This post is the second in a small group of posts that all go together. If you haven’t yet, please read SWLC Post, The First: You Can’t Say No to the Universe.

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This writing isn’t going to be a point by point accounting of what happened at Southwest Leather Conference. That would take a lot more words than I really have time to get down. But I am including the highlights, the important bits, so that readers can connect this experience with what came before and with what will come after.

I arrived at SWLC a day late, due to a canceled flight, but several hours earlier than planned, due to an awesome gate agent at the Southwest Airlines counter. By the time I got settled into my room and checked in to the con, there was only one class left for the day and it was one of the ones I’d really wanted to attend. So even though I’d missed the other one I’d really wanted to attend, at least I got one out of two. The session was *The Alchemy of M/s* taught by Master Obsidian & slave namaste. And here is where I had my first epiphany of the conference.

The class was about spiritual transformation, including taking ownership of oneself and the steps for how to do that. This resonated with me because of my own Year of Living Uncomfortably journey. Historically, my YoLU journey has been about finding parts of myself, creating the self that I want to be, and facing things about both my body and my mind that are difficult or problematic for me on different levels.

The Universe had decided that I needed to restart my YoLU in 2017 and that the theme this time was suffering. I didn’t see that as being connected to the previous YoLU, so I simply pursued it, assuming I would figure things out as I went.

I’m not going to talk about the entire Alchemy class, but if you get a chance to experience it first-hand, I would heartily recommend it. The main part that I took with me was about facing your shadows, but even more than facing them: accepting them and *embracing them* as a part of you.

Whew. That’s hard. I mean, it’s just hard, in general, right? It is a thing I’ve been working on about my body and body image for years. But I think that because of the intense focus in that direction, there are other shadows I’ve maybe overlooked. So the class opened my eyes to other aspects about myself (or potential aspects) that I hadn’t thought about confronting.

The phrase that they used to encompass the acceptance of the shadows is, “I am that.”

My mind has always been my shield and so the idea that someone might think I am stupid used to be a very strong trigger for me. (And I’m using “trigger” in the sense that it triggered a particular reaction, not in the psychological sense of a trauma trigger.) I would react intensely on an emotional level and would sometimes lash out verbally if someone called me stupid. I’ve mellowed a lot in my old age, but it’s still something that affects me and I have to actively manage myself internally when it happens.

But sometimes I am stupid. I’m human. I make stupid mistakes or have stupid thoughts or just act in a stupid way. Certainly, I don’t ever want to admit that, but here I am