The Olmec city of La Venta has both warrior intimidation entrance and also a geek stimulation entrance, so dorks now rush in where savages once feared to even tread. There’s no pen holder bulging from my shirt or toilet paper dangling from my pants. Still, I proudly show my university professor ID for free admission and then bounce through the doorway into the tourist museum with unsightly glee.

During previous visits, I microanalized every exhibit. But this time I’ve persuaded an actual live gi...