When life gets scary, wouldn’t it be nice to know events could play out like the plot of a book? (Some books anyway—remember, I write cozy mysteries, not apocalyptic dystopias.) The uncertainty surrounding COVID-19 creates so much anxiety that I found myself wishing some of my fictional heroes and heroines would come to the rescue, wrap things up, and give us all a happy ending. Of course, not all literary paragons view disaster through the same lens. Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll be sharing my interpretation of how certain characters would be dealing with the pandemic.

Lincoln Rhyme

I’ve read all of Jeffery Deaver’s Lincoln Rhyme books, watched The Bone Collector movie, and viewed the recent TV series featuring the character. The man’s mind is like the gum wall in Seattle—everything sticks. Here’s how I believe he would handle the virus.

“I’ve isolated COVID-19’S microscopic genetic material and determined that it originates from a single reptile found only in the remote jungles of Asia. I am dispatching Amelia Sachs to the location, where she will don protective gear and walk the grid. She is tasked with locating the species and bringing a sample to my lab in Manhattan, where I will immediately produce a cure and put a stop to the spread of the disease.”

Harry Potter

We followed the young wizard as he grew up and marshalled all his magical abilities to vanquish the dark forces and save the world. Who better to face our current daunting demon?

“I shall prepare for battle against The Virus Which Must Not Be Named. First, since I have no idea how to proceed, I will consult with Hermione, the brains of the group, and she will supply the appropriate spells. Next, I will expose my best friend Ron to The Virus. He will bungle around for a time but eventually display great courage at the necessary moment. We will fail several times to defeat The Virus before breaking it down to its component parts, searching those out, and destroying them one by one. After much hand wringing and self-pity, I will launch an epic showdown and ultimately conquer our mutual enemy. Then, in a nearly incestuous fashion, we’ll get married and have children, who will start the entire process again.”

And finally, Scarlett O’Hara

“Fiddle dee dee. I’ll think about that tomorrow. Social distancing my rear end. Let’s have a party!”

How do you think some of your favorite characters would handle the pandemic? Feel free to share your thoughts—I’d love to read them.