You know those weekend getaway visits with friends where you talk about everything? During one of those, years ago, I remember the subject of crying came up. The question posed was “how often do you cry?” One of my very stalwart friends who said she rarely if ever cries was astounded to find out I cry once or twice daily.

Most people reading this live a life that’s above the two bottom levels of Maslow’s pyramid – meaning you have food, shelter and a life mostly free of imminent danger. That goes for me, too. Which is one of the reasons I’m able to be an author. It’s very hard to have creative pursuits when you’re starving or in fear for your life.

I’m headed toward a point, but I need to offer four seemingly random insights to get to it. Bear with me, and apologies if they’re things I’ve expressed before in other posts.

INSTANCE ONE – the comment about Maslow reminds me of a man who attended elementary school with me. I ran into him years later, when I was working a white-collar job with a utility company and he was working with the custodial staff. He mentioned he’d tried to go to community college. He’d study in a closet, because the gunfire in his neighborhood would so worry and distract him. Since that chance meeting, I’ve often hoped he was able to try college again or ended up in a better situation, but at that time his circumstances had derailed him from that path.

INSTANCE TWO - Many of you know I was active in the animal rights movement in my twenties, and I have been involved off and on in supporting animal welfare/rights activities since then. So many causes work to help others, and I believe we each get called to the causes that speak most deeply to us. It’s a sign of the wisdom of the Powers-That-Be that the call is different for all of us, because the need for comfort, care and justice comes in many forms. The animal welfare/rights cause was the one for me, and it’s often overwhelmed me with sorrow and despair at how we (including me) rationalize unspeakable cruelty in the name of food, science, entertainment and sport, against those who have no defense against us.

INSTANCE THREE - The heart has an endless capacity for love. I believe that, which is why I couldn’t say that this or that person has half of my heart or my whole heart. There’s always room to love more. But I can say, easily, that the two people who have the largest claim on my heart are my mother and my husband. My mother died in 2011, an event that affected me profoundly. My brother and I were her primary caregivers in her final months, and she died at home, with us in attendance.

INSTANCE FOUR - I love stories in every form; books, movies, TV, it doesn’t matter. But when I saw The Greatest Showman, it had been a VERY long time since I’d seen a movie where I wanted to walk out, buy another ticket, go back in and watch it all over again, right then. I’ve probably watched it a dozen times on DVD. I miss the incredible way the movie sound system amplified the drumbeat of many of the tunes, but I’ll put a home movie theater on my wish list if I’m ever a millionaire – that would be hell and gone from those bottom two rungs of the Maslow pyramid, lol. I cry every time I watch the movie, as an act of joy. Joy that a story came together so beautifully, so creatively, with so many inspiring messages of hope, caring and love.

WHY DID I TELL YOU THESE FOUR THINGS? It goes back to the daily crying thing. When I cry during a wonderful story like Greatest Showman, I feel all the reasons I cry come together – for the things I’ve lost, moments I’ve despaired, the horror I feel about how we treat others, as well as for the joy about every one of the many blessings of my life. I feel this way every time I read an amazing book or see a great play. I also feel that way when I see how different every sunrise and sunset is, when my animals make me laugh, when my husband surprises me with an act of love and kindness I didn’t expect, or when I hear about a victory one of my friends or amazing readers has experienced.

I also cry at the pain we (including me – maybe especially me) cause ourselves, the way we lose traction in our relationships with friends, family, the world around us. How we get disconnected, confused and lost in our personal story going through life. How often I just don’t know the solutions or how to fix the things that bother me the most.

I’ve heard a lot of feedback this year about how much this year sucked. But this year merely amplified so many of the underlying worries and fears we have, challenging us in ways they maybe never have. Those worries and fears didn’t change – fear of death, of illness, of loneliness, of losing what we have, of losing our freedoms, of losing our moral compass…and you can add to that list. How did we handle that? Were we proud of how we behaved, or is there room for improvement? Like any of my stories, there’s always room to tweak and edit and polish and make the story better.

Coming back to Maslow. If you are one of the lucky ones who has lived 98% of your life above those two rungs, I don’t think there is such a thing as having a 100% bad day, week, month or year. There is simply the challenge offered to us by the fates every day to learn how to overcome our fears, our worries, the outside challenges of life, to appreciate the world and blessings we’ve been given even more. To try and do what we believe in our hearts is the highest good, without taking those choices from others because of our fears, worries and missteps.

The Man Who Invented Christmas is a wonderful movie. It also does a great job of accurately reflecting the writing process. Particularly how writing is a continual act of self-exploration, if you’re doing it right. This doesn’t mean that what we write is biographical. It means that in order to get into who our characters really are, we have to explore our own selves, soul deep. Every situation, every experience, is a chance to look in a mirror, where I see my own reflection, layered over everyone I’ve ever met who has figured into my writing growth. Things like the four instances I noted above have contributed vastly to the depth of my writing and how real my characters can become to my readers.

I wish all of you a wonderful close of the year and many blessings in 2021, as well as many opportunities to figure out how to be the best version of yourself you can be, surrounded by the love of those who care the most about you. I think the hardest thing in life to do is this: rather than considering life a journey toward what’s good and worthwhile, we find and create that good every day. We roll our eyes at the clichés like “life is a journey, not a destination,” but knowing that, hearing it, versus actually doing it? The doing is the biggest challenge of all.

Merry Christmas! God/dess bless and guide us all.

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