June 10, 1074

Dear Diary,

Ever since I can remember, I have talked to the ancestors.

Well, also The Great-Grandmother, a few times. She's the only one I ever actually met before they were dead. And I really don't remember her from before she was dead. I remember seeing her when she was very, very sick before she died, but I don't remember her LIVING.

You know what I mean? It's hard to explain this, even to myself. See, I don't remember her cooking for us, even though Mom tells me that she did. I don't remember going to church with her, or opening Christmas presents with her or playing with her hats. Those are just things that other people tell me we did together.

I never did see Aunt Connie while we were cleaning out the house.

I know Grandpa was disappointed, but at least he didn't seem very surprised. He said he would be more surprised if I did.

When I asked him why, he told me his father once said he reckoned a spirit needed some time to come to terms with its new condition before checking on things that had been left behind.

I suppose that makes sense. But if I was a ghost, I would want to jump right back to my house and check on Mom and Dad, because they probably wouldn't take it very well.

And if one of them was a ghost...

Dang! I don't even want to finish that thought!

Okay. I would WANT them to come to me right away.

Maybe they can't.

When I ask why they do things, or don't do things, I never get a straight answer. I don't know if they won't talk, can't talk or just don't know. It's frustrating.

Right now, I just want to say that it's easier this way--not having known them when they were here.

If Aunt Connie shows up anytime soon, I will just fall apart. And that won't help Grandpa a bit.

I'm not good at this, Diary.

Your Friend,

Emma


Author's Note 03-20-2018

For myself, I would love to return to the easier days, those days when I personally did not know many people who had passed on. This month has been a difficult one; I lost a nephew last week. My son in law lost a childhood friend the week before. Today I lost a childhood friend. There have been questions that cannot be answered, regrets that can never be reconciled, and so many tears.

Emma's assertion that it's easier to see those ancestors she never knew in life--it seems genuine to me. If I were to see my friend right now, or my nephew, I certainly would fall apart.

Paula