Have you ever envied someone else’s good fortune? Consider the friend who calls with a different ring to her voice. Instead of sharing her troubles and woes, she proceeds to tell you good news. Something exciting, financially beneficial, glamorous, wonderful beyond belief has happened in her life. It’s not a fantasy. It’s one of those rare moments when a dream has come true.

“That’s wonderful,” you may say, meaning every word. At first.

“Why her?” You may later think. “What about me? When am I going to get a break?” As hard as we may try not to feel that way, a little jealousy, envy, and self-pity replace the joy we felt for our friend.

Most of us want other people to be successful and happy. We really do. That’s not the problem. The problem comes when we think they’re going to be happier or better than we are.

I first learned about the value of goodwill after I got sober. The first couple years, I thought my financial struggles were appropriate. I was paying my dues to rebuild a life. After all, success takes time. But my financial struggles went on and on, while I watched my friends buy new cars, new clothes, and beautiful homes. I didn’t have a car or even a phone at times. I began to get concerned.

On one particularly poverty-stricken Christmas, a friend stopped by with gifts for my children. That year, those were the only gifts they had. I was grateful she stopped by. But I felt a wisp of envy. Why couldn’t I have enough money to buy presents for my family?

“She doesn’t have anything that belongs to you,” I reminded myself. “She has what’s come to her as a result of what she’s done and the individual circumstances of God’s Will in her life. So do I.”

Sometimes we know when we’re envying and resenting others. Other times it’s a subtle undercurrent that we’re not aware of, but it invades our lives. It may only be a slight feeling of smugness when we hear that something unfortunate has happened to someone we perceive as being more fortunate than we are.

Value: Goodwill isn’t just the name of a secondhand store or a phrase used in songs during the holiday season. It’s a particularly challenging value to practice, and it’s the one we’ll look at this week.

From the book: 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact