“How is your book going?”

This question often comes up while I’m standing in a crowd of people I don’t know very well. It’s one of those needle-scratching-across-the-record moments, all eyes on me, waiting to hear what the writer has to say. Beads of sweat form at my hairline, I shift uncomfortably and take a long gulp of whatever poison I’m drinking, the fake smile plastered on my face hangs there just a beat too long while I search through my catalog of responses.

What can I say without sounding self-important, or boring, or unwittingly eliciting that dreaded follow-up question, So, what is it about?

Here are some techniques I’ve employed in the past:

Deflection

Q: How is your book going?

A: Oh, pretty good. Hey, do you think there’s meat in these stuffed mushrooms?

Inspect stuffed mushrooms until everyone loses interest, then eat stuffed mushrooms regardless of findings.

Self-Deprecation

Q: How is your book going?

A: Like a turd on a conveyor belt. Terrible. Let’s talk about something else.

Token Polite

Q: How is your book going?

A: Really well. How is your wife/husband/kid/pet?

Drunk

Q: How is your book going?

A: Sumpthin’s uppin my whatnow?

Fall over and/or vomit.

Confrontational

Q: How is your book going?

A: What’s that supposed to mean?

Swashbuckling

Q: How is your book going?

A: Make way, ye soul-sucking scum o’ the sea, fore I take me cutlass and feed the fish!

Not recommended.

Soap Opera

Q: How is your book going?

A: How dare you, Timothy. You think you have the right to ask me such things after what you did with my twin sister? I trusted you!

Splash wine in his/her face then turn on your heel and depart dramatically. 

Honest

Q: How is your book going?

A: Some days I think it’s going well. Other days I wonder when everyone is going to see through it all and call me out for the intruder I am. Thanks for asking.

Q: So, what’s it about?

A: Fall over and/or vomit.