A good friend yelled at me last night. Apparently explaining what and why of a broken heart in the latest blog entry fell woefully short in his opinion. He wanted the how, as in how to get over it. There are so many theories, opinions and self-help remedies out there that it breaks my heart. According to most experts bogged in the quagmire of modern psychological dogma there are five stages required to get over a broken heart: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. If this seems familiar, it is because it is the same process for grieving. The traditional approach is great if your quest is self-exploration. Going through those steps will help you learn much about your own mind so it is useful in that regard. However, I do not believe that we need months to get in touch with the pain of separation anxiety. Most of us can feel anxious pain in a few seconds and unbelievably most of us can get over it just as quickly.

The problem with traditional solutions is that many attempt to overcome an instinctual causality with a conceptualized response. I imagine thinking around and stopping a preprogrammed instinctual response evolved over eons to keep most higher ordered species reproducing can be a daunting task for an Oxford Rhodes Scholar much less the rest of us. Memory triggers, there can be thousands associated with a lost love, activate automatic responses in the oldest parts of our brain, including the hindbrain mating behavior response. This response is a powerful, hard-wired command at the root of our animal programming. It compels us to return to our lost love through our brain's limbic system, which conjures up the emotions of fear, anxiety, grief, and anger. Our nature subconsciously chooses reproduction for us.

Most experts are quick to acknowledge the emotionality of a lost love but refuse to recognize the role of instinctual intelligence. They choose to treat the negative emotional brain chemistry through psychotherapy and by using drugs like Prozac to increase serotonin levels in the brain. Extremely effective in elevating anxiety but somewhat inconsiderate on the whole as these drugs have been known to inhibit the ability to form new love connections for many users. They might as well throw out the baby with the bathwater.

I have discovered a faster and more effective strategy. Replace the instinctual root command. Supplanting a new memory is the key. One that causes existing triggers to access a different, equally powerful, hard-wired command can work for many heart-broken lovers. Fear and disgust are survival based instinctual responses. Both can work depending upon the individual. I prefer disgust when applicable. For most people it is faster and easier to reestablish normal brain chemistry and emotional balance from disgust.

I do not recommend trying this on your own or on your friends. There are several important considerations when replacing the mating response. Personality type, learning preference, and the circumstances surrounding the break-up are a few of these important factors. Additionally, you will have to turn off the replacement command or you may subconsciously repel worthy suitors when you get back into the dating game. This is also a consequence of traditional recovery methods from a broken heart. It can leave many of us questioning why we struggle with meeting Ms. / Mr. Right months or years after a bad breakup.

If you or a friend is currently suffering from a broken heart, you can contact me through the website http://theartfulscienceoftruelove.com/ and I will see if I can help.