of power, or unfair punishment which upsets, threatens and/or humiliates the recipient(s), undermining their self-confidence, reputation and ability to perform.”
Why do people bully?
Bullying.org gives some reasons behind this that may bring some small comfort to the object of the bully’s abuse:
“The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. It has nothing to do with managing: Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Anyone who chooses to bully implicitly admits their inadequacy.
Some people project their inadequacy onto others:
• to avoid facing up to and doing something about it;
• to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has; and
• to dilute their fear of being seen as weak, inadequate and possibly incompetent; and
• to divert attention away from the same: In badly run workplaces, bullying is the way that inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs and obtain promotion.”
What is the cost of bullying?
From Bullying.org:
“Bullying destroys teams, causing disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Any perceived efficiency gains from bullying are a short term illusion: Long term prospects are always at serious risk.”
Check out more at bullying.org to see more on the topic. They offer valuable information, which includes a list to check against to see if you are being bullied and they even offer very helpful suggestions as to what you can do about it. One section talks about the ill health effects that can pop up in someone who is being bullied, and that is one of the most important considerations. Nothing is more important than one’s health. Bullying is a major topic of concern we should all take more seriously, so we can work toward its eradication. I’m proud to give it presence in my book, so that my readers can hold it up for moral consideration.
Scared in San Diego: The Downside to my California Trip
I’ve said it before; I strive to be a nice person. Maybe that’s why I’m so flabbergasted when I encounter another person with such a complete lack of human decency. I’m not completely naïve—I do watch Criminal Minds. I know there are bad people out there. All in all, everyone I met in California, when I travelled to attend the InD’Scribe Conference, was so very nice. I even met a couple at Six Flags Magic Mountain who accompanied me on more than one ride, so that I wouldn’t have to spend the day alone—thank you Ben and Jennifer! But, on my last day, I found a little bit of human indecency right before flying back home to Ontario. This is the unfortunate story of what happened to me—a situation which left a grown woman feeling like a helpless, terrified child.
I won’t go through the long story which brought me to Extreme Pizza on Clairemont Drive in San Diego, but will just say due to my craptastic hotel failing to have neither wifi nor phone available, I ended up here, being unable to call for delivery. I was so tired from all the super-long conference days, a 103 degree day at the amusement park and a two-hour drive back to the city of my return flight the next morning. And I felt hungry enough to gnaw off my own arm. My exhaustion and frustration turned to delight when I learned Extreme could provide me with a gluten-free pepperoni and extra cheese pizza! I wouldn’t have to resort to self-cannibalism after all.
There was a man standing at the counter with me. I’d been so focused on ordering food that I hadn’t really noticed him before. He was probably in his late fifties—old enough to know better—short, but stocky and muscular with a shaved head. He’d heard me say to the owner of the restaurant that I was from Canada and proceeded to tell me he had relatives in one of the provinces, and told me a story about one of his visits. I’d met so many nice people, so I merely assumed he was being friendly, like my companions from the park. He was drinking a draft and asked me if I wanted to drink with him. I answered no, citing I had to drive back to my hotel. He asked me where I was staying, but I was smart enough to keep that to myself.
“Do you need someone to drive you back?” he asked. Ummmm, no…definitely not.
“No, thanks. I need to let my husband know I’m okay and made it from the park.” At this point he was a little too insistent for me, and I just wanted to distance myself. I looked on my phone for a wifi connection, and lucked up—unlike at my questionable hotel, which was really more like a camp for displaced humanity. I connected and proceeded to text Ron, letting him know I’d made the drive without running off any hillsides and explaining I had no wifi to allow for communicating at the hotel. The few times I’d had to turn my cellular on out of necessity had resulted in $200 in roaming charges (which Telus waived $150 of…thank you, Telus. I’m eternally grateful!).
The man had asked when I sat down to wait, dead on my swollen arthritic ankles, if he could sit and talk with me while I waited. It’s very hard for me to be rude, so I mistakenly said it was okay, though hesitation weighed heavy in the tone I used. He’d talked to me about how he was originally from Poland and asked me a couple of other things, but I was starting to get uncomfortable. He kept asking me if I wanted a beer, and I insisted I wouldn’t be consuming alcohol of any kind…although his insistence and overbearing nature really made me want to.
He, quite suddenly, became aggressive when I told him I needed to talk to my husband. He said, “You’re a cutie,” reaching out like he was going to touch my face.
“Don’t touch me,” I growled in warning. I could see the anger and frustration become more prominent in the set of his mouth and the flare of his beady, grey eyes.
He stood and held his mostly-finished beer out to me. I was getting angry myself, but I knew I was alone in an unfamiliar city with no one to back me up. “No, I said I don’t want any,” I told him firmly.
He stood up and moved around so that he was standing over my right shoulder…so he could read what I was texting!
“Can I help you with something?” I asked, absolutely incensed.
“I want you to drink with me,” he insisted again. “I can drive you back.” That was when I noticed he was very drunk. He stumbled and almost missed when he put his glass down on the counter.
“I told you I really need to get in touch with my husband.” I looked down at my phone, determined not to look back up.
This is when the scary stuff came out. There aren’t many humans more frightening than those who have a complete disregard for how they make other people feel and refuse to respect the fact they’ve been told no. This guy was determined to pull a reaction from me, with no regard for my feelings. He sat back down and started making loud noises, nearly shouting gibberish, making me jump and then smiling about it. He’d say something like, “Hey!” shouting loudly so I would look up, startled. He said something else, and I said, “What?” He just grinned back at me in a very evil way.
I started to shake a little. It disturbed me that he couldn’t respect me and leave me to my texting, resorting to scare tactics to get my attention. He was so insistent on getting his way that he’d resorted to harassing me. I started to wonder if he was insistent enough to try to follow me back to my hotel. Home suddenly seemed even farther away. I made up my mind to keep my head down. He stood back up when he couldn’t get a rise out of me. He walked around to my right side again, placing himself between me and the open door, and fairly screamed in my ear. I must have given quite the look, because he said, “Why you look at me like you wanna kill me?”
I said back, “I think you know why.”
He moved closer and rubbed the back of his hand across the backside of my bare arm. It made me nauseous, and I felt even more helpless at his determination to put his hands on me when I’d expressly asked him not to.
I was enraged, but also terrified. The store owner could hear him. He was being too loud not to be heard. Yet, he did nothing to aid me. If this guy took things further—we were the only three people in the shop—would he even do anything? It made me think about that quote which comments on the evil in doing nothing when you see something bad going down. I longed for the protection of the notorious Popcorn Man…or my bunbaby Pepper’s razor sharp teeth.
I’d stood up at this point, utilizing what I hoped was my formidable height, and said to the man behind the counter, “I really hope that’s ready to go.”
Luckily it was, and I made it out of the pizza place and back to my hotel with no other incident. But I was shaken and couldn’t help wondering what I might have done if I’d been attacked or followed.
It’s a sad statement that a woman can’t go on a business trip, even try to have a little fun, without being harassed and made to feel frightened. I’d felt completely confident and happy the entire time, before this incident. Wherever you are, Mr. Drunk Loser, shame on you for the way you made me feel. Shame on the business owner for not saying anything—Drunk Loser had mentioned at one point they knew each other. I didn’t realize until the next day, when I was Face Timing with Ron in Starbucks, how much it had shaken me up until I started crying when I told him about it. “I just want to come home,” I told him. And I did. To the safety of my writing couch, surrounded by the bunnies who love and always respect me. I won’t let this keep me from traveling in the future, but now I really hope I don’t have to do it alone—and I really shouldn’t have to feel that way.
