An age-old question in writer circles is “should there be cursing in children’s literature?”

The arguments for and against are strong. Like most things, my personality (green, ENFJ, Enneagram 2) tends to nod at each argument. It took writing my first novel Rowdy Days of Dom Sanders to finally choose and answer, and every so often, I question myself. So let’s break it down, and then you can tell me what you think.

Absolutely No Swearing

The rally cry from the moms scream no. Cursing is degrading, teaching disrespect and bad behavior. It’s also contagious among young people, and will/has eroded society.

They have a point.

“Curse words slowly creep into our vocabulary without us realizing until they become a natural reaction in a variety of circumstances. Swearing can leave someone with a bad impression, signal a lack of control and indicate a bad attitude or immaturity.” (Sarah Day, The Baker Orange, Baker University.)

Yeah…heck no!

If we want children to understand the implications, we need to keep bad words away from them until they are old enough to do so. Often heated conversations come to the thought that young children are innocent, and books shouldn’t be the introduction to a bad behavior. What’s interesting about this is that I scoured dozens of psychology sites regarding language and swearing (I’m a mom after all!) and most of them agreed with the quote I’m about to share from Psychology Today, children will develop swear words as part of their language regardless of how much they hear them.

“Children seem to know all of the same swear words as their same-aged peers, and as a child ages, his or her swearing vocabulary increases. [The authors state that by the time children start school they know 30-40 swear words]…Does hearing swear words in a movie or TV show or on the playground harm children? Surprisingly, there has been little research on this question. In all likelihood it isn’t swearing itself that is harmful — the article’s authors state that they have recorded 10,000 instances of swearing and rarely seen direct harm — but the factors associated with swearing. For example, when we hear a young child swear, we assume that the child lacks discipline, and a swearing child might suggest to us that he or she is a bully or a ‘bad influence’ on other children. Swearing might indicate a lack of discipline, or it might just be related to a more open and free-speaking home environment.”

Psychology Today

Still, there’s something to be said about shielding our children for as long as possible. The question is, how long and how do we go about it?

It’s fine to put in a few bad words

At first glance, it may seem like the same kids mentioned before that are assumed to be lacking in discipline and unintelligent grow up to be the people that think cursing in children’s books are okay.

On second glace, you realize they aren’t. In most of the conversations I see regarding this issue, it’s a 50/50 split and very intelligent people are saying that it’s fine. Those that are okay with it have three main reasons that are repeated over and over.

Don’t censor our books!

Whenever I see this, I pause. There is something to be said about being a responsible, loving parent (or teacher) that wants to keep negativity and triggers away from students. However, the US constitution technically could be used as an argument. Men and woman have died fighting for their right to say and print and distribute whatever they want. Is that always good? Definitely not. But is it a valid point? Yes. And shouldn’t parents be the filters for their children? If only the world were a perfect place.

It’s realistic

Let’s face it, our kiddos are going to speak what they hear. Even if his parents don’t swear, they will hear it from classmates, online media (don’t get me started), and just out shopping with their adults. We can’t keep them in a bubble, and honestly, I’d rather my child ask me what a word means so we can discuss it than have her say it at an inappropriate time. Psychologists say that everyone says a naughty word sometimes, so it’s likely that even the best-intentioned parent will let one slip that a child will hear.

This is where I land in the argument. A little is realistic. Sometimes a lot even is. In my novel “Rowdy Days of Dom Sanders” the main character quotes his dad by saying “my ass would be grass as Dad always says.” Two beta readers said cut it, and four said it was fine. My agent told me that it was likely to be changed had I landed a big publisher. So even though I wrote it that way, it probably would have been changed.

3. It’s fine in middle grade, they know it already

This one seems to really heat things up. Those that say these types of things are either in teaching (boy howdy some of the things my teens teachers have told me make my hair curl!) or some other teen organizations or programs. They know kids are aware and probably trying the words out when adults are out of hearing. Well think about it. Didn’t you?

Just when I’m sure that my mouth (and my husband’s) is a direct link to what my children know regarding curse words, they come home with a new one that I have to squash. Teens waiting for their parents at the local middle school curse as they walk by my car on their way home. Like, full on, rated MA, bad language. I’m surprised my kids don’t use them more, sadly.

What do you think?

It’s a big deal, thinking about children and taking care of their minds and teaching them to be the best that they can be. Those that have strong opinions have good reasons why. What do you think about swearing in children, middle grade, and teen books? Please leave a comment and let’s chat about it!