READ THE SIGNS
Ever wish your wife had a placard, like a one of those handheld signs you see at the airports for waiting Taxi drivers or those LED car bumpers which tell you to ‘back off’? Well I do! In a moment where we were back and synchronized, I joked with her that she needed a few. Her reaction said to me, that she readily acknowledged she needed them and she could possibly see my point of view
I think I would start my signage print run with: I need a cuddle, back off, you can kiss me now, don’t come near me, I want to talk, you need to listen, I hate you, I love you, you are allowed one kiss.
I was soooo hoping we’d moved on from this and I genuinely thought we had. Last year was a terrible year for us and indeed probably most of the UK. The procrastination of Brexit did little to help the indecision of everyday life. We were stuck in a dead lock and the status quo ruled. How those imaginary signs would flip, one moment, ‘you can kiss me’, the next, ‘I hate you’.
It wears you down. The constant uncertainty, shall I, shan’t I, can I, can’t I. It was like my life was stuck in a rut, unable to make a move or commitment for fear of being shot down. Unable to move on with my life, to take control back. My coping mechanism was to simply keep my head low and get on with life, to become devoid of any emotion. There seemed little point in getting myself excited, only to have the sign suddenly turned and slapped in my face, like a faulty traffic light.
Is it a game? I’m not sure. From the outside looking in, it’s comical watching that car shunt forward on green, then instantly the lights turn red, leaving the driver not knowing whether to proceed or not. Eventually he just ends up stranded at the crossroads. Eventually he abandons the car and walks away. Suddenly it’s not so funny after all.
I still fail to quite understand how one minute she can saddle up to me and kiss me softly on the lips, then the next she has cocooned herself in the duvet with her arm stretched out straight to keep me at a distance.
How ironic then that I am not alone, it would seem the world has joined me as I go into shut down mode. My self-isolation has pushed me into the spare bedroom, not because of CV19, but because I’m just fed up. I’m fed up that we’ve now drifted back to how we were as I wrote my book last year.
I had hoped that the ‘coil’ would be our saviour, and certainly things were looking good. It seemed to deal with the monthly peaks and troughs in our relationship. Life keeps throwing these grenades: Brexit, house sale fall through, father-in-law goes into home, father runs off with you bride, floods, storms and constant rain, and now the coronavirus.
The world now finds itself in a very dark and sombre place and my woes, I’m sure pale into insignificance against others, but sometimes it just helps to put pen to paper. I can cope with many things, but why, when things aren’t quite going right, does my wife turn on me. The very person she needs for support. It’s akin to a subconscious backlash. She is frustrated that her father has passed away and this manifests itself by punishing me. She is oblivious and blind to it. To her she has just kissed me on the lips, she’s done her duty, but then blind (or seemingly so) to her cutting quips over her controlling possessiveness of the laundry as I try to help. How she turns and immediately hates me purely because I frown, partly because she’s at a distance and I need my glasses, but also because I’m trying to help. I’m trying to turn her negativity about CV19 into a positive. I’m trying to lift her spirits, to help her. No matter what I say, if I say it in the wrong tone or make a facial movement, then I am shot down. My only option is to shut down, to become devoid of any emotion, to not enter into conversation.
She is semi-aware of how she is reacting and has asked me to cut her some slack. I’ve been supportive and helpful in every way possible, but I am only human after all. The inner, fun loving, zestful guy within me is slowly being eroded to nothing. Yes, she may have lost her father, but in the aftermath is it worth sacrificing her husband too?!WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in lifeOliver Very
I think I would start my signage print run with: I need a cuddle, back off, you can kiss me now, don’t come near me, I want to talk, you need to listen, I hate you, I love you, you are allowed one kiss.
I was soooo hoping we’d moved on from this and I genuinely thought we had. Last year was a terrible year for us and indeed probably most of the UK. The procrastination of Brexit did little to help the indecision of everyday life. We were stuck in a dead lock and the status quo ruled. How those imaginary signs would flip, one moment, ‘you can kiss me’, the next, ‘I hate you’.
It wears you down. The constant uncertainty, shall I, shan’t I, can I, can’t I. It was like my life was stuck in a rut, unable to make a move or commitment for fear of being shot down. Unable to move on with my life, to take control back. My coping mechanism was to simply keep my head low and get on with life, to become devoid of any emotion. There seemed little point in getting myself excited, only to have the sign suddenly turned and slapped in my face, like a faulty traffic light.
Is it a game? I’m not sure. From the outside looking in, it’s comical watching that car shunt forward on green, then instantly the lights turn red, leaving the driver not knowing whether to proceed or not. Eventually he just ends up stranded at the crossroads. Eventually he abandons the car and walks away. Suddenly it’s not so funny after all.
I still fail to quite understand how one minute she can saddle up to me and kiss me softly on the lips, then the next she has cocooned herself in the duvet with her arm stretched out straight to keep me at a distance.
How ironic then that I am not alone, it would seem the world has joined me as I go into shut down mode. My self-isolation has pushed me into the spare bedroom, not because of CV19, but because I’m just fed up. I’m fed up that we’ve now drifted back to how we were as I wrote my book last year.
I had hoped that the ‘coil’ would be our saviour, and certainly things were looking good. It seemed to deal with the monthly peaks and troughs in our relationship. Life keeps throwing these grenades: Brexit, house sale fall through, father-in-law goes into home, father runs off with you bride, floods, storms and constant rain, and now the coronavirus.
The world now finds itself in a very dark and sombre place and my woes, I’m sure pale into insignificance against others, but sometimes it just helps to put pen to paper. I can cope with many things, but why, when things aren’t quite going right, does my wife turn on me. The very person she needs for support. It’s akin to a subconscious backlash. She is frustrated that her father has passed away and this manifests itself by punishing me. She is oblivious and blind to it. To her she has just kissed me on the lips, she’s done her duty, but then blind (or seemingly so) to her cutting quips over her controlling possessiveness of the laundry as I try to help. How she turns and immediately hates me purely because I frown, partly because she’s at a distance and I need my glasses, but also because I’m trying to help. I’m trying to turn her negativity about CV19 into a positive. I’m trying to lift her spirits, to help her. No matter what I say, if I say it in the wrong tone or make a facial movement, then I am shot down. My only option is to shut down, to become devoid of any emotion, to not enter into conversation.
She is semi-aware of how she is reacting and has asked me to cut her some slack. I’ve been supportive and helpful in every way possible, but I am only human after all. The inner, fun loving, zestful guy within me is slowly being eroded to nothing. Yes, she may have lost her father, but in the aftermath is it worth sacrificing her husband too?!WTF!! I'm having a MID LIFE CRISIS: failing in lifeOliver Very
No comments have been added yet.
