mark Jabbour's Blog - Posts Tagged "writing"
Somebody to love - seriously, is there any other topic?
this is old but relevant
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sigmund Freud believed that insight and interpretation were the keys to unlocking human potential, and freeing the mind from the restraints of hysteria and dementia praecox, what we now call neurosis and psychosis, that inhibit or prevent love and work. As a therapist he was mostly unsuccessful, not because he was wrong about the healing properties of insight and interpretation—but because of his intransigence regarding his theory of sexual energy, aka, The Oedipus Complex, as the sole cause of psychological and emotional problems. In short—his interpretations were often wrong. He was successful as a therapist when he abandoned his own doctrine of belief and methodology, and instead was open, warm, and affectionate with his patients. Of course, this behavior was predicated upon the person falling in love with him.
Love heals. Love is a natural state. We are all born with the capacity for, and indeed, the expectation of love. Healthy love is a behavior that engenders wellbeing. We all need it to thrive.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
The problem is, as with many things,iiiiiiiiiiikiu99999999999 [the cat on the keyboard:] is that love is conditional—meaning it can be unlearned. And instead of being reciprocal, can be replaced by an abusive, self-serving hierarchy. This distortion of love sucks love from those below, passes on through the subject, and then is deposited (in the form of worship) to those above. Sound familiar?
Let me clarify who I am. I am a fiction writer—writing about the human condition. In the writing of fiction I am subservient to no one's interpretation (including the Authority) of the "facts." I am free to put forth my own interpretation of truth and let that stand, or fall, on its own validity. I am formally educated in Anthropology, Psychology, and Social Work. I have worked in the Field with abandoned, neglected, and/or abused children and young adults, all of them hostile, some aggressive, and some violent. And, I have never ceased learning. My curiosity is almost infinite.
I think I know what love is.
Love cannot be faked, but it can be distorted, abused, and misrepresented. It is not possible to love fully and completely without being loved fully and completely. Love is reciprocal. If you, like I, have had it stolen from you—it is very difficult to get it back. To do so, you must enter into a non-abusive relationship, a loving one such as the therapeutic interaction that Freud sometimes, inadvertently, fell into with his patients and colleagues.
There are five elements to the successful recovery, or discovery, of your loving Self:
1) There must be collaboration between partners (not a hierarchy) to fight against anti-love.
2) Together you must identify unhealthy situations and patterns of behavior.
3) Together you must strive to stop and/or block those situations and behaviors.
4) Together you must make a commitment to change.
5) Together you must begin to practice new loving behaviors.
These five elements aren't necessarily, and probably never will be, in sequence, with the exception of the first one. They will develop within and as, a spiral. Some of you may recognize this as the ideal therapeutic relationship. It is, but it's truly hard to find. I think it is as likely as not to be found in the relation understood as friendship. Outside of the restrictions of the professional practitioner/client interaction, that partnership is free to advance to a sexual/romantic one. Within the pay-for-service relationship, the partnership must dissolve and a clean break be made. Unfortunately, this could cause a retraumatism, because of the separation and loss, and start the cycle over again.
So, who am I to say all this? I am not your therapist. I am not a man of faith. (I am an atheist.) I am not a self-help guru or a doctor. I am not your grandfather, father, or brother. I am simply a friend—who like you—is looking for somebody to love.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Sigmund Freud believed that insight and interpretation were the keys to unlocking human potential, and freeing the mind from the restraints of hysteria and dementia praecox, what we now call neurosis and psychosis, that inhibit or prevent love and work. As a therapist he was mostly unsuccessful, not because he was wrong about the healing properties of insight and interpretation—but because of his intransigence regarding his theory of sexual energy, aka, The Oedipus Complex, as the sole cause of psychological and emotional problems. In short—his interpretations were often wrong. He was successful as a therapist when he abandoned his own doctrine of belief and methodology, and instead was open, warm, and affectionate with his patients. Of course, this behavior was predicated upon the person falling in love with him.
Love heals. Love is a natural state. We are all born with the capacity for, and indeed, the expectation of love. Healthy love is a behavior that engenders wellbeing. We all need it to thrive.
Everybody needs somebody to love.
The problem is, as with many things,iiiiiiiiiiikiu99999999999 [the cat on the keyboard:] is that love is conditional—meaning it can be unlearned. And instead of being reciprocal, can be replaced by an abusive, self-serving hierarchy. This distortion of love sucks love from those below, passes on through the subject, and then is deposited (in the form of worship) to those above. Sound familiar?
Let me clarify who I am. I am a fiction writer—writing about the human condition. In the writing of fiction I am subservient to no one's interpretation (including the Authority) of the "facts." I am free to put forth my own interpretation of truth and let that stand, or fall, on its own validity. I am formally educated in Anthropology, Psychology, and Social Work. I have worked in the Field with abandoned, neglected, and/or abused children and young adults, all of them hostile, some aggressive, and some violent. And, I have never ceased learning. My curiosity is almost infinite.
I think I know what love is.
Love cannot be faked, but it can be distorted, abused, and misrepresented. It is not possible to love fully and completely without being loved fully and completely. Love is reciprocal. If you, like I, have had it stolen from you—it is very difficult to get it back. To do so, you must enter into a non-abusive relationship, a loving one such as the therapeutic interaction that Freud sometimes, inadvertently, fell into with his patients and colleagues.
There are five elements to the successful recovery, or discovery, of your loving Self:
1) There must be collaboration between partners (not a hierarchy) to fight against anti-love.
2) Together you must identify unhealthy situations and patterns of behavior.
3) Together you must strive to stop and/or block those situations and behaviors.
4) Together you must make a commitment to change.
5) Together you must begin to practice new loving behaviors.
These five elements aren't necessarily, and probably never will be, in sequence, with the exception of the first one. They will develop within and as, a spiral. Some of you may recognize this as the ideal therapeutic relationship. It is, but it's truly hard to find. I think it is as likely as not to be found in the relation understood as friendship. Outside of the restrictions of the professional practitioner/client interaction, that partnership is free to advance to a sexual/romantic one. Within the pay-for-service relationship, the partnership must dissolve and a clean break be made. Unfortunately, this could cause a retraumatism, because of the separation and loss, and start the cycle over again.
So, who am I to say all this? I am not your therapist. I am not a man of faith. (I am an atheist.) I am not a self-help guru or a doctor. I am not your grandfather, father, or brother. I am simply a friend—who like you—is looking for somebody to love.
Wake up?
DENVER – Mark Jabbour is an atheist, a former democrat, progressive, feminist, former President Barack Obama delegate and a President Donald Trump voter. His book titled “Election 2016: The Great Divide, the Great Debate” (published by Xlibris) is his story, a personal account of how and why he became a vocal supporter of Donald Trump and the costs of that choice. It is also the story of humankind and how and why the species became “who we are” and why the American people have come to be so divided and on the verge of a catastrophic situation whi ch can lead to war.
The book shares a collection of essays written in real time, reacting to and predicting the emergence of Donald Trump as a viable, then winning candidate — interrupted periodically by fictional analysis from the author and fictional characters, demonstrating the psychological aspects of the campaign regarding the American psyche. In addition, there are fictional futuristic happenings and speculations about what could happen. There are a number of footnotes, some cite sources, some are explanatory and some are updates of relevant subject matter. Taken as a whole, it is a story about an unprecedented event in American and world history.
“It tells the story of a world-changing event with far-reaching consequences that should be of concern to everyone. In addition, it will enable the reader to explain how and why Trump won as well as how anyone in his or her right, smart mind could vote for him,” Jabbour says. “Its approach is from a psychological, evolutionary, historical perspective.”
“Election 2016: The Great Divide, the Great Debate” aims to give an accurate, entertaining analysis and accounting of unprecedented events from a unique perspective, and hopefully will help readers bridge “The Great Divide.” “Trump’s win was earned fairly without Russian collusion. He, and it, should be celebrated and he be given the opportunity to govern according to his platform,” Jabbour concludes.
“Election 2016: The Great Divide, the Great Debate”
By Mark Jabbour
Hardcover | 6 x 9in | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564733 Softcover | 6 x 9in | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564726 E-Book | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564719
Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble
About the Author
Mark Edward Jabbour is 68 years old, born of a military family, with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and anthropology, cum laude (1996), with graduate studies in social work. He has lived in four countries and nine states. In his life, he has owned, built, sold and/or given away possessions, equities, businesses and homes. He is curious, open-minded, creative, adventurous, risk-taking and free-spirited. He has tended minds — young and old, male and female, watched loved ones be born and die, wrote and had published novels and nonfiction essays and recently helped others to write at Front Range Community College, Colorado. This is his fourth book.
The book shares a collection of essays written in real time, reacting to and predicting the emergence of Donald Trump as a viable, then winning candidate — interrupted periodically by fictional analysis from the author and fictional characters, demonstrating the psychological aspects of the campaign regarding the American psyche. In addition, there are fictional futuristic happenings and speculations about what could happen. There are a number of footnotes, some cite sources, some are explanatory and some are updates of relevant subject matter. Taken as a whole, it is a story about an unprecedented event in American and world history.
“It tells the story of a world-changing event with far-reaching consequences that should be of concern to everyone. In addition, it will enable the reader to explain how and why Trump won as well as how anyone in his or her right, smart mind could vote for him,” Jabbour says. “Its approach is from a psychological, evolutionary, historical perspective.”
“Election 2016: The Great Divide, the Great Debate” aims to give an accurate, entertaining analysis and accounting of unprecedented events from a unique perspective, and hopefully will help readers bridge “The Great Divide.” “Trump’s win was earned fairly without Russian collusion. He, and it, should be celebrated and he be given the opportunity to govern according to his platform,” Jabbour concludes.
“Election 2016: The Great Divide, the Great Debate”
By Mark Jabbour
Hardcover | 6 x 9in | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564733 Softcover | 6 x 9in | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564726 E-Book | 358 pages | ISBN 9781984564719
Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble
About the Author
Mark Edward Jabbour is 68 years old, born of a military family, with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and anthropology, cum laude (1996), with graduate studies in social work. He has lived in four countries and nine states. In his life, he has owned, built, sold and/or given away possessions, equities, businesses and homes. He is curious, open-minded, creative, adventurous, risk-taking and free-spirited. He has tended minds — young and old, male and female, watched loved ones be born and die, wrote and had published novels and nonfiction essays and recently helped others to write at Front Range Community College, Colorado. This is his fourth book.
