Tez Brooks's Blog: TezBrooks.com

 

Part of a 3-part interview with Tez Brooks,

Author of The Single Dad Detour: Directions for Fathering After Divorce   The Single Dad Detour: Directions for Fathering After Divorce (Kregel/February 27, 2015/ISBN: 978-0825443602 /$14.99). 

Q: Divorce often leaves a man feeling broken and depressed, yet pressured to put on a brave front. How can a dad authentically lead his children during such a dark time?

You know authenticity is important, especially when you’re trying to lead your kids through some tough transitions. There’s a certain amount of safety and refuge a child experiences from seeing their dad strongly brave the storms. Conversely, when they see a parent falling apart and becoming an emotional basket case, it does nothing to nurture a sense of security. Still yet, they need to know we are human. I need to model for my kids that I’m nothing apart from God and that Im not capable of doing anything without Christ. So here’s the thing: the problem about a stoic “front” is it’s exactly that…a front that’s not real. It’s inauthentic. A mask, to hide behind. But true faith in God, which comes from your heart, the core of your beliefs…that’s what produces peace. That peace from God is what gives us men the strength to move forward without falling apart and crying like a baby. Trusting God is going to help us as dads. That’s the thing kids need to see….the courage and stoicism that comes from a heart that believes God has got this.  Q: The Single Dad Detour is also filled with practical advice on topics from what food to keep in your fridge to how to decorate your new house or apartment. Why are these things important? Kids need a sense of home and I talk about this in The Single Dad Detour.  There’s a reason why Hollywood portrays us as clueless single dads whose fridge contains nothing but sour milk. It’s because they know it’s often true to life. Now I know a lot of single dads out there have found real freedom in being able to display their Mad Max posters and their beer can lampshades. But our kids need photos of grandma and a living room floor that’s not cluttered with tools. One of the easiest ways we can create a sense of home for our loved ones is to learn to cook and provide a safe environment for them to live in. In the early months following my divorce I hadn’t learn this valuable lesson yet. I made the mistake of buying my son a dog bed. Yep you heard me right. You know the big round ones for German shepherds? I know I’m an idiot. But it seemed like a great idea at the time. And my son Caleb loved it! It took me about 30 seconds to hit me….My son’s sleeping in a dog’s bed. I got him a real bed the next day. Q: It’s common for single dads to feel overwhelmed by their financial and relational responsibilities. How is The Single Dad Detour designed to bring meaningful change to a busy dad’s life? I wanted to be intentional in addressing this very issue. That’s why I developed an interactive element at the end of each chapter so they’d have some take-aways. Readers have an opportunity to reflect by answering some hard questions, reading a scripture passage, then planning some next steps. They can even quote a suggested prayer before moving on to the next chapter. These things are key to going beyond just reading a book, to discovering lasting change. Q: You have now been remarried for 23 years and have two more children. How did navigating the difficult years of single parenting prepare you for the challenge of a blended family? I found I grew in several ways. First of all I was stripped bare of all my pride, arrogance, selfishness and more. Then the Lord spent those next 7 years re-building me into more of what he wanted me to be. My wife Christine has always said she would not have been attracted to the kind of man I was before. I can’t say that I blame her, God’s timing is perfect. As far as being a better father. I’m still learning. I consistently see how my single years changed me spiritually, emotionally and relationally so I could be grow in that area, for all my kids kids. It’s difficult to see that in the midst of your valley. Now that they are all grown, hindsight clears that up a lot.  QUESTION FOR READERS: When emotions arise in front of the kids about the divorce (sadness or anger) how do you deal with it?

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a guest blog by Bob Wheatley

There’s a certain longing that only single people know. Many question arise when it comes to relationships. How do we navigate our years of singleness as believers? How should a Christian approach biblical dating?

Maybe for you, it is the void that you feel when you’ve had a long day. You walk into your apartment, tired and hungry, once again ready to eat dinner alone. Or maybe it’s when your phone doesn’t light up, with no one calling or texting to see how you’ve been.

What’s wrong with me? Am I destined to walk this journey alone?

The silence begins to speak, louder and louder. It begins to accuse us of being unworthy of love. Before long, we believe it. I can speak from experience.

I used to think of singleness as a time of delay, or even worse, something we had to escape, like the boogie man. Once marriage arrived, I reasoned, I would finally experience wholeness.

But as my season of singleness continued, I took on a different view. My transformation started when I was confronted by 1 Corinthians 7, and the timeless wisdom of the apostle Paul. In that New Testament epistle, he says this to singles:

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single … to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.” —1 Corinthians 7:8, 35 (ESV)

It is good for us to remain single? How could this be?

Paul’s words sounded impossible the first time I read them, so I ignored them and moved on with my life. But as time went on, I always thought back to his words of encouragement: I wish you could remain as you are.

The deeper I went with God, the more Paul’s words came alive to me. Suddenly, I did not see singleness as a lesser season. It was a divine assignment from a Father who loves me. I decided I would no longer be consumed with seeking a wife. Instead, I simply would focus on Jesus.

A season of singleness is not always easy, but it can be rich in blessings. Day by day, I have seen my character changed from the inside out. What once felt like torture has revealed a great purpose.

Here are the three top advantages that I’ve found in my singleness, and I pray that you find them as well:

1. MORE TIME FOR GOD

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.” —1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV

My newly-married friends have affirmed this truth. Sometimes, they simply don’t have the time to read their Bibles in the morning. They lose out on quiet time. They can’t pray as much as they used to. The single Christian­—although potentially facing more loneliness—certainly has more time to seek the Lord. The question is: Are we taking advantage of the time that we have?

2. MORE TIME FOR YOU

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” —Ephesians 2:10 ESV

Relationships take up a lot of time. In both dating and marriage relationships alike, our time must be shared with the person at our side. When our interests are divided, we have less time in the day to serve our church, discover our passions, advance professionally, or wait on the Lord to reveal His will. In our season of singleness, we have the unique ability to discover your gifts, talents, passions, and burdens.

3. MORE TIME FOR SUFFERING

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. —Hebrews 12:11 ESV

Make no mistake, it is actually suffering, not pleasure, that develops our character into holiness. In fact, Hebrews 2:10 even says that Jesus Himself was made perfect through suffering. By walking through our seasons of singleness, God is molding and shaping us into His image. All pain is painful, but not all pain is harmful. We can trust our Father to make the most of this season.

Nowadays, I am learning to ask myself better questions. What if our singleness is not a pause, a delay, or a time to be “endured”? What if, on the contrary, God is giving us a blessing that we should actually cherish? What if God is less interested in changing our relationship status—and more interested in shaping our souls?

If you find yourself in an unmarried season, hear me on this: You are not falling behind. You are not invisible, and you are not forgotten. You are right where God wants you to be—single, available, and receiving His blessings.

Here is the truth that God wants us to find: We find Hope in our seasons of singleness. Now seek Him with all that you are!

Bob Wheatley is the #1 Bestselling Author of Single-Minded: Finding Purpose & Strength in Your Season of Singleness. His work has been featured on Way-FM, THE FISH, KCBI Christian Radio, ESPN, Fox Sports, and various other international outlets. After playing professional baseball for the Toronto Blue Jays and St. Louis Cardinals, he moved to Nashville, Tennessee, where he now works as an author and speaker. You can visit Bob’s website at www.bobwheatley.com.

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Hear why Tez wrote “Debriefing” on Radical Abundance with Teresa Janzen.

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Most schools are out for the summer. It’s time for vacations and resting.
Wrong! Not for single parents.
For singles with kids, no school could mean no rest while they try to entertain the kids or keep them from boredom and trouble.
Single moms and dads have to worry about the cost of childcare and balancing the kids’ time off with a work schedule.
Do you know a single mom or single dad you can help during the upcoming months?Here are a few suggestions for how you, your church or small group can help:
1. Offer to take the kids for a day. Not only does this remove the cost of childcare for a day (which can be up to $200 a week!), but also the stress of having to get them there on time and pick them up.
2. Buy groceries or make a meal. Approximately 25% of single father homes and 50% of single mother homes live in poverty.
3. Offer to do some chores around the house. This removes one more thing from an already overwhelming day. Clean the house, mow the lawn, do a little fixing up on areas that need it.
4. Take the whole family somewhere. Whether it’s just to the park or beach for the day, or even a week camping, this will be a tremendous blessing.
Single moms and single dads need downtime just like the rest of us (even more so); bless them with an opportunity they may normally feel guilty taking or unable to do themselves?
Whether relaxing or stressful, it’s easy to get caught up in our own lives. Still, there is always someone in greater need than us—we just need to keep our eyes, ears, and heart open for the opportunities God places in our path.
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them… –Matt 7:12 (ESV)

Portions adapted from a post at “A Father’s Walk” on June 2, 2018

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You’ll discover why during his interview with me.

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Pay at the door or now with Venmo. Pizza/drink is provided for another $5

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Tez appears again on “The Boundless Show” with Lisa Anderson

Listen to Tez and Lisa discuss single parenting after divorce and what you can do to survive. Jump to timestamp 23:00 minutes

The post Surviving Single Parenting After Divorce appeared first on tezbrooks.com.

Host Lisa Anderson and Tez share about “Adult-o-Nomics” and their own experiences becoming functioning adults. Check out the conversation here at timestamp 27:30.

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On the first week of February, Tez’s 20th book will release. This one comes from his experience doing premarital counseling. Couples using this resource will ask/answer ten questions each week (for ten weeks) on varying topics from commitment and communication to salvation and sex. Contact Tez to pre-order packs of ten or more (discounted) for your church or ministry. Here is a peek at the content.

Week 1 – Spiritual Inquiries

Week 2 – Relationships Questions

Week 3 – Views on Marriage

Week 4 – Roles

Week 5 – Beliefs about Finances

Week 6 – About Your History

Week 7 – Communication

Week 8 – Intimacy Topics

Week 9 – Parenting Questions

Week 10 – Miscellaneous

The post A sneak peek at what’s inside “Is God Calling Us to Marry?” dropping in February. appeared first on tezbrooks.com.