“It’s not you, it’s me...” you’re right—it is you. Sometimes these are the truest words though most people who say them don’t even mean it.

We spend too much time blaming ourselves instead of taking that statement at face value. We know those who say it are really saying, “You’re not what I want. I don’t like you, you did this or that and that really bothered me, etc.” And we forget, that in reality, they do not want or desire or love or need the person we are. It doesn’t have to be because something is inherently wrong with us. It truly means we are not what that person had in mind. It is them and their perception of us.

Most people believe it takes two to make or break a relationship. That isn’t true either—not if we go into a relationship with the intelligent thought of no one—neither you nor me, is perfect. It takes two to build up a life together, but it really only takes one to knock it right down. It takes you or it takes me and sometimes it takes both of us. But it takes at least one to give up, stop trying and not caring.

We all have our little idiosyncrasies or bad habits and odd ways about us. We all have our neurosis, our shortcomings and our insecurities. The people who we choose to share our lives with either accept them or over look them just as we do to theirs. Most people, though they would like to, know they can never change anyone. Yet, many like to hold those things they once over looked before, those things that they once found to be a charming little quirk—as to be the reason to walk away.

I say its bullshit. It isn’t me—it’s YOU!

So many of us out here in this world like to internalize the blame or the exact opposite—wear it like a badge of honor to say, “I must be this awful person. If only I had done this. If only I had said that. If only I had worn the right clothing, had the right job, got a smarter haircut, gone to college, had less drama, been promoted, cooked better, cleaned better, been fatter or thinner or prettier or taller…” and the list can go on and on and on. It becomes quite scary to whittle ourselves away into an absolute shadow of who we really are.

Why can’t we just be our true self—without hiding or pretense and without prayers to the almighty that people do not see who we really are? Someone tell me what is wrong with that picture because it seems very clear and focused to me.

If I stand before you naked with my soul pinned to my shoulder, showing you who I really am and You do not like me—it’s You! All we can really be when it all comes down to it is who we are. If someone doesn’t want what we are, like who we are, need who we are, love who we are or even decides to change their mind—we are still okay.

We still are who we are.


Monika M. Basile