I’ve made many mistakes in life.

One of them was thinking, that I had to say everything I think.

It didn’t work well for me.

Instead, I found myself constantly arguing, proving my point.

It took me years to realize that all of my attempts to be an “honest” human being wasn’t working out for me.

when I say it didn’t work well, I mean that it didn’t bring me peace.

I remember once I told a maintenance guy, in my building, that I didn’t like him very much and that I don’t want him to come to my apartment ever again.

Don’t get me wrong he was a pain in the ass. He deserved it.

But looking back I can see it must have been painful to hear.

By the way, I never saw him again. I guess it worked.

But I could have expressed my feelings in a better way.

The tone, the words, and the way you say things make the difference.

Another example would be a relationship with my mother-in-law.

She’s as she is. She’s still my family. But we never understood each other. In my attempts of wanting to have a better relationship with her I always let her know what I did like or didn’t like, what was acceptable for me or what wasn’t.

BIG FAIL.

She always took it in the wrong way and we ended up having arguments.

I can list hundreds of similar examples from my life.

Because I am very confrontational with myself, I was the same way with others.

Let me be the first to tell you we don’t like to hear the truth. We like those walls that we have built and enjoy living in our own lies.

I had enough.

The quote “Strong people are often pretty simple” had a big impact on me. I wanted to make my life simpler, just for the sake of my inner peace.

I started to observe people around me and analyze them.

I observed what worked and what didn’t.

And I found the answer. And it was magic.

The answer was so simple “actions speak louder than words”.

I also made a decision to stay silent every time I felt reactive. If I wasn’t able to respond instead of reacting, I would’ve not said anything at all.

If a stranger gave me unsolicited advice I just looked them in the eyes and stayed silent. Instead of telling them that it was none of their business.

The conversations I didn’t want to have would have stopped immediately because of my silence.

Also a little tip here. After I somewhat mastered staying silent I thought about upgrading my approach.

So if anyone was not nice to me or was mean to me, (which happens rarely), I would just smile at them or blow kisses to them and it felt even better. It was so much fun. Many times they would end up smiling as well and it made me feel lighter.

When you prioritize your peace, it prioritizes you back.

And action really does speak louder than words.

The post Why I stopped Being honest with people appeared first on Ani Rich.