They say pain is weakness leaving the body. For many years my body has suffered from chronic pain. Fibromylgia and I adjusted to it after years. I become a Fibro Warrior. not a survivor. In 2001 my world changed. I injured my back. Therapy and medicine and chiropractors didn't work. Something in me changed. And I become racked with pain.

It took many years to find a doctor who seemed to understand what had happened. I was put on many many drugs. New ones. trails. It wrecked my body in different ways. I lost most of my teeth due to medicine and drinking soda. The death of relationships. The death of my self esteem and self worth. I survived it. I became stronger and almost robotic. It has taken me many years to find myself. The Light inside. But here it is.

2016. And last year my life changed again. Jan 28th of 2015 I woke up with what could only be described as a very bad flu. I went to the doctor who said it would pass. And it didn't. Now its over a year and a few months passed that point. And I am on my 4th doctor and a surgeon and a new GI doctor. I had surgery to remove my gall bladder. every test known to man. And I am still sick. At what point does strength no longer count? At what point does your self worth matter?

​When I say I am sick. Let me describe this to you. I eat I am sick. I feel like throwing up every day all day even despite taking anti nausea medication. I have diarhea every day up to 10 or more times a day. It has never stopped in over a year. My body is tired. And I don't mean the normal hey I'm tired. or exhaustion. When I do sleep I sleep so deep I can't be woken. Thats if I sleep. New sleep medication and anti depressants combined with diarhea and nasea daily leaves me tired. A trip to the store leaves me even more tired. I put on the strong face. I put on the smiling everything is fine smile. But its not. And you might never truly understand a chronic condition and i hope you never really do. But at the same time I wish you could live a "good day" in my life. So you could understand.

​These are just a few thoughts. More in the coming weeks as I battle this. Trying to keep what little sanity I do have left.

​J