I Would Rather You Hate My Book Than Think It's "Just Okay"
I used to daydream about getting 3-star reviews.
Yes, yes I did. I used to and I laugh at myself. Not for the reason you're probably thinking, though. And I dreamed about 5-star reviews, too! I used to lose myself in a daydream that involves screaming fans and movie deals and meeting Henry Cavill. (There was also an unsurprising lack of tax paying in these daydreams.) Of course, I was never as hung up on that as the 3-star reviews because it always seemed far-fetched. Publishing? Totally doable. Making it big? My head isn't that inflated.
But this year, both of those dreams have faded away, and it comes down to one simple fact: I'm more in love with my stories than I ever have been, and I have more confidence in the stories I'm called to write. More than last year, the year before that, etc. I'd say this year I've gone back to what it was like closer to when I started writing: no strings attached, no people asking to beta read, no expectations for future books from the 10-15 readers who have already beta read 2 of my books. Just me and my imagination.
Because of this, I no longer daydream about fame and fortune. Sure, if I end up in the top 5% (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see me complaining. My only hope is that no matter what my bank account looks like, I'll always remain the same writer. I don't want to get caught up in that; I just want to be me. And I want to write. And I'd like to travel. I don't have to have millions of dollars to do those things.
Now, while it's nice to come to these conclusions and be happy with never making it big, there's a more important revelation at hand.
I'd rather you give my book 1 star and hate its horrid little guts, than give it 3 stars and say it was "just okay".
I started realizing this last year when I read a few very forgettable 3-star books. I sat there and stared at my Goodreads and tried to come up with words to write about these books. "What do I tell people? They're not horrible but they're not great? The characters were lame? The writing was like everyone else's? It didn't stand out?" Well, those aren't mean things to say, exactly, but they sure as hell turn me off when I see them in other people's reviews.
Then I started thinking about what makes me want to read a book. "I LOVED THIS BOOK" or "I HATED THIS BOOK" usually do the trick. (Related: I finish books I hate more often than books I think are "just okay".)
If a book has invoked such strong emotions in someone that they are raging and ranting about it, I'm more likely to be curious. I'll want to try for myself. And if I hate it as well, at least it made me feel something.
Yeah. I'm one of those people.
I don't want you to read my book and say it was good and then forget about it the next day or week or month. I want you to throw it at the wall at the end and say, "HOW DARE SHE WRITE THIS." If you do this, it means one of two things. You're either madly in love and will start getting involved with fandom and obsess over the rest of my books as they come out, OR you'll host a communal book burning.
Either way, I've made you feel something, and deeply. That's all I ever ask for when I read, and that's all I ever want to give to my readers. I want you to feel some emotion in a really gigantic way that changes you, even if it's just a small change. Because that means it's big enough to talk about, worthy of discussion, and that's the reason I write. Big ideas, hard topics, and flawed characters -- some I know you'll hate when you read about them, or at least want to bash their heads in with frustration. And if you read it and you didn't like how it was handled or it went against your own experiences, that's okay. I wrote what I was supposed to write, and it's important to me, and it's a part of my journey. Thank you for coming along with me for part of it, even if you won't be here the whole way.
In summary: I don't want millions of dollars or a lot of "good" reviews. I want to change lives and alter perspectives.
That may just be the harder path of the two.
Yes, yes I did. I used to and I laugh at myself. Not for the reason you're probably thinking, though. And I dreamed about 5-star reviews, too! I used to lose myself in a daydream that involves screaming fans and movie deals and meeting Henry Cavill. (There was also an unsurprising lack of tax paying in these daydreams.) Of course, I was never as hung up on that as the 3-star reviews because it always seemed far-fetched. Publishing? Totally doable. Making it big? My head isn't that inflated.
But this year, both of those dreams have faded away, and it comes down to one simple fact: I'm more in love with my stories than I ever have been, and I have more confidence in the stories I'm called to write. More than last year, the year before that, etc. I'd say this year I've gone back to what it was like closer to when I started writing: no strings attached, no people asking to beta read, no expectations for future books from the 10-15 readers who have already beta read 2 of my books. Just me and my imagination.
Because of this, I no longer daydream about fame and fortune. Sure, if I end up in the top 5% (WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY), you won't see me complaining. My only hope is that no matter what my bank account looks like, I'll always remain the same writer. I don't want to get caught up in that; I just want to be me. And I want to write. And I'd like to travel. I don't have to have millions of dollars to do those things.
Now, while it's nice to come to these conclusions and be happy with never making it big, there's a more important revelation at hand.
I'd rather you give my book 1 star and hate its horrid little guts, than give it 3 stars and say it was "just okay".
I started realizing this last year when I read a few very forgettable 3-star books. I sat there and stared at my Goodreads and tried to come up with words to write about these books. "What do I tell people? They're not horrible but they're not great? The characters were lame? The writing was like everyone else's? It didn't stand out?" Well, those aren't mean things to say, exactly, but they sure as hell turn me off when I see them in other people's reviews.
Then I started thinking about what makes me want to read a book. "I LOVED THIS BOOK" or "I HATED THIS BOOK" usually do the trick. (Related: I finish books I hate more often than books I think are "just okay".)
If a book has invoked such strong emotions in someone that they are raging and ranting about it, I'm more likely to be curious. I'll want to try for myself. And if I hate it as well, at least it made me feel something.
Yeah. I'm one of those people.
I don't want you to read my book and say it was good and then forget about it the next day or week or month. I want you to throw it at the wall at the end and say, "HOW DARE SHE WRITE THIS." If you do this, it means one of two things. You're either madly in love and will start getting involved with fandom and obsess over the rest of my books as they come out, OR you'll host a communal book burning.
Either way, I've made you feel something, and deeply. That's all I ever ask for when I read, and that's all I ever want to give to my readers. I want you to feel some emotion in a really gigantic way that changes you, even if it's just a small change. Because that means it's big enough to talk about, worthy of discussion, and that's the reason I write. Big ideas, hard topics, and flawed characters -- some I know you'll hate when you read about them, or at least want to bash their heads in with frustration. And if you read it and you didn't like how it was handled or it went against your own experiences, that's okay. I wrote what I was supposed to write, and it's important to me, and it's a part of my journey. Thank you for coming along with me for part of it, even if you won't be here the whole way.
In summary: I don't want millions of dollars or a lot of "good" reviews. I want to change lives and alter perspectives.
That may just be the harder path of the two.
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